Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Nice Guys Need Not Apply April 7, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — cuzzo @ 9:44 pm

Bad, bad boys

Come with me, Come with me (x2)

I wouldn’t consider myself a “drama Queen” but I need something to talk (read as complain) about. No relationship is perfect so there will always be a little something something that peeves you. I don’t want the nice guy (not now at least), they make me yawn.

Open the car door for me…kick rocks

Allow me to be irrational and blow up on you…kill yourself

Cook me dinner…there’s the door

Tell me you miss me…gag

But, the real psychosis behind it is that I don’t want to lose a good thing. He’s great, adores me, treats me like a princess, and then we (or one of us) get bored, start fighting over nonsense, then the goodness is over with. The goodness may not end that way exactly but I’m afraid it will end somehow and most likely because of me. So, bad boys, jerks, @ssholes, I know what you’re about. I know you will do something to hurt me or annoy me to the brink of insanity. I saw it from a mile away. BRING IT ON!

In Other Ponderation, you know how males seem to have that epidemic of women flooding out of the woodworks once they’re in a relationship? These women notice that – well damn someone else wants you so you must be aight. And, of course, no one wants to eat at a restaurant where there are no cars in front (or something like that). Can the same be said for women? Do the men seem to  come flocking when we are beau’d up? Men, do you want a woman more or see her in a different light, having more potential possibly, once she becomes serious with a dude?

*This post is part cynical part truth…maybe.

Advertisements
 

30 Responses to “Nice Guys Need Not Apply”

  1. Damon Says:

    @cuzzo: If you don’t want a good guy, what do you want? An asshole? I’m not trying to be funny. It’s just that when a woman says she likes “bad guys” she’s welcoming trouble. And that’s not a good sign.

    Wanting someone who does more bad than good … is not a good look.

    Honestly, though. I think we all have liked/dated someone who isn’t good for us at a time or another. But you have to learn the few things that you must have in a significant other, and weed out the dumb ish.
    —-
    On your last question: I think it works both ways. Everybody wants a piece of someone (male/female) who is brimming/glowing with unmistakable confidence.

  2. “Do the men seem to come flocking when we are beau’d up?

    This question is on point. As you know (or may not), I am no longer single. Mr. Threesome calls yesterday, reminiscing and babbling…. It was quite shocking, actually, but I have moved on.

    Ninjas need to learn how to value the good women when they are around instead of being “scared.” She doesn’t wait forever.

    Cuzzo, I used to be like u and run from the Nice Guy… now that I’ve got one, I really don’t understand why I was putting myself through that torture.

  3. Damon Says:

    @nicki: It is torture to date/deal with a bad person. lol. Especially when they think they’re OK …

  4. @Damon: Exactly… I have been there… this guy was actually trying to change me and make me think his doggedness was okay.

    He almost got me.

  5. cuzzo Says:

    @Dame

    My bad boy will not smack me, keep me from my friends, or call my momma a bitch. I have boundaries you know. He’s not a drug dealer, push old ladies down stairs, or steal girl scout cookies. It’s easier to define the goody good guy that I DON’T want or think I deserve right now versus just how BAD he is. I have tendencies to say @sshole-ish things to people and I don’t want the dude just be like well alright…that’s Cuzzo. No, you got’s to check me.

    More understandably, no punks! If I can punk you, walk all over ya…I’m gone.

  6. Damon Says:

    @cuzzo: I’m totally with that. There has to be balance, a give and take. You have to be able to give some @sshole words as well as be able to take them in and be able to respond.

    No good person I know wants someone he/she can walk all over because good people still take advantage of people who are too damn good for their own good. (I really just used good four times in a sentence and it makes sense). lol.

  7. cuzzo Says:

    @Nicki
    “As you know (or may not), I am no longer single.”

    No…I may not have known that. I am not single either, I’m tolerating someone at the moment, lol.

    “I really don’t understand why I was putting myself through that torture.”

    yea, you’ve matured *gag* I don’t wanna grow up just yet.

  8. “I have tendencies to say @sshole-ish things to people and I don’t want the dude just be like well alright…that’s Cuzzo. No, you got’s to check me.”

    @cuzzo.. it’s something sooo s3xy about being checked! lol

  9. “No…I may not have known that. I am not single either, I’m tolerating someone at the moment, lol. ”

    @Cuzzo: It just happened Sunday chica… U aren’t out of the loop. (celibacy left too. LMAO)

    “yea, you’ve matured *gag* I don’t wanna grow up just yet.”

