Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Letters for the Guy: V-Club, V-Cards and all thing Vs March 11, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — peyso @ 10:03 pm

Admin Note: This is the first installment of Letter for the Guy. Ladies feel free to email us and he’ll answer your questions.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,480037,00.html

“I’m 23 and still in the V-club. Every guy that is interested in me have turned me down due to my inexperience. I’m tempted to have a one-night stand or have sex with a male escort. How can I go about this? I’m starting to think my virginity is a curse and I’m pressed to lose it before I turn 24 next year. PLEASE help me out! This has really affected my self-esteem. I’m scared that I won’t get married because of this and I really want a family in the future. Thanks so much for your input.”

You hush up now!! I think that we have stumbled upon a treasure as precious as the Lost City of Atlantis or the Fountain of Youth. Or some other forgotten treasure. A virgin!!!!! I kid, I kid. I commend you for being to keep that V-card for this long. I’m sure you have had to fight off hundreds of sexual advances to do so. But now that you are 23, its become hard to lose it, huh?

Well, #1, don’t be pressed to lose the V-card. The first time you have sex SHOULD BE precious and I can assure you that it will be the one sexual experience that you will definitely remember for the rest of your life. I would even go so far to say that it will definitely affect the sex you will have for the next few years too.

#2, Guys that are interested in you are turning you down because they feel that you’re going to become really attached once you hand over the V-Card. They feel that you’re not going to know how to react once you receive the PUMPINGTON. Now if you want to have a one night stand or sex with escort, that’s all on you but I would highly recommend against it because its your first time (refer to #1).

#3, You’re definitely going to be able to find a husband, I don’t think you understand how many men are out there who wish they could find a virgin.

Words of advice, don’t put your virginity up as a display as I have seen many virgins do. This is going to force many guys to feel that they can’t reach the Wet Wet. They’re going to figure that many have tried and many have failed and that you set up ridiculous hurdles and barriers to maintain your virginity.

When the topic does finally come up, feel free to explain that you weren’t maintaining your virginity for any particular reason. You were just waiting for the right time or you never been in a situation where you had the opportunity to lose it. It is very much possible for you to be both a freak and a virgin and I think that would be something to play up.

 

All in all, if you really want to lose that V-card, you’ll lose it soon enough. Just don’t put your physical or mental health at risk to do so.

Anyone else? Any Ideas? Any other virgins look to shed the V and get some D (or P)?

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75 Responses to “Letters for the Guy: V-Club, V-Cards and all thing Vs”

  1. @peyso, good advice.

    I think I’d tell ol’ girl is to value her self worth more. That you are a virgin should bring you esteem, not lower it. There are so many FEMALES AND GUYS who wish they had what you HAVE. seriously.

    But if you want to give it up, get into a relationship with someone you like first. Don’t do the whole escort or one night stand thing.

    Build up to the moment with foreplay. Don’t rush into it. Take your time, and learn what you’re doing and what you like.

    Again, good post, Peyso.

  2. Being a virgin is a GREAT thing.. don’t let this lower your self esteem… S3x is good, but it’s really not worth it if you are not in a good relationship, so please don’t sell yourself short and consider giving it up to someone who doesn’t even deserve it. Honey, right now, your stock is way high.

    Good Advice Peyso!

  3. huchick Says:

    Good advice, but I have to ask at 23 what are you waiting for? You’re already considered old in regards to virginity and to be honest guys don’t like to teach a girl anything. I say do it but be safe.

  4. peyso Says:

    @ huchick – i was thinkin the same thing, how’d she get this far?

  5. @huchick: Jeez.. why does it have to be all about “and to be honest guys don’t like to teach a girl anything. ”

    Maybe she is doing it the Godly way and waiting and waiting on marriage, in that case, her Godly husband would be happy.

    Not everybody was weak and gave into temptation like some of us (me included.)

  6. huchick Says:

    @peyso, I just think it’s going to get harder for her to lose it once she gets older. Virginity= a gift & a curse.

  7. huchick Says:

    @Nicki: do you honestly believe in this day in age that men will be patient? Unless they are a virgin themselves, I don’t see guys waiting or being patient with dating a virgin. It’s too much to learn/teach and not to mention virgins are usually emotionally inept and probably not able to handle sex.

