Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

The New New April 20, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Sunny @ 10:00 pm

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If you don’t know about Lauren London as New New, jump onto a pitchfork  allow me to educate you.  New New was her character name in ATL (the movie  has nothing to do with this post).

I’m only using the name metaphorically-  for a new relationship (did I just use that word right?) 

 Moving right along-

In a relationship, it’s very important to have communication.    And one of the important  components of good communication is being able to be on the same wavelengths- having an understanding. 

I don’t want to use the word “rules” but I can’t think of a better one, so just take this with a grain of salt.  But anyway, it is important to set rules in the beginning… and not me merely dictating.  I need my man to also let me know what is or is not acceptable to him.  But since I’m so fabulous, he won’t need many for me.  Kidding!

One of the things that should probably be discussed is male/ female friends or friendships with exes.  Now, I’m a pretty level headed chick (about 60% of the time. lol) so if my man has female friends from the past, I’m understanding of that.  Disclaimer:  This depends on the “friend.”   You can tell when a woman is after your man.   But I feel no need for my man to be making new female friends.  He will not be going to lunches with this broad or taking her for long or short walks in the park.  They will not go for ice cream.   I keep my cool in public, but behind closed doors, I will blow up like an atomic bomb.  Sweetie, you don’t want it.  Trust me.

I think the same can be said about exes- except the part about new ones, I guess you can’t have those.  I’m just saying, -for me, it depends on the ex.  I have an ex that I’m kinda friends with who has actually gotten better.  Since I told him that I am no longer single, he’s let go of those sexual innuendos- he’s a way better friend.  My man is friends with an ex and it seems like they were a really tight couple at once and I’m okay with that.   BUT. Some exes have to be left in the past…  for example, those break up to make up back up plans. Some of you guys have them (since Sunny is the vision an angel, she never has)– those that you keep on the back burner, just in case.   When entering a relationship, one that you are truly trying to make work, THOSE MUST GO.

Let’s see… what else?????

I’m drawing a blank.  I haven’t been in a real relationship since I was 20 years old (there were plenty of “no titles”) so I am not sure about what other ground rules we should be setting.

I know you guys have some rules to add.  What say you?

UPDATE:  Britt helped a sista out. lol.. Please replace the word “rules” with “boundaries.”  See???  This is why I heart you guys.

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28 Responses to “The New New”

  1. temps Says:

    I just require that she has a PASSION for something and is going for it this is such a good look, its very appealing to know your woman is a go getter not just content with the rewards of youth, keeps things lively to hear her recap her idea and how they actually played out especially if I as her man played a role

    BTW @ Peyso those “Killer tapes” on the 36 Chambers skit were about the director John Woo’s film “Killer” he also made “Hardboiled”, he’s really into the slick gun play and fight scenes, Tarintino has used his stuff and h the man himself on set as an adviser for his movies

  2. I agree temps… The other person must have a passion. To me, when you see someone working hard at something, it shows how hard they will work in your relationship (if they are really feeling you like that!)

  3. mrsFAB Says:

    “But I feel no need for my man to be making new female friends. He will not be going to lunches with this broad or taking her for long or short walks in the park. They will not go for ice cream. I keep my cool in public, but behind closed doors, I will blow up like an atomic bomb. Sweetie, you don’t want it. Trust me.”

    Classic. Classic indeed!

  4. Thanks mrsfab. 😉

  5. Neonnea Says:

    Communication is definitely key! I went on a date with a guy who had a hard time telling me he was on a low carb diet…strange!

    When me and my new boo become mutually exclusive (this may be a long journey on the road of singledom), I don’t think (key word) I will sweat my man meeting new women. The disclaimer: trust is not an issue; it depends on where he’s meeting them; if I’ve ever met them….

  6. thecomebackgirl Says:

    ” But I feel no need for my man to be making new female friends. He will not be going to lunches with this broad or taking her for long or short walks in the park. They will not go for ice cream. I keep my cool in public, but behind closed doors, I will blow up like an atomic bomb. Sweetie, you don’t want it. Trust me”

    I kind of feel like the quicker you tell a man what “he won’t and can’t do” the quicker he runs his arse out there to do what you “told” him not to. I dunno right now I’m pretty lazziez faire about it. I think men only care when you care. And THATS when they try you. Now that is not to say that Im NOTpretty hard lined about those relationships because I am. But I sorta think that when you begin things right, ie and with the right person who has integrity of his own…you don’t always have these problems.

    I also think that sometimes we MAKE problems based off of past relationships. If there is an openess to who he’s talking to, why and how. And disclosure, then its NOT such a big deal. Also when you’re handeling business at home, I don’t think other chicks look as appealing.

    i could be wrong LOL.

