Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

A Life Sentence February 27, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — FlawedBeauty @ 7:09 am

***ADMIN NOTE***Our resident black male here at SSSO is going to make himself available for questions from the general female population.  SO…if you’re interested in asking this brotha…hit us up at singlesisterspeakout@gmail.com!  Happy Weekending!

Not So Likely

Not So Likely

To the single life that is….Many black women are quick to point out that there are no good single black men out here. It turns out, they might actually be right, which also may explain why more black women remain unmarried than white women. Forty-two-percent of black women have never been married, compared to 21% of white woman, according to national statistics. That’s double, chicks! Within the last two generations, marriage rates for African-Americans have dropped significantly. Between 1970 and 2001, the black marriage rate dropped by 34 percent, compared to 17 percent in the general population. African-American women are also the least likely group to get married in the United States. That’s pretty sad. And if they wed an African-American man, those couples have the highest divorce rate in the United States. So what the hell is going on?

There are many reasons that are always thrown around as to why a black woman isn’t married. The incarceration rate for black men is higher than any other. There is an increase in black men dating and marrying outside of their race. The are some black men on the “down low” (they have sex with other men on the sly). Black women are “more independent” and don’t need a man to take care of them. The list of reasons can go on and on.

But no matter what the reason is as to why a black woman isn’t married, it just goes to show the pressure society puts on people to get married no matter what your race is. Sure, you may have all these great things going for you in your life, but if you aren’t married then nothing matters. It’s like the only reason I was put on Earth was to get married.

Take, for instance, my mother. She’s black. She’s 53, speaks five languages, has two degrees, owns her home and her car, and has a job. Not to mention she’s beautiful! And yet she still has never been married. It’s not that she hasn’t thought about it, but we all know it’s hard finding someone worthy of spending the rest of your life with. This is a common theme for a lot of black women. They are independent and attractive but still remain alone and unmarried. But on the other hand, there are plenty of black women out here married and in great relationships. In the end, who gives a crap what the statistic say, so long as people are satisfied with their lives?

Here’s an idea. Maybe we should spend less time focusing on marriage statistics and spend more time enjoying our lives, even if they don’t include a marriage proposal in the future. [The Star Press]

thefrisky.com

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What Really Grinds My Gears….. February 25, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — peyso @ 10:03 pm

What Really Grinds My Gears…..

 

  1. I hate when dudes sag their pants more than mine.
  2. I hate skinny jeans and the people who think that it’s ok for men to wear it.
  3. I hate when I get paid on a Thursday and my check is gone by Tuesday.
  4. I hate Ques who are too damn owt.
  5. I hate when people say I’m close minded when I don’t like someone, something or someone’s particular lifestyle.
  6. I hate when people call Africa a country.
  7. I hate when people say I don’t sound like I’m from NYC.
  8. I hate all the yuppies moving in my hood.
  9. I hate all the black folk who move into hood and think that they are not gentrifying because they are black when in all actuality you’re gentrifying because you make more money then all the black folk that lived there already.
  10. I hate when people expect me to act a certain way when I say what school I went to or the opposite way when I say where I grew up.
  11. I hate when I have to give the people who makes sometimes $50K more than me, excel and PowerPoint lessons.
  12. I hate that when a lady got laid off she got mad when she knows her arse hasn’t taken a Microsoft training class to update her skills in at least 10 years.
  13. I hate ring tones and the considerably auditory offensive ones.
  14. I hate sidekick phones.
  15. I hate chirping on nextels.
  16. I hate women who ask me what car I drive.
  17. I hate b*tches. Yea I said it. Firm believer that there is a difference between a woman and a b*tch. “Sisters get respect, b*tches get what they deserve. Sisters work hard, b*tches work your nerves…”
  18. I hate that we folk can’t just have a good ole fist fight. People are either too sensitive talking about “People shouldn’t fight, blah blah blah” or are punks and go get guns.
  19. I hate that people, despite my size, pick fights with me.
  20. I hate that my pops refuses to ever clean up after himself.

 

What grinds your gears?

