Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

House for $1000 Alex April 14, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — FlawedBeauty @ 12:17 am
Worth the House?

Worth the House?

I was listening to  Michael Baisden today and he was discussing whether or not women would prefer to have a fancy engagement or a big house.  In fact, Mr. Baisden was talking about how many men are opting for the cheaper cubic zirconia instead of diamonds because they want to furnish their women with houses and other worldly and comfortable accoutrements.

I was wondering where I would fall on this spectrum, especially after Nic’s Meet Me at the Alter post.

I stated that the ring I would like cost $3999 (approximately).  I am wondering how many of today;s women would agree that the younger women would rather have a gorgeous ring instead of a nice house, while the majority of older women would prefer to have the house instead of the ring.

So…ladies, tell me which would you rather have?  Gentlemen…would you be willing to compromise your morals and values just to please your lady?  Exactly where’s the line drawn?

My answer….in the morning 🙂

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58 Responses to “House for $1000 Alex”

  1. I’m not okay with him buying me CZs.. I don’t know how much rings cost, but I don’t need a huge one… so I’d like a small diamond and a moderately priced house. I want us to plan for our future and be able to travel and things.

  2. I don’t know if I’d get a CZ, but I’d definitly go for a smaller diamond and put the rest in a house. It’s alot easier to upgrade a ring then a house.

  3. offdwall Says:

    My take is women want both: fancy engagement AND house. Of course, one woman’s “fancy” ring could go for $1500 while another’s could for $8000. But compromise and personal choice are paramount. Personally, I don’t think a woman who’d want an $8K ring is my type.

    As Nicki said, CZs are never ok unless you are a teenager or going to a costume jewelry party.

  4. JaneDoh! Says:

    I would want the house. #1. I can lose a ring but it’s pretty hard to lose a house down the drain (or toilet, true story). #2 A ring is just a symbol and I wouldn’t want someone spending so much money on a ring because to me it’s just that…a ring. #3 While the ring is a symbol, our home is where we will be building our life. Seeing our children grow, seeing his belly grow (i kid, seeing our life and what we dreamed together coming to fruition. #4. Lastly I have been an apartment dweller all my life and it would be nice to live in a home. Though I will live in a house one day regardless if I marry or not 🙂

    **Sidenote, those $4,000 sure are purty, lol

  5. thecomebackgirl Says:

    i def want a roof over my head. BUT at some point imma need a little bling on my ring, and i think the expectation for me would be 5 years.

  6. miss t-lee Says:

    CZ my arse…lol
    I want both. I want a decent ring and we can work on that house together.

  7. Dr. J Says:

    I’ve always heard that a man should spend about 3 months pay on a ring, your living expenses should only be about 30% of your gross salary. So let’s say a man makes $120K, he can afford a $3K mortgage (That’s a big house or condo), and a $30K ring. Nuff said, men shouldn’t try and skate on their duties to give that woman all she deserves.

    I don’t think that most women really want a $30K ring, but again, if you are cutting corners on any of the duties leading up to marriage, it’s an indication of how you will be during it.

  8. Jada Says:

    Jac I was listening to the same program on the way home yesterday. Personally I can’t seriously fathom a woman wanting an extravagant ring over a house…but if there is discussion about it..there must be some truth to it. I think it is totally possible to get a woman a nice ring without breaking your pockets ar making it into an either/or situation.

    PS: If a man came with a Cubic Ziconia…BAD FORM…you’ve failed.

  9. 30K for a ring? And the survey says FAIL.

    You’re “supposed” to cash out 3 months salary. A quarter of your take home. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to break my woman’s fingers with that HUGE ROCK! lolol….

    Who made that rule? Maybe that rule was made when you could get a bag of chips, brownie, and a sodapop for 15 cents. But we’re dealing with the post-recession economy here. Find a ring that 1) looks good 2) that is reasonable. Trust me, in five years, you’re not gonna care/are gonna want a new one anyway.

    So now we get into the question of “if he buys me a bigger ring, he must love me more” Which totally corrupts the notion of marriage…and makes it a primarily money thing -> and makes marriage a physical concept and less of a spiritual. I could go on all day on my new views of marriage, but i wont lol.

