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The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Chivalry’s CPR March 30, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — FlawedBeauty @ 8:00 pm

Admin Note: Originally, Holly was going to take over my day today, but since this post is relevant to what’s going on at the treehouse, we are going with it and we’re going to go with Holly’s post on Friday! And maybe I can have next week off!

We’ve had the debate on many days about whether or not chivalry was actually dead here in the blogworld.  Well…Patti Stanger of Millionare Matchmaker declares that it isn’t and best of all it’s free.  In fact, Thursday night I was watching an episode of her show where two millionaires happened to have hooked up.  Patti explained to the lady millionaire that while she was a mom and CEO she should relax and let the man do his job.  She then instructed the man to go and visit the woman because they had already broken a rule of hers since the lady visited him first.

I liked this.  To me, it does show interest.  I say this because I think it can work…(mind you this is just before I approached a man)

Anyways, Patti furthermore set out to give us five ways a man can be chivalrous that don’t cost any money…

1. Text back. I know that there are some out there who think text message communication is not the proper way to do things, but those of us with busy lifestyles who cannot always talk need a way to find out what’s what.  So if a woman text you, text her back within a reasonable amount of time…come on…it’s really the least you can do.

2. Give Advance Notice. This means if you wanna do something on Saturday let her know no later than Wednesday.  Consider that she has a life too.  Also if you need to cancel, please let her know with 24-48 hours advance notice.  Think about it, if it were a spa, dentist, doctor, etc they would charge your card.  Treat her with the same respect.

3. Have a plan. This means do not pick her up and say “hey babe, what do you wanna do tonight?” I really, really hate when men do this, especially if they have asked me out.  You should have some idea of what I like so you can take me somewhere and we can both have a good time (and actually want to do it again)

4. Weeks and Weekends. Don’t just call a girl Tuesday night after 11.  Try calling her and meeting for coffee at 2 or drinks at 6.  And don’t just keep her relegated to Monday-Friday, what’s wrong with Sunday brunch (after church of course).  Variety is the spice of life.

5. Lateness and Rudeness. Unacceptable behavior -minus extenuating circumstances.  Think about it in this way, you would rush to class, work, or church but you cannot rush to make sure I am not looking like an idiot at the lounge.  Treat me with the same respect you would anything else you are dedicated to making work.

So ladies and gentleman, here are five free and easy ways to be chivalrous to the lady in your life.

Ladies, is there anything small but reassuring a man can do to reassure you of his intentions?

Gentlemen, anything surefire and simple that you’ve been doing that shows the women you care?


17 Responses to “Chivalry’s CPR”

  1. Jennifer Says:

    Great list, especially the text and being on time ones. I’d like to add some things:

    *Wait until she enters her house before you drive off. Even if she lives in a good neighborhood.

    *Let her walk in front of you when entering a room. Extra cool points if you place your hand on the small of her back. It’s so minor, but I feel protected when he does this.

  2. JaneDoh! Says:

    Jaci and Jennifer, those are good. Oh, how about walking on the outside when you guys are walking down the street. Even I didn’t know about this one until I went out with a guy who did that. Is it just me but have men given up on opening doors (as well as car doors) and pulling out chairs?

  3. Good list Ladies!

    Especially that door thing, that’s big for me.

  4. Jada Says:

    This is a great list! And I like that millionaires hook up show. Patty really understands the natural roles and order. She gets a ^5!

  5. Britt Says:

    Unless we have some kind of previous rapport, don’t text me. I don’t want to sit and lay up on the phone with you all hours of the night. A 5 minute phone call is sufficient. If you are too busy to call, I am too busy to text back.

  6. See I was actually told texting is impersonal and I should call. Besides that most this stuff is common sense and just good home training.

  7. Rob Says:

    Here’s some guy insight (as if that matters . . .lol):

    1. Text Back: This should actually say text back and give a very detailed response. For example, my wife always asks me via text, “whatcha doing?” . . . i used to respond “nothing”. I have learned that women want detailed answers like, “Nothing. Sitting on the Couch watching the Bulls game and eating some chips.” This allows yall to determine is it’s even necessary to ask your followup question to “whatcha doing?” which usually is a question that is going to impede on the fact that I’m doing something that in your eyes is meaningless (ie., watching the Bulls game).

