Self Diagnosis March 31, 2009

Goodnight Seattle!

Do you talk to yourself? (there, you just did it) Have you had that talk where you’re trying to rationalize why you are in whatever type of relationship you are in with a person – strictly physical, friends not wanting more, friends but trying to establish more, etc.? You ever get so deep in this “conversation” that you start becoming a psychologist of sorts?

Recent Self-Diagnosis – I get what I deserve/I don’t want what I don’t think I deserve (also seen here: http://singlesisterspeak.wordpress.com/2008/12/16/the-great-or-not-self-sabotage/)

What I Want:
Hitler – Disciplined. You can find him in one of five places when not with me: gym, home, school, work, friends’ house talking smack. The discipline is not the part of him I deem Hitler-ish, it’s his dictator way of talking to me. “Give me a kiss.” “I’ll talk to you later (click)” which is said after I’ve asked the 4th or 5th of a series of questions. “I’m not going (insert place we never discussed him taking me to prior to me getting in the car). We’re going home.” *sigh* Be still my heart…lol. At first the dictatorship was sexy to me…yea, I LIKE a man that speaks with authority and puts me in my place from time to time (f*ck that feminist bullsh*t). Buuuut, then I started thinking more about it…I have a son and I don’t want him to think that’s it’s OK to talk to people (especially anyone he’s dating) in that manner. And then I started diagnosing. Wait I ALREADY TALK TO SOME PEOPLE THAT WAY. So, was I gonna tell Hitler he needs to stop talking to me like this when I wasn’t prepared to do it myself? No, but I will ask him why he does. I talk to a certain person this way because for some reason I have no respect for them. In deeper pondering, I wonder why (and when) Hitler has lost respect for me. And, is it even lack of respect for ME per say or is he just an @sshole that talks to everyone that way? End diagnosis – I deserve to be spoken to like this because I do it to other people.

What I Don’t Want:
Apparently the short answer is anyone who treats me better than I treat them or other people. *tada* Yes, there are men out there who want to give Cuzzo the world but I just don’t want them. Or get them (in past situations) and do something to ruin the relationship.

*In case of confusion, Hitler is a real person I am dating/messing/dealing with.*

Back to the aim of the post – have you self-diagnosed yourself lately? Maybe not in this particular fashion…maybe you are the jerk to someone else and wonder why they are your friend/companion….maybe you keep making certain decisions in life and have pondered why. And it doesn’t have to be a negative diagnosis.

Randomness:

• I am so OVER leggings!!! I feel like women have gotten lazy in getting dressed now…it’s the new sweatpants. Men – if you see a woman in leggings, not matter how fat her booty looks in them, do not talk to her…she is lazy and probably has a dirty house.
• I am so INTO bondage looking sandals. They are what’s up this season. I plan to buy several pair and rock the hell out of them.  Is it possible to have a foot fetish of your own feet?

Orgasmic

Aye papi

Oh G_d, I can't take it

Chivalry’s CPR March 30, 2009

Admin Note: Originally, Holly was going to take over my day today, but since this post is relevant to what’s going on at the treehouse, we are going with it and we’re going to go with Holly’s post on Friday! And maybe I can have next week off!

We’ve had the debate on many days about whether or not chivalry was actually dead here in the blogworld.  Well…Patti Stanger of Millionare Matchmaker declares that it isn’t and best of all it’s free.  In fact, Thursday night I was watching an episode of her show where two millionaires happened to have hooked up.  Patti explained to the lady millionaire that while she was a mom and CEO she should relax and let the man do his job.  She then instructed the man to go and visit the woman because they had already broken a rule of hers since the lady visited him first.

I liked this.  To me, it does show interest.  I say this because I think it can work…(mind you this is just before I approached a man)

Anyways, Patti furthermore set out to give us five ways a man can be chivalrous that don’t cost any money…

1. Text back. I know that there are some out there who think text message communication is not the proper way to do things, but those of us with busy lifestyles who cannot always talk need a way to find out what’s what.  So if a woman text you, text her back within a reasonable amount of time…come on…it’s really the least you can do.

2. Give Advance Notice. This means if you wanna do something on Saturday let her know no later than Wednesday.  Consider that she has a life too.  Also if you need to cancel, please let her know with 24-48 hours advance notice.  Think about it, if it were a spa, dentist, doctor, etc they would charge your card.  Treat her with the same respect.

