Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Breaking Up Graciously April 10, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Holly GoLightly @ 6:25 am

So last night my friends and I got together to console a friend who’s wanting to break up with her boyfriend but didn’t know how. She had pondered different ways to do it from writing a letter to just falling off the face of the earth. I felt that falling off the face of the earth was a little too extreme plus it would make her look like a biyotch…. so our journey of googling began and we came across an online article at Online Dating Magazine that actually gave you a list of ways to break up graciously. Here are the suggestions they give!

1. Don’t drag it out.
When it is over, it’s over. You’re not doing your partner or yourself any favors by delaying the inevitable. Sooner is better than later.

2. Be honest.
The oldest line is “it’s me not you.” Although this might be easier, the only way you can truly help your partner is by being completely honest.

3. Don’t overlap.
The worst thing you can do is start seeing someone else before you tell your partner that it is over. It not only makes you look bad, but will also plant seeds of doubt in your new partner.

4. Can we be friends?
Don’t expect to be friends after a break up. Even if you were friends before you became intimate, your friendship likely can never be the same again.

5. Listen.
Don’t expect to end the relationship with your partner wanting to leave it at that, especially if it has come out the blue. Your partner will want to ask questions and may even try and talk you into changing your mind. Allow your partner to have his/her say. This will give you the chance to explain in full why you want to end the relationship. Think about how you would feel if you where the one being dumped. You would want to ask questions.

6. Don’t do it in a public place.
Even if you no longer like your partner, the worse thing you can do is dump him/her in a public place. It is the ultimate humiliation.

7. Write down how you feel.
Ending it face to face can be very difficult. Write a letter explaining why you want to break up. But deliver it in person, and be there to talk with your partner afterwards.

8. Don’t feel guilty.
More often than not when we try to end a relationship we are made to feel guilty by the other, which makes us stay and hate the person more. If you want out, then no matter how much your partner begs (“I’ll change,” “I’ve done so much for you”), stick to your decision before things get worse.

9. Don’t pick a fight.
The only reason we pick a fight is to ease the guilt that we bring upon our partner when he/she thinks it is his/her fault. Get straight to the point and don’t make your partner suffer more than necessary.

10. Leave as you would like to be left.
Being dumped is a horrible thing. Try to think about how you would want to be dumped if the tables were turned. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Now after reading their suggestions what do you think? Which suggestions do you like or dislike? What would you add to the list?


21 Responses to “Breaking Up Graciously”

  1. If you do number 3, you are a douche… one of my past homegirls did that to her man.. that was so wrong and unfair.

    I really don’t think there is a need for a long drawn out conversation for why you are breaking up… just a simple, “it’s not working out.”

    When you talk about it, it gives the other party a chance to rebuttal and make you change from your decision.

  2. For some reason I started thinking about the Gnarls Barkley song…

  3. Crazy?

    Lol.. which one?

  4. Ohhh, never mind.. the one with the heart. Girl, exactly..

    That video is fabulous

  5. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “When you talk about it, it gives the other party a chance to rebuttal and make you change from your decision.”

    I agree…to me people that wanna talk..wanna get back and are looking to change your mind.

  6. Peyso Says:

    Sometime is just aint fair but hey life aint fair.

  7. miss t-lee Says:

    10. Leave as you would like to be left.

    Totally agree. This is how I’ve always tried to end it.

  8. @Nick- Yeah the Who’s Gonna Save My Soul!! I love the beginning!!!

    @Cbg/Nick- You guys are right its like they want you to convince them they made a mistake!

    @Miss T-Lee- Definitely if you believe in Karma u will not screw the person when ending it!

  9. @Peyso- Life isnt fair 😦

  10. For anyone who wants to see the vid that me and Hol are talking about:

  11. Thanks Hol! 😉

  12. Get Togetha Says:

    I have nothing to add; but breaking up is hella hard to do. There’s simply never an easy way to let someone know that they aren’t the one. Even if you follow the breakup rules; the person on the receiving end will feel jaded.

  13. Peyso Says:

    I feel that women always have the upper hand in break ups. You guys break up with us and it aint really much we can do besides become crazy and stalk you or walk away. We break up with you its so much harder.

    A guy who breaks up with a woman in a respectable way, probably likes her and doesnt want to hurt her. So when he sees the tears, he probably feels bad and gets back in the relationship. If somehow we resist getting guilted into a relationship, then we gotta deal with yo psycho behind busting windows out of my Volvo and what not. That aint fair

  14. Britt Says:

    I think #10 is probably the most important rule. Great post!

  15. Monk Says:

    “A guy who breaks up with a woman in a respectable way, probably likes her and doesnt want to hurt her. So when he sees the tears, he probably feels bad and gets back in the relationship.”

    This is why emails or texts work best…lol!! Just kidding.
    For real though, it is REAL tough especially when you genuinely care about someone. Getting back with her isn’t going to stop the tears, so it’s still best to stick to your guns and call it off once your mind is made up.

  16. MDUBB Says:

    “10. Leave as you would like to be left.”

    This one can be challenging, but I agree it’s the right way to go about it.

    Number one is good too, I know that’s how I liked to be disposed of. Just tell me your out, maybe a quick why and I’ll normally be cool enough to let it go, unless it something so deep it really needs to be discussed on some level.

  17. Athena Nike Says:

    reminds me of “breaking all the rules” w/Jamie Foxx.
    They forgot #11. Do not do it on Facebook, myspace, by twitter, text, or blog- that’s just dead wrong, literally in some instances.

  18. Dr. J Says:

    I read a piece one time on break ups that said, a real gentleman breaks up with a woman directly and never calls again.

    I actually agree.

    I also don’t really give my significant others feedback until I don’t care about them or the situation anymore. It’s useless to even have the conversation at that point. I know it’s not right, but hey that’s how I am.

  19. Its better to start with new life, reason is why to care for those person who does not care for you. If he had some feeling for you he should not have cheated you, so better with new life, forget the past. Tell him be honest.

  20. mrsFAB Says:

    Now this is a grat post for the ladies. I may have to pass this along to some folks!

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