    Ain’t nothing wrong with it.. girl, enjoy yourself… don’t step into stuff u are not ready for.

  10. offdwall Says:

    Men, do you want a woman more or see her in a different light, having more potential possibly, once she becomes serious with a dude?

    In my eyes, she actually loses some of her luster because I know some other dude is stroking on the regular. That just doesn’t appeal to me. Besides, when a woman is serious, serious about a dude, there is little that can be done to distract her gaze.

    So I see her in a different light certainly, but it isn’t always one that makes her more attractive to me.

  11. hmmm…am I allowed to play devil’s advocate?

    You say you don’t want one now. So what happens when you do want one? Exactly. a) they’d either have found girls who favor them, or b) They’d have all turned into jerks, to give you what you wanted. Either way, they will be in short supply.

    I will say this, it’s a lot easier to go from nice guy to jerk than it is to go back. Even tougher though is maintaining the fine balance between the two, which is probably the guy you’re looking for.

  12. cuzzo Says:

    @Why so A’ness

    “So what happens when you do want one? ”

    I’ll just have to wait it out like the rest of the world. D’uh. You’re a and b situations only apply if Mr.Nicey Nice is someone I already know that may have been trying to get with me for some time.

    “I will say this, it’s a lot easier to go from nice guy to jerk than it is to go back. ”

    Easier maybe…but both ways is a possibility. I’ve heard too many women complain about how a dude was a jerk when he was with her only to turn around and treat the next woman like a Queen.

  13. Peyso Says:

    I have one comment….. And women talk about there are no quality black men smh

  14. cuzzo Says:

    @Offd

    “In my eyes, she actually loses some of her luster because I know some other dude is stroking on the regular. ”

    wow. um, thanks for THAT perspective.

    (note to self: Offdwall is not feeling the message behind Jagged Edge’s – “He Can’t Love You, Like I Love You”)

  15. cuzzo Says:

    @ Peyso

    I have one response…what?

  16. Peyso Says:

    @ cuzzo – u hoggin all the nice black guys, makin them jaded and hate women then all the other chicas cant find any.

    But more seriously, I think its awfully ironic that we have some many women who “cant stand” a nice guy (black, white or other) and so many women who just “can’t find one” (read: doesnt believe there are any in existence)

  17. cuzzo Says:

    @Peyso

    Don’t think of it as irony…think of it as the enigma that is woman.

  18. Rob Weaver Says:

    “Men, do you want a woman more or see her in a different light, having more potential possibly, once she becomes serious with a dude?”

    A little perspective from someone OFF-ICIALLY out the game (ie. Married).

    I’m a bit long winded on this.

    I don’t think that the “girls want guys who have girls” premise is something that is rooted SOLELY in women being trifling (I said SOLELY, may have a bit to do with it though). i think that a significant contributant to why men become more attractive to women after they are in relationships is because they either by choice or osmosis have become better adapt at meeting the general needs that all women have as a result of the practice that is necessary for them to maintain their relationship. Thus, these learned habits become so much a part of them that they exhibit it always. Dudes in relationships don’t just open doors for their lady. . . they do it for all ladies. Dudes in relationships don’t just listen to their women . . they listen to all women. Dudes in relationshipss don’t just speak and act with courtesy to their woman. . . they do so to all women. Thus, women become attracted to the dude in the relationship as a result of his becoming just a better man within in his relationship through practice and those characteristics oozing out into other facets/areas/relationships of his life. You feel me?

    And I echo Offdwall in a certain sense. Men are too territorial to really covet a shared woman. It may happen because you’re giving her no other option (ie not wifing her down and thus she keeps her options open too), but on the real, it isn’t what a dude favors.

  19. cuzzo Says:

    @ Rob

    “A little perspective from someone OFF-ICIALLY out the game (ie. Married). ”

    sorry to hear that. lol. no seriously…this is really for another post but is there “drama” in your marriage? Not constant drama…but like ups and downs? I feel like every relationship needs some humps to get over to prove that the couple can sustain. Or am I really just a “drama whore”?

    “Thus, women become attracted to the dude in the relationship as a result of his becoming just a better man within in his relationship through practice and those characteristics oozing out into other facets/areas/relationships of his life. You feel me?”

    yes. and thank you professor X for that thesis. Can we add in that a man in a relationship doesn’t want you anymore? I don’t know what it is about a man that just acts like he doesn’t want me that makes me want him more.

