Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Moment of Truth January 5, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sunny @ 11:45 pm

Put your scuba gear on because Nic is gonna get deep for a minute.

Examine your life.  There is an experience that  you’ve had that has shaped who you are now.  

For instance, I am extremely self aware.  I won’t go out of my house looking less than put together at least 95% of the time.  I refuse to wear sweats (unless I am in my home)….  My hair must always be picture perfect; I’ll wash it three times a week if I have to. (I’m sitting here with conditioner on right now, matter of fact.)   Whenever I pass a reflection, I’m looking; mirrors, grocery store freezer section, store windows, what have you.  Some may confuse this with conceit.

Growing up, I was never the attractive girl.  I had full lips back then, before it was cool. My family didn’t have a lot of money, so I was not dressed in Cross Colours (took u way, way back!) and Jordans.   I was extremely skinny and always one of the tall girls. 

I’d come home from school and cry in the bathroom (didn’t want Mama to see my tears… she had enough stress with four kids), and pray for God to make me beautiful like the other girls.  There was even a point in my life where I was suicidal.  I had the knife in my hand  but lacked the nerve to follow through.   No one knew any of this. 

This was the old me; me growing up as a teenager.  That girl no longer exists.  I don’t know exactly when my confidence came, I’m just glad it finally did.  And when it arrived, I had a new walk.  I wanted to shout it on the mountaintops!  I have the word, “Beautiful” tattooed on my upper back, as a constant reminder of what I am.  I also want to let you know how highly I think of myself before you even try me.

“Don’t cry for me Argentina,”  this experience shaped who I am today.   It’s even what put me on to my career path.  I want to help young girls who felt like me.  I want to inspire them and tell them they are beautiful when no one else will  tell them.  I don’t want another girl to feel like I did.

Now here’s your moment of truth.  Think back, what’s an experience that’s shaped how you are today?

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62 Responses to “Moment of Truth”

  1. thecomebackgirl Says:

    i think i have a collection of experiences..they all kind of worked together. I have ill-paired parents who came from polar opposites sides of the fence (education and income wise) within my own family is random and stark contrast of folk who i think make me really well rounded today. I can go toe to toe with just about anybody …and have lol.

    i’ll think of more in the morning.

  2. I think u can go toe to toe…. you are very clever Comeback. 😉

  3. Wow. I think collectively losing all four of my grandparents before I finished my first semester of college was huge for me.

    Also,I had problems with realizing that I was beautiful…but I think with time it has gotten better. Also, I think I always dated the wrong kinda man so when I met the right one I came into my own. Kinda hand in hand with CBG’s post today I also think I met a man who really showed me that I could do it and was truly worth everything I thought myself worth and more. 🙂

  4. Jubilance Says:

    Great post.

    Growing up I was an ugly duckling, and went from no attention to too much. Yet I still felt ugly, unloved, and not worthy.

    One of my college mentors was a blessing to me in so many ways. Her mantra, which she made us repeat everyday, was “I am a worthwhile woman and I deserve to be loved and respected”. At one point I even wrote it on my bathroom mirror, until I began to truly believe it.

    Today I am a different woman, and I know its because I had someone in my life who loved me and believed in me so much that she made me love and believe in myself.

  5. Jac, I’m sorry to hear about your grandparents… I know that was hard.. realizing how close I am to my granny now, I couldn’t imagine what you went though.

    I think men can play a big part in your self esteem!

    Jubilance: Thank you and thanks for coming to visit. That is a fantastic mantra. It’s very important for girls to have that strong influence in their lives as you have demonstrated here.

  6. Jubilance-Welcome to SSSO. Great comment.
    That’s a fabulous mantra. We might have to incorporate that around here somewhere (don’t worry we always works cite everything)

    Nic-I’m good at this point. And yes men can play a huge role. To the point where I feel that girls need their fathers just as much as boys do so that they have a man in their life who can reassure their beauty.

  7. I do think girls need their daddys but since it seems that fathers are getting scarce in this day and age, it’s become less of the norm.

    I also think that once you get older, you can’t blame your negative personality traits on not having a dad around. At what point do you grow up, accept it, and recover?

