Don’t Put A Ring On It-Guest Post August 31, 2009

Today we’ll be enjoying a guest post from the love DCDatingDiva…Enjoy!

So recently, I was out and about in D.C., enjoying the nightlife and my yummy concoction of vodka mixed with Nuvo (hey it was on special for $5.00, sue me), so anyways, this guy starts up a conversation with me. After awhile, <strike>I’m bored with him</strike> ready to stop talking and just chill. He is not taking the hint, as I say I’m waiting on my “friends”. He scoots his stool a little bit closer. I lean away a little bit, but the music is now blaring and Mr. Not Getting The Point is still trying to converse. Normally, I would make up some lame excuse and walk away, but two things kept my butt planted right there on that barstool 1) I did not feel like standing and 2) my friends were sitting outside, trying to “see and be seen” and that is not my MO.

My friend sends me a text to see where I’m at. I respond quickly and tell her to come to the bar. Mr. Not Getting The Point is still talking to me. I think he see’s I’ve kinda shut down, and is now saying maybe “we” should go dance or check out another bar. I tell him, I’m hanging with my friends tonight, and am waiting on them, but the clueless dude tool is still chatting it up. My wing-girl finally comes up and I introduce them. She sits on the opposite side of me and I turn and start talking to her.

(Side Note: Mr. Not Getting The Point is still trying to yell pointless banter over the music)

So I tell my chick friend that she can’t go back outside, at least for a min, that Mr. Not Getting The Point is annoying me.

Chick Friend: that’s why I wear a fake wedding ring, you should wear one?

Me: Why, would I do that? Then people I actually want to talk to will see I have a wedding ring on, that’s stupid?

So our conversation brings me to my point. Why are you wearing a “fake wedding ring”? Do you still do it, have you done it in the past? Could you have potentially scared off the “man/woman” of your dreams, cause you had a “fake ring on it”. Hell, you might as well go all out and have a “fake wedding too!”

Diva

(Not a Proponent of the “fake” Ring On It)

Social Retards August 30, 2009

 

This post is for you, social retard, that I am forced to  pass every day while taking my four block hike to and from work.   If it weren’t for the fact that I could not avoid you, I wouldn’t even be worried about it- but since we are forced to coexist, I feel the need to address you.  

This is term is not to be mistaken for the socially awkward because although you might be a little strange (and STRANGE = INTERESTING = GOOD!), you are galaxies away from creep.   

Instead, this post is for you creepers who KNOW what you are doing and you just don’t give a sh!t.  (Excuse my strong language- for I’ve encountered one of you just a few minutes ago- my emotions are still high!) 

I assumed everyone was born with the same inherent ability to function in this world- to function without being creepy.  But you know what happens when you assume right?????  So it’s my fault.   I’m going to go ahead and do my community service and try to help you out this one time and one time only.  After this, I am not to be held accountable for my actions.

1.  Stop STARING!!!!!!   I know your mother/ someone with authority in your life has told you it’s not polite to stare at others ever since you were a young tot. So, what makes you think it’s okay to stare at people NOW?  YOU ARE AN ADULT.   And what makes you think that the other person is okay with this-  Or do you just not care?  What are you gaining from doing it?  It’s weird as hell and you look like a serial killer. There should a law against staring at people.  It’s not sexy and I want to spit in your face. Ahem.  (*deep breaths Sunny, deep breaths*) 

Next time I catch you doing it, that curt, elementary school  “HI,” twisted with a little sister girl neck action is going to be replaced with a few CHOICE WORDS (and I’m sure you know what those are!)

Tip:  If you find a woman so interesting or captivating that you cannot help but to stare, say something. Tell her.  Fake and ask for some directions.  Something that will give you a couple more minutes of looking into her face.  Don’t turn into a stalker, do not start following her- for you WILL be reported and prolly arrested.

2.  GRUNTS AND GROANS ARE NOT COMPLIMENTS:   I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been grunted at while minding my own business.  It’s gotten so that I walk around with my iPod blaring,  so I don’t have to hear them.  (So loud that now I think my hearing is not as well as it use to be- I’ll be sending my hearing aid bill to your Socially Retarded/ Lurkers Organization.   IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!)  When you see a pretty or nicely dressed woman, tell her, smile and walk away.  If she starts a conversation with you, you are in like flint.  If not, leave her the hell alone!!!!!  Chalk it up as experience. 

Grunting and moaning (in anything other than a sexual encounter) is for perverts… so QUIT DOING IT.

