Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Which Language Do You Speak? December 15, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — FlawedBeauty @ 12:01 am

So I’ve been hearing a lot about this book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Anyways, the premise of the book is that there are five love languages which we all speak in. Ultimately we probably embody one over the others. The above chart represents my results (make sense right?) Anyways as I was watching Real Housewives of Orange County on Saturday night she was complaining that her husband doesn’t show her any of them…NOT ONE! I personally don’t understand how you could be married to someone who doesn’t meet your basic needs?

So since we’re all about making ourselves some list I thought we might examine these five things to see which ones we definitely seek in a mate and why.

Words of Affirmation-Are you the person who lives to hear your co-workers compliment your sense of style? Do you need to hear people constantly compliment your stellar personality? Then this is the love language which you feel most comfortable with. There’s nothing wrong with this at all, in fact, think of how comforting it is to a small child when you give them positive re-enforcement? They absolutely eat it up and you probably do too.

Quality Time-This is more that just being in the same room together. It’s the conversation over dinner. It’s the pre-sleep pillow talk or the coffee in the morning. Spending quality time with your mate creates fond memories. If this is your love language you enjoy teaming up with your mate to kick it or head to the gym…it’s just about hanging and delving into your thoughts.

Receiving Gifts-This one is pretty self-explanatory. People who speak this language enjoy having someone buy them gifts (and it doesn’t have to be big). However, it’s important to note that the greatest gift you can give is your body because many people just enjoy having someone give themselves more freely than anything else.

Acts of Service-This is when you enjoy having someone do nice things for you. You’d like this if you enjoy your mate washing dishes or taking the trash out for you. This might be kinda hard, because you might have to do things that you might not normally do, but in the end it will be worth it.

Physical Touch-This obviously means that one person in the relationship seeks to have physical gratification. They find making love to be one of the biggest bonds that two people on earth can have together. Note that you have to be mindful of which touch the person who speaks this language likes and which they don’t.

So…take the quiz here and let’s discuss which basic things we seek in our mates.

***check out this song by Luffa****posted 10:38 am


36 Responses to “Which Language Do You Speak?”

  1. I took a class that briefly discuss this back in college. For me quality time is most important, then acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch and last receiving gifts.

  2. I really don’t know how reliable that quiz is but it claims that I appreciate quality time the most. LOL.

    In all seriousness, when I read all of them, I”m thinking that is the one that is most important to me.

  3. My pastor talked about this at church. Like several weeks ago. I can’t really decide on which one I am..I like them all 😦

  4. Jada Mwah! Says:

    Morning all! I have this book and read it a couple years ago. The information within I think is actually very valid if applied correctly. I can’t remember exactly which is most important to me…but I think Quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch were high up there for me.

  5. ladebelle Says:

    i’m an acts of services type of love…

    all the rest is sh!t!!! jk… nah, but acts of service and QT do it for me…

  6. cuzzo Says:

    Acts of service is at the top of my list.

  7. Britt Says:

    Hey ladies! I love that book! My friend introduced me and I am hooked. I am somewhere between acts of service and gifts.

  8. jac427 Says:

    Morning ladies,
    I actually almost posted my results…I was Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts and Acts of Service.

    I took a different kinda quiz, but my Quality Time and Words of Affirmation actually tied each other. But it definitely makes sense because I like to be touched.

    Anyways, I know we catch RHoOC too and I wrote this because I was listening to Vicki lament about her husband and how he doesn’t give her any of these. How would you ladies feel if your mate did absolutely nothing to feel you “love tank”?

  9. cuzzo Says:


    I’d feel like I was in a marriage that had run it’s course. They’ve been together for a long time and people do get too used to the monotany of it all and stop trying. As far as RHWoOC – what does the wife do to bring the sparks back? she’s just as guilty.

  10. “How would you ladies feel if your mate did absolutely nothing to feel you “love tank”?”

    well if it was known before marriage, I wouldn’t marry his arse… too many folks marry spouses that they already have issues with. Mind you, no love is perfect… but there are some things that you need in order to strive… my cousin is always complaining about her boyfriend/fiance’s cheap spirit, lack of romanticism and initiative… that can cause a problem down the way

  11. jac427 Says:

    Cuz: I didn’t see where she did anything, but I also feel there’s a breakdown in communication. Like somewhere along the way they stopped talking to work. I think it’s a failing marriage…maybe counseling.

    Nic-Girl, speak truth…

    I’ma add some music.

  12. Stank ya Jac. I try. 😉

  13. Coco Says:

    I’ve skimmed the book…my love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. I show love through words of affirmation and quality time.

    But really, although those are my primary…I want a little of all of them. 🙂

    By the way…Happy Monday ladies…hope you all had a great weekend.

  14. thecomebackgirl Says:

    im back..ok imma say if i had to choose it would be quality time??

  15. jac427 Says:

    Coco:Welcome…I see we have the same languages. Those are what I speak from as well as what I like to receive.

