Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Lions, Tigers & Bears, Oh My! March 10, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — cuzzo @ 11:57 pm

Months before I heard the song, Lions, Tigers, and Bears by Jazmine Sullivan (PHILLY stand up!), I’d heard people talking about how great a song it was, when was she coming out with the single and the video, yadda yadda yadda. And after hearing it, aside from the power in her voice, just from the message she conveys,  I must agree that I thoroughly enjoy this song.

Some of the outstanding lyrics:

I’m not scared of lions and tigers and bears

But I’m scared of loving you

I’m not scared to perform at a sold out affair

But I’m scared of loving you

Am I the only one that thinks it’s an impossible task?

Why it don’t last? Is that too much to ask?

Why do we love love

When love seems to hate us?

Just cause I love you, and you love me

It doesn’t mean, that we’re meant to be

I can climb mountains, swim cross the seas

But the most frightening thing is you and me

I’m sorry but that is the muthaeffin shiznite! The troof! (and yea I cried the first time I head the song…I’m a sucker for a strong voice – DONT JUDGE!)

Ahem…I digress…

But for reals…why don’t that sh!t last?!? You’re the best of friends and you didn’t wanna do it, didn’t wanna lose the friendship but the feelings just too strong (see: Ursher, “U Make Me Wanna”) and ya’ll end up in a different kind of relationship – doing the horizontal polka, snuggling, talking all day and night, expressing your *gulp* feelings (bleh), and so on. And maybe it worked out…maybe it didn’t. Maybe you’re still friends….maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re still friends but you get jealous every time they have a new girlfriend but when it doesn’t work out (which you secretly pray) ya’ll get the talking again and realizing that you are perfect for each other and just need to get over the petty stuff ya’ll went through. (OK maybe that last one is just me)

Been there, done that, sang the song, got the record deal and went platinum. But, it’s happening again! And this is where I get the theory that Cuzzo likes dating the JERK (aka the assho!e) because I KNOW that he will fyck up. I don’t want the good friend (or me…it’s usually me) to mess up. Don’t wanna lose my friend (or a friend in the making)…that good guy…especially when he’s already expressed that he wants a relationship. Even when those lines aren’t crossed but the feeling’s expressed the friendship changes because I can’t really tell him EVERYTHANG anymore. Can’t tell him I’m knocking off dude down the street and ask for advice cause he’s now acting up or that dude in the Army sent me some jewelry for Valentine’s Day and that we talk on a regular basis but he really gets on my nerves, or that I went temporarily insane from Cabin fever and called up an old flame that gave THE BEST head ever for a fix.

Have you had (or do you currently have) that friend, that bond with someone of the opposite sex, where you loved each other but didn’t (or don’t) want to ruin the friendship by taking it “there”? Have you taken it there and regret it or not – either wishing you had done things differently so you can still be together or wishing it did not happen at all? Has a friend expressed stronger feelings for you when you thought otherwise – how did it feel? weird? flattering? relieving because you felt the same?

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39 Responses to “Lions, Tigers & Bears, Oh My!”

  1. Very strong post Cuz. I loves it.

    Right now, I have a “friend” (and I use the term loosely bc I can’t really say that he’s a good friend to me), but we started out as F buddies.. I wanted more. He never did… He lived here to play arena football and moved back to his home state of Alabama.

    After he moved, we grew our friendship bond… he declared his feelings for me one night but I think it was out of loneliness.

    Long story short, I’ve been there for him when he needed a cry, throughout all the women that he loved, blah-zay skippy. I used to love it when they didn’t work out.. now it just exhausts me bc he falls in love with someone new every two weeks.

    He consistently tries to get in my pants, even though now he lived even further away, but t’s so easy to turn him down.

  2. Jada Says:

    I have a friend whom I have a very strong connection with. After months of chillin we took it too far a few times. Enter another chick I found out he was dating. Wasn’t comfortable with that sitcho, so I told him it we were better off friends.

  3. 80's Baby Says:

    Make a long story short: Started “talking” to a guy and we decided to be friends first so we took the time to know each other… Things didn’t work out. We went our seperate ways and now I miss my friend.

  4. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “Have you had (or do you currently have) that friend, that bond with someone of the opposite sex, where you loved each other but didn’t (or don’t) want to ruin the friendship by taking it “there”?”

