Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Where is Mr. Right?-Words of Encouragement November 19, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — FlawedBeauty @ 12:01 am
Tags: , , ,

I received this in an e-mail from my cousin in 2006, I hope you all enjoy!

I often warn women who are contemplating marriage to marry someone who
can take care of them. When a woman marries, it ought to be to someone
who is capable of taking her to the next level. If she comes from
poverty, there is no reason for her to get married and still be
impoverished. The role of the man is to take her to another place. When
she gets married, she ought to dress better, drive better, live better,
and eat better, not constantly be in a struggle over where her next meal
is coming from. My grandmother used to say, “I can do bad all by
myself”

For a woman desiring a mate, the objective, of course, would be to find
a Christian man, who’s settled, has goals, accomplishments and a job.
But a goal-oriented and focused man can’t just be approached any kind of
way. So the woman who seeks this type of stability must make sure that
he stands out above the crowd:

1. Make sure your relationship with the Lord is strong and growing.
2. Make sure that you are presentable. Working from the inside out, your
presentation should be representative of both who you are and
whom you seek. Appearance is a reflection of how you see yourself.
3. Have the ability to hold an intelligent conversation.
4. And most importantly, allow the Holy Spirit to take control. You
don’t need to go after him. He’s going to come after you, because after
he sees and smells you and knows that you’re in his presence, he’s going
to want to know who you are!

I know there’s somebody reading this who has been chasing after the “man
of your dreams,” but God says, “Just sit still and allow patience to
have her perfect work through Me.”

Furthermore, it’s never a good idea to be too forward and too
aggressive. Attempting to win a man’s affection by jumping into bed
with him will only backfire and cause him to lose interest in ever
developing a lasting relationship. It causes him to lose respect for
you and question your character. However, if he sees that you are
dressed with quality, that you smell like you are somebody, that you
look like you’re doing fine without him, then that will attract the
right attention from him. He’ll have no choice but to give you his
attention. Stop looking so needy, climbing into bed, trying in vain to
capture a man’s heart.

God woke me up in the middle of the night and said, “The same thing that
Naomi told Ruth to do is the same thing that I want them to do for me.”
God is so sick of saints coming to Him trying to get a quickie and never
romancing Him for Who he is – going to church screaming, shouting and
hollering, but hadn’t been intimate with God all week long! Stop trying
to treat God like a sugar daddy and start romancing Him with worship and
praise:

“I’m yours Lord…everything I’ve got…everything I’m not!”

The God we serve, which is the God of love, demands and requires of us
foreplay before He gives us what we need. In the book of Ruth, the
mother-in-law tells Ruth, “You have to wash.” John 15:3 reminds us, Now
ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. When you sit
in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you are taking a shower. When you hear
the unadulterated Word of God, then the dirt and grime that you’ve
accumulated all week long begins to wash off of you. Ask God to “create
in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit.” Stand in the word.
Then wait upon the Lord to renew your strength.-Jamal Bryant

And you what say you all? Men, do you think this is the right way to go about it? Women, have you tried this? Is there anything here you think would work?

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27 Responses to “Where is Mr. Right?-Words of Encouragement”

  1. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “2. Make sure that you are presentable. Working from the inside out, your
    presentation should be representative of both who you are and
    whom you seek. Appearance is a reflection of how you see yourself.”

    and this is WHY I DONT understand the whole “pony tail” conversation as in…when your out i mack because you look like shyt (ie your personal worst-in sweatpants and a teeshirt)

    if i was a man i would want my woman to be not just a reflection of how she views herself but also as a reflection of US AS A COUPLE. Im not saying that you gotta look like Kenya Moore errday, but im sorry when us ladies hit the door it should be semi-tight more often than not.

  2. Very good post girl.

    I make it a point to never come out the house lookin a mess. One of my mantras, “you never know who is watching!”

    This is the technique that I’m trying out now…. I want to do it HIS way b/c my way has not been working at all. I’ve been praying for a clear sign from God when he sends me my king.

