Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Ways to Get the Love You Deserve March 22, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sunny @ 8:00 pm

Good Day Everyone!!!! This entry will be coming from a guest blogger, our girl, Linda Dominique Grosvenor.

Check her out over at http://www.princessdominique.com/fashionblog and www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com Enjoy!

When we don’t learn from the past relationships and the mistakes we’ve made in them not only do we sell ourselves short, but we keep our happiness at bay. Love can’t reach us if we don’t know what it looks like because we’re clouded by the past or we don’t know how to make proper decisions so that it finds us. Here are some ways you can get prepare yourself to get the love you deserve:

The best way to get the love you deserve is to love yourself. People treat us like we treat ourselves. If you fall in love with yourself flaws and all and treat yourself like you deserve more, you will attract someone who will know that is your standard and they will give you what you deserve or quickly pass by if they are not up to task.

Practice being a listener. Many times we hear the surface of what people are saying but don’t open ourselves up for their full disclosure. Good listeners get listened to and when people know you’re listening to them, it forges an appreciation and a trust. That is essential in any budding relationship.

Communication gets you what you want. Learn to be honest about what you feel. Sometimes we compromise for the sake of having someone to call our own or wanting people to like us and never leave. The relationships that are the most satisfying are the ones where someone is able to love the true you, not a manufactured version of who you want them to think you are.

Trust your instincts about people. Normally when you are in tune with your Spirit it will lead you and give you discerning impressions of people you engage. It’s a wonderful sentiment to think that everyone in this world has your best interest at heart—but they don’t. Tune in to your Spirit and govern yourself accordingly and when you sense that he or she is too good to be true, you’re probably right.

Stop sabotaging yourself by expecting a man or woman to leave you or accusing them of cheating even when there’s no proof or pushing them away emotionally. When you project your fears onto your relationship it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and when it happens you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself.

Lastly be approachable. Many of us want love deep down on the inside where the layers of our heart and our armor and walls we’ve put up can protect us, but when we meet people we’re icy, short with words, dry and plain unappealing. If you want someone to be drawn to you and know that you are ready to “consider” them, tone down the bristly persona and learn to let people inside the layers of your personality and your heart eventually.

The list isn’t all inclusive, but if you adhere to some of the points you’ll be well on your way to renewing your thinking and preparing yourself for a love that’s truly worth it in the long run.

Linda Dominique Grosvenor has made her foray into non-fiction with the bestseller The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. Her expertise on dating and relationship issues has been used in articles for publications such as Modern Bride, Jolie, Jewel, Honey and MORE Magazine. Log on and visit her official website at www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com and for more information on her ministry check out www.ThePluralThing.com.

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17 Responses to “Ways to Get the Love You Deserve”

  1. Jaci Says:

    Thanks for the post Linda.

    I will definitely be checking out your other sites as well and it has been wonderful corresponding along with you and Nicki.

    “The best way to get the love you deserve is to love yourself.”

    I definitely agree with this. For me, learning how to love myself has been a long work in progress. I now know that because I didn’t love myself I entered into a relationship with someone who wanted to love a “manufactured” form of myself. Ultimately I could not be the woman that he desperately wanted me to be. When I couldn’t it was truly a heart and soul breaking experience to realize the consequences. But let me tell you, by the time the relationship officially ended…I couldn’t even cry. I didn’t even really care, but I knew it was important to get me together. I took some time off work and got me together and that welcomed in someone great.

    As for listening and communicating. The best way I can explain my feelings on this are the lyrics to that Mint Condition song…”you talk and hear me but we can’t communicate”…God gave two ears and one mouth …think about it.

    OK! I am going to cut it off here…my comment is already long enough!

  2. “People treat us like we treat ourselves”

    I agree. One of my former friends suffered from really low self esteem, and because of that, she allowed me to treat her less than stellar. Some of the stuff they did to her (that she allowed them to do) would not have been tried on a woman who truly valued herself.

  3. Anitraclark Says:

    Forgive me for being neglectful of ssso, I love you guys!!!

    I agree with all that was said especially the communication part. Jac you are on point about people falling in love with the “manufactured you”

    Its amazing how we would change our clothes, hair, make-up for a man. I remember falling in love with a guy who “liked” the fake me. Funny thing is I was ok with that. Didn’t realize how damaging changing everything about you can be. If you don’t love you people will manipulate everything you are about.

  4. Hey Mikki!!!

    “Its amazing how we would change our clothes, hair, make-up for a man. I remember falling in love with a guy who “liked” the fake me”

    I have been there chica.

  5. Anitraclark Says:

    girl yes nic I remember spending a whole day shopping for the perfect outfit and when dude saw me was like u wearing that?

    i was like umm yea i planned on it lol. girl he went in my closet and found me a whole new outfit and my lil 50 dollar outfit was out the window. I just went with it. I can’t believe back then i had no backbone!!!