    Maybe I’m delusional but in my surroundings (primarily Howard) it ain’t happening. I don’t mean to be so opinionated on this but it’s so weird to me.

  8. @huchick: I haven’t met any yet, but I can’t make a blanket conclusion that all men are like that because I haven’t met them all.

    Just as she has kept her virginity at the age of 23 (which we’ve all concluded is out of the norm), who’s to say that there isn’t a man that is equal to that.

  9. April Says:

    very odd. Go for it or you will be FAR behind everyone else. Try the escort way since they are tested periodically.

  10. Jada Says:

    Wow I cannot believe people are encouraging her to just give it up like it’s school free lunch or some ish! My GOD if she’s held on for this long and if she desires to give it up…wouldn’t it be much better for her to give it to someone she loves and respects and vice versa. People get way too caught up in the what ifs.

    Mama there is a man out there for you who will be understanding and move with you at your pace. Don’t just give it up to anybody…trust you will regret that if you do. Things are not as bleak as some like to make it seem, and if it is…maybe they should re-evaluate who they choose to get involved with.

    Be strong and don’t so anything you’ll regret. Contrary to popular belief…all men are not dogs!

  11. Thank you JADA!!!!!! I agree with everything u said.

  12. Dr. J Says:

    Umm… I don’t want to be the one to say this… but i’m going to anyway.

    There’s a difference between a virgin, who is a everything but virgin, and a virgin who is a i’ve never done anything virgin.

    I’ve actually been interested in women who were virgins. It all depends on who they are and what they bring to the table. Like a man would be a really immature boy to dead a woman over being a virgin when she provides everything that you would want in a woman.

    As it pertains to this young lady I need more information as it pertains to whether she’s waiting for marriage or if she really hasn’t had the opportunity. My high-level advice:

    1) Don’t wear your virginity on your sleeve. It’s a big turn-off to a guy to keep hearing about how he’s not getting any, whether you are a virgin or not.
    2) Don’t just get it out the way on a one-night stand, or a male escort, better option would just be the guy who was closest to getting it anyway.
    3) You have to make the decision when you want to do it, don’t let any of us convince you when you should or shouldn’t.

  13. “Like a man would be a really immature boy to dead a woman over being a virgin when she provides everything that you would want in a woman.”

    Amen!

  14. April Says:

    ok, I guess being inexperienced is what’s hot in the streets? gtfoh

  15. “ok, I guess being inexperienced is what’s hot in the streets? gtfoh”

    Who cares what’s hot in the streets??? Being uneducated and wearing hair colors that God didn’t make is what’s hot in the streets, but some of us aren’t doing it.

  16. Britt Says:

    I say Congrats! Your virginity is a precious thing. I actually know more than one virgin and I tell them if you have waited this long (23+) nobody is worth giving it to except your husband.

  17. April Says:

    ^^^I’m just saying she needs to stop be uptight and get some vitamin D in her life. It ain’t that serious. She’s prob chunky or aesthetically displeasing.

  18. Britt Says:

    ROFL @ April.

  19. Jada Says:

    ok, I guess being inexperienced is what’s hot in the streets? gtfoh.

    Who gives a happy hot d@mn what’s hot in the streets? We’re not talking about buying about buying bamboo earrings cause it’s the new trend…we’re talking bout a woman’s virginity.

    So what she’s inexperienced…errrbody ain’t out here tryna give they cookies away for a calculator and a number 2 pencil. And advising her otherwise is so irresponsible. There is too much sh!t out here (aids, stds, preganancy) for her to just give it up all willy nilly like it don’t matter.

  20. “^^^I’m just saying she needs to stop be uptight and get some vitamin D in her life. It ain’t that serious. She’s prob chunky or aesthetically displeasing.”

    Oh Lord.. Why can’t we support our sistas?

  21. No More Says:

    “aesthetically displeasing.”

    Im gonna have to steal that.

  22. peyso Says:

    the bottom line is that she do what she wants, if u feening to give it up, there are plenty of men that will deflower you

  23. Jada Says:

    It ain’t that serious. She’s prob chunky or aesthetically displeasing.

