Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

A Life Sentence February 27, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — FlawedBeauty @ 7:09 am

***ADMIN NOTE***Our resident black male here at SSSO is going to make himself available for questions from the general female population.  SO…if you’re interested in asking this brotha…hit us up at singlesisterspeakout@gmail.com!  Happy Weekending!

Not So Likely

Not So Likely

To the single life that is….Many black women are quick to point out that there are no good single black men out here. It turns out, they might actually be right, which also may explain why more black women remain unmarried than white women. Forty-two-percent of black women have never been married, compared to 21% of white woman, according to national statistics. That’s double, chicks! Within the last two generations, marriage rates for African-Americans have dropped significantly. Between 1970 and 2001, the black marriage rate dropped by 34 percent, compared to 17 percent in the general population. African-American women are also the least likely group to get married in the United States. That’s pretty sad. And if they wed an African-American man, those couples have the highest divorce rate in the United States. So what the hell is going on?

There are many reasons that are always thrown around as to why a black woman isn’t married. The incarceration rate for black men is higher than any other. There is an increase in black men dating and marrying outside of their race. The are some black men on the “down low” (they have sex with other men on the sly). Black women are “more independent” and don’t need a man to take care of them. The list of reasons can go on and on.

But no matter what the reason is as to why a black woman isn’t married, it just goes to show the pressure society puts on people to get married no matter what your race is. Sure, you may have all these great things going for you in your life, but if you aren’t married then nothing matters. It’s like the only reason I was put on Earth was to get married.

Take, for instance, my mother. She’s black. She’s 53, speaks five languages, has two degrees, owns her home and her car, and has a job. Not to mention she’s beautiful! And yet she still has never been married. It’s not that she hasn’t thought about it, but we all know it’s hard finding someone worthy of spending the rest of your life with. This is a common theme for a lot of black women. They are independent and attractive but still remain alone and unmarried. But on the other hand, there are plenty of black women out here married and in great relationships. In the end, who gives a crap what the statistic say, so long as people are satisfied with their lives?

Here’s an idea. Maybe we should spend less time focusing on marriage statistics and spend more time enjoying our lives, even if they don’t include a marriage proposal in the future. [The Star Press]

thefrisky.com

Advertisements
 

12 Responses to “A Life Sentence”

  1. All you have to do is go on BPM and try internet dating, u will find out that being single is not so bad. LOL

  2. Jada Says:

    I desire to be married. I always have…and nothing will change about that. Some people want marriage, some don’t. Doesn’t make any of us less or more worthy individuals.

  3. slimjackson Says:

    I must say that there’s a lot of marriage talk going around the block lately. Damn you Barack and Michelle!

  4. thecomebackgirl Says:

    ” Between 1970 and 2001, the black marriage rate dropped by 34 percent, compared to 17 percent in the general population. African-American women are also the least likely group to get married in the United States. That’s pretty sad.”

    First of all good post…

    second of all when A.D.D lets me a loose imma really examine these numbers in greater detail because i think there is a story behind it that no one is really talking about.

    1. Some of the census bur. stats show that as black people age say right around 40 or so, the gap starts to narrow SIGNIFICANTLY, as it strictly relates to blacks marrying.
    Could be a matter of economics and a little cultural perspective. There is still some spillage between with what the feminist movement did to black women (who only co-signed for 1/3 of the “i can do it on my own” struggle..and the ramifications of “because i have too”…white women left that party more than 15 years ago(and told their daughters another story)..black women and their daughters never got the full memo: ie, see Gloria Steinem (the mother of the contemporary fem. movement) getting married for the first time at 66.

    2. Quite a few of my friends and associates are shackin. Unmmaried doesn’t mean UNCOUPLED. the stats don’t speak the fact that blacks folks are building relationships, but there “non-traditional” ones.

    2b. not every woman wants to be married. Same goes for black men too i suppose.