    2. Advance Notice & Have a Plan: They go together. The problem is, men never do either. For example, lets say the guys are getting together for a night out. Here’s the notice – dude, we’re going out tonight – and here’s the plan – dude, we’re going out tonight. We don’t need to know when, where and what we’re doing, we just know we’re doing it. Women start planning friday night out with the girls on Monday morning via email. That being said, I have learned that when my wife say, let’s go out she really means I want us to go out and I want you to plan what we’re going to do from top to bottom.

    3. Lateless & Rudeness: These two should probably be seperated even though being late is rude. But women killed this. I call my wife and say be ready at 5, which means she won’t be ready till 5:15. So, if this is done to you 6 or 8 times, guys start thinking, I got 15 mins of room so I don’t have to be there exactly at 5. Until the day that you all actually get ready by 5 and all hell breaks loose. Easy way to kill this ladies. If he says 5, and you know you are always 15mins late, ask him for those extra 15 mins. Secondly, nip this in the bud on the first occurence and you won’t have a problem. Problem occurs when you let it go the first time and it seems acceptable.

  8. jac Says:

    Thanks to all who have commented

    @britt-hard on em huh?

    @sdvb-yes they are so why are people still missing them?

    @rob-yes we women do tend to interrupt! Lol…we dony mean to 🙂

  9. Britt Says:

    LOL @ Jac. I just think it’s lazy and a man should put in work at first. When a man I just met texts me frequently, I think one of two things.

    1) He is sending mass texts.
    2) He is laying in bed with his wife and therefore cannot use the phone.


  10. Dr. J Says:

    If this is a list of chilvarous actions that I can take, may I be the first to say, the bar is getting lower EVERYDAY, lol.

  11. Bamer15 Says:

    Easy one for you guys out there that works for me all the time.

    simply *smile*

    You wouldn’t believe at how much more friendly women can get towards you if you just smile a bit more. It’s the most contagious thing on this earth I swear.

    Try it.

  12. Junior Says:

    When you open the car door for a woman, it is nice for the woman to unlock the door if you are not riding around with automatic locks.

    Also, I don’t get this “walk on the outside of traffic when at crosswalks.” I’m a pretty strong guy, but if a car is going to run a light and hit us, both of us are dead regardless. Its not going to do any good whether I’m on the inside on the outside. not to mention, have you ever seen a guy try to do this when you are walking somewhere and taking multiple turns? You end up looking like a retarded duck because everytime you make it to another side of the street you have to let her get on the other side…too much work right there to be a gentleman. I’ll stick to opening doors and pulling out chairs.

  13. JaneDoh! Says:

    LMAO@ Junior. Well I guess it’s the thought that counts but I hear you. The guy I was on the date with also said that walking on the outside meant, you were letting people know that the girl wasn’t available. Though, that could of been some bull, idk.

    @DR.J: I think everyone is just tossing in the little things that have become forgotten. Now I’m sure if we really wanted to get down to the nitty-gritty, then the list would be a lot longer and more substantial 🙂

  14. MDUBB Says:

    All of this is fine and dandy, and I’m down with you on being chivalrous. But honestly my problem is finding a woman who deserves such treatment.

    By that I mean, I’m tired of females who act like it’s my job to be all extra nice to them while they basically give me their ass to kiss in return.

    I’m not into being gamed by anybody, and I think their is a demographic of guys out there that drops the chivalry act to protect themselves from shady characters trying to take their kindness for weakness.

    Trust me I wanna be nice, but right now I don’t trust yall like that.

  15. MDUBB: You are right, this is not something that everyone deserves… reserve it strictly for the ladies… we’re still out there. Just keep your eyes open and wait. You’ll know us when u see us. 😉

  16. Britt Says:

    @ Junior – I thought this post was about chivalry, not ish women could do for you. Interesting …

  17. temps Says:

    True there are some ladies playing nice wanting the chivalry only to use it to filter who gets the goods. As for chivalry itseelf I think its easy to do in the streets-we all know the routine my question is when things get real. Yall “in” and she makes more than he or she really is aggressive at sex it wasnt about gettin use to her. I think when expecatations are waaaaay off within gender roles men or women get funny about it and thats what killed chivalry. She can be independent but some men think “she wont need that with me” or she thinks “okay he’s quiet well I’ll get him to losen up”. In both cases both the man and women are trying to fullfill the Other with what they think is the proper gender role. But pulling out chairs-holding open doors-giving up my seat are short term mainly unseen acts of chivalry I would rather know how is it going within realtionships.

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