  3. Jason Says:

    I believe women can find a good…a great man…but some I feel are way too picky. And some have high expectations but low patience. Not saying all but some. The man thats described above is out there but he may not comes in the exact packaging you want. Or it may come in the packaging you want bur just not at first glance. Some women can find that diamond.. but realize some diamonds arent always all bright and shiny at first sight…. it takes a lil time sometimes to realize its true potential.

    Another good thing is talking to other successful married christian couples. Listen to what they say about dating. Some of them have very interesting dating stories. I’m a big fan of the school of thought that says if you want to be rich…go to rich people and ask them what they did to get there. If you want to be a doctor dont get medical career advice from a bum. I know this may or may not be on topic now but the point is that if you spend time talking to good successfully married christian men/women then they will often times give you great gems of knowledge on how to spot a great potential person in the midst of all thats out here.

    Good blog.

  4. Jason Says:

    Nicki I def agree. Ive realized the same. I think some of us will not find our mate until we realize that we have to do it his way. Lol..if our way was working we all wouldnt be having any issues lol. Matthew 6:33 is definitely a good scripture for this one I believe.

  5. jac427 Says:

    Morning! Welcome to Jason and hello to Comeback and welcome back to Nicki.

    Comeback: You are right about a man looking at a woman as a representation of himself and therefore of their relationship. I think you have to be sure you don’t embarrass the man or yourself. It takes a lot but you might it worth it.

    Nicki:Faith is the evidence of things hoped for and the substance of things to come.

    Jason: That’s not a bad idea at all to examine successfully married couples and find out what works for them. You are right they have put in a lot of work and likely got it right for a reason….

  6. Britt Says:

    Stop looking so needy, climbing into bed, trying in vain to
    capture a man’s heart … and the church said (in unison) “Amen!”

  7. Shelia Says:

    Good points. God should be involved in all decisions we make. Pray and ask for his guidance before committing.

    Also, I’ve said this before–men should be the pursuer…but we have to show we’re approachable or available (i.e., looks, gestures, attitude).

    Just because a man sleeps with you, it doesn’t mean he cares for you. If his main target is to have sex with you, he will say or be who you want him to be to get what he wants. Holding out on having sex with a man who genuinely cares about you–isn’t going to be an issue with that man. It might be uncomfortable, but he’s still going to want to be around you–because its more than just sex with him.

  8. Junior Says:

    @ Furthermore, it’s never a good idea to be too forward and too
    aggressive. Attempting to win a man’s affection by jumping into bed
    with him will only backfire and cause him to lose interest in ever
    developing a lasting relationship.

    “Hate to sound sleezy but tease me, I don’t want it if its that easy” ~ The Late Great Tupac Amaru Shakur

    I think this goes equal for men as well though, we have a duty to live by similar standards.

    @ nicki welcome back! Hope that MIA was fun…at least a lot more fun than this cold crap I’m living in D.C. right now. My mom used to grab the belt if we stepped out the house with a WRINKLE. First thing out her mouth was, “you may not care how you look, but you are a representation of me, therefore you will look like a million bucks.” Now, as I’ve gotten older, my mantra has become, “you never know when you’re going to meet your next ex wife” hahaha, therefore you always have to be on point!

  9. Peyso Says:

    I agree with the fact that God should be a factor in all decisions. However, I disagree with the idea that a man should be able to take you to the next level. I think a man should be able to keep you where you at, and the combo of the two of you should upgrade the both of you. Furthermore, I think it is ok for a woman to make the first move in talking to a man but after that its up to the man to pursue. God also said He only helps those who help themselves and what is the best way to help yourself?

    Lastly, I am not a big fan of women always have to be on their A game when they leave the house. Myself and other dudes I know will holla at a woman when she’s in sweats and a ponytail b/c thats the woman you’re gonna see everyday and if she looks good like that, she is gonna be absolutely banging when she is made up

  10. jac427 Says:

    Peyso: I think the point of it is that you don’t get with a man you can’t elevate with. For example, if I get with you and you have no job my level will be maintained whereas if I am working and you are working then we can really have something going on.

    Furthermore, let’s say you have a woman like me who will go out in sweats with everything looking together…hair, nice skin, etc. as opposed to general unkempt and dirty looking…smelling bad..unless you just left the gym it’s not hot.

