Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

LOVE April 26, 2009

Filed under: Dating,relationships,Single Sisters On... — Sunny @ 10:00 pm

I don’t know if I know anything about love.  I recall the first time I said it.  I was around twenty years old and the guy was my first boyfriend, who I eventually forfeited my virginity to. 

We were lying on a blanket in a big open park, looking at the stars.  I remember blurting it out but I cannot recall what triggered it.  I remember him not saying it back right away, which I was okay with.  (He ended up saying it back later that night though.)  During the time we were together, I felt like this was for real. We planned our future together, he designed our dream home.  We were going to wait until marriage to have our first sexual encounter (but it was eventually lost while we were watching “Life.”  How romantic! Lol). 

Imagine my surprise when one day out of the blue, he disappeared for over a month.  He called me one day and broke up with me.  It took me three years to finally get over him and it wasn’t until years later (just October of 2008) that we even crossed paths again.  He told me that he was scared of loving me and didn’t know how to handle those emotions – and he apologized.  I told him that was water under the bridge and that was that.  Hey, everyone has to experience at least one heart break in life, right?

But am I confused, did I really love him?  Seems like you should know what made you tell someone you love them.

Mr. Threesome (which I’ve talked about many times on here) told me he loved me out the blue one day – completely random.  I said it back but I can’t say that I was in love.

I love easy- shoot, I have love for the sandwich makers at Calistoga.  I am an extremely caring person (although I may not always seem to wear that on my sleeve), and to me- if I care what happens to you, I must love you.

Right?

I know there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them.  How do you know when have entered the realm of the latter?  Does the world really stop?  Do you hear a voice telling you?

Does it feel like this:

Is there love at first sight?  Is there a time limit on love?  How soon do you feel it? What if you love someone right away?  When do you tell them? What if they think you are a psycho?   

Does love ever run out?  Is love enough to build a relationship on? 

I know I’m asking a ton of questions but I am clueless about this thing. 

Please enlighten me and share your experiences.

 

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33 Responses to “LOVE”

  1. Jevi Says:

    I loved my first as well and he broke my heart many many many times and it wasn’t until I met my current boyfriend did I understand love and what it meant to be “in” love and having love for someone. Love is more than just passion, its that feeling you get when you know you can trust someone unconditionally , love is when without even realizing it plan your future with them in it ,the person appreciates you exactly how you are and makes you want to be an even better person. Thats my little take on that.. 🙂

  2. Jevi Says:

    oh yea and love is great sex and even better conversations lol

  3. Thank you Jevi. Your comments are helping to clarify “love” for me!!!!!

  4. Jaci Says:

    Hi Nick!

    Love does feel the way Lauryn and D’angelo are talking about. It’s that feeling that makes you see only that person. Absolute euphoria and perfection….at first

    But…it’s also that thing that makes you love someone even when you’re mad as hell. Think about Bey in Obsessed, she still loved him, but she needed to get over her anger.

    Love is when you realize that you care about that person’s happiness and well-being as much or more as you care about your own.

    Love is being able to say…if we can only be in this a little way and I can’t keep you forever then I hope I have brightened up your day.

    It’s when you miss that person…when you sometimes wish you could be around them if it means that your next breath would be lost.

    It’s a powerful thing, it is everything I have said it is and more.

    Men will kill for it, so will women.

    Absolutely everything it’s cracked up to be, and that’s why we fight with all we’ve got to have it and keep it.

    And Nick, when you’ve got it you’ve it and you’ve sure got it 😉

    And I love you!

  5. Jada Says:

    Sunny I don’t know that I have much to add as it’s been so long since I’ve been truly in love and had it reciprocated. But I would think that your spirit would speak to you and remove all doubts when you have truly fallen in love.

  6. Coco Says:

    “I love easy”

    This is me too Nic…and may I add I also love hard too? But I’m not necessarily quick to express it when it comes to guys. I mean I’ll tell my girlfriends, “Love you” on a whim. But with guys I’m careful because when it comes to L-O-V-E and men, it takes them a while to determine LOVE in their relationship and then to vocally express it takes effort.

    I think love at first sight/conversation/meeting does exist or at least I hope it does. Maybe it’s the romantic in me. I have fallen in love within a couple days. I think there are levels in love too. But was it authentic love, I think so.

    Does love ever run out? This is a heavy question. Here’s my response. God is love right? Right. When your relationship is built on Him and not physical attraction, lust, feelings — love should not run out. I’m not talking about warm fuzzies in your tummy love, I’m talking about real love…1 Corinthians 13 love. 🙂 A love that looks beyond flaws, faults, flakes and still endures.

    Ok, I’m rambling…but these are a few thoughts off the top of my heard. In conclusion, I think we will forever be baffled by love.

  7. Coco Says:

    “But I would think that your spirit would speak to you and remove all doubts when you have truly fallen in love.”

    @ jada — i like that and i fully agree!