    So here’s my question: CZ’s are a no-no, i think that’s the consensus. But how do you feel about “lab made” diamonds?

  10. holly Says:

    I want a house AND a ring!!! BOTH simultaneous because I’m pretty sure neither one of will be in our twenties and can use that “we are young and just starting out line”! And imma be d@mned if u gone be trinketizing me with CZs.

    Nope NGBATDI

  11. miss t-lee Says:

    “So here’s my question: CZ’s are a no-no, i think that’s the consensus. But how do you feel about “lab made” diamonds?”

    You talking about Moissanite? I say that’s a no-go as well…lol

  12. holly Says:

    Whyso I can not and will not rock imitated diamonds. I want the real deal holyfield cause if I go to get insurance on my ring and the tell me its only worth 99 cent I’m turning jill-scott-u-getting-in-the-way on ya 🙂

  13. nope. mossainte has a different molecular structure….man made diamonds have the same molecular structure…it is a diamond.

    http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/SavingandDebt/P97816.asp

    pros: less flaws, greater clarity, brighter color, less chance of African conflict
    cons: wasn’t found in the diamond mines; grown in a lab.

    what do you think?

  14. Comeback Girl Says:

    “nope. mossainte has a different molecular structure….man made diamonds have the same molecular structure…it is a diamond.”

    Somebody brought this up on SBM a long time ago!!! and I’ll be dayum’d. I don’t want conflict diamonds..but I DO want diamonds. And I would be devistated if some old lady came up with one of those eyeball magnifiers talm bout..”honey these are NOT diamonds”.

  15. miss t-lee Says:

    @ why so awesomeness?
    Thanks for schooling me…lol 🙂
    I still say no because I already have some natural diamonds and I just prefer those.

  16. I think I’d be okay with factory diamonds

  17. Jada Says:

    Somebody brought this up on SBM a long time ago!!! and I’ll be dayum’d. I don’t want conflict diamonds..but I DO want diamonds. And I would be devistated if some old lady came up with one of those eyeball magnifiers talm bout..”honey these are NOT diamonds”.

    Co-signs 100%

  18. hmm….Not saying I agree, or disagree, I actually think the process of finding a diamond is symbolic to a man finding a wife. But essentially, isn’t the end result the same?

    So if we’re x’ing out man-made diamonds, shouldn’t we only eat organic food, because that process hasn’t been aided by modern technology?

    We’re not going to give you mossanite or cz’s. That’s tacky. But these are diamonds.

  19. miss-t-lee….

    What’s the difference between a factory diamond and a real diamond? If it’s only where it came from, do you care where your clothes are made, or where you get your food from? Just a thought process here…

    Really though, I’m just sticking up for engineers and scientists. I think that the fact that science has advanced far enough for us to make diamonds is cool llol.

    whysoerious

  20. Dr. J Says:

    I still don’t understand the thought process behind trying to find a cheaper ring. Isn’t there something flawed with that logic? It’s marriage, not an education or a car.

  21. Jaci Says:

    So for anyone could you deal with no ring, still saving for a house but have a man who makes it all worthwhile?

  22. Jada Says:

    So for anyone could you deal with no ring, still saving for a house but have a man who makes it all worthwhile?

    per my experience…if a man ain’t presenting me with a ring I do not take him seriously. I fell for that shat before and I refuse to again. I don’t believe you want to marry me until I hear a proposal AND am presented with a ring. Sorry, but I need some physical evidence.

  23. miss t-lee Says:

    why so…

    “miss-t-lee….
    What’s the difference between a factory diamond and a real diamond? If it’s only where it came from, do you care where your clothes are made, or where you get your food from? Just a thought process here…”

    Yep I do care about where my food and clothes come from. :)Don’t get me wrong, I also think it’s neat that we’re able to manufacture what was once only found in nature. That’s madd cool.
    I bought myself a pair of diamond princess cut earrings and spent a pretty penny on them, and they are natural diamonds. If I wanted something manufactured, that’s what I would have bought.
    I believe it’s all about preference. If lab made diamonds make you happy, go for it. For myself though, I’m not interested.
    It’s also not what I want for my engagement ring.