    I think friendship is the biggest foundation to build something on…if a man is hestiant because it might “ruin the friendship”..then he’s just not…fill in th blank.

    Sometimes the chemistry ISNT strong enough. I think friendship is often an excuse to at least try your hand at something more.

  5. peyso Says:

    I used to talk to this jawn in 8th grade. In 8th grade we wasnt doing the horizontal tango or nothin but then we went to seperate high schools but we still stayed in touch. We’re still pretty good friends, she got her relationship and I got mine. I approve of her boyf’s and she approves of my gfs. I used to hear stories of how her sex life was trash (from her) and I would be thinking “she should just let me hit it, just one time, i def could hit a homer, not no blooper to right field like ole dude is doing”. We talked about it but she said that she liked me too much to let me just hit but would occasionally let some other dude hit. I just said alot, i’m done speaking

  6. This is crazy: I have both of these situations in my life currently.

    The thing you have to learn how to do when it comes to all relationships — romantic or not — is be still/sane/immovable when someone tempts you. Don’t let someone push you easily.

    If you can do that, you’ll be able to cross the love threshold, and if it doesn’t work you may be able to maintain a friendship.

    BTW: That song is insanely great. But it’s perplexing that she wouldn’t mind being eaten alive by a lion, tiger or bear. But love, she’d run for the hills from it. lol. Makes sense, though. Good sense.

  7. @thecomebackgirl: I totally agree with you. The friendship that is built before/during a relationship is most important.

    Can you talk with the person through problems without knives in tow or without quarreling like fools?

    I kind of wish there was a six-month requirement before people could actually get emotionally involved.

    It would cut the breakup/divorce/”I found out that fool is crazy as hell but I still love him” rate in half.

  8. “I kind of wish there was a six-month requirement before people could actually get emotionally involved.

    It would cut the breakup/divorce/”I found out that fool is crazy as hell but I still love him” rate in half.”

    Very good point!!!

  9. Reign Says:

    You’re not alone I cried too, and still cry when I think about my current situation.

    My dude is my closet friend, my I.C.E. (in case of emergency) in my phone, my lover. Those lines “Just cause I love you, and you love me/It doesn’t mean, that we’re meant to be” hurt like h*ll to even think about because we are so good together.

    Friendship is the basis of all relationships, trust. And it hurts even more when you loose a best friend that was also a lover. I had a friend for 10 years, we dated and even talked about marriage but it didn’t work. and it’s still very hard to be friends because we are so much more emotionally with each other.

    Da*n just singing that song in my head makes me emotional!

  10. cuzzo Says:

    @80’s boo boo

    “we decided to be friends first so we took the time to know each other… Things didn’t work out.”

    so I can get this straight in the manuscript for life and love – were there any signs in the friendship that told you that it wouldn’t work out? Why didn’t it work out – petty issues…big stuff?

  11. cuzzo Says:

    @CBG

    “if a man is hestiant because it might “ruin the friendship”..then he’s just not…fill in th blank.

    Sometimes the chemistry ISNT strong enough.”

    uhhh, then what does that say about a WOMAN who doesn’t want to ruin the friendship (such as I’m talking about in this post)??? She’s not that into him??? is it only a one way street, what a man says and feels can never be akin to what a woman may say or feel? It’s a case by case basis.

  12. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “Can you talk with the person through problems without knives in tow or without quarreling like fools?

    I kind of wish there was a six-month requirement before people could actually get emotionally involved

    I do too. or some other “lengthy” period that allows people to remove all the pixie and fantasy.

    btw..lions, tigers and bears is a great song..but Jaz is still like a teenager..19? i have a hard time really relating to someone that young about love..with the next track talm bout busing windows.

  13. @thecomebackgirl: Bust Your Windows confuses the hell out of me. Is she saying that she did or that she will? Either way, she’s admitting that she’s nuts. Especially considering that she’s not scared of lion, tigers or bears.

    … Let that “Tiger go Tiger” on her. She if she don’t find fear in its finest hour.

  14. cuzzo Says:

    @Mi Peyso con Queso aka the scarface smasher

    “We talked about it but she said that she liked me too much to let me just hit but would occasionally let some other dude hit. I just said alot, i’m done speaking”

    Do you think your friendship would/could still be the same after you “just hit”??? Why would you want that for your friend? You don’t even want these other random dudes “just hitting” but u wanna do it.

