**SPECIAL NOTE: I AM STILL TAKING YOUR QUESTIONS BY EMAILS. FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME ANY QUESTION THAT YOU WANT A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE ON.”
I’ve been totally swamped for the last three weeks. I mean between work and LSAT prep (180 here I come) I’ve barely had enough time to comment. I’ve noticed that this has created a level of stress that I have never felt before. This stress causes me to think of the most ludicrous, outlandish things whenever I get a free moment. The other day I was driving home and I literally thought that I was seeing people on the highway (this one might have been caused by the benedryl mixed with a drink from a Chinese bar called “Liquid Marijuana”) I’ve pondered what wild animals I could fight (btw I think I could beat a tiger or a lion if I had a baseball bat). Most recently, I thought what two celebrities I would not want to be locked in a cell with and here are the people that I came up with:
First, I’ll start with Ron Artest. During his rookie season with the Chicago Bulls, he was the subject of criticism for applying for a job at Circuit City, just to get an employee discount. To make things worse, Ron Artest used his coach and the owner as a reference. He was suspended for two games in the early 2004-05 season by Pacers coach Rick Carlisle after he allegedly asked for a month off because he was tired from promoting an R&B album for the group Allure on his production label. Artest had also been suspended for three games in 2003 for destroying a television camera in Madison Square Garden, and f or four games for a confrontation with Miami Heat coach Pat Riley in 2003. I won’t even get into the incident where he decided to beat up the fans.
Here are his most famous quotes:
“I told him if he leaves, then I’m going to kill him. Unless he wants to die, he’s got to stay.”- referring to former team mate Bonzi Wells
Reporter: Why did you apply at Best Buy?”
Artest: “Because you get discounts, home theatres dont come cheap man”
“I didn’t hold up no middle fingers. My middle finger is crooked so it sticks out. Maybe that’s what was showing.”
“They better not put me in the All-Star Game. I won’t shoot, but I’ll dominate that easy game. I’ll be playing hard defense. I’ll be foulin’. I’ll be flagrant fouling. Everyone will be like, ‘What are you doing?'” —
Ron Artest. As a teenager, Ron Artest played in an AAU Tournament, got angry and knocked over two water coolers. He then told his coach, “I don’t know what’s wrong with those buckets.
I’m not even going to try to describe Tyson’s crazy arse. I’ll just let you read his quotes. He’s easily the king of this crazy quotable sh*t. Jamie Foxx described Tyson as being a pit bull on leash. If Tyson came in the room right now, kneegrows might start running.
“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse?
On Lennox Lewis
“Lennox Lewis, I’m coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I’m just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!”
“My main objective is to be professional but to kill him.”
“I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him [Lennox Lewis]. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children.”
On Razor Ruddock “You’re sweet. I’m going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.”
On His Former Wife, Robin Givens
“I paid a worker at New York’s zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback’s snotbox! He declined.”
“Anyone with a grain of sense would know that if I punched my wife I would rip her head off. It’s all lies. I have never laid a finger on her.”
On His Childhood
“One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like a infantile retard.”
“There are nine million people who see me in the ring and hate my guts. Most of them are white. That’s okay. Just spell my name right.”
“I think the average person thinks I’m a f**king nut and I deserve whatever happens to me. That’s what I believe.”
“When you see me smash somebody’s skull, you enjoy it.”
“I try to catch him right on the tip of the nose, because I try to push the bone into the brain.”
“How dare these boxers challenge me with their primitive skills? It makes me angry. They’re just as good as dead.”
“My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel is muscle tissues collapse under my force. It’s ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm.”
Tyson: “It’s interesting that you put me in the league with those illustrious fighters [Muhammad Ali, Joe Louis, Jack Johnson], but I’ve proved since my career I’ve surpassed them as far my popularity. I’m the biggest fighter in the history of the sport. If you don’t believe it, check the cash register.”
“I just want them to keep bringing guys on and I’m going to strip them of their health. I bring pain, a lot of pain.” O
n the Media “I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.?
[To a female reporter] “It’s no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don’t do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn’t talk anymore… Unless you want to, you know.”
“People [are] going to say what they say. It has to be for a reason. It’s just for a reason. I know sometimes I say things; I offend people. I ask this lady a lewd question because I’m in a lot of pain too. I have some pain I’m gonna have for the rest of my life. And Lewis, I’m trying to give some of that pain to ya’ll.”
“If I take this camera and put it in your face for 20 years, I don’t know what you might be. You might be a homosexual if I put that camera on you since you were 13 years old. I’ve been on that camera since I was 13 years old.”
On Religion “All praise is to Allah, I’ll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I’d fight him too.”
“I’m just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too. I think it’s un-American not to go out with a woman, not to be with a beautiful woman, not to get my **** sucked … It’s just what I said before, everybody in this country is a big f**king liar. [The media] tells people … that this person did this and this person did that and then we find out that were just human and we find out that Michael Jordan cheats on his wife just like everybody else and that we all cheat on our f**king wife in one way or another either emotionally, physically or sexually or one way.”
“At times, I come across as crude or crass, that irritates you when I come across like a Neanderthal or a babbling idiot at times. But I like to be that person. I like to show you all that person because that’s who you come to see.”
“I’m the most irresponsible person in the world. The reason I’m like that is because, at 21, you all gave me $50 or $100 million, and I didn’t know what to do. I’m from the ghetto. I don’t know how to act. One day I’m in a dope house robbing somebody. The next thing I know, ‘You’re the heavyweight champion of the world.’ … Who am I? What am I? I don’t even know who I am. I’m just a dumb child. I’m being abused. I’m being robbed by lawyers. I think I have more money than I do. I’m just a dumb pugnacious fool. I’m just a fool who thinks I’m someone. And you tell me I should be responsible?”
“I’m just a dark guy from a den of iniquity. A dark shadowy figure from the bowels of iniquity. I wish I could be Mike who gets an endorsement deal. But you can’t make a lie and a truth go together. This country wasn’t built on moral fiber. This country was built on rape, slavery, murder, degradation and affiliation with crime.”
“I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating.”
“I just want to conquer people and their souls.”
Is there anyone that you would literally be afraid to be in a prison cell with? And on a slightly connected note, what do you do to relieve stress?