  24. Nah, I’m gonna need a ring. I’ve known chicks who got the proposal with no ring and it’s embarrasing. No one takes you seriously (and yes, I know u shouldn’t care what others think, but we do!)

  25. holly Says:

    So for anyone could you deal with no ring, still saving for a house but have a man who makes it all worthwhile?

    When I was younger I MIGHT have thought about it (prolly not) but the men I date have a house or some houses.

  26. garcelle Says:

    The salary rule of thumb is okay to me because it actually means the guy actually thought about this for months and saved for it. I don’t want a man having to buy my ring on a credit card if he can’t afford it.

    Ultimately, I think the ring should be a reflection of who we are as a couple and fit our style of living, not a testament to what we want but can’t afford. I’d rather the 10k for the ring go towards our home.

  27. Mmmm…. i’m going to need a ring. No ring at all I dont think is an option. I can get down with a man-made diamond its not that big a deal to me. CZs are a no go. I’d want a better house. But I’m not interested in moving into a house as soon as I get married anyways. I’m good with a nice apt for a year or two before the kids come. I think people get caught up in the symbols which is horrible and doesn’t focus on what is REALLY important. Another perfect example: People who spend 100,000s of dollars on a wedding and get divorced in less than five years. People tend to pay more attention to the surface stuff instead of what it is supposed to represent or bring them. The wedding day, though special, will not trump my actual marriage. Same goes for my ring.

  28. Satya Says:

    CZ?? Absolutely not! At the same time I don’t necessarily have to have a diamond. I’d be happy with a sapphire or emerald as well (platinum setting of course. We can start off with a smaller ring so we can buy ourselves a home and furnish it and all that good stuff. But I co-sign Comeback Girl, at some point I need some bling…about5 years later 🙂
    -no ring is also a no. I wouldn’t take a proposal seriously if there was no ring. i was taught an enagagement is a formal announcement that you intend on marrying a person and the ring is a symbol of that commitment. Also, an engagement is the planning period of the wedding so at the longest 18mos. Engagements are not 5 years etc… By the time he proposes he’s supposed to know he wants you to be his wife

  29. Jaci Says:

    Nice to see this pictures in big form ladies and gentlemen.

    I would like to say that I would not mind having a ring that is non-conflict. I am going to have to have a diamond (it’s my birthstone too) but it doesn’t have to be the biggest thing in the world, especially if we have other priorities.

    The ring in the above picture is actually the ring I want. At 3.5 carats it is $4499. I would be happy with the 1.5 carat (which is of course significantly less).

    Some of the men I date now could happily afford the big one (and more) but I wouldn’t want something that my children couldn’t touch or that I couldn’t wear in the streets.

    I would rather have a roof over my head, a sane and happy husband and a few dollars in my Louis.

  30. Cuzzo Says:

    Houses are overrated. We can rent until we get it together. I want a nice ring. The proposal is a moment you can’t get again. You’ll have a story and an emblem to go along with it. If he doesn’t have it right now for the ring to be super dynamite…he can upgrade in a few years.

  31. No More Says:

    Convos like these help me give light to why all the “old-heads” tell me not to get married, LOL.

  32. Peyso Says:

    She gonna get whatever I can afford. That’s it. If we dirt poor but make each other happy, she gonna get some CZ with a sterling silver setting and we gonna call it a day. However, if I can afford it she can have whatever she likes cuz as they say “it aint trickin if you got it”

  33. Jaci Says:

    Houses are overrated.

    This I cannot condone. I would rather be married and have a house than try to live and save for one. I don’t know I just really can’t get with it.

    She gonna get whatever I can afford. That’s it. If we dirt poor but make each other happy, she gonna get some CZ with a sterling silver setting and we gonna call it a day. However, if I can afford it she can have whatever she likes cuz as they say “it aint trickin if you got it”

    Peyso: That’s a sound look at the way things really are. I would like someone who can make me laugh and make me feel like I am the woman they wanna be around. I dunno…if he was to make so little that a CZ is all he can afford then I’ll happily take that, because it’s something (a tangible symbol of his love) and we all know that’s what women need.

  34. Jada Says:

    Convos like these help me give light to why all the “old-heads” tell me not to get married, LOL.

