Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

The Art of Dating May 31, 2009

Filed under: Dating,relationships — Sunny @ 10:00 pm

Coffehouse

 

Wikipedia defines dating as, “any social activity undertaken by, typically, two people with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity. Traditional dating activities include entertainment or a meal.”

I can stand behind this definition- it was the exact reason I dated.  If I wasn’t feeling the man, or able to put him in the “prospect” category, I wasn’t sharing his company- simple as that.  I always believed (read: HOPED) that both parties would be on the same accord.  

Some people date for other reasons- women will go out on a date because, “hey it’s a free meal,”  “It’s better than being alone,”  or “I’ve got nothing better to do.”   If you are dating for any of these reasons, you, my friend are a USER (and karma is a b#*ch).  If you feel this way, you should probably get a job and some self esteem. 

Men- you didn’t get off easy.  Don’t use dating as a down payment on the poon. You should not be taking a woman out, wining and dining her, and expect her to spread the legs later on that night.  If you do, you might be better just bypassing the date and soliciting a lady of the evening instead.  I think you should also expect to pay on the date.  

Yes, I said it.  *** And I know the men will shoot me for this. *** But I think a man paying is chivalrous and it makes me feel secure, soft and pink.  I’m not saying we have to be eating at Mr. Chows and breaking your wallet, but initially, I expect you to pay.  At some point, I will shell out but I just need you to be prepared … don’t ask me out if you don’t have it (I had a man ask me if I was paying next time when I only ate a $3 bowl of SOUP!!!! lol) 

As I said, dates don’t have to be uber expensive. Just be creative (and mind you, this may differ from woman to woman).  For me, dinner or movies is really not what I want to do when we are first dating- it’s so regular.   We can do something like meeting at a restaurant for dessert (because I am addicted to sweets), or Starbucks for a latte.  We could grab an ice cream cone while walking around the Waterfront.  I treat dating as an informal interview- I’m trying to collect evidence, which is why we need to be talking.

What say you?

 

The Fixer-Upper May 28, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — Holly GoLightly @ 11:52 pm

First of all I would like to thank Ms. Nicki Sunshine for taking over last Friday while I was on my coveted death bed! I really plan on having an original post  soon but this week my emotions just wouldn’t allow to do it! However, I will say I am thoroughly enjoying the eHarmony Newsletters that get sent to me weekly! I don’t think I will ever cancel the subscription, because even though I don’t use there services it still provides an interesting ideology on dating. This week my favorite article was entitled, Are You Dating A Fixer Upper?.

What stuck out at first for me was the title! My initial thought was what in the heck is  a “fix upper?” Then after getting into the article I discovered the meaning. A fix upper is someone you feel would be your ideal match once you upgrade them to your standards and liking.  I realized that a lot of us (especially women) meet men and think they would be extremely perfect for us especially after we tweak this one flaw and rip off this other deplorable characteristic, but what we fail to realize is that everything isn’t worth the time or money and once you are done with the project you usually end up feeling different than you did in the beginning.

Here is the original article take a look and when finished answer these questions: Have you ever been guilty of dating a “fixer upper”? Have you been a “fixer upper”? I would especially love to hear from the guys! I have never heard of a guy dating a woman they thought they could change!!

Are You Dating A Fixer-Upper?

There are limits as to how much you should “refurbish” a potential partner.

by eHarmony

Let’s say you’re dating a guy and he’s perfect. At least, he will be as soon as you’re done with him. All you need to do is make a few upgrades in his wardrobe, communication skills, choice of friends, workout routine, relationship with his mother, and that ugly garage-sale couch he’s so attached to. Once that’s all done and you’ve helped him take his career to the next level, he’ll be marriage material for sure.

Or perhaps you’re seeing a girl and there’s something about her that makes you feel like a knight in shining armor. She’s been hurt before and says she can’t trust men, but somehow that only makes you want to win her all the more. Or she’s always in some sort of dilemma and you’re just the guy to help her out of it. Or your friends think she’s demanding and treats you like dirt, but she’s got this vulnerable side and you’re convinced that—if you just keeping loving her—one day she’ll brim with appreciation, realizing that you’re the man of her dreams.