    It ain’t that serious…TO YOU! Which speaks VOLUMES! If it wasn’t serious to her she would never have written in.

  24. thecomebackgirl Says:

    Sometimes my mind does wonder how much of the virginity thing is circumstance and how much is choice.

    The above letter writer doesn’t really feel like her virginity is a conscious CHOICE..so thats why you have people on here talm bout get some vitamin D in your life. I think she needs to have a come to Jesus regarding WHY she made this decision.

    If its because she wants to wait for the right man HIP HIP HORRAY!!! Thats how proud virg’s..start conversations.

    this virginity feels more like circumstance..which is why some of the women are resp. like she’s a social retard.

    my advice. FIGURE OUT THE WHY’s and hopefully they are compelling enough to propell you forward in your worthy decision.

    my pet peeve are people who mindlessly do things have have no earthy clue as to why.

  25. @nicki: “Who cares what’s hot in the streets??? Being uneducated and wearing hair colors that God didn’t make is what’s hot in the streets, but some of us aren’t doing it.”

    Great comeback Nicki. Pink hair and titty tattoos are hot in the streets, too. But that sure as hell don’t make them right. lol.

  26. “It ain’t that serious…TO YOU! Which speaks VOLUMES! If it wasn’t serious to her she would never have written in.”

    Exactly… and she said it is starting to effect her self esteem.. that is some delicate territory right there.

  27. No More Says:

    Yeah I agree with Comeback, it sounds like this chick has already made up her mind that she would rather NOT be a virgin.

  28. “Great comeback Nicki. Pink hair and titty tattoos are hot in the streets, too. But that sure as hell don’t make them right. lol.”

    Thank you thismayconcernyou!!!!

  29. Good point Comeback, I’d also like to know her reasons for being a virgin.. just curious.

  30. Jada Says:

    Yeah I agree with Comeback, it sounds like this chick has already made up her mind that she would rather NOT be a virgin.

    Yeah NoMo but we have no idea WHY! Is it b/c she’s being teased? Is it b/c men reject her because of it? What are the reasons she feels she wants to give it up.

    Cause if she does it for the wrong reasons….or with just anybody I’m 99.9% sure she will regret it and will have a hard time firgiving herself for a foolish decision.

  31. “Cause if she does it for the wrong reasons….or with just anybody I’m 99.9% sure she will regret it and will have a hard time firgiving herself for a foolish decision.”

    Exactly.. it is not something u can EVER get back again.

  32. deja Says:

    If someone is wanting to wait for whatever reason, why do they feel the need to relate it to the ‘norm’?

    The mentioning of her being an exception is therefore a gloat, because she brought into the conversation the average 23 year old.

    I don’t eat beef, does that make me special?

  33. Jada Says:

    The mentioning of her being an exception is therefore a gloat, because she brought into the conversation the average 23 year old.

    I don’t think it’s as much a gloat as it is a fact. MOST 23 yr olds ARE NOT VIRGINS. FACT.

  34. “If someone is wanting to wait for whatever reason, why do they feel the need to relate it to the ‘norm’?”

    This could probably be answered if we knew more about her… like why she’s doing it.

    When you say you don’t do something out of the norm, people look at you crazy.. I’m sure she’s had a conversation where a man has asked her what’s her fave position or some shat, and when she tells him she’s a V, he says something totally retarded..

    Just like you, I’m sure when someone has asked you where you like steak, and you’ve told them you don’t eat beef, someone has cocked their brows at you.

  35. deja Says:

    @Jada, I hardly think it’s a fact just a skewed perception.

  36. Jada Says:

    @ Deja

    How many 23 yr olds do you know who are still virgins?

  37. deja Says:

    23? none….but older than 23? several, ranging from 24 to 27. My sis was a virgin @ 29 and just married. I have an older soror who at 34, never had sex or been on a date and married her first suitor. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think that being 23 is or should be made out to be odd. They aren’t lepers.

  38. deja Says:

    23? none….but older than 23? several, ranging from 24 to 27. My sis was a virgin @ 29 and just married. I have an older soror who at 34, never had sex or been on a date and married her first suitor. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think that being 23 is or should be made out to be odd. They aren’t lepers.

