Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Why Do Men Cheat? January 19, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sunny @ 12:50 am

When I think of the ulitmate cheater, I think of Kobe Bryant.  There’s no excuse for cheating, one can ever say anything to convince me of it.  If you are not happy, simply leave.  Or do I live in a  fantasy world? 

At any rate, I  listen to what men have to say about cheating,  I read the books.  I am intrigued with the male pscyche.   I have my ideal relationship, but I’m not naive. 

I was able to pick the brains of SBM and Slim and get their opinions on it.

SBM

There is a common misconception in society nowadays that men cheat … when this is far from the truth.  Men never have and probably never will cheat.  We are genetically coded to sleep around … so therefore we aren’t cheating … we are just helping to continue human evolution and ensuring the survival of our species.

Now that I have managed to run off the prudes and those easily offended … let me first say that was a joke … and any n***a who tells you that mess is full of sh**.

I don’t know why men cheat to be honest.  I wanted to just say “new p***y” and just leave it at that … but a lot of times its old p***s that causes trouble.  This question should be why do people cheat … because I think the concept that men cheat more than women is a common misconception that isn’t true … but I digress.

The simplest and most common reason I think men cheat is … “It’s hard for a man to turn down p***y”.  Most men aren’t offered sex.  I think most guys are blatantly approached for just sex without putting in any effort.  At minimum … he first approached the girl and got the number.  When sex comes easy … I mean really easy … it’s like finding $20 on the ground … you know you should go turn it in somewhere … but your probably going to take it and run and count your luck.

But … I will admit … as someone who is a chronic non-cheater and big on monogamy (didn’t say relationships … but dipping in only one well and fighting this ass multitasking nonsense) … I am not the best person to speak on it.  My friends are “good guys” and cheating is foreign to me … so my simple answer may not explain all … or even most … but … let it be one more opinion to add to the pot.

Slim

One good way to get a dude to slide off is to be one way before you officially start dating, and then become complacent and lazy once yall are official. For instance, at the beginning of ish you’re going to the gym, eatin healthy, and taking care of your appearance. After some time dating, shorty gets complacent and unattractive. Another chick will catch you slippin’ and then he’ll be slippin’ sumthin somewhere else…even if he still loves the person you are.

Another good way to get a dude to dive into another sea of love is to not take interest in those things that he takes pride in. If he plays in a basketball league and you never go to his games but another “friend” does, well…we know where this one is going. First it’s her going to his game, then them going to an NBA/college game, then she runs a little game, then dude is in bed with her playin a little 1 on 1.

Other dudes just cheat cuz they don’t know how to handle commitment. They may feel obligated to be in the relationship, when they know they shouldn’t be. That is something that I will never fully understand. Men really can be dumb sometimes!

*** 8:40 am edit ***

WhySo

I’d love to get all philosophical and super scientifical cause this is complicated. Let’s make it easy…

Men cheat because it’s available. That’s the simplest way to put it…   

As I’ve said before, men value freedom and women value security. At times, a guy would like to excercise that freedom….which might lead to cheating.

Another reason is that maybe the woman did the [dreaded] bait and switch on him. I.e. they get together and she suddenly stops spinning on the ceiling fan for him, now that’s she’s got him. He might just want to get that a1 treatment and go back to his wife/gf.

But what do I know? I’m just an average [super]hero.

Why. So. Serious!
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31 Responses to “Why Do Men Cheat?”

  1. Good comments by both men. But I think people cheat because of selfishness. You simply make a choice to give in to your desires at that moment. You don’t care about anything else but what you want. You decide that you will deal with the consequences later if you are caught.

    You could blame it on relationships changing or there being so many options. At the end of the day you could leave that bad relationship or tell the person your problem so you could fix it and you could just chose to be single and be with whoever you want whenever you want.

    Cheating = selfishness

  2. holly Says:

    ms.dev I completely agree. Cheating is being selfish! Its a conscious act one makes to fulfill their want not need.

  3. Precious Says:

    You couldn’t have said it any better, one word Selfishness. Great post!

  4. I concur. I think a lot of the issue is selfishness.

    On the other hand, I am curious if anyone has ever heard the adage, “By the time a man thinks to cheat a woman has been doing it for some time”?

