Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Is it Golddigging if he got it? January 7, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — cuzzo @ 12:01 am

You may have seen it – attractive woman, not so attractive man – and thought, what does she see in him? And then, you see him pulling out a wad of cash to pay for the bottles of champagne they are consuming at the club. 

Ooooh, now I see.

There are several other scenarios and maybe sometimes the man is not unattractive, maybe he’s old. *insert Real Housewives of the OC couple Gretchen and Jeff here as well*

 Where does this stem from? I witnessed it Friday night. These behaviors stemmed from one of my best friends. Every story she tells me about this guy involves money in some way. So, this dude has money…big whoop. Then, I meet him. I met him years before and was like um, ok. They are just friends, right? Currently, she tells me he’s married. Ok. Just friends, right? This guy lives in England. My friend spends the entire holiday from Christmas to New Years, EVERYDAY, with this man (he came back to the US, apparently).

Me: But wait…isn’t he married?

Friend: Yes. But, he doesn’t love her. He told me it was for political reasons.

And that still makes it right? I observe my friend’s behavior around this man in the club, where he is paying for everything (of course). It really baffles me. Could she really like him? They’ve known each other since college, maybe he grew on her, maybe she’s not all about the looks, maybe he’s really packing beneath that frail body. *shrugs* Her mother confirms that it’s the moolah. But, what does her mom know? 

I really don’t want to think that one of my best friends is exhibiting golddigger ways. Adding more monkey balls soup to my already churning stomach at the thought, my friends mom tells me that Ms. Goldie tells a friend of her’s that Mr. Goldie’s friend has money. The friends’ reply, Ooh, I wanna meet him. *barf* Neither of these guys are attractive.

What do I say when I’m introduced to Mr. Goldie at the club?

*shakes hand* Congratulations. I heard you got married.

*fits of laughter from Mr. and Ms. Goldie*

Now, do I talk to my friend about what I’m seeing or let her live her life? Our friends are supposed to tell us when we are getting played, should they also speak up when we are being trifling? Some matters are easily carried out in the head. You don’t want to strain a friendship because you want to stand your ground while the other person wants to play.

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49 Responses to “Is it Golddigging if he got it?”

  1. Anitra Says:

    Let it be let it be.

    I am not sure why the treehouse isn’t up for my daily fix, but I got a new post up!!!!

    *doing back flips*

  2. Morning Mik

    Of course it’s golddigging. If he ain’t got it…WTF are you digging?

  3. Hey ladies!

    Jac, I think u should tell her… although your friend probably knows she’s trifling, say something. Get that weight off your shoulders.

    I think it’s up to us as friends to tell eachother when we’re trifling… I’m not gonna beat u in the head with it, but I will let u know.

  4. Anitra Says:

    Morning Jac, can yall go validate my post stat!!

  5. I think so too Nic. I dunno I think you should say in CBG voice “SAT DOWN”

    Mik-I validated. 🙂 I think you were right.

  6. Anitra Says:

    Thanks gals!

    I couldn’t be a gold digger, I honestly don’t know how some folks do it. Men be all rinkled up n thangs….

    eck

  7. Mik-Girl you ain’t lying…you ain’t lying. I do like the occasional older gentlemen but not for gold-digging purposes but because I like how he treats me SANS money

  8. I couldn’t be a gold digger either yaw.. I got standards..

    U are right Jac. “SAT DOWN.” LOL

  9. OK it is not cute whatsoever to be using a man for his money-that’s absurd. To me, money just ain’t so much that I need to sell my lady parts

  10. “To me, money just ain’t so much that I need to sell my lady parts”

    I validate this.. there is no price a man can pay for these diamonds. LOL

  11. Anitra Says:

    “OK it is not cute whatsoever to be using a man for his money-that’s absurd”

    I have done it in the past, and its not fun. This was part of why I was uneasy on my post today. Those “two people” I mentioned that make me feel odd happen to be his sister and mother.

    sister was 19 but she seems to have no cares about how she treats men and USES them. All she thinks about is her meal ticket and It was driving me nutz. I didn’t know the whole story about his mom but it sounded as tho the apples weren’t far from the tree, his mom worked but she struck me as a person that was ready to live her life because her kids are (somewhat grown) and as much as I tell my momma to be free, I really would feel some kinda way if she started to neglect me and run a muck…..

    which is the vibe I got from his mom even tho I never met her…..

    not a good look.

