Suffer The Little Children or Little Children Should Suffer? September 29, 2009

The events of last Thursday afternoon in Chicago shock me. (click here for the story and video)

They don’t shock me because I’m ignorant or unaware of my surroundings they shock me because of the realization I came upon after a lot of thought:

The children are depending on us.

Now, I don’t have any children & if I did I’d be scared…I would be scared if my son were five minutes late home from school. I’d be scared if my daughter felt pressure to lose 10lbs. but if I am the right kinda mother none of these things will matter. Maybe.

But what if I have to stay late at work and the TV raises my kids a little for me? Or what if someone convinces my kids that I know nothing? Come on, admit it…we’re all guilty of thinking our parents are the dumbest people alive. As I’ve gotten older (and I thank God with good reason I’ve made it this far) I realize my parents are geniuses. They are genuises because they’re 60. They are genuises because they have raised a child who accurately knows right from wrong & frequently shows it. They are geniuses because they’ve of themselves to make sure young men & women (even other than me can make it).

And all of this is really to say on these blogs we talk about se!x, relationships, politics…adult things that are serious & that matter to us. Last week we had an emergency black blog renaissance meeting where we discussed improvements that could be made in the black blog arena, but what about a black community renaissance? Honestly, I could not give a crap…but I do.  Once upon a time we were the future…the future is now and the generations before and after us are depending on the decisions we make right now.  Derrion could have been your brother or your cousin or even your son. Those children who senselessly did this to him could be that kid you see walking the streets when they should be at school.

The problem is we’re not doing enough as responsible adults to stop the epidemic that is robbing our young men & women of their lives. And yeah, you might feel that you don’t have kids so it doesn’t matter…that’s not true. It’s about accountability. It’s about logic. It’s about love.

The solution to the problem isn’t say well Daley should do better or Barack should go home and speak. Charity begins at home…not school and definitely not at a Presidential rally. We need to support our children and love them instead of degrading them or labeling them. We have been sent great treasures, yet they are not treasured and therefore do not know how to treasure others. That’s how we lose our bright stars like Derrion. One mother will bury her child. And it’s possible that two others will bury theirs too…and all because there didn’t have hands to stand on. My hands have a little of this boys blood on them and I know this…but I’m gonna wash it off and hug a child, read a book and have some long conversations.
Ladies and gentlemen, how do you feel about this situation? Do we feel we are failing our children? As a result do you feel we are failing ourselves? What, if anything, are you going to do to help a child or develop your community so this won’t happen?

Also if you would like to send condolences to the family of Derrion Albert you may send them to the following: The Family  of Derrion Albert C/O Pleasant Hill Baptist Church, 7950 S. Normal, Chicago, IL 60620

Favorite TV Couples (The Lessons I Learned) September 29, 2009

After all the shenanigans from Martin and Gina yesterday, I decided to post my favorite TV couples and what lessons I have learned from them.  Now some of you bmight not like all the couples I list…and that’s cool cause this is my list and I am excited to see what you all come up with!

Jeannie and Major Nelson

1. Major Nelson and Jeannie-OK so this one is number 1 because they have something that none of the other couples have (I leave the interpretation up to you).  I like them because even though she was a genie she had real feelings…admirable ones even.  I like the fact that she supported everything he did, even if she did mess things up…he could never say she didn’t try to help him out AND she would worry about him and try to fix things.   I like her a little more than Lucy because Lucy would try to fix things and then mess them up even more (notwithstanding the later divorce) ruins my Lucy/Ricky delusions.  And Samantha and Darren couldn’t make it into my favorite categories because of the whole Endora interference…her being witch sometimes overshadowed her ability to support him as a normal (as close as she could get) wife. (Lesson Learned: It really does pay to stand by your man…even if you have to blink yourself there)