3. Have a plan. This means do not pick her up and say “hey babe, what do you wanna do tonight?” I really, really hate when men do this, especially if they have asked me out.  You should have some idea of what I like so you can take me somewhere and we can both have a good time (and actually want to do it again)

4. Weeks and Weekends. Don’t just call a girl Tuesday night after 11.  Try calling her and meeting for coffee at 2 or drinks at 6.  And don’t just keep her relegated to Monday-Friday, what’s wrong with Sunday brunch (after church of course).  Variety is the spice of life.

5. Lateness and Rudeness. Unacceptable behavior -minus extenuating circumstances.  Think about it in this way, you would rush to class, work, or church but you cannot rush to make sure I am not looking like an idiot at the lounge.  Treat me with the same respect you would anything else you are dedicated to making work.

So ladies and gentleman, here are five free and easy ways to be chivalrous to the lady in your life.

Ladies, is there anything small but reassuring a man can do to reassure you of his intentions?

Gentlemen, anything surefire and simple that you’ve been doing that shows the women you care?

Time IS On Your Side! March 30, 2009

Keyshia has some very valid points in this song of hers (that plays on the radio every five minutes). Anyways, taking it slow appears to really be the way to go.

There's Still Plenty Left

Recently my best friend invited me to a wedding for a girl at her church. As the processional was processing she leaned and said “She’s a virgin you know, and she’s 26″. At this point the groom came out and I was like I just know that someone somewhere has been giving him song. Anyways, moving right along…during the marital discourse the pastor explained that they had done things right. What’s right you may ask? He then went on to tell the radiant bride and proud groom how they had taken their relationship from casual acquaintances to the best of friends and then onto a relationship where they have now committed their lives to one another. Now…before everyone gets their panties and boxers in a wad I am not saying that you need to all remain virgins until marriage. I am saying that you need to really examine the person you’re with…learn their likes and dislikes…build a friendship. Once you’ve built that friendship then you can try and take things to the next level…but just don’t jump into anything…play your cards right Lay back and let things happen naturally, don’t force it. Does anyone have any other things that they think would be beneficial toward building something life long? I know that’s what we’re all trying to do so… What’s up good people?

Can I Give You A Massage? March 27, 2009

 

I was laughing with my homegirl the other day about the nonsense lines that men use in order to get a woman to drop trou’.  I was a late bloomer, I started being active when I was around 21 or 22 years old., so I was a lil naive.

“Can I give you a massage?”

Most of the men I’ve dealt with have given me this line at some point.  Initially, I thought it was because they recognized that I had a hard day or I was stressed and wanted to make me feel better.   After a couple of massage sessions turned to kisses on the neck, back arching, and “where’s my shirt?” sessions, I realized that this must be a book of bullshat that all men have read. 

Do you guys consistently use this line because it works, or because you can’t think of anything more original? 

Men, if I want to give you my goods, you don’t have to convince me of it. 

I’ve also been annoyed out of the poon a few times.- Aint nothing worse than a man begging for it. 

Other lines that have gotten me is:

1.  “I just want to see how wet it gets.”

2.  “Let me just put the head in.”

Men, what lame lines have you used over the years?  Don’t be shy- we’re all amigos here.  Ladies, what are some of the corny ways a man has gotten you?”

Let Me Join You March 25, 2009

Like This?

I had a real good post lined up about what woman do to sabotage a relationship but because so many of my fellow bloggers are on vacay, I decided that it would be better for me to respond to a post from this week.

 

 

 

Jac wrote a very interesting post about women being interested in outdoor things. I totally agree with her on this one. I think women should do more than shop and be “girly”. Aint nothing more attractive than a female athlete, or hunter or something like that. In the words of the good brothers of VSB, “my favorite CP3 wears a B-cup”.

 

I think for the most part, women do a pretty decent job in taking interest in what their guy likes. Regardless of how painful is to entertain the conversation, just about every chick I’ve seriously talked to, took upon themselves to try to learn the game of football. They learn the clothes you like to wear and your favorite drink. They get to KNOW you.

 

I’m not saying this to say that men don’t do the same things. I’m just saying that we don’t do it as well. I come to the conclusion as I begin shopping for a birthday present for the boo piece. (The real life boo piece, not Nicki (Nicki, don’t fret my pet, I’ll get you and e-gift for your e-birthday)). I really do not know what to get her. She’s into a lot of things so there are many options and I am sure that she will absolutely love whatever I get her but still, I’m lost as hell. So any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

However, I have digressed. The reason that I am writing this post is to nominate 5 things that guys can do with their chicks that she will enjoy. Let me know if I’m on the right track:

1) Go shopping with her and not complain about it. I think every dude has done this before and we all have complained all the way through the experience (unless she’s shopping for lingerie). How about you accompany her shopping and learn why she likes certain items. I think this will give you a lot of insight to her personality, how she feels about her body and other important stuff that us men forget about (I cant list anymore because I forgot them).