    This is another thing I wanted to allude too, sometimes we know we are just FOUL or not right at the time to be with the person, and you want the best for them (for those of us unselfish folks) and it may not be us.

  15. peyso Says:

    I dont wanna just hit, but I feel like if you’re going to have a casual sexual relationship, it should be with someone who finds u attractive and generally cares about your feelings. Then I also felt bad a for her and her miserable sex life

  16. cuzzo Says:

    @TMCY

    “But it’s perplexing that she wouldn’t mind being eaten alive by a lion, tiger or bear. But love, she’d run for the hills from it”

    since ya wanna get literal about lions tigers and bears – they can be found at the zoo and the circus. she didn’t say she’s not scared of being eaten alive – who isnt? (but when you ask someone about there fears – they say crap like failure) If you live in a big city, chances are, u not worrying about a lion, tiger, bear, antelope, elephant, koala, snake…

  17. cuzzo Says:

    @Mi Peyso

    “I dont wanna just hit, but I feel like if you’re going to have a casual sexual relationship, it should be with someone who finds u attractive and generally cares about your feelings.”

    (casual sex + attracted folks + caring about feelings) x length of time = what?

    *scratches head*

  18. cuzzo Says:

    @Reign

    “My dude is my closet friend, my I.C.E. (in case of emergency) in my phone, my lover. Those lines “Just cause I love you, and you love me/It doesn’t mean, that we’re meant to be” hurt like h*ll to even think about because we are so good together.”

    I take it that neither of you are in relationships with other people since ya’ll sleeping together and what not. Do you avoid dating or getting serious with other people because of him?

  19. @cuzzo: I agree with that. But she didn’t say anything about the Lions, Tigers and Bears being caged or in a pit.

    And I could give you numerous stories about Lions and Tigers jumping out of pits and mauling people. lol.

    But I do agree with your theory. And you know, I’m just being difficult. It’s a brilliant song.

  20. 80's Baby Says:

    @cuzzo… Nope, not initially… I mean the talkin/friendship phase was good. He was able to get me to open up. Something that I never did before him. We both let our guards down which was awkward for both of us because we were so used to being private people…

    And see sex wasn’t in the equation because I was a virgin. We were just “talking” and getting to know each other. I mean we really took the time to know each other… From pointing out people in pictures to just listening to all kind of crazy family stories.

    And when we started talkin we were in school so he had the whole I’m not looking for a relationship thingy. So I was pretty much a PGF… But then when he was ready for a relationship the distance between us was a problem… I mean I know that was probably a cop out and everything else so I told him that it really ain’t nothin else that I can say or do to make him want to be with me so I removed myself.

  21. peyso Says:

    @ Cuzzo – nobody knows what that equals

    Also, if she shouldnt be afraid of those animals, then the validity of the song is ruined

  22. 80's Baby Says:

    But due to his present situation (engagement) I thought it was best that we cut all ties……. But I miss my friend and I wished we would have just remained at the getting to know you stage forever and just remained friends…..

    I really think we were probably just supposed to be friends and that’s it.

  23. cuzzo Says:

    @ Mi Peyso

    confrusion that’s what…

    and it’s not that she SHOULDN’T be afraid of them…it’s that she ISN’T. Watch an episode of the Maury show and you can see what ppl SHOULDN’T be afraid of like, cotton balls, frogs, and jello.

  24. ladebelle Says:

    i hate that i’m relating to this right now… in this moment and very second… *sigh*

    i mean, i don’t even know what to say here other then i’m really feeling the lyrics too. i didn’t cry when i heard it but like you, i’d heard all about it beforehand.

    and right now, i’m in a situation where i’ve unexpectedly developed feelings for a friend of mine *flash back to lover&friends* and i’m not sure what to do… i mean, his actions and things speak of interest as he refers to our time together as dates to other but i dunno… i’m definitely not ready for a relationship by any means buuuuut i do want to entertain dating (to be read as booty).

  25. cuzzo Says:

    @80’s bay bay bay

    “But due to his present situation (engagement) I thought it was best that we cut all ties”

    oh….yea…that might do it. lol. I was explaining to a friend that I’ve had similar relations with that essentially we’ve closed off parts of our lives to each other. I can never be a part of his wedding, baby shower, anything to do with a new woman…no matter how good of friends we were in the past. I don’t think a lot of men get that.

