Making Love During Wartime is Hell October 29, 2009

ADMIN NOTE: Since Peyso is cutting to half time we are introducing a new writer Inkognegro (follow him on Twitter @Inkognegro)

He promises to be a barrel of laughs mixed with thought provoking prose.  Enjoy. -Jac

 

 

 

Author’s Note:  I am not single, nor am I a sister…but I am damn sure finna speak out.  Take off the kid gloves….I am a big boy and I can defend myself.

 

 

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed.
-Dwight Eisenhower

Humans are predisposed to conflict. It is part of the sin nature Adam and Eve and their inability to follow simple instructions brought upon us. It is the wise individual who learns when to draw the bow and when to draw the bouquet.

Black men and women are at war because the Hell in which we live has distorted our surival instincts to the point that we don’t know who the enemy is.

I had a crappy day. Mrs. Ink had a crappier day, by far. As long as my day’s crappiness wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, I could successfully address her wounds from the day’s excrement. THE VERY SECOND that I started focusing on my OWN crap, which admittedly was far less significant than HER crap, but smelled worse because it eminated from my personal space, I put my bouquets down and drew my bow when she got too close with some errant bullets. Of course, I didn’t do this right away. I waited until she put her guard down, and then rained hails of logical and loaded observation arrows accusing her of indifference to my plight and to my situation.

No Bueno. I cannot do that. I am a chauvinist in that I believe, as the man, I need to have my finger on the pulse of the overall relationship and not allow the discourse to get toxic. Such is the nature of being the head of the household.

Her, being the diva she is, is pretty indifferent to any mood but hers.

I, knowing that I am in love with a diva, has to perpetually walk the thin line between protecting my overall psyche and accepting that if, in fact you DO love her, (and I do) you love her as she IS, not as you would like her to be. Doing that means losing arguments even though you have more points than she does. Doing that means She and I will live happily ever after, because even though she is a diva, she is also astute enough to know what I am doing and once she basks in another victory, she can come to me and thank me for letting her win.

which means I really win. Yaaay ME.

Make love not War, people.

They wrote in the old days that it is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country. But in modern war, there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying. You will die like a dog for no good reason.

-Ernest Hemingway

I am not sure exactly what I am doing, other than rambling aimlessly about the overall toxicity in the relations between Black Men and Black Women. The war analogy seems apt because people are dying literally(seen the AIDS rate lately?) and figuratively(seen the rate on Black children born out of wedlock? Black children in two parent housholds?). As a Twice married, once divorced Black man who lives a time zone away from two of  his sons and has a third at home, I am at the crossroads of the battlefield. I can see the path to peace as clearly as I can see the carnage of the front lines.

I see the war in everything, from Breezy v. Rhi-Rhi, to Chris Rock v. the Natural hair Mafia, to Tyler Perry v. Spike Lee, to The fight for health care reform.

The dispatches begin Next Thursday.

A DNA Discussion October 27, 2009

How does a man let a woman – not just ANY woman but, HIS woman, as in current significant other – know he has suspicions about the paternity of their unborn child? Whether she became pregnant early on in the relationship, or years later…the subject will always be touchy. it’s not like you guys have been on and off, the relationship was consistant but in the age of Maury Povich, there is always room for doubt.

As a woman who has been faced with this question (not during the relationship but well after our child was born), it’s kind of like a low blow. I can admit that I was shocked and offended at the time but, after hearing things from the other side (one of my male friends is about to have a child with his girlfriend whom had suspect activities during the beginning of their relationship, around the same time she became pregnant – I told him to get a DNA test), I’m slightly less offended

A different male friend told me he’d get a DNA test for EVERY one of his children even if he remained with a woman for a long time. I guess it works like a prenup now. In case things don’t work out, that DNA test is your insurance (and assurance) that you are taking care of YOUR child. But, anyway, like the prenup conversation…how do you bring about the DNA question? Hopefully, not after the child is born….which is what I told me friend.

Ladies: How would you feel if your SO asked for a paternity test of your unborn child? Fair? Offensive?

Men: Would you ever feel the need to ask? At what point and how would ask?

 

Relationship Red Flags October 27, 2009

How Many Have to Fly Before You Go?

 

Over the course of my dating career I have seen many things that irk my nerves.  I have also seen many of my friends old and young go through dating woes.  From this, I have begun to realize that there  are certain red flags that come up.  At this point, I can securely say when you see these…. leave.

1. Rudeness to waiters. We’ve all been there.  You’re out enjoying your evening.  The mood is right.  Your companion is looking good.  The food comes and it’s cold.  Your companion proceeds to make the waiter/waitress feel like they are scum of the Earth.  This one is easy.  They treat humans in a very inhumane way… Next!

 

2. Dirty underwear/socks/clothes. First off, it’s embarrassing…Seriously who wants to go out with someone who cannot be bothered to keep themselves clean?  Shower, then put on dirty panties?  That’s ridiculous… bad hygiene is definitely a no no…

 

3. Chronic lateness. If a person is late three times to meet you, have dinner, coffee, etc. they don’t respect your time.  Past that, not respecting your time is a direct line into not respecting you.