  5. “On the other hand, I am curious if anyone has ever heard the adage, “By the time a man thinks to cheat a woman has been doing it for some time”?”

    I’ve never heard that one Jac!

    thanks Precious. 🙂

    I also think cheating is selfish and probably occurs from lack of communication.

  6. Nic-I am glad you said that word communication. In fact, I blame a lot of what goes wrong in a relationship with non-communication.

  7. I do too Jac. My friends (guys and gals) come to me A LOT with their relationship problems, so I say, “have you sat down and talked to him/her?”

    9.3 out of 10 times they have not. I don’t understand how anyone thinks that a relationship can function with assumption and body language!

  8. “9.3 out of 10 times they have not.”

    Dr. Proctor

  9. holly Says:

    Nicki maybe u don’t need to do school psych! Imjussayin!

  10. LOL @ Holly. Relationship counseling would be fun! Oooooh the wheels a-turnin?

  11. Peyso Says:

    I hate this conversation. Why must we try to lump everyone together. Ppl cheat for different reasons. Some ppl cheat b/c they cant turn down sex. Some ppl cheat b/c they just wanted the cutty/pumpington one more time. Some ppl cheat b/c they are being selfish however some ppl cheat b/c they honestly think that that will prolong the relationship(how silly). There are thousands of scenarios for a person to cheat. I think a better question is why did he or she cheat on me?

  12. NMH Says:

    I agree 100% with Peyso. Also, why do you think of Kobe as the ultimate cheater?

  13. the most important question though, is how can it be prevented?

    proactivity.

    Just be awesome. If a guy is gonna cheat, he’s gonna cheat. If you give him reasons to be faithful, he’ll think twice on it…And if by

    I’ve also heard that Andrei Kirilenko’s (NBA’er) wife gives him one (1) chance per year to be with another woman. As backwards as it sounds, I think it works lol. He hasn’t taken her up on the offer…not yet

  14. “Why must we try to lump everyone together. Ppl cheat for different reasons”

    @Peyso: I’m not asking u to speak for the male race… I just want to hear possible reasons of what may drive a man there. That is all… Dialogue!

    “Also, why do you think of Kobe as the ultimate cheater?”

    Because he is who I could mention and ALL OF YOU know who he is and what he did! LOL. All cheating is inexcusable. All cheaters are the ultimate.

    Sorry, just some things I am 1000% against.

    “I’ve also heard that Andrei Kirilenko’s (NBA’er) wife gives him one (1) chance per year to be with another woman.”

    Huhn. what would drive a woman do that?

  15. NMH Says:

    “Huhn. what would drive a woman do that?”

    Maybe cuz she knows its 99.99% likely he is cheating on her anyway with better looking girls than her on his road trips, so she figures if she gives him the option to keep it honest he just might bring it down a notch?

  16. wow..this is hard to uphold. okay…

    Her explanation is quote:

    “What’s forbidden is always desirable. And athletes, particularly men, are susceptible to all the things they are offered,” Lopatova said. “It’s the same way raising children – If I tell my child, ‘No pizza, no pizza, no pizza,’ what does he want more than anything? Pizza.”

    It’s not going to work for everyone. But there is pressure in a relationship to stay faithful…even if it’s not being true to yourself. Having this option, I ration, would relieve some of that pressure, and actually make for a more truthful environment….

    I wouldn’t necessarily agree to that arrangement, but I see where she’s coming from

  17. “Maybe cuz she knows its 99.99% likely he is cheating on her anyway with better looking girls than her on his road trips, so she figures if she gives him the option to keep it honest he just might bring it down a notch?”

    Do u think ANY of the NFLrs or NBArs could be faithful?

  18. “I wouldn’t necessarily agree to that arrangement, but I see where she’s coming from”

    It sounds like she has low self esteem.

  19. NMH Says:

    “It sounds like she has low self esteem.”

    Not necessarily, you have to remember that peoples expectations in relationships are all different. She maybe comfortable with him stepping out if she feels that her most important needs are being met. Everyone doesnt subscribe to the popular idea of what should and shouldnt happen in relationships.

  20. I have a confession.

    I’ve cheated.

    I enjoyed it.

    But remember…the mistress will always eventually want to be the wife.

  21. NMH Says:

    “Do u think ANY of the NFLrs or NBArs could be faithful?”