  8. Cuzzo Says:

    I may have yet to have an experience. But, I think we have several in our lifetime.

  9. Cuzzo, it doesn’t have to be anyting really deep or necessarily sad.

    It could be that something about your parents, growing up… like maybe you saw them working hard, and they instilled your work ethic in you.

    Something like that….

  10. Great Post Nick!!! Girl there are so many experiences that I have from the past as well in the present that continue to shape me… but I don’t think I have exactly one that I remember all that well…. Maybe i just suppress it!

  11. Thanks Holister!!!

    come on! There’s just GOT to be one!

  12. Holly and Cuzzo–There has to be something. Moving to ATL/The birth of the baby?

  13. AnitraClark Says:

    Praise be to the new design! I can read again!

  14. Pull it on out of them Jac!

    Mikster: I’m trying to find one that will show our blogroll on the side of our posts!!!! Stay tuned.

  15. Hmmm Im trying to think! Moving to atlanta was nothing I mean I have family here and I was born here sooooo nothing there….

  16. WHEW LOVING THE NEW DESIGN!!

  17. Thanks Holister. I’m trying to find one that puts all three in. Jac wants the comment numbers though and I can’t find one. LOL. She’s gone to do the dishes right now though

  18. AnitraClark Says:

    Holly your not alone I been trying to think of something too lol.

    I don’t think I have ever had one moment of truth, im more like a collaboration of things. But I can’t say it was like AHHA!!! ever in my life.

  19. cuzzo Says:

    I haven’t changed from that. I still don’t like kids.

    I got saved and changed…then I changed right back.

  20. cuzzo Says:

    you’re giving me an eyegasm with all these changes.

  21. i don’t like this one it reminds me of Halloween 😦

  22. I don’t like this one either.

    (wonders what an eyegasm feels like!)

  23. cuzzo Says:

    @Nicki

    poke yourself in the eye.

  24. LMAo.. that’s no fun for anyone!!!

  25. Junior Says:

    Watching my dad come home drug and alcohol-ed up and proceed to beat the brakes off my mother. I was only 3 but the images always stuck with me. I even had my mother in tears when I talked about it a few weeks ago. She never knew that I had even saw that, but I think it shaped my view of women. I don’t think that women are the weaker sex, not saying that by far, but even then I couldn’t understand how a man could impose his will on a woman, even to the point of putting his hands on her.

    So now I think its why I appreciate women so. I get in trouble for this a lot because I believe in words of affirmation and telling women of all shapes and sizes they are beautiful, or nice, or just something to make them smile because I think they need to hear it and be reminded that they are wonderful. However, i come off as flirtatious, which I might be, but I think I’m just spreading joy.

  26. Junior I really appreciate that you shared that! I could believe that you remember that from 3.

    Women love you and that’s a great thing. Your past experience definitely shaped you for the better.

    Are your parents still together?

  27. Oh Junior that was beautifully said. I really do not know what to say.

  28. 80's Baby Says:

    Well I have a few..

    My aunt owns her own beauty salon and I started working as her receptionist my sophomore year in high school up until my freshman year of college… She’s a very successful beautician (its pretty much just be her in her salon). And she’s was single….. She had her dream home built and had a lot of the finer things in life…. Seeing her do it all while she was single opened my eyes and helped me realize that it was possible to still have it all while being single. I learned that a husband would be nice but I wasn’t gonna hold off on my dreams until I found him…. And also working with her I seen a hard work ethic up close. She could be in the shop until 3 o’clock in the morning and then turn around and be there at 8 o’clock the next morning…..

    My dad loves going to our local bar, gambling house, and etc. Pretty much he loves the streets. But regardless of what time time he came home he was up at 6 getting ready to go to work…… So I learned from him that even if you gonna be in the streets keep your priorities in order…. It wasn’t no callin off… He took his butt to work…… So when I was at school… Even if I partied the night before you better believe my butt was in class the next morning….Same thing with work.

