Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Coming to Terms January 9, 2009

Filed under: Kimfoolery — cuzzo @ 12:01 am
Tags:
*in my best Jerry Seinfeld voice*

What’s the deal with using terms to make ourselves and other people feel comfortable?

There are several of them and once you begin rummaging through your mind you will be able to think of some too. You may very well even use them unknowingly.

Thick – a word often misused to describe a fat woman.

If you ask me, I will tell you I’m fat. I’ve got a big butt and big thighs, but a big ol stomach to boot. That’s fat…not thick. Lose the tum tum and here come’s the thickness. (btw – I’m not sloppy with mine’s so don’t get it twisted)

Big Boneded?

Big Boned?

Lifestyle or The Life – used to describe a gay relationship.

Now if you’re a fire-breathing Christian, you think gay relationships are wrong wrong wrong. But, try to be PC and not say, you’re going to hell covered in hot sauce!!! Not just in reference to Christians but being PC in general, this term is used. Why? Is a heterosexual relationship a “lifestyle”? No. It’s like we hetero’s are normal and gay people are just out there. Not only with gay/straight but with relationships that don’t seem “normal”. I’ve used this term to describe poligomy or polyamorous (non-married) loving. BTW I don’t believe in polyamory – ya’ll just greedy!

*btw btw (my version of pps) who the hell thought of the term “kids” to describe gay men? *back to Jerry voice* What’s the deal with that?

*insert Homer Simpson drool from the men*

*insert Homer Simpson drool from the men*

Sexually Liberated – usually used to describe a woman that sleeps with a lot of men.

0_O You’s a hoe.

Player – used to describe a man who get’s a lot of “play”

0_O You’s a hoe.

Playa from the Himalayas

Playa from the Himalayas

Please drop some knowlege and translations on terminology.

**************************Edit @ 10:18 AM*********************

This is for Comeback Tiffy Poo (who’s not afraid to post pisc of herself that aren’t that flattering). She challenged me to post pics of my fat self. So, here goes (you know I wasn’t picking one’s where my hair or anything was looking too busted):

Comeback – I ain’t neva scared. These are coming down before I leave work. lol
TOO LATE. YA MISSED THE PARTY.

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71 Responses to “Coming to Terms”

  1. Junior Says:

    OMG LMAO @ “Thick – a word often misused to describe a fat woman.” I don’t think its that broad, its only the girl who have cottage cheese for thighs and more dinner rolls than Mrs. Baird’s that are a problem.

    Can’t front I agree with the sexually liberated and player one too, but that’s just me.

    Diva– It is not a female version of a hustler, a female version of a hustler is a hustler. A diva is a self righteous b*tch who thinks too highly of herself and demands too much.

  2. thecomebackgirl Says:

    awl smootches to jr..why am i still up?

    i agree..re: fat. I think people like Monique come along with names like phat and others to help empower women with a negative body image. Ironically the quickest way to stay “fat” (which i find to be a rather self-loathing term) is to see yourself in that same hateful way..which is usually the way they in turn look at the world.

    so yeah im phat and f.a.t and whatever other positive term i can congure up..and i was that at a size 18 too..and I’ll be that when im in a 10 as well lol..its all perception and the way in which we see ourselves that matters.

    the “thick” on that tv series “the game” is a bad mama jama..the football player thought she was bad too…why?? because thats the way she SAW HERSELF..people take clues on how to see and view you..first by how you see and view yourself.

  3. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “the “thick” chick on that tv series “the game””…can’t think of her name i think she was on the 2nd season..

  4. […] Coming to Terms « Single Sisters Speak Out […]

  5. Tea Says:

    Yeah it’s how we do…Black people have been for ages finding a way to look at their faults in a positive light.

    It’s just how we do.

  6. Great post Cuz.

    Hey everyone!

    Comeback, The Game is my show! And I can’t even think of the girl u are talking about.

    I cannot stand the word “Diva,” as Junior pointed out and I cannot stand a woman who feels like she acts as such. Black women confused the term stylish with being a diva. I worked with a girl who’s nickname was “diva” and trust there was nothing hot about her… she was a hot mess… the only diva thing about her was the way she stuck her big ole nose in the air.

    Any t who, I think all of your terms are on point chica.