Get these two down and I’ll add more. It’s like learning math for the first time- your teacher didn’t start you right in with multiplication.  But unlike your teacher, like I said before, I WON’T BE REPEATING THIS.

Readers- Do you have any experience/ advice for the social retards? Anyone brave enough to admit they are one? 

What do you think? August 26, 2009

Can I have your input on this?

 

On Monday, I tweeted that “Men are like kids, we’re gonna do what u let us and push the limits to see what we can get away with”. I expected it to be met by the normal “whoa is the black woman b/c the black man aint sh*t”. I also thought that someone would ask me to elaborate on what I meant. Needless to say the latter didn’t take place.

 

I was fortunate enough for my tweet to be the inspiration for a blog titled Me, Myself An Eye; written by a very smart, beautiful woman from the Chi, now living in NYC. I usually don’t agree with anything she says but I can always respect her educated and well informed opinion. This case didn’t differ at all. She wrote:

“If this statement is correct, it would mean that women are responsible for the stunts men pull when they allow it. This is what is commonly referred to as VICTIM BLAMING. And while an adult woman does have some responsibility for the amount of foolishness she allows in her life, that is not to say that labelling men ‘childlike’ and absolving them from blame is fair or reasonable. If there is any sexism in that statement, I’d call misandry as opposed to misogyny: to imply that men are incapable of having feelings or a moral compass and that they must be parented or governed by women is pretty over the top. Are we to now believe that there is a ‘woman’s burden’ to civilize and rear adult men?… Most importantly, for the men who subscribe to this notion (and regrettably, there are many) why WOULD you push the limits of a woman to see what you can get away with? What is to be accomplished from abusing the boundaries of someone who cares about you? A lot of these guys actually reject the girls who let them get away with murder because they think she’s weak or dumb; while that may be true, these young men themselves mustn’t have much self-esteem if they can’t embrace the idea that maybe someone just thinks they are worth the trouble. Nor do they realize that many sisters have had the fear of the man-shortage drilled so far in their heads that they feel they have no choice but to deal with some bull.”

 

Because the comment section of her blog, IMHO, isn’t an appropriate forum for my rebuttal, I decided that I would write it her so that I can get more people to read her blog and to hear your opinions on the matter. Here are my slightly edited comments:

 

“For the record, I wasnt blaming anyone. I was just saying what I saw to be true. I think her reasoning is faulty and problematic in that my statement speaks to what seems to be the overt nature of many men and nothing more. I am not trying to diagnose nor fix the problems between men and women. I think her argument is taking my statement out of context (which she may or may not have been privied to). I think its distorting my argument. In no place did I say that I acted this way or that this was acceptable. I did not position my statement as an excuse nor a reason but as a reality. It wasnt even in response to anything; it was more of a random thought. You’ve effectively falsely extrapolated an issue out of a comment that wasn’t mean to do one.

As I later discussed on twitter, men (or rather adults) shouldn’t act like children. But there are many women who do the same. I feel that men push the limits of what they can do outside of their relationships while women push the limits within their relationships.  Men usually push what they can get away with before you’re considered their SO and women push after they are in a relationship. Men are responsible for their actions and women are responsible for theirs as well.

Women shouldn’t accept these actions from men and men shouldn’t commit them. But to remove the blame completely from the shoulders of women, IMHO, is counterintuitive and is the antithesis to many of the notions that this blogger among with many other women feel; notions about being in controls of their lives and their relationships. With control comes accountability and I think that through this argument, the author is trying to have her cake and eat it too.

 

I feel that so many women accept this out of fear of losing a man, when in many cases it is this fear that ultimately makes them lose that man and this to me is troubling. This was the idea that I was getting across. That not accepting a man BS is not going to necessarily going to push him away. He may actually get the point and correct his behavior. Women don’t realize that men are usually about doing the bare minimum in relationships. This issue can be circumvented by setting the bar as high as you deem fit. No one is asking a woman to raise a grown ass man. I think my statement alludes to the idea that a grown man already knows how to behave.

 

Lastly, I think the notion of self-esteem that she presents is getting confused with humility. Just like women don’t want a man they can walk over, a good man doesn’t want a women who they can walk over also.

But this goes back to the saying, ‘how can you expect someone to respect/love you if you dont respect/love yourself?’”

 

What do you guys think?