  8. thecomebackgirl Says:

    I’m STILL tryna figure it all out. I too wonder what i was thinking when i told one or two people I loved them. But to me it wasn’t really about THEM..but rather how they made me feel along with the CONCEPT of love and them. I wrote about oxytocin and i think that accounts for the other part to this too. People like that rush. That esp happens right after being intimate..the mind is a powerful thing. To me it makes even better sense to take things slow and look at stuff objectively too.

  9. “But…it’s also that thing that makes you love someone even when you’re mad as hell. ”

    @Jac: I agree… but what if it takes FOREVER to find out what makes a person angry?

    “But I would think that your spirit would speak to you and remove all doubts when you have truly fallen in love.”

    @Jada: This is what I think too. I asked Him for a knock down drag out, unmistakeable sign for years.

    “1 Corinthians 13 love. A love that looks beyond flaws, faults, flakes and still endures. ”

    Amen, Coco!

    “To me it makes even better sense to take things slow and look at stuff objectively too.”

    @Comeback: And this is what I’m struggling with… the time of the thing.

  10. Jaci Says:

    @Coco

    That’s 1 Corinthians 13 kinda love is something SERIOUS!

  11. Anitraclark Says:

    I remember my first experience with love was in 2004. I spent every single day with my male best friend. we was inseparable for an entire summer and there was never a day i got tired of him. I never actually said the words to him but i remember me and him getting into an argument and we didn’t speak for a few days. I was visiting my moms house and I remember popping off at the mouth to her about something which i NEVER do. She was like did cory do something cuz u done lost your mind lol???

    I still think that was so funny because she knew how tight we was and if something wasn’t right with us she just knew. That summer I fell in love and some how i just “knew” because the way he made me feel. My heart was broken when he told me it wasn’t right for us to be together at that time. Funny thing is 5 years later he thinks the time is “right”

    so my question does anybody know if u fall out of love with someone can you get it back?? In my heart I see him as the perfect man for me in so many ways, but I don’t have that love i did back then, once he told me we couldn’t be together my love walked out.

    another thing, it took a year for that relationship to get to where it was it wasn’t instant.

  12. holly Says:

    Deep sunny deep!! There is a difference I will say! I know I love unconditionally…. I will def go to straight battle and nothing or anyone cause affect my emotions for that person!!!

  13. Posted on behalf of V. Renee:

    Love – I think this is one of the greatest mysteries of the world. You THINK you know what it is, but you don’t. I honestly feel like one won’t know what true love is until they become a parent. See I don’t think there’s a greater love than a moms (sorry daddy). Because it’s like no matter what they do (rob, kill) mothers love their kids.

    If you say you love someone, you’re suppose to love them WITHOUT conditions no matter what they do. And that’s scary to me. You trust that person completely. And that’s a huge responsibility on both people. So huge that I don’t think many truly understand it.

    When I’ve told people I loved them – I mean that I love how they make me feel, I love being with them. I love that I can trust them (to a certain extent).

    Despite all of that, I believe in love……And even look forward to my attempts at love.

  14. Bamer15 Says:

    Some deep feelings are being thrown around in here. 😀 I like it.

    Am I the only guy who wants to weigh in on this? I can say I thought I was in love once and that was with my first girlfriend. I think most of us can say we thought and/or did love our ‘first’. I mean I did.

    Now I am a lot more careful with throwing that word around, and in fact I rarely do. I mean I have told a couple of my super close buddies at the ‘right moment’ in the most un-gay sorta way I knew how that I loved them. But I mean that was with only 2 of my best buds.

    As for girls, outside of the ones that are related, I have said that to about 2 or 3 others and in purely a ‘friend’ way. As for saying it to another lover/girlfriend. I think I am still searching. I am almost not in a hurry to find it as I know it’s one of those things that will hit me square in the face…

    ..In fact I wonder sometimes if I have met this person already?

  15. “so my question does anybody know if u fall out of love with someone can you get it back?? ”

    @Mik: Do u think that it is that you fell out of love, or that you put it on the back burner to avoid getting hurt?

    Thanks Hol!!!!

    @Bamer: It looks like you are our brave male for the day, and I appreciate it so much. It seems like men have a problem expressing it (or maybe it’s just my experience)… so to have you be vocal about it (as well as my bf) is very refreshing.

  16. “Now I am a lot more careful with throwing that word around”

    And this is extremely important. Some people toss the word around like Wilt Chamberlain’s boxer briefs but it is a heavy phrase, and people should know and be ready for the weight of saying it before they use it.

  17. Anitraclark Says:

    I have only used the word once when i knew it wasnt true. I really don’t see how people can just throw the word around, its so powerful.

    Nic to answer your question I think I was hurt by rejection. So I don’t think i ever fell out of love because i do still love him, i just don’t have that feeling. I put him in the friend category after he did that, and 5 years later the man is still my friend.