Dwayne & Whitley

2. Dwayne Wayne & Whitley Gilbert Wayne- So..from the very early episodes of A Different World, I could see that these two were going to get together.  It was a lot of fun watching him being with different people like Kinu…while pining away for Whitney even though she was with Byron.  It was an odd match with the middle class nerd matching up against the upper class Southern peach…but they somehow made it work with charm, wit and smarts. (Lesson Learned: True love conquers all…even money)

Cliff and Clair

3. Cliff and Clair Huxtable-A doctor married to a lawyer with five educated children is a good premise, but how unrealistic is it?  If you remove all those aspects from the show…and make them a normal married couple with kids who cause problems then it might have been a bit more realistic.  I’m not saying they had to be all the way Florida and James but there could have been just a few more hardships. (Lesson learned: not everything can be perfect, but kids don’t have to ruin the relationship.)

CJ & Janine

4. CJ & Janine Payne-When it’s meant to be it’s meant to be.  And I’ve got to admit I don’t think it’s all that uncommon for a couple to have a huge issue, dissolve their marriage then attempt to work it out…all while living in another relatives home.  When you get down to brass tacks, what I love about this couple is their unconditional love of each other.  No matter what has gone on, they’re still right there with each other. (Lesson Learned: Love knows no bounds…see 1 Corinthians 13)

Roland & Joan

5. Roland and Joan Burton-As the resident Army Husband, you’ve got to admire Roland’s dedication to keeping house running smoothly.  While they’re not on a comedy but this couple has the right stuff.  Roland’s a psychiatrist(now stay @ home dad and army husband) and Joan is better known as Lt. Colonel Burton… As a high ranking military official, you’d think she wouldn’t have a soft side, let alone be able to let Roland be the man in the relationship, yet she does.  There’s a sweetness accompanying these two that can’t be beat.  And you can’t help but wonder what a good time these two have (especially when you see his oiled body…geezus) (Lesson Learned: Balance & humility can take you a long way in a relationship.)

Honorable Mentions

-Carl & Harriet Winslow

-Phillip &Vivian Banks

-Michael & Janet Kyle

-Martin & Gina (Better known as Nicki and J…who need a show)

Alright…that’s it for me.  What are your favorite TV couples?  What lessons do you learn from the relationships you see on TV?  Do you think there are parallels to real life (married.boo’ed up folk)?

The Intro September 27, 2009

For a while, I didn’t want to talk about my relationship online…. I didn’t want to specifically say who “he” was, any of that.  Call it overprotective, call it fear… but I did.  I figured you guys could give us great insight  And here it  is -our first joint post, ever.  

***Disclaimer: This happened a few months ago***

More Background here:  SBM

J aka LastTrainToParis: 

 Ok ya’ll let me say this before I begin. I was new to the whole blogging thing so it was a shock to me. And I am a very private person most times.

Ok my thing was not what I read. But I had read far more detailed things on the blogs. My thing was why was she so offended?

If you can put all your business on the blog openly, with your face, and your contact information, why can’t you tell me about this situation. It’s not like I asked her about everything bc some stuff was clear. To me it shouldn’t be a problem. My thing was people if she is so sensitive about what she wrote then why do it publicly.

She says she blogs because its therapeutic and she wants to help others not make the same mistake. Okay I feel that.  But here is my cloudy point…how is telling someone who you got banged by over a bathroom sink brushing your teeth  helping someone or is therapeutic. Do you have so much sexual frustration built up that you need to recount your past escapades to make it through the day or was it done because everyone else was doing it? Anything I write I will answer whatever questions there are about it.

Yes I did say I don’t want to be That Guy. People judge other people by who they are with. We do it to celebrities and our everyday people. She with him knowing he was a hoe…he with her knowing she used to have trains run on her. We all do it or have done. No guy I know wants to be running around with the town freak talking about This My Queen n Shat. I never thought she was a freak/hoe otherwise she would not be my girl. Nor have I implied she was. I said perception could be she is that girl though.

Again ya’ll my infancy to blogging at the time of this led to most of this which is why my stance has changed. I don’t ask her about the blog stuff which is posted or commented anymore because I love her and don’t want it to be an issue because it bothers her.  Would it bother you guys if someone asked you about something on the blog?