2) When you go out, order what she orders. I know how most men feel about drinking the drinks that come with umbrellas and what not. However, I know my girl can drink like a sailor thus proving she’s not ordering for the low alcohol content. Them joints straight up taste good.

3) Chick flicks, besides the Notebook. Them joints have quality acting most of the time.

4) Her mama’s house. Get a good look at what she’s gonna look like in 30 years.

5) Hang out with her and her friends. You’ll find out which ones are haters, which ones to stay away from b/c they’re plotting on your drawers.

So those are a few things that I know of off the top of my head that might be beneficial for men to do with their women. And you know almost any of this might make for making whoopie in the wild

Ladies, anything else dudes should think about doing with you. I can’t be one-sided against my homies…are there any activities you wish women would try?

 

If It Wasn’t For T.O.N.Y March 25, 2009

Today’s post is brought to you by the letter: P(regnancy) and the number (It only takes) 1(time), and readers like you.

(So the video is going super fast and it cuts out but this is the best I could find – If you watch BETJ, you’ve probably seen/heard the song already)

To be honest I haven’t paid attention to the lyrics all that much but from the video I gather that she’s become pregnant over a one-time type of deal and the dude was nonchalant about it….she has the kid…and IDK what else. I may be able to interpret it deeper…write more…but right now T.O.N.Y has Cuzzo not wanting to do that…

And, if you didn’t get the memo T.O.N.Y stands for
The
Other
Night
Y?

Thank you and Goodnight.

The Great Outdoors and Other Manly Pursuits March 24, 2009

Something Outdoors?

So after yesterday’s mini convo on CBG I went out.  Now…I was a little ticked and since I was out and ticked I wondered how this blog would get done for today.  Anyways…I mentioned it to friends and one of them said to me if I had a blog I would blog about how women should be more into the outdoors.  Well seeing as how this girl would rather be in Saks than dealing with Sasquatch this was hard for me to come up with…this I remembered a few things.

I am from Alabama.  We like the outdoors.  In fact, the following things go pretty hard here:

1. Hiking through some of our mountains..probably Mt. Cheaha.  If that’s too much for you just go check out the view of Birmingham from Vulcan and have a picnic.

2. Fishing on any of our too many to list waterways.  What is a better way to spend some time communing with nature?  Listening to the sound of the water pass you by on a beautiful somewhat cloudy day in spring or fall?

3. Now this might seem like reaching or nuts, but going mudding is a heck of a big deal here.  I am NEVER going to try it, but hey…cleaning up afterwards might be fun!

4. Now we don’t exactly have this in my part of the country, but white water rafting can also be pretty popular.  I can’t exactly swim, so I don’t know that I’ll be trying this either.

5. Hunting.  I know men like to dominate and what better way to dominate than when you kill something.  Hunter’s orange does not look good on me.

So those are a few things that I know of off the top of my head that mean might be interested in doing.  Think about your locale for sure though…if you’re in Aspen..then obviously skiiing, snowboarding, etc would be fun.  On the beach?  Try jet-skiiing or parasailing… Planning a visit to the African jungles?  Try bird watching, safaris or hel! swing from a tree!  And you know almost any of this might make for making whoopie in the wild

Gentlemen, anything else ladies should think about doing?  I can’t be one-sided against my girls…are there any activities you wish men would try?

Ways to Get the Love You Deserve March 22, 2009

Good Day Everyone!!!! This entry will be coming from a guest blogger, our girl, Linda Dominique Grosvenor.

Check her out over at http://www.princessdominique.com/fashionblog and www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com Enjoy!

When we don’t learn from the past relationships and the mistakes we’ve made in them not only do we sell ourselves short, but we keep our happiness at bay. Love can’t reach us if we don’t know what it looks like because we’re clouded by the past or we don’t know how to make proper decisions so that it finds us. Here are some ways you can get prepare yourself to get the love you deserve:

The best way to get the love you deserve is to love yourself. People treat us like we treat ourselves. If you fall in love with yourself flaws and all and treat yourself like you deserve more, you will attract someone who will know that is your standard and they will give you what you deserve or quickly pass by if they are not up to task.