  18. Mik, I think once you’ve put someone in the “friend” box, it’s pretty hard to recover.

  19. Cheekie Says:

    Great questions Nicki and ones I’ve asked over and over myself because I don’t think I’ve really “felt” it either. Not “in love” anyway. And yes, I believe there is a difference. I do know one thing and there’s one mantra I live by. And it’s that “I love you unconditionally” is a redundant statement. If it is truly love, there are no conditions by default. The word itself presupposes that the feeling is unconditional. That’s what I truly believe. If there are conditions, it isn’t really love.

  20. Coco Says:

    “If there are conditions, it isn’t really love.”

    that is real truth right there. real ENDURING love has no conditions. whoo..that’s deep. that means you gotta have a foundation for that kind of love…

  21. Anitraclark Says:

    Mik, I think once you’ve put someone in the “friend” box, it’s pretty hard to recover

    I thought so too!!

  22. Thanks Cheekie! “If it is truly love, there are no conditions by default”

    And that is the truth.

  23. Peyso Says:

    I think its kinda sad that at 1:33pm only two guys have weighed in, counting myself. I think love is when someone’s imperfections seem perfect to you. Its when you can miss the most annoying part of person. I think that failed attempts at love truly teach us how to work and appreciate what love really is.

  24. Love – I think it’s a journey. It’s valleys and peaks and sceneries. There is not one definition of love, or one type of love, or one possibility of love.

    To get back on my journey/travel analogy, sometimes the road is hard and not fun at all, but the destination is wonderful and makes you forget the bumps on the road.

    Sometimes, the scenery on the road is so breathtaking, the food and people experienced while on the journey so inspiring, that it can make the destination feel subpar…

    All of those are types of love and none is “superior” than the other ,IMHO. I have loved many people in my life. A type of love. Love for my fellow human being, love for shared interest, genuine care and interest in their welfare.

    It’s actually easier to pinpoint what Love is not than to talk about what it is.

    I feel like I have met (one of) my soulmate(s). And everyday, I’m discovering a different fiber of my heart being awaken. Sometimes that can be called hurt… I am willing to be vulnerable and expose myself. I am ok with someone looking deep at my insecurities. I trust the person to love me in spite of them or even because of them.

    Trust is a good gauge of Love.

    As far as your questions, what I can say is: if you have so many questions about it, you are not quite there yet… but you’re on your way. Keep the faith. 😉

  25. Peyso, I agree… but let me talk about some booty and they are all over it. lol.

    “I think that failed attempts at love truly teach us how to work and appreciate what love really is.”

    This is so on point. Failed relationship attempts have also taught me to value what is truly important.

  26. “Keep the faith.”

    @LP: Thank you. I am praying every day for the answers. 😉

  27. I think your going to inspire me to tackle the subject myself.

    I struggle with this one a lot. Sometimes when I think back to the times I said it, I’m pretty sure I didn’t mean it and just got caught up in the moment. I’ve never told anyone that I was in love with them … but I figure when I’m ready to give up my motorcycle for a woman (hasn’t happened quite yet) … then maybe I’ve crossed that threshold.

  28. @SBM: And I look forward to reading since you are the adoptive big brother and all. 😉

    “I’m pretty sure I didn’t mean it and just got caught up in the moment.”

    Which can be soooo dangerous!!!!!

  29. Junior Says:

    I’ve been in love, but i don’t think it was until recently that I really knew what love was. For me, its when I stop considering other conquests and truly start focusing on that individual person. Yeah, you still see women, and objectively you might think they are attractive, but you move past thoughts of how you can manage to be with them as well as the person you’re with at the same time, and thoughts drift into the realm of marriage, kids, a future.

    I think Peyso had a good point as well.

    I do know that love is NOT being 8 inches deep with her screaming like Freddy Krueger is under the bed.

  30. “I do know that love is NOT being 8 inches deep with her screaming like Freddy Krueger is under the bed.”

    Junior, you are a hot mess for that one.

  31. Bamer15 Says:

    Kind of sounds like we are all chasing ‘Love’ a little bit eh?

    Something so hard to get, hence the reason everyone wants it, and even worse, that some people say they love a person before it’s really true.

    What a fun topic…. 😀

  32. inakeS Says:

    I know I’m a little late but I’ll say this……..

    Love is never saying “I love you” to any girl that you’ve been with in your entire life. Then, you meet the woman of your dreams, tell her that you love her only to hear her not say it back. Despite the words not being reciprocated, you’re not deterred and you still enage all of yourself with that person with reckless abandon.

    I’ve had women love me before and understand what that feels like. The challenge for me was to be in a place where I can share those feelings about another person. I think for me, being able to love someone means more than the woman of my dreams say it back to me.

    Love is unheralded joy and depressing pain but it is the science behind anything worth doing. In the words of so many New Yorkers, Love is Love.

  33. I’m glad u can hang with the topic, Bamer!

    inakeS: Better late than never. Welcome. And that was a beautiful comment.


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