What’s Fun in Your Town? August 25, 2009

Philadelphia

As a young single person in Philadelphia, you’re either hanging out in one of two spots:

Old City – There isn’t much room for sight-seeing in this area. It’s pretty much for people looking to have good time, barhopping, club going, and booty shaking, all within a 4 block radius. Old City is bigger than 4 blocks but the more frequented bars, clubs, and lounges are within a stone’s throw of each other. To name a few: Bleu Martini, Cafe Spice, Cuba Libre, and The Continental. (And by day you can see boring stuff like museums and Betsy Ross’s House cause it’s kinda historic too)

South Street – This is where Philly seems to be racially divided cause somehow, this is where ALL the young black kids hang out. Strolling along South Street, you will come across many funky (and not so funky – like the Gap) stores, tattoo/piercing spots, restaurants and bars. It’s really an area for a younger more showing off crowd. Put on your best duds and just walk.

*There is more to Philly than these two areas – it is a big college town afterall – but these are the most popular.

What are the hot spots in your town?

What is in YOUR Alabaster Box? August 25, 2009

Does what's in your box smell as good as what was in hers?

Most of us have probably heard the story of the woman in the Bible with the alabaster box.  She came to Jesus as herself, with the box…where she washed his feet her tears, dried them with her hair and dried them with expensive oil.

This woman was humble.  This was her being the person she really was at the core of her being.  It is obvious there is no pretense in her actions.  She is doing it simply because she loves Jesus…

The model of marriage is based upon the relationship that Christ had with his church…And it is an unselfish love (think about it…he gave his life…)

Lately around the blog world I’ve been checking out a lot of blogs which more or less beg the question what does each person have to offer?

I have read about a couple who love each unconditionally.  They obviously take each other to a higher level and I find with this kind of love you move yourself and what is in your box to a whole new level.  The thing I have most come to realize is that there has to be something inside of your alabaster box that allows you to love this way.  Something, somewhere has to allow you to remove the garments of bitterness and put down those bags and welcome love.  However, when you welcome it you have to be willing to accept the challenges that come with it…regardless of how much you actually have to give of yourself.

What I mean here is…all possessions aside, the only thing we all have is ourselves…what better gift to give another person than the gift of you and the contents of that beautiful box (whether male of female)

When you sit your box on the table (because you must bring it to the table), what things are you prepared to offer your future mate?  Do you know what’s inside of it for sure or is it more a Pandora’s box type thing where everything coming out may or may not be good?  What would you like to see in the box of your mate?   And do you find it hard to wanna open your box-is it under lock and key?

I’m just curious…

Letters to a Youngster August 23, 2009

 

Class of Waldorf Negro Elementary School, Maryland (1941). Image courtesy of the National Archives.

My S.O inspired this post unknowingly-  as I was walking past his bag, I saw Letters to A Young Brother by Hill Harper peeking out. 

We’ve all had quite a few life experiences- good and bad.  And  I’m sure at one time or another, we’ve all used the phrase, “if I knew then what I know now…”  What sucks is- you can’t turn back time.   On the other hand, you can teach a young person not to make the same mistakes you did (Or TO make them!).

If there were three pieces of advices that you  could say to the younger generation,  what would they be? 

1.  Attract boys with your brains, not your body:  I was a brainiac child,  but back then, I felt like I was missing out on something.  The hotter girls had so much fun!!! I wanted to go out on dates and hang out at all times of the night too-  but my parents kept my head in the books.   I remember my daddy going off on me because I brought a “B” home from school (Dude- are you serious????)

These days,  I understand the value of education (although I’m still working on my first degree) and can appreciate everything they did.  A lot of my counterparts are unmarried with children by multiple men, or just not doing ANYTHING.    (Not that my choice made me any better than them but no one PLANS to be a single mother.) 

2.  Participate!:  I was involved in a couple of clubs and organizations in school- track, Pep Club, Beta Club… things like that… but I never did a whole lot.  And I know it was because I was so shy.  I was a Governor’s Scholar  (alternate), which  was a very special award that you were nominated for. 

Over the summer, these students got to spend a few weeks at a college and prepare for freshman year.  In turn, your entire four year college degree was paid for.   Because I was an alternate, if one of the five or so chosen ones backed out, I was able to go.  Guess what?????  Someone did!!!! But I was too shy to go, so I screwed up a great opportunity. 

In the end, I did end up going to a four year college but I stayed in my room whenever I was not in class.  I wish I would have socialized more and joined some clubs.  I missed the entire college experience.