Alright I’m done… Are there any red flags you’d like to add?

What Would You Do? October 25, 2009

Note:  I am taking an undetermined hiatus from blogging to focus on God ( I was reminded at church today that I have not been putting Him first as I know I should), me and J.   It’s been a great time  and I will miss all of you. Thanks for reading and commenting… thank you for enlightening me and I only pray that I have touched someone in some way!!!!!!   Love you all.

When my mother first called me and told me about the praying robber, I will admit.  I laughed.  I thought he was foolish and I couldn’t think of any reason that would drive a person to get to that point.   But after I saw his interview on Oprah  (albeit just a piece of it), it added humanness to his situation.  See an excerpt on her site here. 

To sum up the situation, he needed money for his family.  He hadn’t had a job in months and he felt like they were going to be homeless. He robbed a cashier at gunpoint but when she starting praying, he fell to his knees and bowed his head and cried with her. 

Even retelling that story brings tears to my eyes, but they are not falling, I’m too gangsta for that.

The young man’s mother saw him on television as the robber and demanded that he turned himself in.   He is now in jail.

If you were the judge, how would you convict this man?  I know people have sad circumstances all day and do not go to the extent that he did, armed robbery, but something about this man, and his immediate regret, will not allow me to want to send him to jail.   It really hurts my heart to know that some people feel like they have to rob as a last resort.

One of my criminal justice classes this semester is called CORRECTIONS, and prior to now, I really could care less what a prisoner had to face in jail.  You do the crime, you do the time.. short and simple.  But really- it’s not that simple.  After reading one of our assigned books,  “Life Without Parole: Living in Prison Today,” by Victor Hassine (who himself was a former law student, sentenced to life in prison),  I was enlightened even more.  These men in prison face far more danger inside than they ever did outside.   They face daily dangers of being raped or killed and cannot even count on their corrections officers to help – for they are also trying not to be killed. 

I don’t have the heart to sentence the “praying robber” to prison, where he would be susceptible, just because he was trying to take care of his family… What would you do? 

Sing Your Praises! October 23, 2009

So today I am rejoicing once again! I got a job offer Tuesday from the company I interviewed with last Friday and I have another interview today with a company I phone interviewed with two weeks ago. Even though I got the job offer and I accepted I am still going to this interview.  This week I have heard this Mary Mary song every day about 2 or 3 times and it has made me really recognize the blessings that God has been showering me with not only with the job search but other things in my life, especially my family and friends.

Now I am sharing the video with you and want you to sing your praises! What are you thankful for??

Women Who Beat Their Boyfriends October 21, 2009

Last Tuesday I was the guest at One Fourth Random where I wrote a similar blog and this week, I’ve revised it a little and brought it home.

So that’s a pretty long clip here.  I’m going to explain the basics of what’s going on …the lady (Kendra) and her boyfriend (Marcus) were guest on Tyra on Tuesday.  Kendra admits in the video to hitting Marcus over 50 times, scarring his face with her stiletto, and has even spit on him.  It is unbelievable and unexplainable why a woman would wanna hit a man (and vice versa even).   The most appalling thing out of the entire conversation was Kendra admitting “I love him, I love him more than anything”.  How in the world does she think that is showing love.  Past that, when she is asked why she hits him she explains that he lies, is not on time to pick her son up and is often not where he says he is going to be.  Ladies, who has been in that position? *raises hand* It becomes evident to me through the course of the video that Kendra has real issues.  She just attacks him for NO REASON and actually appears to be crying.  Now…as usual social networking plays a role in the story as she mentions Myspace and how another female was able to tell her all these things about Marcus.  *pause* It shouldn’t have mattered one way or the other what some chick on Myspace says…if he’s with you, he’s with you…I digress.  Kendra is hurting.  This is evident, but that does not mean that she should attempt to inflict physical pain on Marcus.

Now…in every relationship there is going to be fighting.  You’re going to get angry.  You might raise your face.  In fact, you might even throw a dish or two (I know I have) but I have never NOT ONE time put my hands on a man in that manner.  I cannot bring myself to do that, because I believe if I love you then I love you whether we’re fighting or not.

Ladies and gentlemen October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  I know people who have been abused in this manner and I know what it means to be reached out to and to reach out to someone to fix the situation.  If you or anyone you know is being abused.  Please don’t hesitate to contact someone.  Many sites that are dedicated to domestic abuse have safe buttons that will change the page to something harmless.  If you’re scared to go get info then e-mail us here at SSSO and we’ll send you the info you need for the area you’re in.

Let’s discuss.  What do you all think about domestic abuse?  Are there any clues that this might happen?  Do you think the abusers can fix themselves and stop or will it always be this way?  Do you think the abusers actually believe they love the person?

Call It What You Want October 20, 2009

Forgive me but I was a little heated when I learned that there’s going to be an all Spanish G.E.D. exam. I am one of those people that feels that people living in America should speak English. Not speak it perfectly but at least have a good enough understanding of it to be able to communicate. I don’t expect to begin living in France and never learn a lick of French.

