Since the dawn of time, it’s no secret that the black man has loved a full, round posterior on a woman. So much so that some of them tend to get the uncontrollable urge to turn their heads (and sometimes bodies) a full 180 degrees to catch a glimpse of one. They have had full on debates about the different shapes of the gluteus maximus – apparently they’ve come up with names such as the “onion” and the “teardrop” booty. They have even made songs such as “Baby Got Back” and “She Got A Donk”, to show their appreciation for a woman’s rear curvature. And women further entertain the vision with dances like the “uh oh” and movements like the “booty clap”.
I think all of this backside loving has spilled over into the women’s subconscious. I’ve caught myself looking at my butt in the mirror and trying to exercise the kind of control that allows you to flex each cheek. Kind of like what guys do when they have ginormous pecs. I like to look for it’s reflection almost every chance I get while walking the street. And although it does make some men say “got damn (it’s a new day)”, I’m thankful I do not have the lip-biting, jab your friend with your elbow and say looklooklooklooklooklooklook kinda booty. How some women walk around looking like they are smuggling two midgets in their back pockets, I do not know. I’d hate THAT MUCH attention. Sometimes a whole heap (extend the “he”, emphasis on the “p”) just looks STANK (for lack of better words) or even painful to have. I have been guilty of furrowing my brow and Miss Wrap O’ Round Ass, frowning, laughing and pointing, carrying on and what not. Maybe that’s the kid in me.
There are some women that as they walk towards you can tell, they will have a fatty. But fellas, oh the fellas, God bless their hearts, MUST (as stated above) confirm this with the head turn, and in extreme cases, an extension of a statement of the obvious. In my times of people watching, I can always bet that a man will turn his head and I laugh (or shake my head) at the method.
We have the Corporate America – this is when a man waits several seconds until the woman has passed and fakes a look at his watch and then turns his head as if he’s looking for someone behind him. He doesn’t look too long.
The Thirsty Larry – now Larry can be with his momma, the pastor from his church, his kids, and he will stop whatever it is he is doing/saying and move the person to the side and have a full-out stare down.
The Disconbobulated – this kind of look will have a dude crash into passers by and anything else for that matter because he is having a lengthy look at a woman while trying to walk in the opposite direction – look out for him, he is dangerous.
The Closer – this happens in close quarters, like an elevator, and as the woman exits and the booty is seen for the first time. The closer also gives you a reaction like an “mmm”, or a full out “damn, she got a fat @ss” (imagine how I came up with this one).
The Huh? – this happens when a woman catches the man looking as she turns back towards him possibly to say something and all you get is a huh? say that again, because he couldn’t hear you over the inaudible noise your booty made.
Do we have any other types of looks? Additions to the fascination of the female buttocks? Favorite “Shake Som’in” (in a soldier boy voice) song?
In other news, a nice posterior has helped the buttherheads of America – and not just a nice posterior but in the right proportions.
*In other other news, my post two weeks ago, Nice Guys Need Not Apply, proved theraputic – though I did not intend on it. I thought about the foolishness I was putting myself through and dumped the zero and got with the hero, as they used to say back in the days of jenny jones and ricki lake.*