    And why is that?

  35. Britt Says:

    It’s 2009 and people are getting married later and later in life. I am 26. Let’s say I get married at 28. I live in an area where many, many single professionals are homeowners. Chances are me and fiance both have homes. Therefore, I take the bad a&* ring, my pick of two houses and a fiyah honeymoon for $500 Alex.

  36. Jaci Says:

    Britt: That’s an entirely different situation. If both people have houses then we’re cool, but what do you do in a situation where no one has a house and you’re just both trying to make it.

    I think that’s more common over here to try and work at it than it is to just instantly have it. Beyond that, there’s seems to be that whole recession issue to contend with as well.

  37. Britt Says:

    That’s interesting. I think that both a nice ring made of real diamonds and homeownership are realistic goals and not mutually exclusive. People pay for what they want. Recession or non, how many young black men have nice cars with rims and decked out apartments? How many of them choose not to cook and eat out everyday? If you want something, you put back X amount of dollars every month and you make it happen.

    In order to buy a house you need moderate + credit and a down payment. In order to buy a diamond ring you need $500+ (I just googled). Both are realistic goals, especially since a man should have his finances in order before he attempts to propose to a woman.

    So, to end my sermon (LOL), I want both and a CZ is not an option. Your priorities dictate your actions.

  38. Jaci Says:

    In order to buy a house you need moderate + credit and a down payment. In order to buy a diamond ring you need $500+ (I just googled). Both are realistic goals, especially since a man should have his finances in order before he attempts to propose to a woman.

    Right. But we’ve talked about that on CBG…whether or not a man should try and wait to make it permanent or if he should bite the bullet and do something.

    For some reason, I might be willing to work with him to have something (I won’t put in on my ring though)

    CZ…eh…maybe.

  39. Ms. Eighty's Baby Says:

    I’m tardy to the party but I want both…… I want the ring. Not a CZ of course… It doesn’t have to be anything fancy though… But I do want a conflict free diamond…. [Blood Diamonds is an excellent movie by the way]lol….. And I also want the house….

    But both of these things are going to be economically feasible!!!! We are not going to go all out in an attempt to keep up with the joneses either. Strictly within our means

  40. love, to me is these words…

    “baby, ima put some money on your student loans”

  41. Jaci Says:

    Whyso: We can make as much love as you want.

    My address is ….well you know it already.

    Make all checks payable to ACS

    Thank you.

  42. Jada Says:

    @ Why So!

    HOLLLLAAAAAAAAA! LOL!

  43. “She gonna get whatever I can afford. That’s it. If we dirt poor but make each other happy, she gonna get some CZ with a sterling silver setting and we gonna call it a day”

    Peyso you get the award for the funniest comment today!

  44. Jaci Says:

    Nicki-Now that I see your pic…why you always taking extra sexy poses?

    Is this even meant for us?

  45. “Nicki-Now that I see your pic…why you always taking extra sexy poses?”

    LMAO. I have been murdered. I can’t stop laughing. It is not s3xy. I have tears.

    I always look so goofy

  46. Jaci Says:

    It looks sexy.

  47. thanks doll. 😉

  48. Sandra Says:

    You can see the difference in the ages. It’s seems like the younger women (I consider young a woman under 35 years old) prefer the ring and not the house. I’m 50 years old I will want the house. What makes me concern it that I think that most women especially the young ones have a distorted view of what makes a good man good, they always seems to think that its money and how much they spend on a ring, etc.

    I wouldn’t mind a CZ, I have a CZ braclet and guess what I have a fake Gucci to, its the thought that counts not the price tag. Does anyone knows if its a real diamond or a real gucci. Just because a man can afford to spend more on a diamond doesn’t mean that he loves you more then the guy who can’t afford a very expensive ring. Look at Lisa Rae, she married a rich Prime Minister and he bought her a 10 karat ring and after 2 months, he was cheating, beating her,and had a baby with another women.

  49. MDUBB Says:

    I want a house so bad.
    I don’t want to keep up with the Joneses, I want them to try and keep up with me. Homeownership is a big big big deal, I honestly don’t think a house payment and a wedding ring on are on the same level at all.

