Here’s a guest post from fellow blogger and VSB commenter Kamakula:
So, I was winding down after a day of packing and driving and decided to check my email and find I’ve been asked to author a guest post on another blog. Honestly, I was a bit surprised. But once that wore off, I was happy to be asked. Hopefully, my head doesn’t swell too large but then again, a big head isn’t always a bad thing is it? Just need to keep it under control and keep from exploding. . .
Ahem. So, I did some poking around before responding to the email to get a feel for this blog. I certainly like blogs like this one because of the subject matter the cover. Perhaps it’s because I’m still single (see our generous hostess for details, I believe there may be a finders fee involved) and I’m looking for any advantage I can get from the collective wisdom of others. Or perhaps (and I will deny I actually wrote this part when in the company of other men), I like the drama that either prompts discussions here or elsewhere (e.g. VSB).
Anyway, I say all this because my own blog is more of a recording of . . . for lack of a better term right now . . . emotional milestones and as such is broader in converage. So, I needed to figure out. . .what would I write about? I’m not sure this is quite the forum for thermodynamics, though for those who are interested, I can happily explain, followed by a demonstration, why matter tends to go from a solid rigid form to a more dispersed chaotic one or how best to recover from hypothermia in this cold season (remove damp clothing, consume warm sweet liquids, and heat transfer from a warmer body, preferably skin to skin).
Anyway, listening to Pastor Glass this Sunday, it occurred to me (don’t ask how or why these things happen, I’ve given up trying to figure it out myself) that we (both men and women) deliberately go after what we either can’t have or don’t really want and I started to wonder why? Kamakula, this has been talked about before; how will this post affect the financial crisis? I’m glad you asked.
We want someone who we find attractive, who appreciates us for who we are, who has goals that we’re willing to support and work towards, who is on a path to making those things happen, who is intelligent, and who treats us with respect. However, the people we actually try to attract are the ones we see everyone else around us getting. That playboy that seems to be dating everyone. That almost perfect 10 who we see everywhere turning everyone down. We know we’re special, surely we can get her or him. We say we want stability, but we’re attracted to danger. We want someone respectful but somehow believe we can change someone who never respected us in the first place.
But nice guys don’t get the woman every player is buying drinks and VIP tables to attract. Women who like to walk through art galleries and follow up discussion over candlelit dinner with wine don’t end up in the passenger seat of the guy who may or may not be a dope dealer because he has not obvious means of employment yet drives $60k cars. So, we change ourselves a bit. We play the games to attract excitement, attention, danger. And ironically enough, we still end up with each other.
The nice guy pretending to be the bad boy gets the good girl pretending to be the neighborhood hottie. Then we get older, realize this game doesn’t work for us, but can no longer trust each other because we’ve both played our roles so long. I say hold on to your ideals. We deeply want people to accept us for who we are. Happiness can’t be found when someone falls for the person we’re just pretending to be. At that point, there are only two ways to go. Either we must reveal that we’ve been lying to the one who things they love us, or we must deal with the growing irritation that we know we’re not really loved. There’s no point in building your self confidence only to further destroy it.
I analyze my decisions via this prism, for whom am I doing this? Is it for my parents, to fit in with friends, to conform to society? Or do I do this for me? As many mistakes I may have made in the past, my decisions are my own and make me who I am today. I can always look back and know for better or worse, I did the right thing. I challenge everyone to do this. And perhaps, we’ll start to find that the person with up we sup is that whom we seek.