Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Domestic Disturbances October 16, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sunny @ 5:22 am

I once dated a guy that one of my “friends” had hooked me up with. I use the term loosely in this situation because in hindsight, I have to wonder if she was really ever a true friend. This guy was gorgeous… he resembled Ice Cube. He dated her cousin years ago, before she passed at a very young age of cancer and they had a child together…. Until I met him, I’d never been disrespected by a man or even heard the words “bitch” said to me by one. I noticed he talked to all women like that… but I stuck around. I said something to my “friend” and she said, “Aw girl, he talks to everybody like that.” Although he did, that didn’t make it okay.

I knew this guy had a temper… when he and her cousin dated years ago (it was over ten!) she told me about him dragging her down the steps by the hair… I also had heard about him fighting.. But I never thought I’d see it. I was a sweet girl.

One day, he wanted me to drive somewhere and I didn’t feel like it. I was in the passenger seat.. he got into the backseat and we just sat there arguing about it for a while. I guess he finally got pissed enough and ended up twisting my arm back so far that I felt it pop in the socket (mind you he was still in the backseat). He was bigger than me, and stronger… at that time I was 5’6″ and probably 135 lbs… I went ahead and got in the drivers seat, drove his ass home and dropped him off, angry/hurt tears falling down my face the entire time. I sped away….

This was my first and only account with a man putting his hands on me… I against men beating/hitting women BUT there are times when a woman need to be RESTRAINED.

I don’t think a woman should ever put her hands on a man or be in his face pointing and yelling. Times like this, I’m okay with a tight bear hug or something to stop it. ;

What do you think? Have you ever had a run in with abuse? Are there any acceptable times for a man to “put his hands on a woman?”

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22 Responses to “Domestic Disturbances”

  1. No More Heroes Says:

    As a man, I believe you should try and remove yourself from the situation before physical violence starts. However, its not always possible. I know if a woman threatens your life, or your child’s life, you have every right to do whatever you feel necessary to protect you and yours. If you dont want to be hit, then dont hit him. And please dont say something like, “I’ll see you in the streets”.

  2. Teacia Says:

    Well if you’ve seen The Family that Preys, I was soooo glad he slapped fire out of her ass. Some instances are deserving…although I am not a proponent of violence of any sort, women have to stop hiding behind the “women” shield if they want to be respected.

    Having said that, I wish a nigga would…lol. I dated this guy and we would always wrestle when one of us got mad, granted I usually ended up pinned down, but there were times when I got his ass good as well, but we never just beat on each other and he never hit me. we were so tired afterwards that whatever we were mad about either vanished or most of the time the wrestling turned sexual…all that anger, agression, pulling and pushing…yeah it just seemed natural, lol.

    I think men and women both need to do their part to avoid violence, and for those men who just hit on women b/c they feel like it, they need their asses seriously beat.

  3. nickisunshine Says:

    I agree with you both… both men and women need to make a conscious effort.. women need not “provoke” and I mean no getting up in his face, NOT not having dinner ready. And men need not be so easily provoked.

    I can’t stand to see a woman loud talking a man in public to show off in front of her friends (UNLESS he’s cheated. LOL!)

  4. thecomebackgirl Says:

    It looks nice in here

  5. Teacia Says:

    Yeah the heading is peaceful and tranquil, very nice indeed.

  6. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “What do you think? Have you ever had a run in with abuse? Are there any acceptable times for a man to “put his hands on a woman?””

    hell no. Not never. I know that sometimes women want to test men and try and hit. But in that case he needs to remove himself from the situation and wait on her karmic justice. But there is never a reason.

  7. Peyso Says:

    Under most normal circumstances, a man should not hit a woman. In most cases, it is physically unfair for a man to fight a woman. In my eyes you just beat up a child or a disabled person b/c you fought someone who couldnt really defend themselves. However, if the blind man threatens my moms, he will get his blind arse kicked.

  8. nickisunshine Says:

    Thanks girls… sit down on our chaises and have some herbal tea…

    Comeback: What are your thoughts when a woman mugs a man… slaps him, or whatnots (BTW- my mom hates my used of this word.)

  9. nickisunshine Says:

    ” However, if the blind man threatens my moms, he will get his blind arse kicked”

    I’m sorry I know this isn’t funny… but that line had me dying!

