Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

To Wait or Not to Wait? In search for the perfect “jeans”… October 20, 2008

Filed under: Dating — Sunny @ 10:41 pm

Dating is can be ugly.  In fact, I hate it…. but it’s all because I’ve been going about it the wrong way. 

We’ve confused the hell out of of dating and courting. 

Per Wikipedia, dating is defined as “any social activity performed as a pair or even a group with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as their partner in a intimate relationship or as a spouse.”  Courting is defined as ““a man’s courting of a woman; seeking the affections of a woman (usually with the hope of marriage)” AND
“behavior that goes on prior to mating.” 

Dating should be fun… Dating should be like shopping for that perfect pair of jeans that hugs your booty just right.  You don’t stop at the first pair, where the length is right but it gives you that MC Hammer crotch thing.  You keep going until you find those that are for you.   These jeans aren’t going transform everybody…. but for you???? Perfection! 

IMHO, good sex puts you in a “dumb fog”.  You start to accept things you normally wouldn’t, including late night booty calls and drive-thru dates.  For women, I call this d***notized. 

Right now I belong to The Celibacy Club.  The “dumb fog” is one of the reasons that I’ve decided to refrain.   I’ve had too many situations where I’ve allowed my hormones to take over my good sense.  Sure, all of my past wastes of good air men have said “sex won’t change anything,” but how many times do you have to touch the hot stove before knowing you’ll get burned?  It ALWAYS changes things.. 

I’m not saying I won’t have sex until marriage (although I am trying my hardest not to) but I do want a steady committed relationship before I indulge again.  Until then, I’m exercising patience and other ways of satisfaction, while in search for my perfect pair of jeans.

What say you?

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21 Responses to “To Wait or Not to Wait? In search for the perfect “jeans”…”

  1. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “I’m not saying I won’t have sex until marriage (although I will try)”

    this message i rebuke. I will NOT try and I won’t.

  2. Anitra Says:

    Good post Nicki

    I was reading this remembering that time you sent me out to the limited for new jeans for my date, I tried on 4 diff pair lol I remember the sales lady looking one pair in particular and saying “girl those look good on you” im like nah they are way to tight lol “they look good but they don’t feel right”. That can sometimes be your friends telling you a guy is good or bad for you, but thing is YOU know what fits and you are the one who is gotta wear those jeans so shop on until you get it right! Ironically the perfect pair for me ended up at a store I would have least expected them to go and they were cheap but fit just right, go figure?

    p.s i was still talking about jeans lol.

  3. nickisunshine Says:

    Thanks Mik!

    “Ironically the perfect pair for me ended up at a store I would have least expected them to go and they were cheap but fit just right, go figure?”

    Right… your statement above goes for men too…. we can find them where we least expect it. 😉

  4. Anitra Says:

    “Right… your statement above goes for men too…. we can find them where we least expect it”

    now see this concept I have yet to grasp

    honestly I am always consciously searching for my future boo, now i dont go hunting folks down in clubs but i actively date and most times its me creating the situation. I hear people always say “when you least expect it” and I wonder if that remains true with some one i set myself up with.

    I guess I feel you have to be proactive in dating and most times when you do that its never gonna be a surprise when something DOES happen. I mean id love to be caught off guard but id have to stop dating in order to have that happen and I fear that if i do that, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN. You understand me? I sound like Bush lol

  5. nickisunshine Says:

    Honey chile there is nothing wrong with dating and going out in search…

    Hell if I was a little more like you, I probably wouldn’t have the issues I have now (like being home BY MYSELF on a Friday night…. sleeping! LOL).

    I think that statement “find it when you least expect it” can also be used in your proactive ways…. like looking at the grocery, at the coffee shops, just walking downtown in the business district of your city, not neccesarily the usual places, like the clubs and churches [IMHO, theee worst place to look!]

  6. Anitra Says:

    clubs and churches [IMHO, theee worst place to look!]

    lmao thats a whole other post lol.

    My friend Vicki was ranting about some guy who comes in the bank she works at a lot, she was like next time he comes in I am going mention you.

    I was thinkin well we already knows he has a bank account!! 2 points right off lol.