3.  Be charming, be a lady:  It disturbs me HIGHLY to see the attitude in the actions and on the faces of so many of our young women.  Your grandma wasn’t lying when she said you could attract more flies with honey than vinegar.  This doesn’t only apply to how you deal with the opposite sex, smiling and being approachable helps you in all aspects of your life.    I believe because I was so friendly, I received more help from my teachers and school administration.  Whenever I needed academic advice or a letter of recommendation, they were always happy to oblige.  

Your turn- What do you have to share?

I’m Smitten But Are You? August 21, 2009

Last night I found myself in a very disheartening conversation with a really good friend. Our topic was how do you know if a guy is feeling you or not. I found this to be strange because she is 28 and has had her fair share of adventures in dating. Based on her history alone one would assume that she knew the signs of when a guy was into a woman or not (Not calling her Samantha but she knows the art of multi-tasking). She felt like the guy she had been seeing could possibly be digging her but she was unsure and when I asked her what made her think he did and some of the things she analyzed were just soooooo left field or in my opinion it was left field. What constituted signs of like to her were the call after club hours for “breakfast” or the occasional conversations where he told her he really could see her being in his life for a while… not eternity but a while (she also left out the few times she called me pissed because he stood her up or canceled their plans last minute).  So I broke it down to her last night and even consulted some guy friends to see if what I was suggesting was on point. I told her if a guy is into you these are the following things he will do:

1. He will make time for you- I’ve always felt like everyone is busy but if a person is really interested in someone they will carve out time to spend with them.
2. He will call- Meaning exactly what it says. Texts are cool but you should have just as much if not more time on the phone. Texts are more appropriate for saying sweet nothings like- I miss you, Can’t wait to see you later, Have a great day, etc. Phone calls are more personable and require focus. I feel if a man is into you and he takes time out to call then he is putting aside the video games, the computer, and the home improvement work to converse with you (essentially he’s giving time).
3. He will take you out- A man that claims to be into you will not keep you locked away or in the house. He will be proud to have you on his arm and will make sure that he takes you out. Doesn’t have to be to a swanky 5-star restaurant but it will be outside of the house.
4. He doesn’t mind being around your friends- Not saying just because he’s feeling you he should be asking when can he meet your BFF, but he should not have a problem meeting them and being in a group setting with them. Most friends are a source of influence and are the people who will approve your beau wayyyyy before you take him home to mom and dad.
5. Last but not least, he will go out his way to make you feel special- I think this one is just plain and simple. He will do what he knows will make your heart melt.

So did I hit some good points? Did I miss any? If you are dating or married to someone how did you know they were feeling you?

P.S. In the end I suggested she go buy the book, He’s Just Not That Into You, as well as rent the move.

Things Come in Strange Packages August 19, 2009

*AUTHOR’S NOTE: I’m still taking suggestions for post. I will answer any and all questions.”

 

An author by the name of Zig Ziglar once wrote that “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” This particular struck a nerve with me. For years I felt that I had no motivation, no inspiration. I felt that I was just moving along. Don’t get me wrong. I was (and still am) blessed beyond belief. But I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was making me get up everyday and work or workout or study. Things were getting mundane. Yes, I knew I wanted to be successful. I was practically force fed that I was going to be successful since the time I was a toddler. But that goal seemed so lofty, so far off. I had no daily motivation. I could understand the big picture of why I did everything but I couldn’t understand the details. Why I did this everyday. I turned to gospel music. Fail. Though I like to consider myself religious/spiritual/whatever else cool term is in and I attend church pretty regularly and I have a strong faith in God, it didn’t provide the kick that I needed. I turned to the Bible. It was too calming. It wasn’t exactly what I needed but pointed me in the right direction. I read Psalms 150. A quick synopsis of this is that you should praise God in everything you do. This made me look for a secular reason. After months of meaningless success and borderline depression, I found what I was looking for. I was watching ESPN as I do every night before bed and as I was going to change the channel to ESPN2 during the commercial break a commercial caught my eye. Here it is:

 

 I decided to youtube just about every Nike video that night. Needless to say that night was the night that I broke my mini depression. I felt like the commercials were speaking to me. They were telling me that I get up and work and workout and study because to not do so is to fail. Yes we all want to be successful and do well at all of the things that we prepare for. There are times when we cannot control if we are going to fail.  But the real failure is to fail to prepare.

