Is He/She The Prototype April 24, 2009

Sorry for the delay had some technical difficulties but back to our regular scheduled program……

For some reason I receive eHarmony emails and I really never questioned it or read them but for reason, most likely out of boredom, I actually read this particular email. One of the advice articles titled, 9 Signs You’ve Met The One, really caught my eye and caused me to question the relationship I have with Bail bondsman and whether I considered him “The One” or not. Of course I won’t divulge my conclusion just yet because some days I do think he is and some days I don’t just depends on the time of the month and the temperature outside!

According to eHarmony, the 9 signs that you’ve met your match are:

1) You’re Not Chasing the Relationship’s Potential

Many people have romantic relationships fraught with obstacles. On a basic level, the relationship is satisfactory, but there always seems to be something standing in the way of true happiness: a stressful job, an annoying ex, a distasteful habit. Both people feel that once the obstacle is removed, they’ll be truly content together.

Unfortunately, relationships don’t work that way. Once the problem is resolved, another one pops up. And—surprise!—the couple is still unhappy.

What people may not realize is that if they are waiting for true happiness in their relationship, then they are in the wrong relationship. Landing a better job may make life easier financially, but no amount of money will help two people who just aren’t a good fit for each other.

The truth is, a happy, well-adjusted couple doesn’t have to chase what could be or should be. A good relationship just is.

2) Who You Are Is Good Enough

You know you’ve met the one when your partner loves you for who you are. We know it sounds pretty cliché, but like all clichés, it’s true. “The One’s” admiration of you is so powerful that it’s almost as if he or she is awestruck by your very presence. He takes great pride in the choices you’ve made. She finds you smart, sexy, fun to be with, and so on. You never have to try to impress “The One” because you’ve already done that by just being you.

3) You Manage Conflict Well

Let’s say we have two couples that have been together for the same amount of time. Couple A fights regularly. Couple B has never argued in the history of their relationship. Which couple do you think a relationship counselor would say is at greater risk?

That’s right: Couple B. Upon closer examination, you’ll find that someone in the relationship—perhaps both parties—isn’t being forthcoming. Someone’s needs and wants aren’t being voiced and therefore aren’t being addressed.

Couple A, on the other hand, makes it a point to bring up topics that are bothersome or dissatisfying within the relationship. This couple regularly engages in respectful, healthy conflict—without insults or throwing things—and comes out the other side a stronger couple that gains a deeper understanding of one another with each conflict they resolve together. How much a couple fights isn’t the issue, unless they don’t fight at all. It’s how a couple manages conflicts that determines how well the relationship works.

4) The Mundane Is Suddenly Interesting

If you’re spending time with someone who really is “The One,” then you probably want to pay attention to even the smallest details of his or her life. Specifics from his work interest you, stories about his childhood hold your attention, and even old photos or home movies fascinate you.

When this happens, then this person is likely much more to you than a ship passing in the night.

5) There’s Minimal Drama—or None at All

Like we said above when we talked about conflict, even the healthiest relationships deal with their share of arguments. So when we say that there’s not a lot of drama in your relationship, we don’t mean that the two of you never fight.

But when you do, you do your best to fight fair. You admit when you’re wrong, you listen to each other, you acknowledge one another’s good points, and you apologize when you cross lines. It’s not that you have to be perfect, but if this person is “The One,” then you are at least trying to make your conflict work for your relationship rather than against it.

So if you two are dealing with constant drama, where one of you is trying to create high emotions to manipulate the other or where there’s constant turbulence without some sort of resolution, then be careful about fully committing to the relationship at this point. High drama is a definite red flag when it comes to long-term relationship success.

6) Your Friends and Family See What You See

If the people who love you the most are begging you to get away from someone, then that person’s probably not the one for you. On the other hand, if the people you trust also see what you see in this person and encourage the relationship, then that’s a good sign that you two may belong together.

Of course, sometimes your friends and family may choose someone for you whom you haven’t chosen. They may push for a relationship that you have no interest in pursuing. In these cases, it’s not always wise to follow their advice.

But if you’re falling in love with someone whom the people in your life want you to be with, then there’s a good chance that this may be the real deal.

7) You Know How to Make Them Happy

When there’s a deep connection between two people, they each know what the other wants and needs. So ask yourself this question about the person in your life: Do you know what it takes to make him or her happy? Think about minor, moment-by-moment issues, like where that person likes to eat and what kind of back rub he or she enjoys.

Additionally, think about larger matters as well: Do you know how to help her relieve stress? Can you get her to talk about her dreams and visions for the future? When she’s struggling at work or with a family issue, can you help her come through the storm and find the sun again? And, just as important, does your partner know how to do this for you as well? If so, that’s another reason to believe that you’ve found “The One.”