  39. Jada Says:

    23? none….but older than 23? several, ranging from 24 to 27. My sis was a virgin @ 29 and just married. I have an older soror who at 34, never had sex or been on a date and married her first suitor. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think that being 23 is or should be made out to be odd. They aren’t lepers.

    I agree! And I think that’s cool about your sis and soror. And that could be a potential outcome for this young lady. I just don’t want her to do something she might regret before really thinking it through.

  40. “What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think that being 23 is or should be made out to be odd. They aren’t lepers.”

    You are right, they aren’t lepers…

    But from some of the responses here, they are treated like an oddity, and we are just a small group..

  41. Dr. J Says:

    I don’t want to run off on a tangent, but I would say that a 23 year old virgin is not a leper, but she is just as much a leper as a chick over 30 who is not married, never been married and single. Most men are like, “Wait, what’s wrong with this one?”

    So yeah, lay off the 23 year old.

  42. thecomebackgirl Says:

    @ Deja..again the WHY’s MATTER..since the woman wrote in for advice. starting the conversation without a why will have her submitting to the first numb nut who treats her nice(r). Sex!ual restraint is a muscle that is tried in temptation..so yeah i wanna know her whys? they are equally important as “this has affected my self-esteem”.

    im reading that her self esteem is already shot..her virginity is just an easy target.

  43. deja Says:

    @Comeback: understood, you’re right the ‘why’s’ matter.

    I don’t think she should worry about virginity hindering her chances of getting married.

  44. 80's Baby Says:

    Oh woowwwwww!!!!!!!!! I am so shocked at the comments that are up in here today… Talking down on somebody cause they’re a virgin… First of all that is so disrespectful!!!!

    But anywho I waited until I was 22 before I had sex for the first time. And no I was not the virgin who did everything but the actual do and I did not wear my virginity on my sleeve. Majority of the time I got accused of lying anyway. But did it make me want to run out and have sex. No. Did I care what other people thought? No. And I actually looked at is a good thing when the topic of sex came up with any of the guys who were pursuing me because once I revealed that I was a virgin the guys who were only interested in me for sex RAN!

    I am 26 years old and I have had sex with only 1 person. And that’s by choice! And I definitely don’t feel like I’m all that experienced but I ain’t tripping about the possibility that somebody is not gonna be interested as a result of my inexperience.

    It’s somebody for everybody and eventually you’ll meet someone who is not going to be phased by the fact that you’re still a virgin. Just stay encouraged and most importantly don’t do something that you may regret later on. I personally admire you and I say keep it. And to the jokers who give you a hard time about it tell them to KICK ROCKs.

    And come over and visit the treehouse (Peyso get her hip) we’re here to help you get that self-esteem back up!!!!! Sweetie, you are worth so much more than what’s in between your legs and if these men who like you can’t see that then that’s their loss!!!!

  45. “I am 26 years old and I have had sex with only 1 person. And that’s by choice! And I definitely don’t feel like I’m all that experienced but I ain’t tripping about the possibility that somebody is not gonna be interested as a result of my inexperience. ”

    Thank you for sharing that 80s and for giving this young lady something positive.

  46. peyso Says:

    Its funny how there are some folk are on here being disrespectful but if I was to go in on them about their past, i would be the disrespectful one.

    I rather deal with no past than deal with one that has more penis then years

  47. “Its funny how there are some folk are on here being disrespectful but if I was to go in on them about their past, i would be the disrespectful one.

    I rather deal with no past than deal with one that has more penis then years”

    Exactly!!!!! It is possible that people with a whole gang of numbers in their past wants to ruin someone else’s future bc of that.

  48. 80's Baby Says:

    I rather deal with no past than deal with one that has more penis then years

    Exactly!!!!! It is possible that people with a whole gang of numbers in their past wants to ruin someone else’s future bc of that.

    @Peyso and Nick…. I agree with both of you.

  49. Reason Says:

    a stale cookie is better than a cookie that has been bit off of 50-ll times

  50. 80's Baby Says:

    a stale cookie is better than a cookie that has been bit off of 50-ll times

    @Reason…. It’s better than a burnt cookie too….LMAO

  51. Jada Says:

    *DEAD* @ Reason and 80’s!