  20. hmmm….Why does there always have to be “ups and down” or “drama” or “humps to get over” in a relationship???

    I try maintain relatively drama free relationships. I don’t have time for it. Drama is negative energy, and if we are two people doing positive things

    The “ups and downs” wont be created by the two people in the relationship, they will be created by the challenges we face in other facets of our life, which we will team together to help each other over. Us against the world, not us against each other…

    or so that’s how I theorize it. I could be wrong.

  21. Rob Weaver Says:

    “Drama” never goes away, it just manifests itself differently. The boyfriend/girlfriend drama’s are all but non existent. If you aint handled that drama before marriage, you shouldn’t be gettin married.

    And I also have this rule to remove any and everyone out of my life that doesn’t contribute to the growth of my relationship and family. No matter if they are family, friends, ex’s, associates, whatever.

    @”I don’t know what it is about a man that just acts like he doesn’t want me that makes me want him more.”

    I do get this though (that’s the SOLELY rooted in woman trifleness part . . .LOL).

  22. Bamer15 Says:

    @ A.I. : I completely agree… I try and kep the relationships I am in to stress free level. And I have no problem doing this at all. I am a mild manored guy so I can put up with the blowups from her and the mood swings. I kinda kill you with kindness, but at the same time I have no problem ‘hitting’ you on the head from time to time to keep you in check.

    Agreed, I don’t have ups and downs in my relationships anymore. That reminds me of when I was 16… now it’s crystal clear sailing. 🙂

  23. temps Says:

    Being from a hood in that contributes to 20% of NY States prison pop you want a bad boy come to East New York. When any black women says this I think of guys like this like my Boy locked up with parole in 2012 (he’s 33 and has been in and out since 96). Back in the day he was That Ni99a! Hardcore Brooklyn drug dealer-attractive, dangerous and prone to felonious assaults and drug possession is this who you want Cuzzo?

    Now the next cat the “Corporate Thug” I have never met him becuase he is a myth. Though I know plenty of brothers who work in Corp America – some of em come off square yet I havent met one that reminds of a tough guy from the hood, now a regular guy but a thorough Real Street Nigga turned Corporate…No. I am not sure what appeal this kind of guy has after all as I said I have never met this guy and he really doesnt exist. Only kinda guy like this I have seen is the lame corporate dude who uses his salary to “ghettonize” his persona. All of a sudden he know all the gangsta rap and its actually cheaper for him to buy old car and trick it out-but he was never a thug, yet he has gotten plenty of black women fronting that he was a former tough guy. So you want this cat, a Poser.

    The Blue Collar Intellect..with a Past…yea he had to “retire” from the game but was he really in it? Yea ok he was but got shook and stepped. Also his “intellect” is suspect. Had he not did that yr for a gun charge he woulda never read Malcolm X so is this the guy you want to have babies with? And oh that gun charge was his dumb idea to bring the gat to the club on some bitch shit cuz “dude keep clocking me like shit sweet” and then some one snitched on him only reason he didnt get long yrs the gun was sans bullets so what did he bring it for?

    And then there are guys like me: Degree-no kids, never sold drugs never really cared to, artistic and passionate so we dont give a rat ass “what the Streets think”, we blaze trees but can put it down when needed, though an artist we are business minded and are not PC, I have been told more than once that “I am cold” I have been told I dont smile enough and I am too rough and all that, I am loud and have a deep voice so I can and will be heard over you, and I dont agree with everything positive and black. I am a fan of the ruff-rugged-n raw-grit and grime part of life (that means I got Jadas’ Last Kiss and not Flo Ridas corny ass single), I wear timbs in the Summer but I also rock my Cole Haan’s with my Kenneth Cole shirts, I read: the Times, the Post-GQ, , Richard Wright, James Baldwin, philosophers, sociologist, last I love the Simpsons and Bill Maher and I have the porn collection…so I have no idea (and I dont care) if I am qualified as a “bad boy”. Anyway can you give a detailed description as to what this Bad Boy has done to be bad and day to day routine consist of? -I mean I got friends that at 16 kiled ppl, right now some of my boys are Bloods and those that arent are Pimps, outside of that the rest of the guys I know are felony free hard working brothers so Cuzzo out of this mix who is your preference?

  24. Rob Weaver Says:

    @temps:

    “Let me break it down so it will forever be broken” – Love Jones Movie

  25. cuzzo Says:

    *stretching fingers and neck*

    What up temps my dude!