  10. jac427 Says:

    Well…not until I came to college had I ever experienced it. My freshman year I decided to date someone who was different. He was of Hispanic descent and very wealthy from Arizona. Anyways, I figured being of Hispanic descent he was a minority too, so no big deal. Boy was I wrong! He did all kinds of ridiculous things to me including me being thrown down, into brick walls, etc. There was even an incident where the University had to get involved in the dorms. That RA became my best friend because he kept my secret. For some young, dumb stupid reason I forgave him but we started actually going out to more collegey places since before we were doing crap like the ballet. Well…while out at a bar one night, he called me a stupid n*gger b*tch. That was officially the end because it was the first time I was so mad I wanted to hurt him.

    No more of that until my junior year of college. He was just a fool…he lightly punched me in the arm and I, well, I hope he enjoyed his visit to Jefferson Parish Prison.

  11. “I hope he enjoyed his visit to Jefferson Parish Prison.”

    HAAAA.. and thank you.. that’s what his bullying ass gets.

  12. jac427 Says:

    Precisely, girl I called them to come to WalMart and I kept his baby nephew. His Momma called and said “Take him my baby” Ha! I said I can’t take him to him in the police car.

    F with me beeeeyotch.

  13. nickisunshine Says:

    Not take him my baby. Jac, I promise you need a video camera following you!

  14. No More Heroes Says:

    Comeback there are reasons. You cant always remove yourself.

  15. jac427 Says:

    Yeh girl…he put me and the baby out of the damned car. Alright cool, I was sitting there watching him and when he realized what I was doing he changed clothes…AS IF that would work and they wouldn’t notice him

    NoMore’s right you can’t always remove yourself as a man but I do tell girls don’t be going up against no mens.

  16. QB Says:

    Wow this is a hard one for me… I said before I have never let a man hit me and never will and I did end a relationship very swiftly at the threat of being hit… But I wouldn’t be honest if I said I have never been mad enough to use violence… (wow i am really good at admitting not so fun things about myself… ya’ll probably think I am a mess).

    It was sweetest day, we had been dating for 2 years at that point, my dad had just finished re-wiring his entire apartment for phone and electrical, i had paid his rent, car payment and child support all summer (NEVER again), and I logged into Myspace and some chick had left a comment on his page with a “coupon for a free lap dance” and told him to make sure he printed it out and brought it over that night for their date… now I am not one to get all up in arms over myspace comments but this was just the tip of the iceburg on what was going on between us. I called him and he started trying to come up with all sorts of different excuses. I am really good at telling when people are not telling the truth and he was telling me lies left and right. I left work, rolled up to his place and pounded on the door like i was the PO-LICE. We were yelling at each other so loud that his neighbor upstairs came down to make sure everything was okay… I finally got fed up and did something I am super not proud of. He was just fine though being 6’5 and 330lbs I couldn’t really hurt him… but it really made me step back and say “damn you need to get a handle on that temper” I had to reflect on myself and learn how to not let things get to that point in any relationship…

  17. Humble_One Says:

    I don’t condone hitting women. I think it’s weak. On the same note women shouldn’t provoke a dude that is a known nutcase.

  18. ” On the same note women shouldn’t provoke a dude that is a known nutcase”

    You know that’s right… I definitely lived and learned.. I don’t care what he’s done in the past, if I know it, I’m out…. WTF was I thinking? He dragged a girl down the steps!

  19. Shelia Says:

    A man should remove himself from stressful situations. If for some reason he can’t and his life is threatened, then he should try to protect himself but still do so where he is not harming the woman.

  20. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “Comeback: What are your thoughts when a woman mugs a man… slaps him, or whatnots (BTW- my mom hates my used of this word.)”

    i think he can restrain her in a way to protect himself. But he is NOT TO GO TOE TO TOE.

    but i gotta back to the law of attraction. Im sorry i don’t think people just wake up oneday and boom they beat your azz real good. Its a slow burn. Its hateful mean words. its a push..its shove.

    At what point does a man stay through all that and really vice versa.

  21. jac427 Says:

    Comeback: I think you’re right. I believe that over all men simply have more strength and I am quite quick to say oh no I’m doing that because I know he could catch me in a bad situation.

    And I do think it’s a slow burn. I can remember when I was with my ex I didn’t just wake up one day and want to kill him. It was a slow simmer and before the pot exploded I just walked away.

  22. Yeah, I think there are signs when he beats your azzz….. In my case, although he didn’t knock down drag out BEAT me, the twisting of the arm was enough! I should’ve known from his past behavior with that girl, but I figured that was over ten years ago! You live and you learn girls.


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