“Proper preparation prevents piss poor performance

Piss poor performance promotes perpetual PAIN”

 

Here is a list of some my favorites:

Woah, Woah, Woah, She’s a Lady. August 18, 2009

Isis - Transgendered Female

In the latest celebrity news, apparently Lady Gaga (pop singer whose songs include, “Just Dance” and more recently “Poker Face”) has balls…and not the kind that mean she’s gutsy, like actual balls aka nuts aka sperm sacks. She’s confirmed she’s a hermaphrodite (also more hearsay that I have yet to research myself because I have no desire to view a youtube video of her on a motorcycle, sitting up to adjust herself and *wham* balls fall down outta no where…feel free to google it yourselves). Hermaphrodite is defined under the link as not to be confused with “friscodyke” an undefined term used in Snoop Dogg’s, “Nothin But A G Thang (Baby)”.

I kinda wanted to refer to her as a “shim” (combo of she and him created circa 2006, probably from some Jerry Springer fan) now. But in deeper thought processing, I began to ponder, who created the gender roles and why are we so stuck on them? Are we more than our X and Y chromosomes?

In the case of the hermaphrodite, where the are actual organs present and natural to that persons body, it’s understandable for them to define themselves as either male or female. But in the rest of the confuzzled world where you can now somehow create an artificial penis on a woman (Chastity Bono is reported to be getting this surgery), and a man can have a vagina…it’s hard to understand. I don’t know what it feels like to “be in the wrong body” so I’m not going to say it’s totally absurd but very hard for me to grasp. It’s become a phenom of more than gay and straight, but who am I really, deep down?

Chastity Bono

When “butch” gay women can pretty much look like a dude without the organ, and give the organ to their mate artificially, why oh why would someone be so unhappy with their “parts”? Transgendered men confuse me even more because since they’ve now “become” a woman, and continue to date men, they no longer see themselves as gay. Maybe it’s not the whole population but I have heard this (Tyra* did an episode/experiment with people that have different sexual backgrounds – both gay (feminine) and gay (masculine) males and females, a male cross dresser (who was also gay), a transgendered woman (used to be a man – looked damn good!), and a bisexual male).  Oh yea, and there’s pre-op (before operation) and post-op (after operation) transgendered people. In a different episode, Tyra offered “Isis”,  a pre-op transgendered model (male to female) the money to help do her surgery or “transformation” as they were calling on the show.

Are you accepting of people “choosing” their own gender? Where does it get confusing, or where does the understaning stop? What about in the case of a hermaphrodite?

*When I went to the Tyra Show website, there are video’s of upcoming episodes and in today’s she’s rocking the straight back  cornrow look, which took me aback. I’m not opposed to cornrows (on women or boys) but the straight back style with the parts showing just reminded me too much of Queen Latifah in Set It Off. It’s a little too thuggish por moi…what ya’ll think?

Is the Health Plan Gonna Help? August 18, 2009

Not having internet sucks…I hate when people come to your house and mess it up but oh well…

*sigh* It’s Tuesday and I gotta study soooo….you’d think I would go light on the subject, but I’m not…

Dollar Treatment?

I am not gonna write anything long, but I would love to know how everyone out there feels about the President’s Healthcare Plan…Do you think it’s too much?  Will it really up?  Do you think we even have healthcare issues we need to worry about?

I am asking all of these after seeing some of the outlandish prices people (who are unemployed due to layoffs, etc. plus the workin folk are having to pay for medicine, doctor visits and the like…

I leave you with a few facts that women need to know about the new health care plan all focusing on your rights to abortion, birth control and health care in your 20s.

-Obama wants to add a clause saying any doctor or nurse can refuse to do an abortion as long as they tell you where to get it.  Eh…not too impressive…you could Google that.  Furthermore, remember that the government does NOT pay for them anyway…down this road …he’s gonna leave it legal, just not gonna fund it.

-Birth  control is something we all know and love.  Obama wants to give certain women free birth control (cause obviously the pills are less than kids).  To qualify, you have to make too much to get Medicaid but too little to get them filled on your own (some cost up to $75 monthly).  I guess that’s impressive, does anyone’s insurance cover these?  Mine used to…dunno what happened.

-The twenty-something is always the most neglectful group when it comes to health care (mainly because we can’t pay for it.  If this bill passes then you will be able to remain on your parents insurance until age 26 and then avoid “gender rating” where women are forced to pay higher premiums than because we have to go to the doctor more.

So remember…get those annuals and take care of yourselves…are there any questions or concerns anyone wants to add?  Do you think insurance is to high?   Is Obama “doing too much”?