Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

I’m Not Scared… January 21, 2009

Filed under: Dating,relationships,Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 12:01 am

Of lions, tigers and bears…I’m sure you all know the rest, but if you don’t:

Exactly why do we love love when love seems to hate us?  I am asking this question because from personal experience I can say that love is absolutely everything that it’s cracked up to be.  It’s that thing that has caused men to go to war, makes you kill…you will stay out later than normal and come home home early.  It makes you do whatever necessary.  In fact, you will even change some of who you are in the name of this ever elusive emotion.

We’ve talked about soul mates.  We’ve talked about friends with benefits.  We’ve talked about potentials.   What we haven’t talked about is real love.  The kinda love that makes you wanna give up everything.  That solid kinda love.  I’m talking about the kinda love Coretta had for Martin, that light we all saw in Michelle’s eye yesterday when she watched Barack take office.  Those two women have something so great in common.  See if you don’t understand the kind I’m talking about…imagine how Coretta must have felt when they told her Martin was gone?  If that image doesn’t do it somebody think about how Jackie must have felt on that sunny day in Texas?  And if that doesn’t work…think about how Michelle is gonna feel every single minute Barack’s out of her sight?  Hm…see that’s loving someone so much you can’t bear to live without them…but do you love that person so much you can’t live with out them?  Or could you go on?

I’m scared of that kind of love.  I might not be scared of anybody or anythin else…I’m scared to love another person that’s not my child more than I love myself.  I am scared to hand someone my heart, bloody and beating, knowing that they have every single opportunity to break it.  But you see when you’re scared of love and you’re scared of what it brings then you are chained…enslaved to this fear and you won’t love.

This is the kind of love that may not be all roses and romance…it’s really, really hard work…it’s that kind of love where people see it and say they love each other so much….but let’s be clear this kind of love requires hard work-devotion, understanding and patience…examine yourself…can you love like this?  Are you ready to have someone love you like this?  This requires strength…what are you doing to prepare?

And for me, the thing is, I’m scared of loving you, yes baby, that’s right I love you so much it hurts…In fact, sometimes i think I survived on the breath you just finished…

This is me…waxing sentimental but what I really wanna know is what about love scares you?  Anything or are you fearless?

I’m obviously a ball of confusion….

***ADMIN NOTE***Check us out tomorrow for sure.  We’re introducing a new member of SSSO…here’s a hint…he’ll be giving the Bro’s prospective 🙂 I can’t wait!!!

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21 Responses to “I’m Not Scared…”

  1. Coco Says:

    Jac — great post. Very real and thought provoking. Something I think about quite often. And you know from some of the brief conversations that we’ve had, I’m definitely afraid of love. It’s funny…I’m afraid of the one thing I want most and take very views risks to get. I love hard and I give all. So much so that I do not risk at all because, although I have never been in love, I have been hurt by being in deep “like” if you know what I mean. I’m afraid of the pain of love lost. I’m afraid of giving my heart and being vulnerable. But at the same time, I want to. But with the right person. Believe me, when it comes to love, I too, am a ball of confusion.

  2. Jac Says:

    Thanks Coco-I think love is the one thing that a lot of people want most but we are all scared of it. I think, and I could always be wrong, that unless we loved and lost I don’t think we’ll ever be able to love fully.

    I kinda think you have to realize what it’s like to have your heart broken so that when you find the person you love you won’t really wanna do that to them.

  3. My Jac gets so deep! Fabulous post chica.

    ” I have been hurt by being in deep “like” if you know what I mean.”

    This is me too Coco.

    I can’t really say that I’ve ever been in love. To me, love is a mutual thing, you are comfortable in it… to be yourself, to just fall back and know that love is right there to catch you. I’ve been in deep “like” or “lust” and I know how bad those have hurt to lose, so love is a scary thing.

    But it’s also a beautiful thing…something that allows you to flourish and truly be yourself. I don’t think the loving part will be hard, I think the relationship part is the challenge for me. Being single for so long, I’m stuck in my ways, and don’t have to worry about anyone else. Of course, when you begin a relationship, that all changes.

  4. Anitra Says:

    I think I been in love once and in lust once too. I remember how it felt and honestly its nerve wrecking at times(the love part. I wore my feelings on my sleeve for that person and everyone knew when we weren’t getting along because it was on my face.

    The lust kinda feels like love too and I think they have often gotten confused. I think I have learned a lot from them both, Even tho love can be extremely annoying at times I can’t wait to be in it again because when you are with that person its like nothin else matters.

    Mornin dudets!

  5. Jac Says:

    “To me, love is a mutual thing, you are comfortable in it… to be yourself, to just fall back and know that love is right there to catch you.”

    Exactly and honestly that’s the best feeling in the world, but then you have to be very cognizant of how much you put on that person. That’s why I gave the examples I did because those men know for sure that the love they have can withstand so much…takes a strong man and an even stronger woman for that.

    “The lust kinda feels like love too and I think they have often gotten confused.”

    See that’s a large part of the problem. This is likely why we really need to watch introducing se#x too early. It can cloud for things and for us, as women, we are taking something inside of us…it’s an artificial premature bond.