  7. Shawn Smith Says:

    My thoughts…..

    Thick, volumpious, a little extra = Fat
    Lifestyle = A tearm that I thought it meant for swingers
    Family/Fam = Gay/Lesbian

  8. AnitraClark Says:

    Does anybody know any products I can use to do a deep cleansing on my face without harming my skin???

  9. Britt Says:

    Great post!

    Bourgeois – this is the MOST overused term by black people, except we pronounce it “boo-ghee”. Ugh! All it means is middle class, yet we have twisted and perverted it to make us feel like we are better than other black people who haven’t quite “made it”, whatever that means.

    Middle class is just that – REGULAR! Aspire to be more.

  10. I pretty much agree with all of it.

    I’d say the “lifestyle” was the biggest new slangish term I learned in 08…wonder what I’ll learn in 09.

  11. Junior Says:

    @ Brit, but I like calling you a “boo-ghee” golddigger…is that why you think its over used, with yo ol’ “boo-ghee” self?

  12. cuzzo Says:

    @CBG

    “the “thick” on that tv series “the game” is a bad mama jama..the football player thought she was bad too…why?? because thats the way she SAW HERSELF”

    Kendra C. Johnson. She was also in the movie Phat Girlz with Monique. Came up with this info on IMDB -http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1985361/

    It doesn’t have her pic but, its her.

    In re the Game – he didn’t want to be in public with her…so how BAD could he have thought she was? Fat is a bit harsh but it’s all overweight to me. I think the empowering words may keep you from crying at the department store but they will also keep you fat. Clogged arteries and a heart attack is not a good look.

  13. Oh, THAT girl. I remember her.

    Fat is a state of mind for me… I associate fat with sloppy.. hence, Jill Scott, although she is overweight, I wouldn’t feel comfortable calling her fat. She’s gorgeous.

  14. cuzzo Says:

    I wasn’t even really thinking of it as terms that black people use when I was writing. But, I guess these are mostly ours. The sexually liberated one…think that’s one if “theirs”.

    I also wanted to add the term “away” as in “up north”

    usage – yea, my sister is away for some dumb ish.

    *insert Akon – She’s locked up! (they won’t let her out) *violin strum* (they won’t let her out)* and then channel Sommore in Queens of Comedy, “A nigga was in jay-yul”

  15. cuzzo Says:

    @Nicki

    ahh, I’m seing the light. Fat is what’s on the inside – the literal pieces of lard that stick to our muscles. And used as a negative connotation for overweight.

    There are all kinds of overweights though. If you go by the doctor’s way of measuring height and weight to tell if a person is overweight or obese…a lot of seemingly average looking people will be overweight.

    That damn height/weight ratio is OFF. I dunno who created it. Musta been back in 1802 when you could put a cheerio around a woman’s waist but she had hips to boot.

  16. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “In re the Game – he didn’t want to be in public with her…so how BAD could he have thought she was? Fat is a bit harsh but it’s all overweight to me. I think the empowering words may keep you from crying at the department store but they will also keep you fat. Clogged arteries and a heart attack is not a good look.”

    I think that had much more to do with the way HIS TEAM MATES made him feel. She wasn’t exactly the “it girl” when people think about ballers and shot callers. I’ve been on both sides..I think I’d much perfer a man who wasn’t that shallow..and then let me figure out how to make my dam#n self my own version of “IT”.

    I also disagree in regards to the refusal of acknowledging “fat” keeping us fat..(btw..you call yourself that, would you be so brave as to post a pic? ) anyway..I think its the self-hate that keeps those who think of themselves that way. There is a lot of shame associated to the term..what a better way to medicate the shame, than with four slices of pizza, shut of from the rest of the world.

    I really wanna shine a big ole light on the bullshyt. I thinking coming back down to a reaonsable healhty weight for YOU (which is relative) is tied to really being able to love ALL of you and removing the hate tied to the size.

  17. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “really being able to love ALL of you and removing the hate tied to the size.”

    …to add ..the hate is normally tied to emotional eating (and shutting off from the rest of the world, ie lack of excercise)..and the cycle continues.