8 ) You Have the Same Life Priorities

Opposites may attract, but they rarely make for a good long-term relationship. Compatibility really is key when it comes to creating a deep and lasting connection between two people.

For example, if you want to begin preparing for the future and building toward certain life and career goals, but your partner mainly wants to make enough money so that he or she can party this weekend, then you two are probably working with fairly different priorities.

And the opposite it is true, too: If your priorities match up well, then you two have a much better chance of long-term happiness and fulfillment together.

9) You Respect the Person Deeply

Mutual respect is crucial for a healthy relationship. Without that respect, there’s simply no way to create and build a secure foundation so that you can enjoy all of the benefits of a deep and strong relationship.

But when you respect your partner and he or she respects you, the relationship has a strong chance at thriving, and all the aspects of your connection blossom. The communication improves. The commitment deepens. The trust multiplies. The satisfaction level goes through the roof.

And that all begins with a mutual respect that emerges because you like each other and because you appreciate the way you live your individual lives.

So as you try to figure out whether you’ve found “The One,” take a look at this list. If you can check off each of the above items, then you owe it to yourself to allow the relationship to become all that it can possibly be.

So tell me, are these signs good indicators? Are there any that you feel should have been included or shouldnt have been included? Do you have your own signs?

Video MADE the Radio Star April 23, 2009

I love music.  When I’m getting ready for work in the morning, at the crack of dawn, when normal people are still sleeping, I keep the channel tuned onto VH-1.  This channel plays a lot of different videos that you normally don’t see during the day.  I dunno, maybe it’s a marketing thing.

Anywho, durning the early morning hours, I’ve been exposed to some songs that I normally wouldn’t give a second thought to.  Some of these videos are soo good that they have made me love the song…. video  does not always ‘kill the radio star.”  Some of my favs are below.  I’m heated that some of the links had embedding disabled, but please, check them out! 

Chester French, \”She Loves Everybody\”

 

 

Gabriella Cilmi, \”Sweet About Me\”

 

N.E.R.D, \”Sooner or Later\”

I am a N.E.R.D ryda’, (lol) but this song honestly didn’t become one of my favorites until I saw the video.

Do any of you have any of these songs?

The New New April 20, 2009

If you don’t know about Lauren London as New New, jump onto a pitchfork  allow me to educate you.  New New was her character name in ATL (the movie  has nothing to do with this post).

I’m only using the name metaphorically-  for a new relationship (did I just use that word right?) 

 Moving right along-

In a relationship, it’s very important to have communication.    And one of the important  components of good communication is being able to be on the same wavelengths- having an understanding. 

I don’t want to use the word “rules” but I can’t think of a better one, so just take this with a grain of salt.  But anyway, it is important to set rules in the beginning… and not me merely dictating.  I need my man to also let me know what is or is not acceptable to him.  But since I’m so fabulous, he won’t need many for me.  Kidding!

One of the things that should probably be discussed is male/ female friends or friendships with exes.  Now, I’m a pretty level headed chick (about 60% of the time. lol) so if my man has female friends from the past, I’m understanding of that.  Disclaimer:  This depends on the “friend.”   You can tell when a woman is after your man.   But I feel no need for my man to be making new female friends.  He will not be going to lunches with this broad or taking her for long or short walks in the park.  They will not go for ice cream.   I keep my cool in public, but behind closed doors, I will blow up like an atomic bomb.  Sweetie, you don’t want it.  Trust me.

I think the same can be said about exes- except the part about new ones, I guess you can’t have those.  I’m just saying, -for me, it depends on the ex.  I have an ex that I’m kinda friends with who has actually gotten better.  Since I told him that I am no longer single, he’s let go of those sexual innuendos- he’s a way better friend.  My man is friends with an ex and it seems like they were a really tight couple at once and I’m okay with that.   BUT. Some exes have to be left in the past…  for example, those break up to make up back up plans. Some of you guys have them (since Sunny is the vision an angel, she never has)- those that you keep on the back burner, just in case.   When entering a relationship, one that you are truly trying to make work, THOSE MUST GO.

Let’s see… what else?????

I’m drawing a blank.  I haven’t been in a real relationship since I was 20 years old (there were plenty of “no titles”) so I am not sure about what other ground rules we should be setting.

I know you guys have some rules to add.  What say you?

UPDATE:  Britt helped a sista out. lol.. Please replace the word “rules” with “boundaries.”  See???  This is why I heart you guys.

Diaries and Realities April 19, 2009

I’m sure everyone has probably seen the following link, but I’m posting it again anyway.

So…after watching that, I was thinking I absolutely have to get this movie.  Last Sunday I went running my happy butt over to the local Blockbuster and bought this movie.