Nicki Sunshine: 

It wasn’t that I was offended…  it was:  why was he asking?   If I am recalling the situation right, he wanted to know the month it’d happened (which made me think he was suspicious that I’d cheated and a NAME.  I didn’t understand why any of that information concerned him… it wasn’t helping our situation.   And honestly, I didn’t remember and didn’t want to do the legwork to find out.  He’s mentioned that if he was another blogger and asked, I’d react differently…. that’s not the case, if another blog was asking for a specific month and name, they’d get a “nonya business,” real quick.  

This is the post J is referring to:  Throwback Thursday.  If he’d read the entire series from Mikki’s blog for that day, he’d notice that Mikki had asked for situations.  I provided one.  I do not regret what I wrote.  It was a memorable experience.  The only regret I have is that he read it.   Additionally, what I write about on MY BLOG is my therapy… what I comment on regarding someone else’s blog is just that- a comment.

 

By implying that someone could perceive me as “that girl,” you are admitted that is one of your worries… if not, I don’t think it would even come up.   I have two questions:  Does my blogging about my sexual experiences automatically put me into ’that girl’ category?   If you know in your heart that I am not ‘that girl’ since we’ve talked about my very short sexual history, why are you so worried about others perceptions?  I don’t think anyone in the blog world would consider me as “that girl” so what is the true issue here?   

 

One thing I’ve always believed is-  I can’t help what another person thinks of me.  I have made changes since I’ve gotten into a relationship.. I no longer blog about sexual topics and  I’ve tried to limit the details in my responses regarding them.  I cannot go back and un-write which was written in the past. 

 

FYI: J and I are starting a couple’s blog… I can’t say it’ll be updated daily but we are definitely trying for weekly.  See here:  Martin and Gina.

What We Talkin Bout….. September 23, 2009

What are they talkin bout?

During my daily perusing of CNN, I came across a very interesting video. Since I like to listen to music while I read, I had to pause the Blueprint 3 (If you’re a fan of Jay and not a fan of this album, I really implore you to print out the lyrics and read them. If you still don’t like them, I would argue that you my friend don’t like to see human and intellectual growth but that my friend is another argument for another day).

Here is a link to the video. http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/23/common.obama.hip.hop/index.html#cnnSTCVideo

 

It just so happened that I paused the iPod and a very interesting point of the song. It was right before verse 3 of “What We Talkin Bout” ft. Luke Steele. Jay raps:

“And now that that’s that Lets talk about the future
We have just seen the dream as predicted by Martin Luther
Now you could choose ta Sit in front of your computa
Posin’ with guns Shootin YouTube up
Or you could come with me to the White House get your suit up
You stuck on being hardcore I chuck the deuce up”

Listen for yourself here:

 

This was a bit profound for me. Where Jay goes, others follow and as for Common, he’s already cemented himself as one of hip hop’s premier social commentators.

Did Barak have an affect on our community beyond the short lived inspiration? Will he inspire those who really need it? Has hip hop already stepped their game up? Or are we “stuck on being hardcore”?

What’s Your Flavor? Tell Me What’s Your Flavor. September 23, 2009

What is bad pu$$y?

I never understood this concept. I know sometimes us women can behave like a limp fish and just lay there…ie wack sex. But, can the actual vagina feel unwelcoming? What does that feel like – too tight? (maybe you’re too d@mn big), too loose? (maybe you’re too d@mn small). And, smell has nothing to do with feel – that’s not the hard part to understand. Now, bad d!ck can be too small or too big PLUS dude does not know how to work the middle (work the middle ). But, our vaginas are pretty much just there. A deep (or sometimes shallow) abyss of pleasure. So, someone please explain what a bad one feels like and what your bad experience was.

Do you know your sexual style?