  26. peyso Says:

    @ cuzzo – she isnt scared of things that she shouldnt be afraid of, big deal. If she said that she wasnt of afraid of something that she should be in fact afraid of, then it makes sense

  27. cuzzo Says:

    @ Peyso

    nikka that’s what the eff I’m sayin…now, i like to go on and on about the pointless stuff just as much as the next man but i’m not bout to get into semantics wit you

  28. peyso Says:

    A cuzzo y not?

  29. cuzzo Says:

    @ladebelle

    “i’m definitely not ready for a relationship by any means buuuuut i do want to entertain dating (to be read as booty).”

    i just bust out laughing.

    it’s refreshing to hear a woman say she just wants the buns – even when the dude seems good for a relationship.

  30. cuzzo Says:

    @Peyso

    cuz u getting on my nerves! lol. arggggg like my annoying lil or in this case big brother. thanks though. now i see how i get on my best friends’ nerves all the time going on about stuff that’s beyond/beside/and after the fact – and nothing to do with the point

  31. Erin Says:

    Great post. . .I have never been in a situation where i had strong feelings for a friend or a friend had strong feelings for me and we had to decide whether or not to cross that line. . .but just as in any relationship communication is key, romantic or not. Meaningful friendships and definitely romantic relationships require one to put themselves out there, open up, and take risks. I do love that Jazmine Sullivan song, not the video so much but I appluad her for taking a risk and trying to be different.

  32. 80's Baby Says:

    oh….yea…that might do it. lol. I was explaining to a friend that I’ve had similar relations with that essentially we’ve closed off parts of our lives to each other. I can never be a part of his wedding, baby shower, anything to do with a new woman…no matter how good of friends we were in the past. I don’t think a lot of men get that.

    @cuzzo… Exactly..This fool gonna say he wish I could come to the wedding… And was dead serious…. I was like uhhhh no!!!!! I just wish I could get my friend back though…

    But next time I’m puttin a limit on the getting to know you stage.lol Because being friends first sometimes hurt more in the end once the friendship has to end.

  33. Hey there!

    Thank you for this very-needed conversation.

    I think that we need to practice more emotional discipline as black women…and I realize that I am a bit older than the ladies in this conversation right now!! *LOL*

    We need to be able to direct our emotions rather than always allowing our emotions to direct us.

    And…to answer your question…YES…I have done some things… *smirk* And I am older and wiser now.

    Peace, blessings and godliness,
    Lisa

  34. cuzzo Says:

    @80’s

    “But next time I’m puttin a limit on the getting to know you stage.lol Because being friends first sometimes hurt more in the end once the friendship has to end.”

    BOY O BOY do I know this. I’m all confluserated right now. How can you be friends when you know you might wanna do more with this person at some point? In getting to know you phase…feelings get stronger and stronger and stronger.

  35. peyso Says:

    @ cuzzo and 80’s – that happens alot more to guys, u would be shocked at how many guys get added to the just friends category when they’re really feeling a chick and the she tells him about all the galavanting she’s doing and he’s sitting there hurt on the inside and trying to be supportive on the outside. how often do u think it happens to women?

  36. cuzzo Says:

    @Peyso

    yes…i would be shocked cuz I don’t think it happens that much to ya’ll. A dude tells a female he’s feeling her and she proceeds to tell him about other dudes??? I expressed in the post that when that feeling is put out there (not even necessarily to the point where ya’ll act on it) u can’t tell the other person everything anymore.

    I don’t think it happens to women in that way for one because men are secretive when they see opportunity. They don’t put all they bidness out there because they might have a chance. See Jada’s comment earlier: “I have a friend whom I have a very strong connection with. After months of chillin we took it too far a few times. Enter another chick I found out he was dating.”

  37. I had 1 girl like this. even my boys were like “you need to get with her” but it just never happened. she married now so that ship has long sailed.

  38. cuzzo Says:

    Hey Lisa and Erin,

    Welcome and thanks for your comments.

  39. Shelia Says:

    I love that song. It actually fits how I feel right now. I think sometimes folks go around and round with someone old is because you don’t know what to expect loving someone new.


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