  7. “he disclaimer: trust is not an issue; it depends on where he’s meeting them; if I’ve ever met them”

    @Neonna: How do u feel about co workers?

    @Comeback: That is a good point… I haven’t said anything to him yet- about his friends.. I don’t feel like there’s been the need to. But yes, in the past, I’ve had to blast on one. lol. U are right, sometimes we make problems from the past.

  8. thecomebackgirl Says:

    You kind of favor Lauren a little!! you know thats why you put that pic up there Sunny LOL..

  9. @comeback: are you serious? LMAO.. I don’t think I do but I’ll take it as a compliment. Thanks girl.

    I get Tisha Campbell a lot though – although I don’t see it either (I think people are tryin to tell me I have a big head. lol)

  10. Peyso Says:

    I have one rule so far in my current relationship, any new male friends are OUR friends.

  11. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “I get Tisha Campbell a lot though – although I don’t see it either (I think people are tryin to tell me I have a big head. lol)

    Yall are both light skinned…thats it!! i don’t see Tisha Campbell.

  12. @Comeback: Exactly.. all I can see is the Lightness (and I will still swear she is lighter than me).

    @Peyso: Did she have any friends from the past? If so, how were you with that?

  13. Peyso Says:

    @ Nicki – I got lucky that most of her friends are pseudo homosexual. Then with the ones that arent pseudo homosexual, I’ve met them and feel comfortable that they arent tryin to pipe my jawn down on the low. I also got lucky that her and her exes usually end badly. So she doesnt want to speak to them.

    However, there are a few who try to insert themselves back in her life. I told her to alert them that I am the kuffi smacker and they usually go away.

  14. @peyso: I was getting ready to say, sometimes those bad ones try to come back. I promise they can sense when you have a new man in your life.. I’m sure it is the same for you guys too.

    How does she feel about yours (if you have those)?

  15. Peyso Says:

    There are some jawns that come back once you get in a relationship. But usually they go away b/c I’m simply too lazy to cheat lol. She hates that I have exes.Period. All of our rules work both ways, meaning that any new female friends I make are OUR friends. She told me that she hates my past. I told her rightfullyso. Did i tell you that she found the story about the train I posted up here?

  16. Oh em gee. I don’t think I heard about that one.. but my memory is awful so you may have told. What did she say?

  17. Peyso Says:

    I wont post what she said, I think she might get mad. But it wasnt a pleasant conversation lol

  18. WOW!!!! that was a helluva experience you had though.

  19. Jaci Says:

    OK…I have a lot of different things I am pursuing right now (read multi-tasking)

    Anyways, one of them told me yesterday that he kinda keeps tabs on me and he finds it cool that when he asks me what I am doing I simply answer (no I don’t lie)…he said that builds trust.

    But so anyways, my thing with him is…we see that you’re going to be doing international work…and you’re talking about us kinda staying tight.

    Sooooo…there’ll be no new p*ssy…no new p*ssy I repeat NOTHING NEW.

    HE just smiled and said of course not.

    I don’t think he knows I’ll kill him….that’s usually my only rule we will not be f*cking more than one person.

  20. Britt Says:

    “I don’t want to use the word “rules” but I can’t think of a better one, so just take this with a grain of salt.” – How ’bout boundaries?

  21. Jaci: I agree.. being honest builds trust.

    @Britt: YES.. that is the word. Thanks girl! 😉

  22. Jaci Says:

    @peyso-That was me you told about that…I was like well damn!

  23. Britt Says:

    YAY!! Lol.

  24. Cuzzo Says:

    Agreed! I told my man when we decided to be exclusive that all the exes, people he was dating prior, and any hangers-ons had to go. He had no problem with that and loved the way I put it. When a man wants you and wants your relationship to work, he will have no problems doing whatever – reasonable of course.

  25. Cuzzo: I agree. A relationship should be about two people committed to making it work, thus making eachother happy (within reason!) 😉

  26. I like what Peyso said about them becoming OUR friends and I agree that you still need to check them out to see what their intentions are. I also believe that it is better to bring friends of the opposite sex into the new relationship as OUR friends when it is someone who has never been an ex but just a friend only.

  27. NewNew Says:

    I think she played a real good part in ATL im from the in sometimes things like that do happen. Most gurls be rich but dont want the guy from the hood to know about there personal life. Because that guy want like them but i also think if she would of told t.i where she as from she ould of been okay from the jump.

  28. Gigglez Says:

    I agree with the honesty building trust


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