I’m mixed. What I do know is this – I don’t do marathon sessions. Call me a priss but um, I don’t love the idea of some man pumping and breathing hard and sweating all over me (maybe when intoxicated but, that’s about it). I just don’t get off on the pump alone. I need clitoral stimulation – either from his mouth or his fingers. If I know you ain’t gonna try, I’ll still get you off but please HURRY UP! I hate for a dude to be (or at least think he is) giving his all when it’s just not gonna happen…sorry. Oh, and don’t ask me if I c@me…tacky. For the four millionth time…NO! Maybe your signature five long strokes, then 5 rapid strokes, followed by the side swirl works for Sharon…but not me. What was I getting at again? Oh, yea…I’m a pleaser and I like to be in control. My sexual style match must do the same.

What is your sexual style? Who’s your match?

- The Always Classy, Cuzzo

September 22, 2009

I’m not going to do what I wanted to do for today because this young lady’s story completely touched my heart.  I want everyone to check this out…and please let me know what you think.

If you disagree with what has happened to this girl, please please please sign this Petition..

Do you think the justice system has gone too far?  Why are our children suffering?

 

*******12:03pm:  Petition Link Updated*****

Receiving Compliments? September 20, 2009

 

Today’s post is coming from Danielle at It\’s So Nice to Be Nice.  I enjoyed reading it so, I wanted to repost! 

I got a new hairstyle a couple of weeks ago and since then I’ve received numerous compliments from random strangers, men and women alike. In BlockBuster, at work, the grocery store, school, wherever….it’s been happening daily.

And I usually reply with a smile and a short, “Thank You,” as I walk away.

Recently, at a bakery, however, two women wanted to know if it was real, who did it, and if they could get the stylist’s number. We laughed and talked for a while, with me complimenting them on their long natural locks.

I’ll admit, I enjoy the attention, the compliments, and nice looks in my direction, but there’s another side of me that wonders if I should even care….if caring gives their words validity and their silence power on a bad hair day….

And as i type this, I wonder why this is  really a problem. I give sincere compliments all the time. So I should be able to receive them right?

And in the past, I was able to….now it just seems like it’s a bit too much….lol

Any thoughts? How do you feel about compliments? Do you give them often? Are you able to receive them or do you feel the need to give a compliment in return?

Gimme A Break! September 18, 2009

Gimme a break I sure deserve it
It’s time I made it to the top.
Gimme a break I’m looking forward
Get behind me pull out every stop

I want a happy ending
I’m tried of pretending
Won’t let em get the best of me
Wo wo wo wo

Gimme a break the game is survival
Gimme a break and plan my arrival
Gimme a break for heaven’s sake
to my piece of the cake

Gimme a break
Gimme a break
Gimme a break

Oh how I remember hearing this song as the show  was coming on when I was a child. Of course I didn’t understand what the lyrics meant but after this fourth year in corporate america I am sure understanding what it means to actually and literally need a break. Fortunately for me my break spanned over 2 weeks!! I was in jury duty serving on a murder case (which was surprising interesting) for four days and then the following week I left for Puerto Rico!!! Talk about fun! I had the best time of my life!! More importantly I came back to work refreshed in with a  “go get ‘em” attitude. I think if I didn’t have these breaks I would still be at wits ends. I am now a true believe in BREAKS! Preferably breaks where you escape a little bit from reality or everyday life!!

Do you have any breaks coming up? If you could take a break where would you go and what would you do?

When Are We Going to Get Over It? September 16, 2009

Thanks to J for putting me up on this article. I thought it was a very interesting read, written byAndrew Minnis, regarding President Obama, that came from Clarksville Online.   

“For much of the last forty years, ever since America “fixed” its race problem in the Civil Rights and Voting Rights Acts, we white people have been impatient with African Americans who continued to blame race for their difficulties. Often we have heard whites ask, “When are African Americans finally going to get over it?

Now I want to ask:  “When are we White Americans going to get over our ridiculous obsession with skin color?