    Y’all ain’t said nothing but the truth!

  52. thecomebackgirl Says:

    This is why Ms. Virg needs to get her self-esteem up, people are going to always question your motives…and we don’t even matter..now im talm bout a man who is INTERESTED for reasons that may not be geniune.

    I don’t necessarily think the SSS readers are being disrespectful as much as queing in off her Ms. Virg’s stance on HER OWN ISSUE. A person dictates their own treatment.

    The bigger issue and maybe this will be addresseed at a later time is SELF ESTEEM. The ability to stand strong in your convictions regarding your personal beliefs.

    that is not clear to me in this letter…so yeah people will question what she looks like, how if at all she will relate to the opposite sex (even outside of se@1x)

  53. No More Says:

    I think people are questioning what she looks like/social skills cuz shes basically saying that she cant even give it away. Guys do not turn down P because of inexperience. Thats a cop-out if I ever heard one.

  54. thecomebackgirl Says:

    i can;t believe it…but i agree with NONO..what is the world coming to DAYUM!!!!

  55. No More Says:

    Armageddon sweetie! Pray extra-hard tonight.

  56. Jada Says:

    Armageddon sweetie! Pray extra-hard tonight.

    Pulls out the anointing oil and starts pouring.

  57. 80's Baby Says:

    @no more and comeback… And see I didn’t look at it like that….. When she said turned her down I thought she meant turned her down as in the possibility of getting to know her for a possible relationship… I didn’t think she meant turned her down for sex. But I can see how you got that…

  58. No More Says:

    Well at first I thought she meant relationship, but then I wondered why would inexperience be a factor in a relationship? Assuming the guy wanted something more than s3x, that shouldnt really be an issue…whomever wrote this needs just do a blog post about it and spill the details.

  59. Browngirl Says:

    Thanks Peyso and to all the commenters.

    Yes, this has affected my self-esteem because I feel so behind and out of the loop. I don’t think it has to do anything with my looks though not that it’s important but I do get attention a lot. Like 80’s said many guys think I’m lying when I say I’m a virgin, whatever that means.

    My problem is that I get reduced to “friend” or lil sister status immediately. I just think it’s hard to just give it away and from reading the letter I wrote it’s kinda stupid and written as a vent.

    Another reason is that I’m in dent school and for some reason that is a deterrent as well. I’m either intimidating to some guys, not always available and to top that off INEXPERIENCED.

    I need to stop making my situation such a big deal and enjoy life & dating.

  60. No More Says:

    “I need to stop making my situation such a big deal and enjoy life & dating.”

    Pretty much. The person who cherishes you wont put pressure on you and wont find your status intimidating.

  61. 80's Baby Says:

    Hey Browngirl…..

    I’m so happy that you decided to join us…..

    But yes you do need to quit making your situation a big deal and just enjoy life & dating like you said.

  62. 80's Baby Says:

    I just think it’s hard to just give it away

    @Brown girl… Oh and you better not just give it away.lol I still wish I had mine’s. Even though I loved the dude I did it for the wrong reasons. That’s one of my biggest regrets.

  63. “When she said turned her down I thought she meant turned her down as in the possibility of getting to know her for a possible relationship… I didn’t think she meant turned her down for sex. But I can see how you got that…

    That’s what I was thinking too!

  64. peyso Says:

    when i wrote my response, the first thing that i thought of was this show i saw on brooklyn public access television. the woman was suing the bol for her virginity

  65. “My problem is that I get reduced to “friend” or lil sister status immediately. I just think it’s hard to just give it away and from reading the letter I wrote it’s kinda stupid and written as a vent.”

    @browngirl: Hey and welcome to the blog!!!! Trust me if they leave u for something as petty as that, u want them GONE

  66. thecomebackgirl Says:

    First of all WELCOME Brown GIRL

    Second of all..YOU STILL DON’T have a WHY!! Why are you a virgin???

    It doesn’t really matter to me what it is..it could run the gammut..you don’t wanna be a stretched and out of shape down there for the right man…or it could be that you haven’t met HIM yet. Or maybe God is a factor.