    3. I personally don’t think that marriage is the be all and end all. I like JaJa DO want to get married and have a family, but Im not relaxing my standards. I’ll be gummin my fruit i had for breakfast before i put up with some of the craziness i know women right this very minute are dealing with.

    lastly, when you live a full interesting life, the qwest to share it with someone you are compatible with is more important than why you don’t have a ring on it. ANYBODY and I mean ANYBODY can get a man. Some people want well meaning fruitful and substantial RELATIONSHIPS.

  5. “3. I personally don’t think that marriage is the be all and end all. I like JaJa DO want to get married and have a family, but Im not relaxing my standards. I’ll be gummin my fruit i had for breakfast before i put up with some of the craziness i know women right this very minute are dealing with.”

    ***claps fervently ****

  6. Britt Says:

    Color me traditional, but (like Jada) I want to marry. Statistics like this, along with what I see everyday, really scare me sometimes.

    I really love love love being single right now with limited responsibilities, but I am sometimes concerned that when I am ready to settle down the well will be even more dry than it is now.

  7. NannDimplez Says:

    I co-sign this article 100%. Just be happy gatdammit! Besides, getting married to ‘the one’ is not something you can control. Just enjoy life, love yourself and others around you, breathe easy and let life unfold as it may. People stress so much shyt that is beyond their control that they don’t even realize they are letting their lives fly by. Love doesn’t need our help to do its job. If it comes, it’ll come. If you want to settle to make sure you do have a partner, than do that. But you won’t be happy. I’d rather be alone and happy with life than with a partner (just for the sake of having a partner) and unhappy.

  8. A big part of the problem is that there are so many unhealthy(emotionally damaged) people roaming around. No one really wants to spend the time getting to the root of the issue. They only want to about what is, which is “I can’t find a good man”. Why? Well, while consistently droning in on them, we miss us. Sometimes it takes self reevaluation in order to change the situation. Once people identify there own hangups, they filter through the opposite sex more effectively. Highly educated women, myself included, are normally Type A personalities who are seeking perfection, and in some respects we think we are perfect as we list our credentials. Forget it, that alone is a reason to be considered unhealthy. Bottom line, get healthy and then choose someone healthy.

  9. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “A big part of the problem is that there are so many unhealthy(emotionally damaged) people roaming around”

    White people don’t have these or similiar problems? is that the reason that the stats are off?

    self-aware people usually attract the same..the opposite is also true..these two sets of people have been known to find each other and marry.

    part of the problem is that the stats can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. The other problem is that there not necessarily “true” peeling back lots of layers.

    some of this in an age disparity too…delayed adolescence..white people are also marrying later in life..blacks are no different. With age comes a little maturity and hence the numbers matching up a little better.

  10. Jaci Says:

    Nice comments today ladies and Slim.

    I really think that we are not as accepting of various things as we were say 30 years ago.

    I also do think there’s an age issue as well.. if things are down from 1970 I can see. My parents married in ’72…at age 22. I am 22 now and I might be 23 or 25 or 45 before it happens

  11. Jolie Fatale Says:

    DEAR SECONDARY TREEHOUSE I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!

    Tea and I have a bet that she cannot go through lent without talking about MEN .. so she will NOT be blogging, commenting .. or talking about men for the next 39 days. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU SEE HER ON ANY SITE TALKING ABOUT MEN

    She will win a spa gift certificate if she holds her end of the bargain

  12. Shelia Says:

    Interesting. The same issues we have our white counterparts have–when it comes to finding the right mate. Statistics are numbers done by a source to prove their point, so those stats don’t really mean much.

    I’m all for enjoying life. You can be happy in or out of a relationship and just because someone is married, it doesn’t mean they are happily married. Prime example: My friend mentioned her aunt’s husband died. They had been married 60 years. My first comment was–“I know she’s going to miss him, because that’s a long time to be with someone.” My friend went on to break down their relationship. They were more buddies than husband and wife. They never divorced, just lived under the same roof. He had his other women and she had her other men. That’s a long time to be married to someone and not really be married to him in the way you would expect.

    I said all of that to say–some things appear to be something that they are not. The stats are just numbers that should be ignored.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s