I was inspired by this post after our conversation over at the Treehouse. Comeback pointed this out: “ A Man Will Try You. He’ll Test Boundaries To See What You Will And Won’t Accept ” and we all pretty much agreed on this.
My blog sister, Cuzzo, so eloquently wrote: “When does the testing and accepting stop? A man (or woman) might lose a good woman (or man) cause she (or he) won’t accept certain sh!t just because he (or she) was “testing” the waters.”
I thought back to my past relationships, title or not, budding or long term, and I have to think, did I sabotage them? Nine point five times out of ten, I’ve walked away. I give some guys more than one chance to F up but eventually I’ll walk away… Let me give a few examples.
1. Stock Market- I’ve nicknamed the new 2520 this because I called myself diversifying my portfolio with him. I’ve never attempted to date a 2520 before. Day One, he sent me at least five text messages and called my phone twice. Day Two, I received more than five text messages and two voice mails (one from a number I didn’t know)… homeboy is too pressed, I walked.
2. Kappa guy: Seemed like a nice guy but upon date number two, he said, “You’re gonna pay next time, right? …. We had no more communication after that. (Don’t get me wrong , I have no problem paying but: a) all I had was soup. Why are you trippin? b) Let me volunteer.)
3. Mr. Threesome/Mr. Baltimore: This is the last guy I dated long term…. one of the reasons for my now almost one year stint at celibacy. I loved this man and although his thinking was fugged (wasn’t comfortable with Emotions…namely mine), I really thought we were gonna work out. We talked about starting a family (he wanted me to have a baby even though we weren’t married and I actually considered it) and me relocating there. Problem: He always asked me to do a threesome which I am TOTALLY against. We had one final blow out about it and I walked. Although we have not communicated like we used to, there was still a connection. I just saw him in September (as I had a flight layover in Baltimore) and we chatted, talked about a future and marriage…. I could still feel the love. We talked after this but it was always me contacting him. It’s not until after my mama’s sickness in November, that I turned my emotions off for him. He’s full of crap; his pixie dust has turned to mud.
Was I being tested by these men? I dunno. I’m not a woman who stays around and compromises self esteem. Maybe I’m too damn stubborn, too damn confident. It’s very easy for me to walk away; I can shut my emotions on and off, like a television.
I have this ideal in my head that the man who is for me, will recognize what a diamond I am and will treat me as such from the beginning. Yet, over and over, I hear about these women who stick around throughout all the bullsh!t and these men who eventually choose them.
This makes me ponder, have I, in fact, sabotaged myself ? And Men, what is the need for a test (since we didn’t get any direct answers when Cuzzo first posed this question!)