If any of these scenarios apply to you, it’s likely you’re dating a fixer-upper. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to encourage, inspire, or help the person you’re dating. In fact, movies are made all the time about the transforming nature of love. Consider ‘My Fair Lady’ or ‘As Good as It Gets’, in which an abrasive and exasperating Jack Nicholson tells his would-be lover, Helen Hunt, “You make me want to be a better man.” And, indeed, by movie’s end, we see that evidence of his metamorphosis.

Unfortunately, in real life, such transformations via true love don’t always have Hollywood endings. If you’re dating someone you need to fix or rescue, here are some questions to ask yourself:

“Would our relationship make a good episode of ‘Extreme Makeover?’”
How realistic are the changes you are envisioning for your beloved? Ask yourself if the “end result” you are seeking is anything like the person you’re dating now. When you’re finished, will your partner even be recognizable? If you are lobbying for radical alterations, this probably isn’t the right match for you.

“Am I working harder than the person I’m dating?”
Effective, lasting change always comes from within. If your love interest is letting you take the lead in reinventing his or her life, true transformation is unlikely.

“Does the person I’m dating feel like a ‘project’?”
An imbalanced relationship in which one person does all the giving doesn’t feel good to either person, even the one receiving all the help. This kind of relationship can foster feelings of resentment, dependency, and inadequacy. It can make your partner feel like a child and rob him or her of the joy of feeling like an equal contributor to your relationship.

“How central are the changes I’m seeking?”
If you want to sand the rough edges off your partner—improve his poor manners, expand her artistic horizons—that’s one thing. If you want him to change his basic temperament type or religious beliefs, you’re going overboard. Additional core issues include poor self-esteem, addictions, or character flaws like lying or cheating. People can change behaviors that are deeply rooted, but it requires tremendous self-motivation. Even then, change can take years and require the help of professionals.

“Am I so consumed with rescuing this person that I’m putting my own life or needs on hold?” If so, your relationship is on a crash-and-burn course. This kind of one-sidedness can eventually leave you feeling burned out, taken advantage of, and resentful. A healthy relationship requires two people who are as committed to their own emotional health and well-being as they are to that of their partner.

The point of dating is to get to know each other and determine if you are well suited for a long-term union — not to reinvent each other. Healthy relationships are balanced, equal, and mutually satisfying. If your relationship requires an extreme makeover, frequent rescues, or the neglect of your own needs, find a healthier partner—even if it means getting healthier yourself in order to do it.

 

And We All Know….. May 27, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — peyso @ 11:36 pm

 

 

That the best people chef are men. I’m sure that there are plenty who would agree and that there are more who would disagree. Many people think that there aint nobody who cook better that Big Mama. Well, they are in fact wrong because Big Papa (Pause) can throw down (Pause Again). As the only regular male contributor at SSSO, I would like to think that we are all about the occasional role reversal. Women with an endless libito who can take a dude out for an occassional meal and men who can clean and sh!t too. I think men who cant trade places are at a serious disadvantage. And since my graceful departure from the game, almost a year ago (seems like forever, which went by smoothly), I’ve been all about evening the playing field. SO in the spirit of yesterday’s post, I present my list of recipes for summer of 09.  These are some easy things that if done correctly will make you seem like Chef Boyardee. (Some of these were provided by world reknown DJ R2daizza. follow him on twitter @djrtodaizza).

Jambalaya
Ingredients:
1/2 pound smoked kielbasa sausage, sliced into 1/2-inch thick rounds
3 cups chopped vegetables (onion, green bell pepper, celery)
1 3/4 cups chicken broth or water
1 cup uncooked regular rice
1 (14 1/2 ounce) can diced tomatoes with green chilies, un-drained
1/4 cup of some really, really hot sauce.

1 pound large shrimp, peeled and deveined
(Can add chicken)

Cooking Directions:
Cook sausage in Dutch oven or deep skillet over medium-high heat 5 minutes or until lightly browned. Add vegetables; cook and stir 3 minutes or until crisp-tender.
Stir in broth, rice, tomatoes and some of that real Hot Sauce that you have your cousin bring you back when they make their yearly trip to the country. Heat to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low. Cook, covered, 15 minutes or until rice is almost done, stirring once.
Stir in shrimp. Cook 5 minutes longer until shrimp turn pink and rice is fully cooked. Garnish with chopped fresh parsley, if desired.