Practice being a listener. Many times we hear the surface of what people are saying but don’t open ourselves up for their full disclosure. Good listeners get listened to and when people know you’re listening to them, it forges an appreciation and a trust. That is essential in any budding relationship.

Communication gets you what you want. Learn to be honest about what you feel. Sometimes we compromise for the sake of having someone to call our own or wanting people to like us and never leave. The relationships that are the most satisfying are the ones where someone is able to love the true you, not a manufactured version of who you want them to think you are.

Trust your instincts about people. Normally when you are in tune with your Spirit it will lead you and give you discerning impressions of people you engage. It’s a wonderful sentiment to think that everyone in this world has your best interest at heart—but they don’t. Tune in to your Spirit and govern yourself accordingly and when you sense that he or she is too good to be true, you’re probably right.

Stop sabotaging yourself by expecting a man or woman to leave you or accusing them of cheating even when there’s no proof or pushing them away emotionally. When you project your fears onto your relationship it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and when it happens you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself.

Lastly be approachable. Many of us want love deep down on the inside where the layers of our heart and our armor and walls we’ve put up can protect us, but when we meet people we’re icy, short with words, dry and plain unappealing. If you want someone to be drawn to you and know that you are ready to “consider” them, tone down the bristly persona and learn to let people inside the layers of your personality and your heart eventually.

The list isn’t all inclusive, but if you adhere to some of the points you’ll be well on your way to renewing your thinking and preparing yourself for a love that’s truly worth it in the long run.

Linda Dominique Grosvenor has made her foray into non-fiction with the bestseller The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. Her expertise on dating and relationship issues has been used in articles for publications such as Modern Bride, Jolie, Jewel, Honey and MORE Magazine. Log on and visit her official website at www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com and for more information on her ministry check out www.ThePluralThing.com.

Strangely Sexy! March 20, 2009

Sometimes when I tell people that I think Vince Vaughn is sexy, they look at me sideways with an eyebrow cocked.  Sure, he may not have the body of Tyson Beckford or the face of Boris Kodjoe, the charm of Brad Pitt, or the smooth brown skin of Tyrese.-  BUT one thing he is not short of.  CONFIDENCE and HUMOR. 

Jane Doh commented last week on Three Ways to Take It that her friend once told her, ““if you believe it, they will too.”  This is a great mantra for confidence –  I am adopting it as of now.

Okay, I’m going off in a tangent here-  So back to Vince,  he made me melt in “The Breakup”, “Wedding Crashers”, and let’s not forget “Old School”  (‘earmuffs kids!’)-  and just about everything else he was in.    This man is hilarious and let me not even get on his facial expressions.

So, beautiful people: who do you find impossibly sexy that does not fit the mainstream definition?

A Memorandum March 19, 2009

From Mr. Swagger and the Johnson Publication Company

Two of the MOST notable permanent fixtures in every Black household (back in the days), were the Ebony and Jet magazines.

If you wanted to learn about your history, the plight of Black America, current issues facing Black Americans, how the political process of America affects you, how politics works, who the hottest actors were, what time a particular Black television show aired, who got married recently, who were the most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes in your town, what cities had Black mayors, police chiefs, school superintendents, how to register to vote, what cars offer the best value for the buck, who employed Black Americans, how to apply for college scholarships, etc. More than likely, Ebony or Jet magazine could help you find answers to those questions.

We have recently been informed that the Johnson Publishing Company organization is currently going through a financial crisis. The company is attempting a reorganization in order to survive. Many people have already lost their jobs with a company that has employed thousands of Black Americans during the course of its existence. In order to support this effort to save OUR magazine, my friends and myself have pledged to get a subscription to both, Ebony and Jet magazine, starting with one year. We are urging every other person who comes across this plea, to do the same. Please post, repost, and post again, to any blog that you may own, or support. Please email this to every person that you know, regardless of their background. Let them know that Ebony and Jet magazine have been part of the Black American culture for 3 quarters of a century, and that there is a lot that they can learn about Black American culture from reading them.

Please spread this idea around to all that you know. Your sororities, fraternities, lodges, VFW posts, churches, civic groups, block clubs, caps meetings, book clubs, etc. It would be a crying shame to lose our historic magazine during the same year of such an historic event as the election of our first BLACK president of the US .

Thanks all.