 

My first semi-serious blog entry……

Filed under: Uncategorized — peyso @ 12:02 pm

As a recent college graduate, I was more than excited when my pops said that I can move back home. I love the building that we live in. It is a six floor, pre-war (WWII that is) building in the middle of Brooklyn’s most vibrant neighborhood. It’s a stone throw from Manhattan and the same hood where Biggie and Lil Kim used to run around. It’s filled with history and cultural centers such as the Brooklyn Navy Yards and the Brooklyn Academy of Music. I’ve digressed though. This building has been in my family for at least 30 years and I and my pops have lived in this building for at least ten years. The actions of the tenants association really befuddled me. In a well intentioned letter to inform us of the new recycling laws, they addressed to the wrong people; or at least that’s what my pops thought. The letter was addressed to Mr. Harris and partner. Did they really think that we were a gay couple? I mean, I understand that he may look young and I may look old but come on now? Both me and my dad were seriously troubled by this. Did we give off any signs that we were gay? I don’t walk with a twang or talk funny or move my hand like a stereotypical dude. I definitely have had more female visitors than men, (only one recently). I don’t get it. I asked some friends about it, both gay and straight, and many of them said that I was being homophobic. That if someone’s sexual orientation wasn’t a big deal to me then this shouldn’t be a big deal either. I don’t care if someone is gay, hell, that aint got shiznic to do with me. Hell, all the gay people can get married, their lives aint got a damn thing to do with me. But what makes you believe I’m gay. Should I worry about this? Am I less of a man now? Am I really being homophobic? Am I making too much of this?

 

Signing off with a really huge pause (no homo),

Peyso con Queso

 

I’ll Be The Judge of That

Filed under: Kimfoolery — cuzzo @ 12:01 am

This post may not resonate with most of you because I watch a lot of TV which cuts into book reading time (not). And during that TV watching is a lot of “judge” show watching. So, I’m judging the judges today – just the black judges, not Judy n’em.

First up – Judge Greg Mathis

I love me some Mathis. Mmmm. His MO is he went from jail to judge in 15 years. He knows about the streets and the circumstances of the many of the people that enter his courtroom. I believe he was the 1st black judge on TV too. Not to mention, he’s kinda easy on the eyes. He keeps it real. He gives off the vibe of that cool uncle who will chastise you but won’t tell you’re parents. He makes it known he’s from the Chi.

Next to Bat – Judge Karen Mills-Francis

Newer to the television scene, she’s not your ordinary judge. No, No. She wears a red robe, lol, and you can’t get past that blonde coif. Found out she’s based in Miami-Dade area. She’s sassy but not over the top put you in your place like somebody’s momma sass. She’s got a pleasant demeanor and a good sense of humor. She’s personable. I deem her cool auntie that won’t tell your parents either.

In this corner – Judge Penny Brown Reynolds

I’m not sure where she’s from or where the show is based. But, I did read that she’s an ordained minister. And, you can tell! Makes perfect sense if you’ve ever seen her. She’s so soft spoken and kinda ministers in the courtroom. She’s like part psychologist and counselor up in there – leave ppl always crying and what not. And, her show is soley Family court issues – in the sense of any case against a family member. She’s a nice person, not an entertaining judge. Her voice reminds me of an old woman tryna hand out the knowledege. I deem her Granny.

Order up – Judge Lynn Toler

Divorce Court

Divorce Court

Hmmm, just thinking this is a very nice picture of her…she doesn’t look this cute on TV. I digress. I like divorce court period. Liked it when Judge Mablean Ephraim was on there too. Nothing like some fueding lovers tryna get stuff like they are “owed”. She’s tough and easy at the same time. She doesn’t jump down the man’s throat, she listens to both sides fairly and puts her 45 cents in as well. She very knowledgeable about marriage (duh) and even sorta counsels ppl to think otherwise. I deem her momma.

Neeext – Judge Joe Brown

I don’t know if it’s his accent (some kinda drawl) or just him that BORES the hell outta me. He’s like your uncool dad. I don’t think the litigants even take him seriously.

There’s one more, who’s name escapes me right now. She’s soft spoken and her show tackles family stuff too. I’ll update once I figure it out.

Who’s your favorite judge and why?

 

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions February 24, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — FlawedBeauty @ 2:19 am

As I was sitting in church on yesterday morning I was listening to the scripture which at the moment is not pertinent (though the Word is always important).  Moving right along…one of the points made was that we as people (especially young people) do not know how to commit.

That’s right I said it.

Let’s examine this…we know how to make the decision to be with someone but do we understand what that really entails?  This means…that when he’s living all up in Detroit and GM is like get your ish and be out, you do not complain and throw a fit.  You simply have your man’s back.  Men, this means that when she got your kids and has a rough day at work you don’t go out with the boys…you handle the house and let her decompress.  See in all this you’ve made a decision to be committed…nothing more and nothing less.