    Me and my sister are 18 months apart and everyone pretty much thought that we were twins… Heck some people still do. My momma even dressed us alike when we were younger…. It was to the point that people just blended us together as one person. We laugh because when people tell us hi they just run both our names together. They say the first part of her name and the last part of my name. Or we were known as ____’s girls (insert my momma’s name) and the ______ sisters (insert my last name). So by default we were never allowed to have our own identities. It wasn’t until I went off to school that I became known as individual and vice versa. And that was a great experience because now I have a life as 80’s Baby and she has her own life as well. But when we’re home at the same time it doesn’t hurt to take that trip down memory lane and become that combined person again.

  29. Thanks 80s for sharing!

    “. She could be in the shop until 3 o’clock in the morning and then turn around and be there at 8 o’clock the next morning…..”

    That is amazing and inspring as well as your dad.. they both have very strong work ethics.

  30. 80's Baby Says:

    @Nick… She pushing 50 and she is still like that. However, she has started later in the day and cut back on a few days. But she’s in a position where she can do that……. So now a lot of times especially if I have something to do then I’ll split my hair appt up. Because since I’m family I get the short end of the stick and be in there Forever…. So I’ll get home on Friday and go about 10 and get washed and sit under the dryer then i’ll go back Saturday to get curled… LOL

    And with my daddy… I don’t know what the heck happened to that work ethic he had when I was growing up. Maybe he felt like he had to go to work daily to provide for me and my sis.. Because now he got laid off and ain’t been able to bounce back….

  31. I def don’t blame u for splitting up the hair appts… FRIENDS also get the short end. My old homegirl was my beauician… when I came in, she thought it was social hour so I would be there all night.

    Now, I only go to the beauty shop to get cuts.. and I only go to the 2520s.. they get you in and out. LMAO.

    “Maybe he felt like he had to go to work daily to provide for me and my sis.. ”

    He probablly did. Was he there for most of his life then got laid off?

  32. 80's Baby Says:

    He probablly did. Was he there for most of his life then got laid off?

    He switched jobs alot probably was there the longest maybe about 15 or so years.. Maybe a lil less or more. Not quite for sure…. But the company actually folded. And I just think with him it was embarrassing to be used to making good money w/o a degree and then have to go back in the workforce and pretty much take what he can get. But it’s sad because it’s causing a rift between us because I don’t hold my tongue he need to get something that’s steady… It’s like he’s settling with being a bum and allowing my mom to take care of everything financially… And I’m not on that at all!!!!! But he has issues so just keep him in your prayers…. I don’t think he ever got over the passing of his twin sister 10 years ago and his dad 6 years ago….. Ijust wish the daddy I once knew would resurface… Cause I can’t stand the man in his place.

  33. I’m praying for your daddy 80s… it sounds like he’s just got a lot going on right now that he needs to pull himself out of.

  34. 80's Baby Says:

    Thanks Nick… And go ahead and throw a prayer for my momma in there too because I don’t see how she put up with… Hopefully he’ll realize that alcohol ain’t the answer to his problems….

    And speaking of prayer… My aunt was in town and we went to your church’s 11:30 service on Sunday…… And I’ll be going to bible study tomorrow 🙂

  35. Your mama is def needing prayer… marriage is harrrrd work, I’ve heard. So I’m putting one up for her too.

    I applaude you for being brave enough to go to 11:30 service! Did you enjoy it?

    I’ll be going to bible study tomorrow too… so make sure you look out for me and I’ll look out for you. I usually sit in the balcony for bible study.

  36. 80's Baby Says:

    And see I had called my friend to ask her which service was she going to because we were gonna come…… She had a meeting with the youth ministry at like 9:30. So that’s how we ended up at the late service…… It was packed… But I still enjoyed it like always. It didn’t start until about 12 and we were out before 1:30……. me and my aunt were joking because her church at home starts at 10:45 and still don’t get out til 1:30….

    But we usually sit on the floor towards the left…. I’m gonna be looking for you too. 🙂

  37. 80s: That’s where I sit on Sundays.. four rows from the front.