Recent reports that “Election Spurs Hundreds’ of Race Threats, Crimes” should frighten and infuriate every one of us. Having grown up in “Bombingham,” Alabama in the 1960s, I remember overhearing an avalanche of comments about what many white classmates and their parents wanted to do to John and Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King. Eventually, as you may recall, in all three cases, someone decided to do more than “talk the talk.” 
Since our recent presidential election, to our eternal shame we are once again hearing the same reprehensible talk I remember from my boyhood.

We white people have controlled political life in the disunited colonies and United States for some 400 years on this continent. Conservative whites have been in power 28 of the last 40 years. Even during the eight Clinton years, conservatives in Congress blocked most of his agenda and pulled him to the right. Yet never in that period did I read any headlines suggesting that anyone was calling for the assassinations of presidents Nixon, Ford, Reagan, or either of the Bushes.   Criticize them, yes.  Call for their impeachment, perhaps.

But there were no bounties on their heads. And even when someone did try to kill Ronald Reagan, the perpetrator was non-political mental case who wanted merely to impress Jody Foster.

But elect a liberal who happens to be Black and we’re back in the sixties again. At this point in our history, we should be proud that we’ve proven what conservatives are always saying -that in America anything is possible, EVEN electing a black man as president. But instead we now hear that schoolchildren from Maine to California are talking about wanting to “assassinate Obama.”

Fighting the urge to throw up, I can only ask, “How long?”    How long before we white people realize we can’t make our nation, much less the whole world, look like us? How long until we white people can -once and for all- get over this hell-conceived preoccupation with skin color?  How long until we white people get over the demonic conviction that white skin makes us superior?  How long before we white people get over our bitter resentments about being demoted to the status of equality with non-whites?

How long before we get over our expectations that we should be at the head of the line merely because of our white skin? How long until we white people end our silence and call out our peers when they share the latest racist jokes in the privacy of our white-only conversations?

I believe in free speech, but how long until we white people start making racist loud mouths as socially uncomfortable as we do flag burners? How long until we white people will stop insisting that blacks exercise personal responsibility, build strong families, educate themselves enough to edit the Harvard Law Review, and work hard enough to become President of the United States, only to threaten to assassinate them when they do?

How long before we starting “living out the true meaning” of our creeds, both civil and religious, that all men and women are created equal and that “red and yellow, black and white” all are precious in God’s sight?

Until this past November 4, I didn’t believe this country would ever elect an African American to the presidency.   I still don’t believe I’ll live long enough to see us white people get over our racism problem. But here’s my three-point plan:

First, everyday that Barack Obama lives in the White House that Black Slaves Built I’m going to pray that God (and the Secret Service) will protect him and his family from us white people.

Second, I’m going to report to the FBI any white person I overhear saying, in seriousness or in jest, anything of a threatening nature about President Obama.

Third, I’m going to pray to live long enough to see America surprise the world once again, when white people can “in spirit and in truth” sing of our damnable color prejudice, “We HAVE overcome.”

It takes a Village to protect our President!!!”

What are your thoughts after reading  Mr. Manis’ article? 

Relationship Killers September 16, 2009

Relationship Killers are different from “Dealbreakers”. A dealbreaker is a trait/action that you cannot compromise on before beginning a relationship with someone.  Now, your relationship killers are those that put a relationship in jeopardy.

1. Lack of Communication

Simply enough, right? Communication is the bloodline of any relationship. For myself, it was something that I always knew you needed but did not know how IMPORTANT it was. A lack of communication killed my engagement. When you lose that foundation everything that could have been solved is now building up on top of that shaky pavement, slowly cracking it. I believe this relationship staple builds trust, and steers you away from jealousy and just plain old confusion.

2. Bad Sex or Sexually Incompatible

Alright, this may vary across the board but, um, Cuzzo needs this in her life! A perfect man that is wack in the sack is not a perfect man. I should not dread laying down with my man. Part of what drew you guys together was that animal attraction (let’s not kid ourselves here) – an attraction that is a mystery that can only be solved by conquest.

Which of these or any other’s have killed or have the potential to kill a relationship?