  6. Ms. Eighty's Baby Says:

    Great Post!!!!!

    “Communication gets you what you want. Learn to be honest about what you feel. ”

    I’m working on this aspect. I’m used to just going with the flow. But no more….. I’m starting to speak up!!!!

  7. @Mik: Girl, I had a guy tell me, “I can give you some more time if you need to finish getting ready,” bc I didn’t wear makeup once. I told him to kiss my a$$ though. LOL

    We learn lessons growing up chica.. ao now you have backbone.

    “I’m working on this aspect. I’m used to just going with the flow. But no more….. I’m starting to speak up!!!!

    This is me too, 80s!

  8. Jada Says:

    Trust your instincts about people. Normally when you are in tune with your Spirit it will lead you and give you discerning impressions of people you engage.

    I agree on this point. Listen to your inner voice…it is important.

  9. Britt Says:

    People treat us like we treat ourselves. I couldn’t agree more.

  10. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “Stop sabotaging yourself by expecting a man or woman to leave you or accusing them of cheating even when there’s no proof or pushing them away emotionally. When you project your fears onto your relationship it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and when it happens you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself.”

    i agree with this..however people don’t normally sabatoge on a cognitive “im going to sabatoge my chances at finding real love when i walk out the house today”…its really on a deeper level, and in my opinion has more to do with relationship demons people have yet to “excorcise”..people do things consciously to make them “safe”.

    “Turning on the nice” may get you a date, but will have you dragging in old hurts if not properly delt with.

    the walking wounded commence relationships each and every day.

  11. peyso Says:

    @ Nicki – that’s why guys will holla at chicks in sweats and a pony tail, if you look good like that, imagine how yo look when you get done up

  12. @peyso: Thanks for ‘splainin that bc I wouldn’t date a guy if he met me when I was lookin a mess (which doesn’t happen often N-E-way) but I didn’t trust his judgement. lol

  13. MDUBB Says:

    @ peyso

    I’m glad you put that out their for the ladies. That’s exactly how me and my friends think.

    Besides I’ve dated women that would never put on a pair of sneakers and just kick it with me. If she’s dressed like that when I meet her then chances are we’re on the same level from the get go.

  14. Man just reading this but its sooooo on point.

  15. temps Says:

    @Pesyo this is off topic but I dont remember where you asked: What Do I Know About “The East”…I was born and raised in Linden and if you know the East you know which “Linden” I am talking about…and it aint on Linden Blvd!!!, Born in Brookldale, 3 train New Lots last stop!!! Gersh, Miller Ave Pitkin Ave(named after a Conn Col.) my man Ian “E LO” Moore was murdered in Thomas Jefferson with Tyrone Sinkler in that yr two other ppl were murdered in that school-“Jeff” was the 1st school in all of NYC to have metal detectors. The new Gateway Amll is can been seen out of my window..need more holla and of course my film company is The East New York Filmworks Company of Brooklyn….

    when the East is in the house..Oh My God..Danger!!!

  16. peyso Says:

    I know where the East is, I used to live in Boulevard on Schenck Ave. I also lived on Cozine, went to a lil BS private elementarty school. Explain to me why Jeff’s field was so far away from the field

  17. lindadominique Says:

    I almost forgot that I sent this article. I’ve been sooooo busy. Let me first start by saying I LOVE this site!

    Jaci we would love to have you. Check out http://www.ThePluralThing.com and sign up too. We’re scheduling weekly chats on a variety of relationship topics. Feel free to suggest some!

    Nicki, you’re right, low self esteem. So many people think you don’t have low self esteem if you talk loud or are always telling somebody off. Not true. There are so many different phases, but if you vow to do only what’s best for “you” because “you” want to do it, you’re on the right track!

    Anitra you hit the nail on the head, if we put on for people we can’t be mad if they’re only attracted to the “fake” us. That reminds me of that commercial where that teen had on like 5 million t-shirts. They were all labels that someone else put on him. He had to take them all off one at a time to find the REAL him!

    Ms. Eighty’s Baby, communication is still work. I think it’s an ongoing learning process. All the best with your journey too.

    Jada, so many people date a guy or girl that they instinctively know is no good and then they date them and find out just that, they’re no good. Our time should be too precious to waste.

    Britt–I would say let’s start a club but I already did. I hope you join me on the site.

    thecomebackgirl, I believe there is a conscious and unconscious level of sabotage. Telling your man or woman that they’re cheating or checking the last calls on his cell phone is conscious sabotage. There is only so much trapeze act a man or woman is going to deal with before they just leave.

    peyso–You’re absolutely right!

    MDUBB, exactly and that way you have a better idea of what you’re getting.

    Holly GoLightly, I’m glad you gleaned something from it. So many times we walk around in a fog. I don’t believe in seeing a ditch, knowing it’s there and then not warning people about the ditch. Everyone should help someone else and that way we’ll spend less time hating each other.

    Thanks for the opportunity to share!


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