    And yeah I want all of them too..but those two more often than not.

    Comeback: I could see quality time. Just lay on the sofa and talk to me and touch me and I’m so good.

  16. Happy Monday ms. coco. 😉

  17. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “Comeback: I could see quality time. Just lay on the sofa and talk to me and touch me and I’m so good.”

    did you just have a pregnancy scare?? don’t need to be layin up on anybody’s anythang. Hotpants Action (Jac)son.

  18. jac427 Says:

    A pregnancy scare? ME?! No…not at all. I did however see “I didn’t know I was pregnant” and I was worried for all of us.

    As of today, I have not had any…hotpants action in four weeks. Honestly, I don’t think I want any. I think I just wanna cuddle, kiss, be held and talked to.

  19. thecomebackgirl Says:

    i thought you were talking about a stick with a pink line in it..wasnt that you? or was i skimmin again.

  20. jac427 Says:

    comeback: you mean last week when Humble impregnated Nic? That was the stick

  21. thecomebackgirl Says:

    oh im lost in the on. sorry.

  22. jac427 Says:

    U really are ADD

    Did u get my e-mail? Can I be validated?

  23. Shelia Says:

    I need a combination of all the things listed.

  24. jac427 Says:

    Shelia:We all do…it’s a combination thing, but some of us need one thing over the others.

  25. The Comeback Girl Says:

    “U really are ADD

    Did u get my e-mail? Can I be validated?

    this is not news to me LOL…is it news to you Jackie? lol

    oh yeah i got it..and you are validated.

  26. jac427 Says:

    lol no it’s not I am just seeing really alot. lol

    thanks for the validation

  27. Nyela Goodness Says:

    First timer here. What I great subject…I must contribute.

    I read this book, and it absolutely changed my perspective on how to approach every type of relationship. What I most gained from the book is this: While it is important that we identify our own love languages (primary and secondary), it is just as—if not more—important to identify the love languages of all those with whom we have a relationship (this includes friends, kin-folk, co-workers, boo-pieces, etc.).

    Identifying is only half the battle, though. We have to, then, give a part of ourselves in order to love someone in the way in which he/she feels most loved. Sure, it’s convenient if we share the same love languages…but what if we don’t? “I don’t care about receiving gifts, so why should I give them?” “I hate when people touch me, so why would I touch him?” These are the types of questions the book combats. Love is about sacrifice. We have to get over ourselves and our self-imposed barriers in order that we may love and be loved most affectively. People say unrequited love is a b*tch…but, after reading this book, I’d argue that not being loved the right way is just as bad.

    Anyone else striving to be multi-lingual? lol

  28. Welcome Neyla!!!!!! And thanks for the insight chica.

    “I’d argue that not being loved the right way is just as bad. ”

    I am thinking this is true. It can cause for a very unhappy partnership which causes folks to cheat.

  29. jac427 Says:

    Hi Nyela! Welcome…

    I absolutely strive to be multi-lingual but it’s really hard…and Nic’s right…when you’re not some cheating will insue.

  30. jac427 Says:

    Oh what do you think are some tips on being multi-lingual?

  31. Nyela Goodness Says:

    “Oh what do you think are some tips on being multi-lingual?”

    Hmm…I think listening is a key factor in that. People give non-verbal and verbal cues all the time about what matters to them. If we take just a tid-bit of that info and make baby steps to show that we care enough to try and speak to those unspoken wants/needs…it could go such a long way. Quick, simple story:

    One of my close friends sent out an e-greeting card to me and another close friend just saying that she loved us and really valued our friendship. She apparently sent it out in the morning, and when she saw me that afternoon, she reamed into me about how she would never send out another egreeting again since I clearly didn’t appreciate it. She was hurt that I hadn’t responded or said anything about it. Let it be known that I hadn’t even seen it yet. That incident, alone, gave me the insight that she wanted to be thanked and appreciated for everything she did. I didn’t have a term then, but I definitely know now that one of her love languages is words of affirmation.

    Had I known then, what I know now, I’d have thanked her for her thoughtfulness and told her how much I appreciated it. (Of course, then, I was angry and just thanked her in mockery.) Even now, I’ll randomly tell her that she did a great job with something or another. I’m not one to compliment people or even receive them, but I had to learn in order to ensure that she knew I cared.

  32. jac427 Says:

    Makes sense. I just knew already that I was physical touch…for some reason I think L is words of affirmation although he’s actually quality time…this is SO insightful.

  33. Junior Says:

    I speak the 6th language, the one called “conversations with the lips that don’t speak.” Chew on that!!

    Back to the books, last final tomorrow at 10 am!!

  34. jac427 Says:

    Junior:Damned…I speak that too

  35. Teacia Says:

    Gifts up in this biatch!!…then quality time, physical, acts of service, words of affirmation.

    This is what GM talked about in me and Pep’s session…lol, and my coworkers and I discussed it today as well. It’s a great book.

  36. jac427 Says:

    You are on all kinds of books.

    Lemme go check RCR

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