    “Hardcore Brooklyn drug dealer-attractive, dangerous and prone to felonious assaults and drug possession is this who you want Cuzzo?”

    Short answer – No. I responded to Damon about the boundaries of the bad guy. No ACTIVE criminals.

    “now a regular guy but a thorough Real Street Nigga turned Corporate”

    I don’t know who this is either but Judge Mathis (so what he’s old) came to mind. I don’t know that his profession would be along the lines of corporate but he surely turned from thug to judge – but he may be an anomaly.

    “The Blue Collar Intellect..with a Past”

    this one sounds like a keeper!

    “we blaze trees but can put it down when needed”

    I’ll take the down-puttin but the tree smoking you can keep far away from me.

    “I wear timbs in the Summer”

    you lost me cuz I ABHOR THIS LOOK!

    “Anyway can you give a detailed description as to what this Bad Boy has done to be bad and day to day routine consist of? -I mean I got friends that at 16 kiled ppl, right now some of my boys are Bloods and those that arent are Pimps, outside of that the rest of the guys I know are felony free hard working brothers so Cuzzo out of this mix who is your preference?”

    It’s all about how he treats me, not the external stuff you’re mentioning. He’s not a punk or a pushover no matter what books he reads, what his profession is, what music he listens to, or what he wears.

  26. cuzzo Says:

    @Why so A

    “The “ups and downs” wont be created by the two people in the relationship, they will be created by the challenges we face in other facets of our life, which we will team together to help each other over.”

    so you are agreeing that there are ups and downs….drama….humps. Like you’re saying overcoming the external challenges shows the longevity of the person. People get sick, die, fail, succeed – you cannot go though any relationship in life (friendships even) and know what a person is about until ish goes down.

  27. temps Says:

    @ Cuzzo As for Timbs some ppl kill em but one for wearing them in the summer. However Uggs are stupid to wear in the summer simply cuz they come in one style-Timbs do not. Also working in climate controlled buildings my feet dont sweat. Last Timbs come in all shapes and flavors when hot rocking Chukkas are like rocking shoes in fact they are lighter than shoes and Chukkas look like shoes to the untrained looker you would never know I am wearing them they dont look like boots.

    As for your tough guy I assume you have already dealt with men “on paper” if not are you really ready to hear your man cant “do this or that” because of a felony he got at 18? And now he’s 32. Or how bout a dude around my way how at 27 caught a felony, prior he had a great job working at the pharmacy. He just came home from a 7 yr bullet. IMO I just think at times the bad boy thing for us blacks in not the same for white girls in the posh burbs…I mean this aint that movie “Alapha Dog”. And your pick the “Blue Collar Dude with a Past” is sketchy-I dont know that cat in reality, most blue collar cats I know are stuck-that felony is kicking their ass. Jail time is so part of a black mans persona in the USA I get asked if I did time by just about every black women I have dated. Nevermind the degree. If its what you want then cool but take it in total dont take part of that only suits you. And I couldnt see me saying I want a porn star or a rap video chick and being taking serious, the hardworking-around the way girl-who’d would of made me earn her time she can stay home gimmie shorty blowing dudes in VIP to get in the video. It comes off as more modern female ambivalence about power. I know women have the freedom to choose what they want to their liking. However it just seems yall make some of the lousiest choices behind this freedom. Right now a shorty I cut off is pregnant by your kinda of guy-problem is he’s married. Shorty wanted a thug and got him. Can you believe she invited me to the shower?…ahh not happening cap’n.

  28. Monk Says:

    @Cuzzo: “Men, do you want a woman more or see her in a different light, having more potential possibly, once she becomes serious with a dude?”

    Nope. Men don’t like that type of drama generally.

  29. nickey-ann Says:

    i was sooo there with you before twinny. only wanted a-hole dudes, then would complain and act surprised when they delivered the a-hole goods. but i cant honestly say now being in a relationship with a great guy has been one of the most beautiul gifts of my life. i realize now i wanted those “bad boys” because i was insecure and didn’t think i deserved someone to treat me well. hell, i wasn’t treating myself well, so how could someone else come in and clean up the spill in aisle 4? it’s all a matter of getting to know yourself, your value and your worth. then an a-hole dude won’t have a shot in hell

  30. […] other other news, my post two weeks ago, Nice Guys Need Not Apply, proved theraputic – though I did not intend on it. I thought about the foolishness I was putting […]


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s