  18. cuzzo Says:

    @CBG

    “..(btw..you call yourself that, would you be so brave as to post a pic? ) anyway..I think its the self-hate that keeps those who think of themselves that way.”

    I accept your challenge with the vigor of Cliff Huxtable versus Sandman Simms.

    I know I’m fat/overweight/plus-sized but I do not hate myself. It’s all size-acceptance. If I can say I’m fat and still fabulous, could you sense self-hate? I still used the term fat. I don’t think fat has to mean kill yourself too. It is what it is…it’s not “thinkness” under your skin….it’s fat.

  19. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “If I can say I’m fat and still fabulous”

    You can call yourself whatever you like..i just wanna be clear..that you didn’t describe being FAT and FABULOUS in your POST…those two F’s where not used together in a sentence my dear. LOL..

  20. “Fat is a state of mind for me… I associate fat with sloppy.. hence, Jill Scott, although she is overweight, I wouldn’t feel comfortable calling her fat. She’s gorgeous.”

    NIC! You are so right…has that gorgeous glow. I can’t imagine any man not wanting her..now Aretha Franklin a whole different ball game.

  21. thecomebackgirl Says:

    I think i eluv you too cuzzo…is it a family thing with you and SBM LOL…

    re: those pics..i do believe YOU GOTTA KNOW how to do a f.a.t. pose… you just GOTTA..LOL

    2006 to 2009…you still look great. and NOT fat. but fabulous and thick..(f.a.t)

  22. a f.a.t pose…CBG what?

  23. thecomebackgirl Says:

    yeah..f.a.t. pose….fab and thick chicks normally don’t pose HEAD on in a camera (unless your tryin to make a f.at. girl point LOL)..you turn slightly away from the camera and at an angle (i think that was one of beyonce’s rule too..)

    also crossing your legs has an hour glass sliming affect as well.

    its in the f.a.t. girl handbook of comebacks.

  24. cuzzo Says:

    @Jac

    not only fat people but in general, if you have a flaw, you have to know how to pose for picture so you look your best.

  25. cuzzo Says:

    “you turn slightly away from the camera and at an angle”

    mmmhmmm. if ure standing, one leg in front of the other. hip out. elongated neck.

    take pointers from the red carpet photos. i think it’s jennifer love hewitt’s ballerina-esque posing that got me paying closer attn. she’s not a fatty but knows how to pose.

  26. Humble One Says:

    Sexually Liberated & Player = I agree with you completely Cuzzo. Negroes always want to sugar coat ish instead of being real with themselves.

    Thick = I dont even use this word for women anymore. I have taken too many L’s from women calling themselves “thick”.

    this is thick

    http://wa4.images.onesite.com/community.allhiphop.com/user/fiercenmystep/blog_photos/large/untitled-2.jpg?v=198000

    this is not thick

    If you need to come up with a name that doesnt that is softer or nicer than the original word you are in denial about yourself.

  27. Yeah see….I’m so not one to really pose…i just point, click

  28. cuzzo Says:

    @Humble
    re:the this is thick girl.

    yes…that’s what it is. it’s about the waist to hip ratio.

    “this is not thick”

    lol, I swear you have something against Mo’nique.

  29. The Notorious N.M.H. Says:

    “this is thick

    http://wa4.images.onesite.com/community.allhiphop.com/user/fiercenmystep/blog_photos/large/untitled-2.jpg?v=198000

    Humble I need to see more so I can “analyze” and “compare”

  30. The Notorious N.M.H. Says:

    Oh and I despise Monique.

  31. thecomebackgirl Says:

    LOL…yall some hatin azz haters..LOL

  32. thecomebackgirl Says:

    NoNo why do you despise Mo..im curious?

  33. @Cuzzo-I don’t think any of them like Mo’nique. I didn’t originally…but now I’m like sometimes her message can be positive.

    NMH-Lol…I’ll send you some interesting pics.

  34. cuzzo Says:

    @NMH

    “Humble I need to see more so I can “analyze” and “compare””

    in my comeback voice….SAT DOWN. lol.

    @CBG

    “LOL…yall some hatin azz haters..LOL”

    I’mma do another post on most overused terms. lol. hater – anyone with an opinion different than yours.

    NMH: I don’t like Mo’Nique
    CBG: Hater!