  12. “I really would feel some kinda way if she started to neglect me and run a muck…..”

    I’m not feeling moms running amuck.. u can live your life without turning into a superfreak@

  13. The Notorious N.M.H. Says:

    “Of course it’s golddigging. If he ain’t got it…WTF are you digging?”

    That’s pretty much the bottom line.

    As a friend you can offer your opinion but that’s about it, its up to them to want to take action to change.

  14. “its up to them to want to take action to change.”

    This is true, but at least u can say u tried.

  15. Anitra Says:

    I’m not feeling moms running amuck.. u can live your life without turning into a superfreak@

    Amen Nicki, from what I hear she is on every dating site known to man lol. That is not momma like, but I think its kinda his fault cuz he put her up to it tryin to help her I guess, and I think she took it and RAAAAAAAAAAAAAN lol

  16. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Good Morning ya’ll!!! Going to validate Mik! But yes my friend def need to tell me when I am being trifling! Don’t lie to me be up front!!

  17. @ MIK as much as I tell my momma to be free, I really would feel some kinda way if she started to neglect me and run a muck…..

    I’d shake her…HARD

    Amen Nicki, from what I hear she is on every dating site known to man lol. That is not momma like, but I think its kinda his fault cuz he put her up to it tryin to help her I guess, and I think she took it and RAAAAAAAAAAAAAN lol

    Ridiculous.

    @NoMORE-“Of course it’s golddigging. If he ain’t got it…WTF are you digging?”

    That’s pretty much the bottom line.

    As a friend you can offer your opinion but that’s about it, its up to them to want to take action to change.

    There you go. I don’t try to raise grown women either.

  18. “Amen Nicki, from what I hear she is on every dating site known to man lol. ”

    NGBATDTS.

    Good Mertin Holister!

  19. Cuzzo Says:

    “Of course it’s golddigging. If he ain’t got it…WTF are you digging?”

    that wasn’t the question…it’s a play on words from the usual it ain’t tricking if he got it.

    So, if he has it..is it always gold digging if he wants to spend?

  20. “So, if he has it..is it always gold digging if he wants to spend?”

    I think so bc you are allowing him to give u things and woo u when u have no interest in him, whatsoever.

    If it’s wooing and u like him, for other reasons than his money, I don’t consider that gold digging.

  21. Holly GoLightly Says:

    hey Nick! I don’t think it’s gold digging if he wants to spend it! He’s being generous!

  22. Cuzzo Says:

    “I think u should tell her… although your friend probably knows she’s trifling, say something.”

    @Nicki

    apparently the posts don’t say who posted them anymore.

    ..i digress..i’ll ask her about it. would you be so seemingly into dude, if he couldn’t spend on you like he does?

  23. cuzzo-no they don’t-it just highlights when you comment.

    that’s a good question to ask

  24. @Cuzzo: Right. I assumed that Jac wrote it cause when I talked to her yesterday, she said she was. Sorry chica. 🙂

    I think that’s a good question to ask too.

  25. Tea Says:

    Man…everytime I come over here yall shat look different!

    The simple answer is NO!

    If he got it and loves giving it then why not receive….

    that’s all I really have on that.

  26. it’s both parties taking advantage of each other. That’s not a relationship. But it’s how they work. I can’t comment on what makes them happy.

    If they weren’t happy in the arrangement, then they’d leave. I’m sure she knows she’s getting played, and he knows his money is the only reason she stays. But that’s the reason why he makes money….