    Girl, I do 8:00 am on Sundays and then sunday school afterwards… I got out kinda late so we were letting out of sunday and I got out with the 9:45 crowd and the 11:30 going in, I thought I was gonna have a panic attack. LOL

  38. Junior Says:

    @ nikki, naa, they divorced sometime during my 3rd year of life. I have little to no relationship with my father, and even when he does occassionally call, all he talks about eventually is the NFL retirement money that he wants my sister and I to take out, but he ain’t pay “narry” a child support payment, I am not studying that dude in the least!

    @ 80’s that’s interesting, my sister and I are 3 years apart and people try to claim that we are twins as well. I think it backfired on her though because everyone felt she should be like me, now she tries to do everything not like me, its weird.

  39. 80's Baby Says:

    I thought I was gonna have a panic attack.

    @Nick…. Funny… It was my aunt’s first time going and she was just lookin around like this shol is a lot of people… Because the church was PACKED like for real……. But what you gonna do in Miami for Memorial Day Weekend????That’s packed with a whole bunch of HAM’s…… I’ll never forget we were bout to eat at Friday’sand it was packed and a whole bunch of people were waiting outside….. And as soon as we got up there to put our name on the list they were like 80’s Baby party of four…. They said my name and we were a party of four.. So all of us looked at each other and was like that’s us…. LOL

  40. Junior: I’m a little slow today…. are you saying your dad was in the NFL and he’s always talking about getting money to you and your sis?

  41. 80's Baby Says:

    @ 80’s that’s interesting, my sister and I are 3 years apart and people try to claim that we are twins as well. I think it backfired on her though because everyone felt she should be like me, now she tries to do everything not like me, its weird.

    @Junior… Who’s older???

  42. LOL 80s.. for some reason, when it’s outside, I’m fine… it’s when I’m inside something that I panic. And prolly cause I can wile out if need be somewhere else… I’m pretty prim at church. LOL.

  43. Nic-I was about to ask the same thing. I read that four times.

  44. cuzzo Says:

    “I also want to let you know how highly I think of myself before you even try me.”

    when does this turn into conceit?

  45. ” when does this turn into conceit?”

    When it is being extra.

    Guy: “What do u like to do?”
    Me: “Brush my hair and look in the mirror.”

    LOL… U know conceit when u see it.

  46. Junior Says:

    Yeah he was in the NFL, and part of the divorce settlement was that he’d pay child support, insurance, and my sister and I would receive all of the interest that was gained on his NFL retirement fund once we decided to take it out. My mom had a talk with me when I was 12, and we decided to just let it sit forever or until he passed, whichever came first!

    @80’s I’m the oldest….well actually we have an older half sister through my father, but I’ve only met her once in my life.

  47. 80's Baby Says:

    “I also want to let you know how highly I think of myself before you even try me.”

    when does this turn into conceit?

    @cuzzo… I didn’t even look at this at conceit…… It just put me in the mindset of letting somebody know beforehand that they won’t be able to bring you down or make you secondguess yourselves. So don’t even come with the bs……

    I know my boyfriend in high school messed with my self esteem a bit. Like he said one time that people asked him why was he with me. But when he would say that I started second guessing myself like is he trying to say that I’m ugly…. At that time I didn’t think highly of myself so it was easy for him to say something and I’m thinking later on like wth was that supposed to be mean.

  48. I’m dead at Forever or until he passed junior. I’m just dead.

    Wow.. they said those leaguers are the worst at taking care of their children (*erases every thought of wanting to husband an NFLr*)

    can he get into legal trouble for not following the settlment?

  49. “Like he said one time that people asked him why was he with me.”

    That was pretty dayum mean… If he was any kind of man, he would’ve clowned them for asking him that.

    ” It just put me in the mindset of letting somebody know beforehand that they won’t be able to bring you down or make you secondguess yourselves.”

    Amen and halleluyer!

  50. 80's Baby Says:

    80’s I’m the oldest….well actually we have an older half sister through my father, but I’ve only met her once in my life.