  35. cuzzo Says:

    @CBG

    “NoNo why do you despise Mo..im curious?”

    I really don’t know why people “despise” her. Now I can see if one says, she’s just not funny to me…but despise is a strong way to feel. People that don’t like her prolly don’t like our cousin Tyler Perry neither for the same dumb reasons.

    It better not be because of her thinking she looks good or thinking fat women look good, cuz I ain’t never hear nobody say they don’t like Bruce Bruce cause he talks about how he’s sexy. Bruce Bruce is confident and so is she.

  36. thecomebackgirl Says:

    Cuz..i hate “hater” too..but i really didn’t have anything more exact to say..sometimes i gotta take myself back to the ghetto..

    seriously tho..i think if women bought into what “SOME” men thought and took it as the gospel..some would be committing suicide.

    the reality is that SOMEONE thinks Monique is HOT TO DEF…enough to have her babies..I’m actually gonna do a post on bangin f.a.t women..cause tons of men love them too.

    as women we need to be more supportive and respectful and PROTECTIVE of diverse images of beauty.

  37. The Notorious N.M.H. Says:

    “NoNo why do you despise Mo..im curious?”

    Poor choice of words, I dont despise her, and I admire her business sense and she has headed some pretty successful endeavors. With that said, I dont care much for her message. Yeah fat girls can feel beautiful, but maybe you might want to emphasize how its not beautiful to be unhealthy and increase your likelihood of heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke and diabetes. I know everyone isnt going to be a size 2 but damn, try and eat better and exercise for your own quality of life, not for the affections of a man/woman. Now granted I dont follow her every move but I hear more “its OK to be fat” more than “lets try and be more healthy”.

  38. The Notorious N.M.H. Says:

    “as women we need to be more supportive and respectful and PROTECTIVE of diverse images of beauty.”

    I have no problems of this, but if I see another fat-@ss child breathing heavy from just standing I am going to spazz out. Im serious about health as I have friends and fam who have health issues because of their weight, so I aint really trying to hear all that.

  39. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “I have no problems of this, but if I see another fat-@ss child breathing heavy from just standing I am going to spazz out.”

    NONO…i hate you and eluv you all at the same time..

    here is the thing..(my weight only became a “problem” 2.5 years ago..) so i guess i have ordained my self the f.a.t girl spokesmodel..i can tell you that it is ultimately about working off more energy that you put in your mouth in the form of calories..it really is THAT simple..

    but it isn’t..and im going to do a whole series on this…food comes with emotional connections and ties that NO ONE wants to talk about..people “despise” fat people. fat people “despise” fat people. No one really wants to explore the psycology of IT ALL.

    people despise fat people so much…that people miss the message that most women like Mo are telling…even when I was at my smallest i loved her..she WAS telling women to be healthy and to eat right..But she balanced it with self love.

    weight isnt coming off overnight.at least the long lasting version..so what do you propose in the interim..that fat women run and hide, wear a paper bag over their head.

    NOOOOOOOO

    they love who they are…they rock it out..wear beautiful clothes and LOVE the skin they are in.

    the end.

  40. cuzzo Says:

    @NMH

    “Yeah fat girls can feel beautiful, but maybe you might want to emphasize how its not beautiful to be unhealthy and increase your likelihood of heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke and diabetes.”

    I can’t even come up with a great argument. It’s the same old Tyler Perry lynching. One person can’t be everything to everybody. I will say this – dammit it’s just jokes. She’s not saying girl you eat that donut, and another one, and another one, and another one. or girl you look good, keep it going…get bigger. she’s sayin – you look good as you are and eff em’. basically, do you. she’s no doctor so if women wanna take her jokes and “message” and keep on with the keep on, that’s on them.

    There are other advocates out there with a health message – Queen Latifah, Star Jones (though she was hush hush for a while and I dunno how truthful she is about her reasoning on losing the weight), Oprah (damn these examples are getting worse, lol). For real for real, we can’t even look to the media for satisfaction. Media is about thin is in and Mo’ wanted to break that.

  41. The Notorious N.M.H. Says:

    “NONO…i hate you and eluv you all at the same time..”

    How could you hate me? I am brave and kind.

    “she WAS telling women to be healthy and to eat right..But she balanced it with self love.”