Let’s clarify a thing or two though…sometimes…one person chooses to make the decision for both of you.  This is a case where the representative was out-in other words you’ve been bamboozled.  So…when the crap hits the fan…they forget to put on the mask and you see the real person. What do you do when this happens?  Yesterday, Nic told us when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em…but how exactly how do you know whether it’s time to make a decision?  Time to commit?  And exactly what are the circumstances that will cause you to throw the deuces on your relationship?  What are things we as men and women are willing to do to keep our partners happy and sane?

Let’s hear it.

 

Know When to Fold ‘Em! February 22, 2009

Filed under: Dating,Self Love,Uncategorized — Sunny @ 10:00 pm

How many of you have been in that position of trying to “make things work?”   You are unhappy, you are putting in more work than your partner and still, you stay. 

People subscribe to the “relationships are hard,” way of thinking… and believe it should be grueling.   Or by struggling with this thing, you are going to build character and one day it is all going to turn around.

Maybe I’m a dreamer, but I think when you are in a relationship with your friend, the journey is more like Springtime.  Sure there are some are some showers, but after they are over, gorgeous flowers will rise. 

Am I also dreaming by believing that during dating, you should have fun, get to know each other and create a beautiful friendship?  That after building that foundation, you commit to forming a strong relationship?   And only after then, will you even tread upon the grounds of marriage? Somebody tell me!

***stepping off soapbox*** And back to the topic at hand:  why do people stay if things are so bad?  Why do they stay when things are so hard?  So far, here are my reasons:  

1.  Comfort-ability:  Being comfortable will keep you in a bad situation because you are afraid of change.  It’s the reason that people stay stuck in dead end jobs, the reason why you stay in that deceased relationship. Or maybe you are just a glutton for punishment?

2.   Laziness:  It can also be a derivativeof #1.  Some folks are all talk but lack the inner PUSH to go ahead and do it!   You live by, “If he/she  ain’t saying nothing, I won’t either.”  Get off the couch…. NOW!

3.  Co-Dependence:  Face it, some folks cannot function outside of a relationship.  It’s a weak trait and it will leave you settling for less every time. You think:  “Shoot, at least I GOT somebody.”  (bad grammar intended)  Simple Solution:  Love yourself and stop waiting for someone else to. 

The greatest power you can have is knowing when walk away.  “Let Go and Let God;”  “Que Sera, Sera; ”   “It is what it is;”  all of those things.  Whatever phrase works for you, take it and implement it into your situation.  If you are not happy, let it go.   

Folks, please start being honest with yourselves… pixie dust is nice but it’s not the things relationships are built on.  Know when to fold them so that you can get out there and be ready for what is truly for you. 

Sidenote:  Ladies, invest in Greg Behrendt’s “He’s Just Not that Into You.”  It is truly, TRULY an investment in your well-being.

Anywho, do you have anything to add to my list?  Want to tell me I’m a dreamer?  What say you?

 

Dangerously Playfull February 20, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Holly GoLightly @ 5:15 am

So during all the Chrihanna hoopla I was really overwhelmed especially with questions… I was wondering what happened? Why did he hit up her? Were all the tv entertainment shows telling the truth? Long time ago I learned to never play fight & wrestle with boyfriends from my dad. His reasons were someone will get hurt and if his daughter shows up with bruises… Well there was gonna be some trouble!

Well tonight that meaningful lesson went out the window and I kinda played a little dangerously with my boyfriend. Now we weren’t wrestling but while he was laying in my lap I so playfully stuck my finger in his ear while he was dozing off to sleep. What happened next I wasn’t expecting all!! All I remember was an elbow going back connecting to my mouth and my lips hitting my braces! Thank God they aren’t wire!! My eyes were closed and I was fitting back tears as I held my mouth. He was on my right apologizing profusely! All I could think was that he Chrihanna’d me!! Now no way did this incident compare to their incident but it got me to thinking how many women engage in play fighting with their significant other and end up in a situation like or similar to theirs? How many couples wrestle not thinking about possible consequences? When is it ok to play and pass love taps?

P.S. I’m okay I went to sleep with him holding me and me clutching onto a bag of frozen peas!!!

P.S.S. My man aint a woman beater!!!