    @Junior…. And see I’m the youngest… It was a never really a competition with my big sis both of us had our talents and moments of fame…. When we played soccer she was offense and I was defense. So she did the scoring and I stopped
    the other team from scoring…. lol Both of us made good grades and then she slacked off a bit and I kept it up……

    But nobody has ever made either one of us feel inferior or pushed us to follow in each other’s footsteps…. And I’m grateful for that because it probably would have caused some sibling rivalry of some sort…

    (Oh and I have a older half sister too…. But it’s one of them awkward situations too and I don’t have a relationship with her)

  51. Junior Says:

    He could if my mom transferred the settlement case from her name into my sisters and mine, I think that’s why he’s trying to reconnect all ofa sudden, I think he believes that the statute of limitations is up so she can’t sue for back child support, its sad, at first I thought he was reaching out again, but oh well, i’m an adult now, what he eats doesn’t make me shit.

    I think I unfairly id that to my girlfriend in high school as well. She used to cheat on me all the time, and I was still way too unsure of myself to question so I let it slide, but I noticed I became verbally abusive. I already have a smart mouth but LAWD I think back about the stuff I said, especially the “I’m just keeping you around until I find something better” which incidentally was right after I crossed…totally not cool. I just hate I didn’t know how to just leave a relationship back then if I wasn’t happy.

  52. 80's Baby Says:

    That was pretty dayum mean… If he was any kind of man, he would’ve clowned them for asking him that.

    @Nick..Girl thing was he had been chubby but had lost a lot of weight right before we got together…. And he started getting attention that he wasn’t used to….. If I’m not mistaken I think he was trying to play it like both men and women were saying this to him about me…… But girl it was all mind games and he was just trying to make it as if I had something because of him. Pretty much I needed to put up with his crap to keep him…. Boy Bye!!!!! Best Believe I bring this up all the time like dude you wasn’t right when we younger…. lol

  53. ” at first I thought he was reaching out again, but oh well, i’m an adult now, what he eats doesn’t make me shit.”

    Karma will get him back, Junior.

    “I’m just keeping you around until I find something better” which incidentally was right after I crossed…totally not cool. I just hate I didn’t know how to just leave a relationship back then if I wasn’t happy.”

    U live and you learn…. that was mean as hell but its all about experience.

    “Nick..Girl thing was he had been chubby but had lost a lot of weight right before we got together…. ”

    He wasn’t used to attention.. that’s all it was

  54. 80's Baby Says:

    “I’m just keeping you around until I find something better” which incidentally was right after I crossed…totally not cool. I just hate I didn’t know how to just leave a relationship back then if I wasn’t happy.”

    @junior….Even though that was mean she wasn’t all that innocent… LOL So how do you leave a relationship now if you’re not happY?

  55. Junior Says:

    @ 80’s If I’m not happy now I do like Shredder in the old Ninja Turtle cartoons and pull a “ninja vanish” out this biatch! But honestly, I’ve had more experience with relationships that weren’t relationships (dating) than actual committed relationships. There have only been 3 girls in my almost 27 years who have been able to keep my attention long enough for me to “gal them up”. Two of those ended with the girl I was with deciding I didn’t have enough oscar meyer to go around and went on meat packing trips elsewhere, so they kind of ended bad to say the least.

    Dating however I’ve learned to just be upfront and flat out state I don’t think this is what I need and I don’t think you are good for me. Not always the easiest thing to do, but better than me just stringing somebody along.

  56. “Two of those ended with the girl I was with deciding I didn’t have enough oscar meyer to go around and went on meat packing trips elsewhere”

    Wow… LOL.. meat packing trips???? I’ve never heard it quite put like that before.

  57. Coco Says:

    Nic…great blog entry…caused me to think about some things in my life. Thanks!

  58. Thank u Coco!!!!! 😉

  59. 80's Baby Says:

    Nick… I was thinking the same thing meat packing trips…. Interesting way of putting it….

    “Dating however I’ve learned to just be upfront and flat out state I don’t think this is what I need and I don’t think you are good for me. Not always the easiest thing to do, but better than me just stringing somebody along.”

    @junior…. Kudos to you… 🙂 Usually with my dating. The ending has always kind of been mutual so we both just ended up fading away w/o saying anything……The phone calls on both ends start coming less and less and then they just stop 🙂 .

  60. cuzzo Says:

    *still thinking of moments*

    *nothing*


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