Today’s post comes from our girl QB. Enjoy!
A while back, Eathan wrote a post “How Soon is Too Soon” in regards to a single parent introducing their children to their new boyfriend/girlfriend. I have been mulling this over in my mind since that post. Most of my exes have children but I am wondering going forward how comfortable am I dating men with children. For me it’s a toss up. I go back and forth between saying that I am okay dating a guy with kids to saying that no I really don’t want to date a man with kids. At this point I am still somewhere in the middle because there are pluses and minuses to both.
Growing up, I wanted to have 100 kids and be a rich New York City lawyer. My plan was that my mother would care for my children. This was all before I ever babysat and really knew what it took to take care of children. As the years have gone by I have gone from wanting 100 children down to being happy with the idea of being a step mom. I am truly frightened by the idea that a child’s upbringing and well being are 100% in my hands. I have decided that maybe later in life when I have all of life’s mysteries figured out (ha-ha) I will possibly adopt, however for reasons we won’t get into (because they have nothing to do with this post) no matter what I will never give birth to a child
My biggest concern comes in the fact that frankly I am very selfish. I am getting to the point in my dating life that I am tired of not being #1 and with that being said dating a man with children puts you at least at #2 depending on the number of children he has. If it doesn’t – is he someone I want to date? Not really. If I date a man with children I want him to be a large part of his children’s life unless there is a very good reason for him to not be which I have found there to be very few good reasons. And if the man I am dating isn’t a part of his children’s life because he chooses not to or doesn’t make an effort – well I really don’t want to date a man like that? That answer is easy – no.
On the flip side of that there is something about a strong man who takes care of his children that can melt my heart in seconds. I am big on having a close family (I wish mine was closer) and I have a very special relationship with my dad. To see a man that values his relationships with his kids reassures me that he is probably a family man and will probably be able to take care of me in our relationship. Yes I can survive on my own but as Jac said the other day I need a man to be the yin to my yang. Settling with a man that already has children also lessens the chance that he is going to want me to have children and raises the chances that he is going to be happy with the fact that if I do ever have my own children they will be adopted.
So as I said before this one is still a toss up for me. I could date a single childless guy and make sure that I can be his #1 or I could date a guy who has children and have my heart melted every time I watch him with his children or hear them talking about them. I think for now while I am just dating I will try to stick to guys that don’t have kids but once I am ready to truly settle down I am pretty sure I want a man in my life who is raising his children and doing it with all his heart (leaving just enough room for me). I am not saying I won’t date men casually that have children; I am just saying I think my preference will be men w/o them.
There are obviously other reasons to date or not to date men with children but these are the two biggest arguments for both sides for me. Yes I am leaving out the issues with “Baby Mama Drama” because frankly if he cant handle his “baby mama” in a fashion that doesn’t create drama well then he isn’t ready to be dating other women.
So I pose the question to all of you single ladies and gentleman… what do you prefer and why?