    Yeah, any man or woman can be faithful if they want to no matter the circumstances. But that life is so much different from normal people. I think if you put most men in a “Kobe environment” where 9’s & 10’s are throwing panties at you consistently, and the chances of your girl finding out are slim to none, a lot of them are probably going to slip up.

  22. I believe women/ men say it’s okay to cheat and are really not okay with it. I think they convince themselves that it is okay in order to avoid the hurt of being betrayed. It lessens the hurt because they can be like “well I did say it was okay.. or I knew this was gonna happen.”

    I don’t believe any one is TRULY okay with it.

  23. ” and the chances of your girl finding out are slim to none, a lot of them are probably going to slip up.”

    There goes my NFL husband fantasy. LOL

  24. nicki…

    you’re right, im sure she won’t be okay with it. The truth is though, if he does it, then he’s going to do it no matter what…

    Some people have different definitions of cheating. I believe “cheating” is not being 100 percent honest with your mate. Stepping out is simply a manifestation of this dishonesty.

  25. Thank u Whyso!

    “I believe “cheating” is not being 100 percent honest with your mate.”

    I agree… I would even say when the man or woman has an “outside friend” that they are tellin all their relationship problems to. It’s a recipe for disaster.

  26. If I marry a baller then I am going to swing from ceilings and grind back and forth and hmmm

  27. Jazz Says:

    “It’s hard for a man to turn down p***y”.

    I’ve heard this so many times. I’ve never understood why men or women cheat. My thing is if you’re at the point where you feel like you’re getting ready to cheat obviously there are some issues going on and you’re not happy so just end the relationship so you can do whatever you want.

    And I don’t think I could ever be involved w/a NBA/NFL player, but that’s just me. Did you hear about Dwayne Wade and his wife claiming he gave her an STD with his cheating?

  28. “Did you hear about Dwayne Wade and his wife claiming he gave her an STD with his cheating?”

    Ew! I never heard this one before. I’d have to murk him.

    “just end the relationship so you can do whatever you want”

    My sentiments exactly.. why drive an innocent person into drama by just cheating? if u are not happy with that one person, just let them go.

  29. Britt Says:

    That is so sad that Vanessa Bryant is the poster child for this blog. LOL.

  30. kamakula Says:

    This is probably a bit too much for me to cover in this response, given that I have hw I should be working on, and that even if I didn’t, this is still a complex topic and I knew even as I was thinking of my comment that I’m simplifying things a lot but…

    Communication, desires, and expectations. Cheating occurs when there is a breakdown, typically of all of these. Once all three fail, you’ve got a problem.

    Why, because once a person finds their wants are not being met, their expectations are being broken, and they’re unable to communicate this to their partner, or the partner does not seem to be responsive, said person starts to feel that they no longer have as strong an obligation to the partner.

    Let’s say you hired someone to mow your lawn. They’re supposed to show up at 9am every Saturday morning and work for an hour. It goes well, you pay up. Then they start showing up late, knowing full well you had a dentist appointment and if you stuck around to open up the garage so they could grab the mower, you’d be late. Then they stopped calling ahead of time to say they’d be late and on top of that, if they even did show up, they’d only mow half the lawn and the job was shoddy at best.

    Imagine how you’d feel if they continued to demand the same pay you’d agreed on. Not only would you start balking, but you’d also probably have already started looking for someone else to take over.

    Like a well manicured lawn, relationships require work. Sometimes, we get caught up in the excitement and forget that routines establish a feeling of safety and security. Knowing someone, being able to depend on them, when this all goes away, without warning, without any communication, without any attempt or little attempt at rectification, it is natural to start looking for where the grass is greener.

    There are some who may say, well, despite everything that may happen, I’ll never cheat. I’m the same way. However, having been in such situations, I can testify that I definitely was tested in my abilities to resist temptation.

    I think temptation is always around. However, most of the time, it’s easy to ignore. It’s when you are weak and vulnerable that you start noticing all the looks that checker at Safeway has been giving you each time you buy a quart of milk. Or how that semi-cute girl from work always seems to stay late with you on those Fridays once a month that the boss asks you to stay late and always seems to forget that her last bus will be leaving at 730p and so you need to give her a ride home.


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