Now…I’m all for yaya sisterdom and black love, but I notice in the movie that when he makes motions towards dating a white woman it’s problem.  However, we notice that no other woman had a man sitting in the room (they say misery loves company)

Anyways, throughout time I have begun to realize that women (I am guilty too) have a tendency to sort of “dog” men out.  Yes ladies, from time to time, we are the “angry black woman” they say we are.  I am starting to own this.  In realizing that I am indeed an ABW…I am learning to wonder what it is I am angry about.  From this I am realizing that owning up to the anger will indeed help my quest for love, peace and happiness.

Are any of the men tired of being treated poorly?  Anyone having any realizations about life that are going to help more than hurt in the long run?  Any women owning up to the ABW syndrome and finding happiness?

Did You Get The Memo April 16, 2009

So I am getting ready to head out to one of my fav Thursday night spot and I am thinking about the possible fashion faux pas I may see…. which happens at this place, not by all, but the few who just didn’t get the memo. Simply because some people really just don’t know or think certain things are allowed due to the temperature. Yes its cold but that does not mean keep the wool coats and blazers out! Better yet watching E or the Style channel will not ruin you! So due to seeing ill fashion choices I am making a list of things that should have went away or okay after Easter. Here goes!!

1. The first thing I will say I DO NOT WANT TO SEE is Velour, Velvet, or Corduroy pants or Blazers! Dagnabbit it is after Easter and more importantly it’s Spring!! Invest in a nice blazer or a cute lightweight jacket to keep you warm and appealing on a breezy night! So many men are guilty of committing this sin! PUT IT AWAY!!! bring it back later this year after Halloween!
2. NO MORE BOOTS! Ladies I know you wanna get the last wear out of those banging knee high or fringe top boots you bought but it’s over! LET IT DIE! YOU LOOK LIKE A D@MN FOOL & U R MAKING ME HOT!!
3. SWEATER DRESS NEED TO BE PACKED AWAY! I don’t care what the weight of the dress is put it away. Don’t care if it is sleeveless… it has an operative word in the name “Sweater” Dress… meaning it’s meant for the winter!!
4. SWEATERS! Please men put on a button up no f’ing sweaters!! Ladies please it’s April take the G-D turtleneck tunic sweater off!
5. Maxi Dresses! Its a little warm but damjit it ain’t SUMMER! This is not the beach and I really just can’t condone this wear until the end of May! Give me Memorial Day ladies!

Thus far this is all I have! I will be back later to add any updates if I just so happen to see some kimfoolery that I didn’t think of before I left! Please remember these are my fashion pet peeves that I see in my location of Atlanta, GA where currently the temperature ranges… tonight it is the 60s and kinda breezy. None of the aforementioned should be happening!

So since I shared my fashion faux pas pet peeves what are yours??? Please share!!!

House for $1000 Alex April 14, 2009

Worth the House?

I was listening to  Michael Baisden today and he was discussing whether or not women would prefer to have a fancy engagement or a big house.  In fact, Mr. Baisden was talking about how many men are opting for the cheaper cubic zirconia instead of diamonds because they want to furnish their women with houses and other worldly and comfortable accoutrements.

I was wondering where I would fall on this spectrum, especially after Nic’s Meet Me at the Alter post.

I stated that the ring I would like cost $3999 (approximately).  I am wondering how many of today;s women would agree that the younger women would rather have a gorgeous ring instead of a nice house, while the majority of older women would prefer to have the house instead of the ring.

So…ladies, tell me which would you rather have?  Gentlemen…would you be willing to compromise your morals and values just to please your lady?  Exactly where’s the line drawn?

My answer….in the morning

Breaking Up Graciously April 10, 2009

So last night my friends and I got together to console a friend who’s wanting to break up with her boyfriend but didn’t know how. She had pondered different ways to do it from writing a letter to just falling off the face of the earth. I felt that falling off the face of the earth was a little too extreme plus it would make her look like a biyotch…. so our journey of googling began and we came across an online article at Online Dating Magazine that actually gave you a list of ways to break up graciously. Here are the suggestions they give!

1. Don’t drag it out.
When it is over, it’s over. You’re not doing your partner or yourself any favors by delaying the inevitable. Sooner is better than later.

2. Be honest.
The oldest line is “it’s me not you.” Although this might be easier, the only way you can truly help your partner is by being completely honest.

3. Don’t overlap.
The worst thing you can do is start seeing someone else before you tell your partner that it is over. It not only makes you look bad, but will also plant seeds of doubt in your new partner.

4. Can we be friends?
Don’t expect to be friends after a break up. Even if you were friends before you became intimate, your friendship likely can never be the same again.