Ribs

 

Wash off baby back ribs….trim off fat 

Put in pan . Pour about 1/2 cup apple cider or wine vinegar.

Season with chili powder , seas. salt, pepper, garlic powder

Cover with foil bake at 400 for an hour or until tender.

Pour off most of dipping.

Pour on barbecue sauce. Cover with foil . Lower temp unil 350.

Cook for 15 min.

Uncover and for another 10 min.

 

 

 

Lasagna

 

1 pound sweet Italian sausage

3/4 pound lean ground beef

1/2 cup minced onion

2 cloves garlic, crushed

1 (28 ounce) can crushed tomatoes

2 (6 ounce) cans tomato paste

2 (6.5 ounce) cans canned tomato sauce

1/2 cup water

2 tablespoons white sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons dried basil leaves

1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds

1 teaspoon Italian seasoning

1 tablespoon salt

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

4 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

12 lasagna noodles

16 ounces ricotta cheese

1 egg

1/2 teaspoon salt

3/4 pound mozzarella cheese, sliced

3/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese

  1. In a Dutch oven, cook sausage, ground beef, onion, and garlic over medium heat until well browned. Stir in crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce, and water. Season with sugar, basil, fennel seeds, Italian seasoning, 1 tablespoon salt, pepper, and 2 tablespoons parsley. Simmer, covered, for about 1 1/2 hours, stirring occasionally.
  2. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook lasagna noodles in boiling water for 8 to 10 minutes. Drain noodles, and rinse with cold water. In a mixing bowl, combine ricotta cheese with egg, remaining parsley, and 1/2 teaspoon salt.
  3. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
  4. To assemble, spread 1 1/2 cups of meat sauce in the bottom of a 9×13 inch baking dish. Arrange 6 noodles lengthwise over meat sauce. Spread with one half of the ricotta cheese mixture. Top with a third of mozzarella cheese slices. Spoon 1 1/2 cups meat sauce over mozzarella, and sprinkle with 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese. Repeat layers, and top with remaining mozzarella and Parmesan cheese. Cover with foil: to prevent sticking, either spray foil with cooking spray, or make sure the foil does not touch the cheese.
  5. Bake in preheated oven for 25 minutes. Remove foil, and bake an additional 25 minutes. Cool for 15 minutes before serving.

 If ya have any other quick recipes, feel free to add…

 

SSSO Fashion: Approved for Summer

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — cuzzo @ 1:19 am

On my of my recent trips back home to New York, I saw 3 young girls who each wore dressy clothes with flat shoes. I approve this look for what’s remaining of the spring and summer. After witnessing millions of hot messes…this look was quite refreshing. Think a more casual cocktail dress paired with skippies….think the Hills (wait no, The City) without the heels.

Who says you can’t get dressed up in the daytime? Yes, you will look more polished with a heel but for a day of city strolling, brunch with the gals, window shopping…this does it for me.

Say R.I.P to the maxi dress. Still cute, however the hood chicks OD’d and killed it.

This has been downgraded to no more than a house dress to me. Revitalize the maxi dress if you’re going to rock it:

Wear heels…not flip-flops

Accessorize up…don’t hippie it

Beware of the cling…no matter the size, the material hugs your body (that is, the most common material…some come in other non-cling)  so invest in spanx if you have not done so yet

Try a print versus the solid color

and most important….WORK IT!

The moral of the story is mix it up…try pairing a more casual shoe with a less casual dress and vice versa. An added bonus is your clothes do double duty. Ever shopped, saw something cute and said…but where am I going to wear this? Well, here’s your solution. Keep it simple, no prom dress, or club dress…use discrestion my fellow fashionistas 🙂

I have not forgotten you men. Here are your approved looks.