    …until he wakes up twenty years later with no money, no nothing, and no woman and realizes that his life is an empty shell…as what happens to many of the people who make money/material goods the primary focus of their life.

  27. cuzzo Says:

    “why not receive”

    he has interest in you, and you don’t in him. that’s why not. I’ve known women to go on dates with dudes they don’t like for the sake of doing something or they were hungry. dude is being led astray.

  28. “Man…everytime I come over here yall shat look different!”

    Tea: Blame Nic’s lack of satisfaction all the time… I have CONSTANT variety in my life. LOL

    (I keep talking in 3rd)

  29. Whyso just brought a fabulous thought that has caused me to think more about it…

    Cuzzo, do u think she’s telling him what he wants to hear and lying???? Or is she simply just playing her part in their “game”?

  30. Jada Mwah! Says:

    As far as your friend…you need to address the issue and then leave it alone. Just like one of my homegirl’s was fooling around with a married man. It all started out so ‘innocent’. When she told me they were flirting and txt messaging I made it VERY clear that that was NOT a good idea at all. All I could do was warn her of the consequences so when and if the ish hit the fan she would know better (as if she didn’t already, but some of us need to be reminded). She ended up having his baby, while he went on about his life with his wife. Now she’s back home rasing yet another child without a father.

    Now if you sincerely like him, nad he spending…go for it. Just do not manipulate him or take advantage…that is not the business.

    If you have no interest absent his finances…yousa goldigger and need to sit cho @ss down somewhere!

  31. cuzzo Says:

    “Cuzzo, do u think she’s telling him what he wants to hear and lying???? Or is she simply just playing her part in their “game”?”

    I think she knows her role.

    Hey Jada! I was gonna email you today. I thought you were on a sabatical.

  32. Jada Mwah! Says:

    What it do Cuzzo! Naw, just outta commission for a few days. Being sick was kicking my @ss…still not 100%.

  33. I would still just say something and drop it….

    Although after a while, it may get hard to ignore.

    Sometimes my friends do things that PISS ME OFF because I can see that they are wrong and they continue to talk to me about them… I try not to judge, but it’s so hard to keep my mouth shut.

    What exactly classifies judging anyway? (excuse the ADD)

    Anyway, at some point, u will probably have to tell her not to talk to u about it.

  34. I say say something then drop it too. I mean as I said she’s going to do whatever it is she wants to do and there’s really nothing that can be done to stop her.

    Whyso’s definitely right about what he was saying. We can ‘t change either one of them and their ideals or how they want to do things.

  35. cuzzo Says:

    “What exactly classifies judging anyway?”

    everything! lol. everything that’s not in line with the way you think and saying it’s wrong.

    my post was really about the confronting your friend on less attractive behaviors if anything. without getting too long, I also wanted to know if people would confront a friend that’s cheating?
    I asked one of my male friends this and he said (in the case the person is married) – why did you get married if you were just going to be doing the same old same? He didn’t tell what explanations he received…prolly didn’t get deep.

    When people cheat and you know both parties, it’s awkward as a mutha.

  36. cuzzo Says:

    “We can ‘t change either one of them and their ideals or how they want to do things.”

    I’m not tryna change nobody. I just wanna let you know that I know and I don’t like it! And don’t bring him around me…cuz I will ask him about the wedding.

  37. Jada Mwah! Says:

    Judging: “To form an opinion or estimation of after careful consideration: ” (wkcite dictionary.com)

    Of course people’s considerations of a situation will revolve around their own ideals and morals. But I will add that every society (for the most part) governs themselves by the same universal laws ie: do not kill, steal, cheat, so on and so forth. Almost like the unspoken yet understood rules.

    In this society USING someone for selfish purposes…ie: goldigging = WRONG @ss WRONG.

  38. “why did you get married if you were just going to be doing the same old same?”

    I agree, I can’t stand a cheater…

    Judging or not, I’m totally against cheating.. and someone KNOWINGLY assisting anyone to cheat.