  7. nickisunshine Says:

    “I was thinkin well we already knows he has a bank account!! 2 points right off lol.”

    You know that’s right… at least you won’t have to worry about having to cash his check for him. LOL

    OOOOH, I think you done gave me another post idea.

  8. Anitra Says:

    OOOOH, I think you done gave me another post idea”

    lawd now im worried lol

  9. nickisunshine Says:

    “lawd now im worried lol”

    LOL….. no, it’s good… you helped me cause I get crazy writer’s block.

  10. Akua Says:

    Good Morning pretty ladies…

    I only have 2 pairs of jeans that fit me perfectly. and one pair are my “GET HIM” jeans that I will wear when I do want to get the attention of the man I am going out with…

    @anitra: your right about church’s being a bad place to look for men..all the good looking ones at my church already have wives… 8^(

    Where is a good place to meet single, focoused men who aren’t full of it?

  11. nickisunshine Says:

    Good Morning Ms. Akua:

    Not your “get him” jeans! I need some of those.. All I got is get him skirts aka Freakum dresses. LOL.

    Since I’m still single, LOL… I hae no advice on where to find men… anybody know (help the single sistas out!)

    My dream is to find one in the coffee shop, but so far all I’ve found is yuppies, which I don’t want.

  12. Anitra Says:

    lmao Nicki I found a coffee shop dude, I had slish retell the story on his blog and its rather funny.

    http://mrslish.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/no-country-for-good-girls/

  13. nickisunshine Says:

    @Mik: That had to be the best/funniest coffee shop interlude I’ve ever read.

  14. thecomebackgirl Says:

    i need some pizi jeans in my life. 🙂

  15. No More Heroes Says:

    I think you should wait if you know that you tend to lose your frame of mind after being intimate with a man you like.

    I think you should wait if you feel like you are shortchanging your identity and your beliefs by having relations outside of a committed relationship.

    I also think you should wait if you do not know how to have dignity for yourself and be responsible by using protection and common sense when having partners.

    If you don’t have the problems I described above then screw until your hearts content.

  16. nickisunshine Says:

    NoMore:

    ” also think you should wait if you do not know how to have dignity for yourself ”

    Are you trying to say you’ve never gotten caught up??? And/ or never pulled the old condom switch-a-roo? Have you 100% used protection for your ENTIRE sexual life span?

    I’ve certainly gotten caught up and have foregoed… and also had the ole switch a roo pulled on me., a couple of times.. where the jerk ACTS like he’s putting on but yeah… I realize it is bare when it’s in. Albeit, thankfully I was cleared, how many times do you have to touch the stove?

    Mind you, I’m not trying to turn anybody into celibates. That would NEVER go down. LOL.

    I appreciate our blog family chats guys.

  17. Jaclynn Says:

    I’m a little late, I guess I’ve been lurking alll day. I think you have to do what’s right for you and the PZIs that work for Comeback might not work for me, I might need Apple Bottoms. As NoMore said I think you have to really examine what works from person to person.

    I don’t have too many problems with getting caught up. I can remove myself from sex if necessary, at this point I think I’m too damned old to be playing around though, so I am beginning to fill my life with other things until I find “The One”

  18. No More Heroes Says:

    Nicki I’m definitely not saying I’ve used protection 100% of the time. Stuff happens sometimes. I aint never pulled a switcharoo though. But I get tested regularly and all that, so im just saying at least try to go about it in a healthy manner.

  19. @NoMore: I’ve tried.. my feelings get hurt. So I’m passing on the play for now.

  20. Junior Says:

    I salute you for the whole celibacy thing. I myself am rapidly approaching a year, but I wanted to get to know young ladies on a higher level, and I think that I wasn’t giving myself that opportunity once the sex started. I guess its nothing but the NUPE in me, but once the physicality started, all I was trying to get to know was how many positions we could try before I fell asleep.

    I rather like the jeans analogy, especially if she gotta donk, darn tootin’ I’m trying to “hug that booty right!”

  21. I salute you too Junior. Thanks! It makes me smile whenever I hear a man is trying it because it seems to be so much harder for you guys. 🙂


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