I do believe in the advancement of all people in America…but how far can you go if you don’t even know English? On another note…isn’t English a subject on the regular G.E.D. exam? So, they are just going to do away with the subject altogether? Aye, aye, aye. *shakes head*

Call me a bigot, prejudice, racist, whatever you want…but I had an experience at a Walmart in Miami asking an associate which aisle I could find something in and his reply was “My English no good.” What the hell are you doing working here then?!?!

He Is… October 19, 2009

Over the course of time here in the blogesphere I’ve seen many discussions about how women need to let men be men and how we need to let a man lead us, etc. etc.  Then just recently I’ve started to hear that women don’t know how to be women and that we are in fact the ones that are messing up the game.  I’ve really started to ponder this.  I mean really…hard.  What exactly is it that women are doing to mess up the game?  And if indeed we are messing it up, why?  (That’s a different post for a different day and I swear I’ll prolly use a guest)…I digress…

I was listening to the Luvologist on Blog Talk Radio last Sunday in a show titled “Why I Don’t Have a Man”.  Many of the women cited not having a man because they simply didn’t want one.  The men were quick to say that’s not true and every woman wants companionship.  I believe them. I don’t think anyone wants to be alone.  But anyways, the real point of this post is to dissect what’s a good man…and then to discuss why women are ruining good men for sport.  But I have a question…what is a good man?  How the he!l are we as women ruining them?

Since this blog is a forum for discussion I am only going to give a two things that I think make a good man.  I want to hear from the ladies what you think a good man is (perhaps by the end of the day we’ll have built him) and from the men I want to know what makes you a good man.

These are my first two things (I’m sure I’ll have more in the morning):

1. A Challenge-I know I know…I can see you sitting there in shock wondering how dare I say a man should be a challenge, after all isn’t that the woman’s place?  But…let’s think about this way: in order for a man to challenge a woman he must be smart, charming, witty but considerate enough to know when he is doing too much.  If I can consistently just run right over you, I’m sorry but I don’t want you.  Now with any challenge you cannot be afraid to lose which means this man must be courageous, but he must also have grace just in case he does lose.  There also has to exist an air of patience as sometimes these challenges can take time, but there’s often a big pay out.

2.God-fearing-This is a challenge in it and of itself.  If he has this one down then he likely can do anything.  That’s all I’m going to say on this one

Alright, I’m going to leave this one alone…ladies, tell me what would your perfect man is.  If you had a machine to build him in a day would you?  Gentlemen…what qualities do you as men think compose a good man?  And for fun…why don’t you tell us what makes up the perfect woman…

Next Week: The Right Man

Beat A** First, Ask Questions Later….. October 18, 2009

We need to get back to the time where children were TERRIFIED of all adults- including parents, teachers, people on the bus, etc.

Last week, I was watching TV and ran across a Nancy Grace-sound alike and she had a story on that was disturbing.   A 15-year-old kid, Michael, suffered burns on 65% of his body when five little boys saw fit to douse him with alcohol and set him on fire, because he was a “snitch”.   See Story Here

When I saw this, I was pissed… I didn’t even care about the  home life of those five kids or what triggered their actions - I just want to do bodily harm to them.  I know that may not be the politically correct thing to say but seriously I can’t think of anything these five little boys could be going through on their home life that would excuse this kind of behavior.  And let’s not even talk about how I feel about the word “snitch.”  That’s another post for another day. 

Anywho, what happened to the day when a child would be too terrified of consequences to do something like this ?

IMO, the control has gotten out of the hands of the adults..  Parents are not parenting.  They are too quick to come to the defense of their child, thus being a friend,  instead of listening to the other adult.  You can’t even SNATCH A CHILD UP anymore, without being threatened.   I don’t see how teachers do it.

Additionally, children are being baby sat by the television, by Play Station and by other kids. I’m not saying it’s this little boy’s mothers fault, but I did see on the special that the little boy was TERRIFIED of going to school.  Um mom, how about you listen to your child and accompany him to school?  In these situations, when your child is clearly TERRIFIED, you need to be the pit bull guardian.   GET INVOLVED!!!!

What are your thoughts?????  Where do you think we go wrong with the children? 

Prayer For New Beginnings…. October 16, 2009

Really don’t have a subject to write on today…. mostly due to a lot of things going on at work. On Tuesday afternoon my company announced they would be moving from Atlanta to DC…. This wasnt a surprise to many of us due to past and ongoing situations. I was definitely in the not surprised group. I really had been proactively job search since July…. But on Wednesday afternoon I have a meeting with my boss who tells me that some people will be asked if they want to relocate to DC…. Then he says, “Are you ready to move to DC?” and as much as I am not really liking my company but wanna play the role I say, “Sure, beam me up Scottie!” Now just to let you all know that within the last week I have been getting responses to my resume and have been interviewing…. I even have an interview today! (Yippee) but if nothing jumps off I will be moving to DC…. it’s just so much to think about…. Last night I prayed about it and asked God to grant me a new beginning wherever he sees it. Whether it’s here or DC… just guide my decision….

What are you praying for right now? Do you have a possible new beginning?