5. Listen.
Don’t expect to end the relationship with your partner wanting to leave it at that, especially if it has come out the blue. Your partner will want to ask questions and may even try and talk you into changing your mind. Allow your partner to have his/her say. This will give you the chance to explain in full why you want to end the relationship. Think about how you would feel if you where the one being dumped. You would want to ask questions.

6. Don’t do it in a public place.
Even if you no longer like your partner, the worse thing you can do is dump him/her in a public place. It is the ultimate humiliation.

7. Write down how you feel.
Ending it face to face can be very difficult. Write a letter explaining why you want to break up. But deliver it in person, and be there to talk with your partner afterwards.

8. Don’t feel guilty.
More often than not when we try to end a relationship we are made to feel guilty by the other, which makes us stay and hate the person more. If you want out, then no matter how much your partner begs (“I’ll change,” “I’ve done so much for you”), stick to your decision before things get worse.

9. Don’t pick a fight.
The only reason we pick a fight is to ease the guilt that we bring upon our partner when he/she thinks it is his/her fault. Get straight to the point and don’t make your partner suffer more than necessary.

10. Leave as you would like to be left.
Being dumped is a horrible thing. Try to think about how you would want to be dumped if the tables were turned. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Now after reading their suggestions what do you think? Which suggestions do you like or dislike? What would you add to the list?

The Symbol or the Symbolized? April 8, 2009

This Fool

The video has nothing to do with the post but the picture does. Its 9:50 pm on a Wednesday evening. I am slotted to post this evening’s post. Normally, if my post isn’t already scheduled to be posted, I am putting the finishing touches on my post. Today isn’t like the other days. I just scrapped my post. I started fishing for new ideas instead. As I asked people for ideas, I started to look around my room and I came across my recently received diploma. (I just got it in the mail despite graduating almost a whole year ago due to some money that I owed them. They held my diploma hostage over a few measly thousand dollars. Makes me angry.) I cherish that thing. And I was thinking to myself, why do I cherish this? Does this diploma make me a better person? Does it validate me? I know I get an automatic pay increase because I have it but what does that really mean? A good friend of mine burned his diploma. Yes, this kneegrow lit his diploma on fire. I have never been that angry with a person in my life.

 

 

 

 

I was so angry that I had to figure out why. After days of thinking, I realized that he destroyed the sole symbol of all the work he had done for four years. The burning of his degree didn’t take away his status as an Ivy League graduate. He could always order another one for a measly $100. Here is the question that I have for you, why is that we make such a big deal about the symbols in our life rather than what they symbolizes? Sometimes women make such a big deal out of their engagement ring instead of really preparing to get married? Men sometimes make a huge deal out of having the nice house and nice car instead of making sure that they have truly broken down the barriers of wealth, station and class.

 

Why do we make such a big deal about symbols? Are there any symbols that are more important to you than what they symbolize?

Nice Guys Need Not Apply April 7, 2009

Bad, bad boys

Come with me, Come with me (x2)

I wouldn’t consider myself a “drama Queen” but I need something to talk (read as complain) about. No relationship is perfect so there will always be a little something something that peeves you. I don’t want the nice guy (not now at least), they make me yawn.

Open the car door for me…kick rocks

Allow me to be irrational and blow up on you…kill yourself

Cook me dinner…there’s the door

Tell me you miss me…gag

But, the real psychosis behind it is that I don’t want to lose a good thing. He’s great, adores me, treats me like a princess, and then we (or one of us) get bored, start fighting over nonsense, then the goodness is over with. The goodness may not end that way exactly but I’m afraid it will end somehow and most likely because of me. So, bad boys, jerks, @ssholes, I know what you’re about. I know you will do something to hurt me or annoy me to the brink of insanity. I saw it from a mile away. BRING IT ON!

In Other Ponderation, you know how males seem to have that epidemic of women flooding out of the woodworks once they’re in a relationship? These women notice that – well damn someone else wants you so you must be aight. And, of course, no one wants to eat at a restaurant where there are no cars in front (or something like that). Can the same be said for women? Do the men seem to  come flocking when we are beau’d up? Men, do you want a woman more or see her in a different light, having more potential possibly, once she becomes serious with a dude?

*This post is part cynical part truth…maybe.

I Can Do Bad All By Myself April 6, 2009

Have you ever been a relationship where you feel like you like the person, but it’s just not working?

You know they have that one little thing they do that is so minuscule but it drives you absolutely insane…for example…he’s always talking about how good he looks or she’s never trying to make herself better…just stagnating.

And deep down inside your heart, you know that if you left this person alone or they left you alone then everything will just be so much better?

What do you do in these instances? Do you stay and try to work it out? Make their life hell until they live you alone or do you just bounce?

And if everything gets to be tight and to the right then do you continue on with the relationship?