  11. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “Lastly, I am not a big fan of women always have to be on their A game when they leave the house. Myself and other dudes I know will holla at a woman when she’s in sweats and a ponytail b/c thats the woman you’re gonna see everyday and if she looks good like that, she is gonna be absolutely banging when she is made up”

    im sorry more bullshyt…why do dudes feel this way (as i type this in my work out gear LOL)..you NEVER know who SHE may meet out and about..its not JUST about a man. its about being your personal best for HER not just a man.

    She may meet a client. And seals a deal based partly on her appearance. I aint closin nothin in Zella workout clothes believe dat.

    so after you meet her..its ok that she looks like @zz going oout and about..whatever.

  12. AnitraClark Says:

    You
    don’t need to go after him. He’s going to come after you, because after
    he sees and smells you and knows that you’re in his presence, he’s going
    to want to know who you are!

    this was the part I liked the most. I chased after a few dudes but after being with my new boo its clear that woman do NOT have to pursue a man and he will go after you if he really likes you.

    I agree with peyso, in that jazz about upgrading. I think we can do it together.

    and the other points about being on point when leaving the house I know yall disagree but im not gonna be able to do it lol. long as my under arms are not smellin im good lol.

    I just feel some kinda way about my man seeing me in my (un done version) to me it makes me feel like he genuinely hearts me, and not the artificially made up me. But as the girls said its ok to step out on point, but err day eh no!

  13. AnitraClark Says:

    comeback I really get your point about steppin out, your right I should have m classy skirt days more than not (for myself) not for a man anyways and if u runnin round all tacky thats not gonna be a good look every day.

    But im not callin bs on peyso, I think he is right…..

  14. thecomebackgirl Says:

    pick a side mik..what is you sayin?

  15. AnitraClark Says:

    lmao im on peyso’s side shat!!

  16. thecomebackgirl Says:

    somebody gon be sleepin on the porch come inaug.

  17. AnitraClark Says:

    rotflmao!! comeback

    peyso are you in DC by chance???????

  18. thecomebackgirl Says:

    heffa you bet not stay wit Peyso…

  19. Thanks Junior and Jac. Miami was beautiful…Sunday night it got down to 50 degrees…. the natives were walking around in coats and boots…. This girl , was like I can tell you guys aren’t from here. This is our winter. LOL

    I wsaid Honey, this is nothing.

  20. cuzzo Says:

    Good thing I don’t want this type of man. Can’t I just look pretty. I don’t have a lot of smart stuff to say.

  21. AnitraClark Says:

    Nicki I was in Montgomery over the weekend and they had the same reaction, talking bout its freezing, and we come in there talking about are you serious?? its HAWT outside!! lol.

    I came back to blizzards n shat!!

  22. Junior Says:

    @ cuzzo, you could always take that approach….but I think its safe to say that you will end up with Mr. Wrong…although he may have a lot of money and allow you to be his trophy…

  23. cuzzo Says:

    @junior

    “but I think its safe to say that you will end up with Mr. Wrong”

    well hey, there’s somebody for everybody.

  24. Junior Says:

    you all here at single sister speak are too pretty for Mr. Wrong, I demand you find Mr. Right, and let “them” be for someone else!

  25. cuzzo Says:

    Junior

    Apparently being pretty isn’t enough – me have to talk pretty too 😦

  26. Gladys yakubu Says:

    i want to know ways of be closer to God every day.
    thanks

  27. MissRN Says:

    I love this post and it speaks so eloquently of every single woman’s situation. I have to say that being a single woman, especially a young (mid 20’s), Christian, single woman presents a real challenge. Most women and men for that matter in my age group are dating, building a lot of friendships and relationships with the opposite sex, so for me to not be currently dating anyone is somewhat discouraging especially when I am surrounded by friends and family getting engaged, getting married, dating, or in serious monogamous relationships,etc. I have my career established, I am a faithful servant in my church, and I am serious about my relationship with God , yet I am not meeting anyone. I know it just means that this is God’s will for my life at the present time but just being honest, it gets lonely and difficult sometimes.


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