  6. asankofaqueen Says:

    love is such a scary thing. just the thought of loving someone to the very core of my being is a lot to handle at times. I have loved like that before till this day if something is wrong with him I can feel it. our souls are interconnected that love goes beyond death why we aren’t together? it wasn’t in gods plan for our lives. however I may never allow another man to love me that way again. I am praying on my current situation…i am fearful of the course it may travel.

  7. Jac Says:

    @ASQ-“I have loved like that before till this day if something is wrong with him I can feel it.”

    It’s good to know I’m not the only one. I have it so bad sometimes I can tell whether or not he’s even awake. There have been days where’s it’s like I don’t feel his energy…ooh no…something’s wrong..it’s powerful..it’s real

  8. 80's Baby Says:

    Good morning yall.

    Yes, I have been in love before and I am ready for it again…… Although it didn’t work out I thank God for giving me a sneak peek of what it’s like to truly be in love with someone and accepting who they are…I’m definitely not scared to love again…

  9. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “The kinda love that makes you wanna give up everything. ”

    This is a very dangerous kind of love to me that goes beyond selfless and boarders on stupid.

    As deeply as I think I am capable of loving someone…I think there might be an exception to “EVERYTHING”.

  10. Jac Says:

    80s-I always knew you were braver than me 🙂

    CBG-Let’s not be so literal dear. I am not giving up my worldly everything for anybody-the thing is there’s a man or woman out there who will make you change things from what they were before…give up your job and move…etc.

    It’s the natural order of things 😉

  11. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “As deeply as I think I am capable of loving someone…I think there might be an exception to “EVERYTHING”.”

    for example..i am a ride or die type chick..but im not bonny to a KNOWINGLY illegal endeavor. Number 1 and only exception.

    self-preservation for the dumb stupid crazy kind of love. I win every time.

  12. No More Says:

    Love is a relative concept to me. I think love is different for different people, and that there is no universal definition of love, and the things that can/cant happen when in love.

  13. 80's Baby Says:

    80s-I always knew you were braver than me

    @ Jac…. I didn’t know I was brave… I just know next time I’m goin to be wiser. I’m gonna take heed to how they reveal themselves in the beginning. If they say they don’t want a relationship then it’s no since in me waiting around. I’ve waited before and have definitely learned my lesson.

  14. Jac Says:

    80s-Yep that’s def a wonderful thing.

    And we have to keep remembering that when someone shows you who they are believe them.

  15. Think abundantly. We go into things thinking about consequences – “what if I get my heart broken, what if he/she leaves, what if what if what if”

    You’ll never find out “what” if you keep asking “what if” – Awesome Inc, patent pending.

    Love is a full out, all cards up and on the table, nothing held back, 110% effort type thing. If you don’t give it your all, you can’t experience it. I’d write more about it, but I don’t wanna give away all my goodies 🙂

  16. Jac Says:

    Whyso-You always talking about your goodies and not sharing I’ma have to come up there and find out 😉

  17. u should NOT be scared of that kind of love!!! if the love is being reciprocated, then why fear it…embrace it!!! i personally long for that kind of love, but being my track record is with pure GARBAGE ass ninjas…that kind of love is so so so far away…if at all existant!!!

    now…on to read the other comments and shall be back shortly with something…perhaps a sweet potatoe pie (my favorite!!)

  18. Junior Says:

    Love is beautiful I think, period. There is nothing like loving somebody, and somebody loves you back. I’ve been in love and it ended poorly, but it didn’t change my view of it. When it was good…it was GOOD. It just wasn’t in the stars for us to be. However, I’m discovering that being in love again, with someone who returns it wholeheartedly is a different type of experience all together.

    So for me there’s nothing to be afraid of. Although I’ve been burned before, I still can’t make heat if I’m afraid of fire… and neither can anyone else for that matter.

  19. kamakula Says:

    Hmm, I certainly wasn’t scared of it the first time. So I think the fear comes once you been in love and for whatever reason, the relationship ends. Because during that time, you were at your most vulnerable. There’s a saying (or if it’s not, then I’ve coined it) that goes, the one who have the potential to hurt you the most are the ones whom you care about the most.

    I guess in my case, that has manifested itself in being a lot more private. I now evaluate whether I’m sharing too much soon into a relationship. I analyze my emotions and actions a lot more than a few years ago. I now don’t want to make more “mistakes” so I’m more tentative. Cautions.

    Before, I was a more date one woman at a time guy. Now, I diversify my options. Of course, there are arguments as to why one shouldn’t put all of one’s (metaphorical) eggs in one basket, but nevertheless, I know part of my motivation is that I’m attempting to mitigate potentially being hurt again.

    Our reaction to love, or really, our reaction to losing love, is always interesting and certainly I think puts a slightly harder edge on everyone. You can’t help but be more “grown up” in your outlook.

  20. Seeing Michelle look at Barack is amazing, They look in love, not just married.

    Anyway I’ll be glad to see a dude over here. every time i visit I feel like I’m interrupting an all girls meeting.. lol

  21. Britt Says:

    Great, great post. That is my JAM, I keep that song on repeat. I think kamakula hit the nail on the head with “Hmm, I certainly wasn’t scared of it the first time. So I think the fear comes once you been in love and for whatever reason, the relationship ends.”

    That’s me. I was in love once (I was also young and dumb) and the next time I won’t give my heart so easily.


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