  39. Jay Boogie: I just love when u bring the knowledge chica. 🙂

  40. 80's Baby Says:

    Hey yall!!! I’m finally making my way over here…. But I’m still stuck on the fact that he’s married…….

    But anyhow I think you should tell her because if that was my friend I would be side eyeing her from here on out when we’re together…. Since she’s taken advantage of him how do you know that she won’t take advantage of you… For example, say if yall go out to eat a lot and you be nice and pick up the check every once and while….. Does she do that for you????? Or when yall go out to eat does she always seem to forget her debit card??? Or is she always somewhere talkin bout i don’t have no cash..

    To me gold diggers are people who just like to take advantage and get over…. .Just because someone offers don’t mean you have to take them up on it…. Bump the excuse they’re trying to be nice… Ain’t nothing in life free!!!! Heck, if they treating you to dinner or whatever you have to spend time with them…… And my time is a lil bit more valuable then a free meal here and there. 🙂

  41. Hey 80s!!!!

    ” And my time is a lil bit more valuable then a free meal here and there”

    AMEN. Folks is always putting emphasis on “well, it’s free.” I do not subscribe to that club!!!!

  42. Junior Says:

    @ 80’s “Hey yall!!! I’m finally making my way over here…. But I’m still stuck on the fact that he’s married…….”

    This is the biggest issue, I don’t know why people worry about gold digging so much, you can’t do anything to me to make me do something that I don’t want to do. So as long as people want to dole out tons of cash to keep someone else happy, and that someone else is happy being happy, then hey, “what they eat don’t make me shit”

    But the biggest issue is that she’s doing this with a dude who is committed to another woman. Are you sure that a little something more isn’t going on? IF its just a friend it shouldn’t matter IMO whether he’s married or not, but its sounds as though things are being justified based on that.

  43. “But the biggest issue is that she’s doing this with a dude who is committed to another woman. Are you sure that a little something more isn’t going on? IF its just a friend it shouldn’t matter IMO whether he’s married or not, but its sounds as though things are being justified based on that.”

    Yep jr.s right

  44. cuzzo Says:

    @80’s
    “For example, say if yall go out to eat a lot and you be nice and pick up the check every once and while….. Does she do that for you????? Or when yall go out to eat does she always seem to forget her debit card??? Or is she always somewhere talkin bout i don’t have no cash..”

    why does this sounds like a personal experience?

    @Junior

    I dunno what’s the deal. She spent the holidays with him, not that you can’t do that with a friend. And, she was up under him at the club…not that that can’t be friendly either. They weren’t smooching, that I saw. But, she did get upset when this other girl was seeming to get too touchy feely with him.

    So, if they are just friends…spend spend spend. She did tell me that when she heard he was married, she cried. What is you crying for??? Afraid your money was going to run out? I want to know if the money thing grew out and she genuinely began liking him.
    She’s like this with other men too. You might just be friends, but you know that man wants more and you just like eating for free. But, a lot of the opinions are correct about both parties knowing what’s up.

  45. “She spent the holidays with him”

    WTF? Where was his wife while they were spending holidays together?

  46. cuzzo Says:

    @nicki

    thta’s what i said. she was probably still in england…or africa. who knows?

  47. “@nicki

    thta’s what i said. she was probably still in england…or africa. who knows?”

    Cuz, that is weeeeeird. Wonder if he’s lying and saying he’s on business trips.

  48. 80's Baby Says:

    But the biggest issue is that she’s doing this with a dude who is committed to another woman.

    @Junior….. I agree… That’s why I had to cut off my ex who is supposedly “engaged”. True enough it’s not anything sexual between us anymore. But still I just didn’t feel right having an engaged man call me all the time. He was even trying to come visit me and at first I was thinking about letting him…. But my morals started kickin in something serious… And then I told him that he needed to stop calling and he couldn’t come visit. He probably thought I was crazy because I kept saying morally this is wrong….

  49. […] Is it Golddigging if he got it? « Single Sisters Speak Out […]


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