    Cool… Like I said I’m not all up on her routines/interviews and maybe its bad PR but I usually hear “Monique: Defender of Fat People” more than “Monique: Advocate of Self-Love and Getting Your Sh!t Together”.

    Furthermore, you know that everyone who champions her is not acting upon her healthy messages. And everyone who is fat doesnt have a love affair with food. So I am speaking of those who are fat and can do something about it (which is a lot of people), and they dont.

    I dont despise fat people by the way.

  42. The Notorious N.M.H. Says:

    “Media is about thin is in and Mo’ wanted to break that.”

    I respect that. No one should feel like less of a person because of their size. But you have to know the consequences that accompany your weight and take measures to make sure you aren’t shortening your lifespan.

  43. cuzzo Says:

    “people “despise” fat people. fat people “despise” fat people”

    this made me giggle. it’s true. so true.

  44. cuzzo Says:

    “But you have to know the consequences that accompany your weight and take measures to make sure you aren’t shortening your lifespan.”

    the key word is YOU. not the media. not the Mo’Niques or the Bruce Bruce’s.

  45. The Notorious N.M.H. Says:

    “the key word is YOU. not the media. not the Mo’Niques or the Bruce Bruce’s.”

    Point taken. In the end its not really Mo’s responsibilty. I have learned. Good Job Cuzzo!

  46. cuzzo Says:

    “Point taken. In the end its not really Mo’s responsibilty. I have learned. Good Job Cuzzo!”

    hooray! *does happy dance and cries tears of joy*

    so when you see fat kids…spazz out. tell your family members if you come to my house there will be no pork chops. etc. etc.

  47. The Notorious N.M.H. Says:

    “tell your family members if you come to my house there will be no pork chops. etc. etc.”

    I LOVE pork chops. Pork is the candy of meat.

  48. “the candy of meat”

    DIED

  49. Jazz Says:

    Nice blog and great topic/post. First time commenting, I had been lurking.

    I think there is a difference between Thicke and Fat. Thicke to me is having a lil extra in the hips and azz.

    As for sexually liberated and playa I agree, a hoe is a hoe.

    As far as Monique goes I think she is hillarious but I didn’t appreciate the whole skinny bytches are evil thing lol. But I’ve heard she’s lost weight and started eating right.

  50. **walks into room. sees women talking about weight. remembers advice mom told me

    runs out of room***

  51. cuzzo Says:

    “I LOVE pork chops.”

    side eyes NMH. n u all about health huh? u dont fry em do you?

    @Jazz

    thanks and welcome.
    “Thicke to me is having a lil extra in the hips and azz.”

    i agree…but Sir Mix-a-lot said it best “little in the middle but she got much back”

    u can have a whole heap of azz and hips, but a whole heap of stomach on top of that effs up the ratio i was talking about ealier.

    “I didn’t appreciate the whole skinny bytches are evil thing lol”

    u must be a skinny bytch, lol. i think after the first few times it caught ppl off guard and slimmies were even laughin but then it was like, alright, enuf. just as if a slim person kept makin fat jokes.

  52. naw…but as long as

    1. people aren’t using their terms as excuses.

    2. people are okay with who they truly are…

  53. cuzzo Says:

    “Pork is the candy of meat.”

    along with pen!s – the kind that shoots skittles and what not.

  54. cuzzo Says:

    @Why So

    thanks for coming back. i knew you were braver than that.

  55. The Notorious N.M.H. Says:

    “side eyes NMH. n u all about health huh? u dont fry em do you?”

    Nope, grilled or Shake-N-Bake. Fried is tasty though, just every once in a while.

  56. cuzzo…

    mwahaha. Im not scared to ruffle feathers. I however, choose my battles. And know the best way to win a fight is to never get into one at all….

    a bit of ninja wisdom.

  57. cuzzo Says:

    @Why So

    “And know the best way to win a fight is to never get into one at all….”

    I won maaaad fights then.