    WHAT IS YOUR WHY?

    If you believe it and its compelling to you IT WOULD HAVE TO BE COMPELLING AND IMPORTANT TO THE GUY WHO WANTS TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.

    I really feel like the WAY you FEEL about your virg. is only a subset of poor self esteem and not the direct causation.

  67. thecomebackgirl Says:

    btw…im a “quasi” virigin (shut it everyone!!!)…and I’ll be dayumed if a man comes to me making me feel bad about my decision..keep it movin patna..for real for real. My done deebies are precious jewels.

  68. Comeback, what is a quasi virgin?

    Done debbies just made me crack up

  69. thecomebackgirl Says:

    Sunny…quasi virgin=celibate..dont be coy..we all virgins up in here, aint we?

  70. thecomebackgirl Says:

    and where the he!! was JAC today?

  71. Browngirl Says:

    comeback, I will email you my WHY

  72. ilcblogger Says:

    browngirl can you share your y with the group? if you’re not comfortable, then that’s cool, i’m just interested though cuz i am a 26 year old virgin who’s waiting for religious reasons (www.y-am-i-up.blogspot.com) and i was interested to hear your reasons. in any case, i’ve dated men in the past and am currently dating one right now who were cool with the whole virgin thing…i’ve even dated some who were cool with doing nothing at all (i.e., just kissing) so there’s definitely dudes out there who will respect you and wait till you’re ready….keep hope alive!

  73. “Sunny…quasi virgin=celibate..dont be coy..we all virgins up in here, aint we?”

    Aw.. well, shoot, I’m a quasi too then.

    Hey ilcblogger: I admire you for waiting!!!!

  74. Cheekie Says:

    I was in a meeting yesterday (the nerve of them? Where do they think I am…at work?) and couldn’t join in on the blog world but I really missed a big one!

    Browngirl, are you ME with this:

    “My problem is that I get reduced to “friend” or lil sister status immediately. I just think it’s hard to just give it away and from reading the letter I wrote it’s kinda stupid and written as a vent.”

    Wow. Talk about cosmic. Anyhow, what I also share in common is that I still hold the V-card (Tina Tightstuff as I’ve acquired from ThreeWays) as well. And guess what, I HAVE made it to 24 before doing the do. And it DOES get frustrating when a mofo don’t wanna find out and risk what kind of (good) woman you are because of it. But, hell, I say…keep on walking. Just gives me more reason to be thankful I didn’t give them the goodies.

    As far as why, it’s simple. I’m not religious (meaning, I believe in God, but am not involved in a organized religion…um I check “spiritual” on the forms), but I’m doing it for love. If I’m truly feeling the guy, I’ll know. I want that ish to be special. I mean, I’m not expecting it to be the best experience sexually, but I’m expecting it to be the best experience because of WHO I’m sharing it with.

    That said, I don’t take out my V-card when I’m paying for groceries, I don’t have the V stamped on my forehead, and I don’t wear the t-shirt everyday. It doesn’t define me. I’m not trying to blow it in anyone’s face because it’s unecessary. When the time comes to have that convo (which is uh usually…sooner than expected..lol) then I have it. And keep I try my best to it classy.

    Anyhow, keep the faith, Browngirl. And kudos to you for asking the question. Eff what’s popular. DO YOU. You’re the only one who will have to answer to yourself anyway.

    Anyhow, I still love this blog! Keep it up ladies…and sometimes gent!

  75. K.I.M. Says:

    I feel sorry for you. Find another V-man, find your man at church or some other setting where the sexual attraction is at a minimum.

    I had an associate who was 28 and a Virgin. She couldn’t have a successful relationship because she’d meet men at clubs and they’d eventually want sex and cheat on her. Quite honestly, I wouldn’t date a virgin because I think it’s important to experience a mental, emotional and physical connection.

    I’m not sure where the shame of sharing yourself physically came into play…actually it was a way to repress women by the church. Sure you shouldn’t screw any tom dick or harry, but I couldn’t imagine being engaged to a person and not understanding them physically. That’s like waiting until marriage to reveal your sense of humor. Makes no sense to me.


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