The overall look I like for the men is the preppy….think Hamptons….think Ralph Lauren. Buttoned down (or up…whatever you wanna call it) shirt paired with cotton shorts or pants in light or bold colors. Buttoned shirts with epaulets (tabs on the shoulders)  are uber sexy. Shorts should not be mid-thigh or mid-calf. They should be at or a little below the knee. Polo shirts are still approved as well but leaning more towards the button….polo’s are just too easy and overdone. I’m tired of plaid but it’s not a definite no-no….yet. Make sure the clothes FIT…not tight…not loose. So many guys have a problem with clothes that actually fit them well.

Put down the air force one’s, jordans, and I don’t even want to see you in any kind of mandal (man sandal – you know the kinds with the straps) and pick up something canvas. Sneaker freaks, keep it low please. You still can’t go wrong with Creative Rec’s (non-velcro strap) or ProKeds.

 

Single Husbands…. May 26, 2009

Before I write this post I want to formally congratulate Tea and Cuzzo on their impending nuptials.

Keeping Only Unto Who?

Keeping Only Unto Who?

***Disclaimer-Not all husbands are like this***

“Understand this, there will be no divorce.  You might be in one bedroom and I might in the other, but we will be married under the same roof.

Jada Pinkett-Smith in reference to Will and her answer to his proposal

Ebony June 2009

I hope everyone had a spectacular weekend before I delve into this topic.  I spent the weekend at Books-A-Million reading Angels and Demons then Single Husbands by HoneyB.

I read both books cover to cover, check out A&D or see the movie.  Anyways, moving right along…I spent Memorial Day reading the second book…and I was intrigued by just a few things…

First of all, I want all of you to sit back and think about all the weddings you’ve ever been to…when those sacred vows are uttered do any of you recall hearing the words “I will be faithful to you”?

Neither have I.

What you have likely heard is “forsaking all others, keeping only unto you”-this is not necessarily a promise of fidelity…it really just means that you will not let anyone come between what you and your mate have.  As I read this book, a tale of three “single husbands” I wondered just how many men in America (and elsewhere) actually believe it to be okay that they cheat on their wives.  And then it came to me, a lot of them do (just not all).

I want to ask a question or two about this and I want to know if anyone thinks single wives exist as well.

Ladies, would you be ok knowing that your husband is sleeping with other women if they were only for pleasure?  With this answer, please bear in mind that he is treating you wonderfully…nothing is amiss in your home.

Would you be okay knowing that your husband has a woman, a lover and a wife (bear in mind they are not all the same person) if it would save face for you professionally?

Finally, would it be okay for you to give up your hopes and dreams to move to a new city with a husband who treats you like you are the slave meant to insure that his house runs smoothly and nothing more?’

And as far as Jada’s quote is concerned, do you think you could lay that on a man?  Or would that push him into being a single husband…(note, Will is not gay, neither is Jada and they are not an open family)

I am just curious about this philanderer’s way of life.

More from me in the morning.

 

Summer Jams May 22, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — Sunny @ 6:26 am

There are certain songs that I hear that signal the beginning of summertime for me- time for barbeques, smaller clothes and men in their basketball shorts (what is it about those shorts that are so dang’on sexy?) 

Anywho, even if I hear these songs in the winter, they make me long for the warm sunshine that is hopefully, not too far around the corner. 

How about you- which songs signal the beginning of summertime for you?

*** FYI:  We will be not be posting on Monday, May 25, 2009 to enjoy our three day weekends from work.   Enjoy your Memorial Day and be safe.  We’ll see you on Tuesday!  ***

 

I Know I Ain’t Right May 21, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 8:19 am

We’ve given my girl Jazzmine a lot of flack for a lot of things….you know like bustin the windows out of cars and things like that…but I gotta admit she speaks realness in her lyrics.  The first song I ever heard from her was “I’m In Love With Another Man” and I can really feel that.

See…the reason why is because I love one man so deeply it makes no sense at all.  No other man can take his place.  It’s that Song of  Solomon kinda love…or that Barack/Michelle kinda thing…that stuff that reeks of 1Cor13

See the problem is though…right now is not a good time and anyone I try to get with well I might only dim their star (I’d have to be, because I’d do anything to make his shine brighter…you feel me?)

My question then ladies and gents is have you ever felt this way?  Do you have someone in your life now that you couldn’t see giving up?  Even if the relationship won’t work and you have to just be friends.


Shoot me your thoughts.  I’m ready.