  50. Hugh Jazz Says:

    I’m not going to have my wife out there with a CZ, but at the same time she ain’t walking around with three months of my salary on her finger. Her ring will be nice, but not that nice.

  51. Jaci Says:

    @Sandra-I would consider myself to be a rather young woman and I think I would rather have a house instead of a huge ring.

    @MDUBB-Maybe I need to get with you. I think you’re right. It’s about doing the best you can do and forsaking what others do. I think that’s just really the only want to do it.

    @Hugh-Now see that’s good. No CZs coming from a man. But three months of your salary isn’t saying you should be destitute-it’s saying that you should know how to save your money and present yourself in the right manner. Make sense?

  52. Hugh Jazz Says:

    Jac: “But three months of your salary isn’t saying you should be destitute-it’s saying that you should know how to save your money and present yourself in the right manner. Make sense?”

    Maybe it’s just me, but I think jewelry is a bad investment. I know about that “symbol of our love” crap, but you can get a nice ring for three to four grand. Why should I waste money getting a more gaudy ring just to adhere to some arbitrary “three-months salary” rule? I can buy a nice suit for $600.00, I shouldn’t have to buy an Armani Alta Moda suit just to demonstrate to all and sundry that I take my job seriously.

  53. Jaci Says:

    @Hugh: Note the ring above. That ring cost $4500 and I absolutely adore it. That means that a man has to make $1500-$2250 to be able to afford it (as some say 2 months salary). Yes, it is a symbolic reminder of the relationship you two have, but wouldn’t you want to give your woman your best?

    Notwithstanding your current living arrangements. I might have to follow this up with the discussion about the guy who spent all that money renting rooms in the Ritz and melting platinum while flying in roses from Africa…?

    HE wanted HER to be in “Solomon’s Temple”…how romantic, but did she really need all that?

  54. Hugh Jazz Says:

    Jac: “Yes, it is a symbolic reminder of the relationship you two have, but wouldn’t you want to give your woman your best?”

    I hear where you’re coming from, but how is “the best” defined? Two months salary? Three months salary? One years salary? The ring Kobe gave his wife? That’s the problem with those generic rules; they can be used to justify spending any ridiculous amount of money in the name of love that would be prudently spent elsewhere.

    If I give you really nice ring, my hand, and my heart, I think that’s more than enough. Of course, I’ll give more than that as well, but spending over five grand on a ring is ridiculous.

  55. Jaci Says:

    @Hugh-Don’t get me wrong darlin…I definitely thing what you’re saying is right. Especially: “If I give you really nice ring, my hand, and my heart, I think that’s more than enough. Of course, I’ll give more than that as well, but spending over five grand on a ring is ridiculous.”

    A nice ring is good. But it’s those second and third things you said that are cake. The ring is the icing and as you know I don’t necessarily think you need icing on a cake to get it right (however, it is nice to have).

    Given the choice between that hand to hold and that heart to love …a house, a ring …all of it really means nothing.

    Anyone who’s ever read that one verse in the Bible knows that.

    Can we agree on that?

    Also-Kobe did what he did because he had f*cked up. That’s different I might have post on that next week.

  56. Hugh Jazz Says:

    Jac: “Can we agree on that?”

    Yes, we can.

  57. Jaci Says:

    Good.

    It’s nice to have someone to agree with.

    I am going to go out on a limb here and say I need someone who has my back.

    I am wondering if any of the other ladies are tired of trying to go at it alone?

  58. Grace Says:

    I want the house. You can’t raise your future children inside a ring. But don’t get me wrong I want a decent ring too. I’m not saying the ring needs to cost $5000 (or $30K DAMN!) . I’d be happy with one of those rings that costs $2000 but maybe looks like it would cost $5000.

    Then again I am one of those people who doesn’t want a big wedding. I would be glad to spend all that $20K that people are supposedly spending on average for a wedding these days on a down payment for a house. I’ll gladly forgo an expensive dress that I will only wear once in front of 100 people I hardly know for a nicer ring, a bangin’ honeymoon, and a house.

    Give me a few minutes at City Hall and a backyard Barbecue afterwards and I’ll call it a day.


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