  58. cuzzo Says:

    @Why So

    “1. people aren’t using their terms as excuses.”

    yea, the post is addressing the terms from both angles kinda. people using the terms to make other people feel comfortable and to make themselves feel comfortable.

    i really rolled with a piece of this message a guest pastor at my church was giving about sin. Gay=sin in the church but instead we address it as a lifestyle in the world. There are tons of other sins that we mask with more comfortable words instead of pointing it in it’s face for what it really is.

    i just had to put my cuzzo spin on the post for entertainment.

  59. cuzzo Says:

    @Junior

    “A diva is a self righteous b*tch who thinks too highly of herself and demands too much.”

    true dat. true dat.

    @Shawn

    “Lifestyle = A tearm that I thought it meant for swingers
    Family/Fam = Gay/Lesbian”

    lifestyle like i meantioned in the orig post is used for those not “normal” relationships…like swinging.

    as far that family/fam – maybe this is how gays started being called kids?

    @Britt
    re:Bourgeois

    ” All it means is middle class, yet we have twisted and perverted it to make us feel like we are better ”

    for real? i thought it was a term for the upper class. anyone else know?

  60. Jazz Says:

    “u can have a whole heap of azz and hips, but a whole heap of stomach on top of that effs up the ratio i was talking about ealier.”

    Yeah, the muffin top has been making a comeback!

    “u must be a skinny bytch, lol. i think after the first few times it caught ppl off guard and slimmies were even laughin but then it was like, alright, enuf. just as if a slim person kept makin fat jokes.”

    Yeah I’m a slimmy. But I ain’t evil cause I’m hungry, I just got high metabolism lol. But it’s all jokes.

  61. thecomebackgirl Says:

    Cuzz i just wanna big you up onst again fo you take them pics down..i think its very couragous particularly as a woman…i notice people talk mad shyt anonymously..you can be ever you want with no blog and no pic..

    big up to you mayne.

  62. cuzzo Says:

    @CBG Tiffy poo

    *hugs* awww, thank u ma’am. that’s that confidence. i know i dont look like no sasquatch. and like i said up top, u won’t catch me posting nothing lookin busted (for long, lol).

    we should start a blog gang for writers who dont hide their identity. NSC – never scared crew. lol

  63. cuzzo Says:

    *pics coming down in T-minus 50 minutes*

  64. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “NSC – never scared crew. lol”

    nahh..i don’t know if i wanna be all willy nilly with my govt name..but one person found it A long time ago…so..but yeah that might be cool. People having honest conversations …honestly at least with an indication of what you look like..i think its a real easy out for people to talk mad shyt about others talking trash

    behind a blank screen…yeah whatever..with no pic….i can only come to the conclusion that you hate YOU..particularly when its other women.

  65. cuzzo Says:

    “i can only come to the conclusion that you hate YOU”

    lol. is this one of those VERY STRONG opinions you have? u gonna make this house empty too chile. keep that over in the trees.

  66. yeah…we all must keep a certain degree of internet anoymittity. I’d give it up though, if I wasn’t professional. Don’t want anyone to google me and see my views on “xyz”. My angles aren’t exactly mainstream yunno lol.

  67. thecomebackgirl Says:

    ““i can only come to the conclusion that you hate YOU””

    ok ..bye bye…lol

  68. thecomebackgirl Says:

    actually i meant :”keep that over in the trees.”

    bye bye lol

  69. Britt Says:

    @ Cuzzo – LOL! Webster says middle class. Nigras have remixed it to mean “upper” middle class and anything non-hood.

  70. That damn height/weight ratio is OFF. I dunno who created it. Musta been back in 1802 when you could put a cheerio around a woman’s waist but she had hips to boot.”

    I put my measurements in a weight calculator online and it came out that I was obese. Now, I’m looking in the mirror like WTF? I know I need work but OBESE is a bit much. LOL

    That’s why these famous chicks have such trouble with their weights and are going through incredible lenghts to stay thin.

  71. Sorry I’m just now checking up on comments and blogs since I was gone shopping ALL FREAKIN DAY YESTERDAY!

    I too do not like Mo’nique… she gets on my nerves.

    I was once that skinny b**ch that she loves to call out so much and her jokes and sudden big girl empowerment caused my “f.a.t” girl friends to be kinda negative towards me then.

    That biyotch has issuses against skinny girls for something that prolly happened to her in her past… everybody can be equally fabulous.. u don’t have to put down one group to feel better about yourself.


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