Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Sensitivity May 17, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — Sunny @ 10:00 pm

Man, I miss old music. 

Anywho, in Ralph Tresvant’s song, he sings:  “You need a man… with…. sensitivity.  A man like me.” 

I don’t consider myself a sensitive person; I can count on one hand the people who’ve actually seen me cry about something (one of them did a sneak attack!) so I don’t want a crybaby, whiny man.   I’ve never met these guys but from the stories on some of the blogs I frequent, they exist.

That being said, I found out that having a man who is in touch with his feelings and can communicate them to me  is very imporant.  I hate guessing.    I also  love that a man is forward with his feelings and doesn’t wait for me to initiate (aka Takes Control).  I have that now and I have been spoiled.  Funny, I would have never put this on my list before- it was  something I never really thought about.  

Tears from men are acceptable, for instance, if someone dies, or if he’s hurt, or while watching his bride walk down the aisle, etc., Something about seeing a man cry makes me want to cry.  I’d freak out if I saw his tears often though.  I’d prolly start riding him out,  just as I do my homegirl who sheds tears easy -but  remember this is coming from a not-so-sensitive girl.  Is there a such thing as being too sensitive? At what point does he turn into E.Lynn (wrkct: Damon) status?

Ladies- how do you feel about a man and his sensitivity?

Men: What are your thoughts?  How open with your feelings are you?  Do you prefer a sensitive woman?

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37 Responses to “Sensitivity”

  1. thecomebackgirl Says:

    im not sure..Im still marinating and experimenting my dayum self with the notion. I think I can work with a sensitive man, but he can’t be fatalistic with the shyt..if you have a problem or sentiment…im all for your “feelings”..but i love men who are result driven. If something isn’t right..i love a man who finds the solution and resolves his problem like a man.

    i look up to men like that. if he’s just bycthin for bytchin sake..i can’t respect it. And if I don’t respect you..our “situationship” is doomed before it starts.

  2. Jaci Says:

    “situationship”

    me likey.

    anyways-i think i can deal with a sensitive man…just not sensitive men who bytch to bytch like cbg said.

    sometimes i wanna scream get over yourself…for real because some men bytch like they have bleeding uteri…(is that the right word?)

    anyways…so yeah sensitive but don’t always make me feel like ish because your stuff is not right…that’s bytchazznezz!

    🙂

  3. Athena Nike Says:

    I definitely like men who has some sensitivity. I’d hate to marry a man who is always stoic or machismo in public to everyone, and the only time I can see his true feelings is when I am making his toes curl. Especially if I have sons. Don’t want my kid growing up talking about ” my dad was hard on us, and though he never said it we knew he loved us cause…” NO tell your sons and daughters. I think its our job as women to bring that out of men, not consciously but yanno its just what we do.

  4. Cynthia Says:

    I would love a man with sensitivity, problem is …..there is not that many ! LOL CJ on my blog is almost their lol

  5. jac Says:

    @Athena-I definitely feel what you’re saying. I want my children to know that their father loves them and not just because he puts a roof over their head and food on the table.

    @Cynthia-Hi and welcome to SSSO! I checked out your site (everyone should) AND I cannot wait until Wednesday!

  6. Shawnta` Says:

    I am married to a sensitive man. He’s sensitive in that he is in tune with my feelings and needs. Rarely do I have to say to him “You’re being so insensitive about ______.” because he really does try to understand. He doesn’t always understand but he at least tries. In the fourteen years that I’ve known him, I’ve seen him cry maybe a half dozen times. It makes me realize that although he is a man, he does have feelings too and isn’t so reserved, cold and stoic that he feels as if he can’t share or show them. I agree with some of the other comments though, if he was crying all the time about everything, this would probably induce anxiety and cause me to panic. One of us has to remain level headed and clear thinking…and that usually isn’t me. So, I need him to be strong but not so strong that he feels as if he’s shouldering all the weight & responsibility without an outlet/release. There should be a good balance.

  7. jac Says:

    @Shawnta-Ma’am this is almost what I was talking about it my e-mail. The sensitivity balance where you want a man to be strong but not so strong that he feels like he has to shoulder it all alone.

    This has been my mistake.

  8. those dance routines in that video…

    crispy.

  9. peyso Says:

    I think we have to define sensitive. Sensitive doesnt mean that you just running around crying. Sensitive just means that you know and can express how you feel in a responsible way. All men can express their feelings, its just how they choose to do it. There are alot of men who will tell/show a chick how he feels but in a manner that is not responsible.

    I dont think a man (or anyone reaslly) should be crying all the damn time, and my sons will not be crying. However, I will teach them how to express their feelings using their words (pictures and other stuff can work to). I do think its important for fathers to tell their kids that they love em, my dad did and still does on occasion lol. It aint gotta be no big deal but it is important.

  10. Cheekie Says:

    Well, of course Ralph is sensitive. His baby voice says (or sings) it all. “Cool it nooooow. You got to cool it now”. I love me some Ralph, though.

    What turns me on the most is not a man who always shows his sensitive side but a man who rarely does, but shows it only to the woman he loves. To those very few select people. Makes me feel all special and ish. lol Like if something terrible happens and he usually has his guard or wall up on the daily (in public, around other folks), then he breaks down when when it’s just the two of us, that really makes my heart swell.

  11. Shawnta` Says:

    @Jac & @peyso: I agree. There must be a balance and there must be a responsible way to express feelings. I also agree that sensitivity can be defined/described as over-emotional or really in tune with your feelings and the feelings of others. Another good way to think of sensitivity is empathy.

  12. Shawnta` Says:

    @Cheekie: I agree with you too…it is a side usually reserved for a select few and only those who he completely trusts and genuinely loves. It’s an honor when a man can be completely transparent with you because it says a lot about you. You make him feel safe and protected enough to express his feelings and what he is going through. He doesn’t feel as if he’ll be ridiculed, rejected or hurt by you once he shares this with you. He feels safe that you won’t use his vulnerability against him.

  13. Britt Says:

    I agree with Peyso. The kind of guy you described is basically a b! lol, which I don’t want to deal with. But I can dig a man that can accurately express his emotions, wants and needs.

  14. Hugh Jazz Says:

    I think the term to describe most good guys would be more understanding than sensitive. Sensitive just gives off a hokey, Little House on the Prairie vibe. Most men can be very understanding of what a woman goes through, which I suspect is more what a woman is looking for, not a man who cries while watching Bambi.

    I liked Ralph Tresvant…in New Edition. That era of the early 90’s was when men were most amenable to women’s demands of being sensitive, and spawned Ralph Tresvant, Color Me Badd, and Boyz II Men, signing about, “I know you cheated on me and had an orgy with the whole college football team, but I don’t care, I still love you.” (I hated that guy in Boyz II Men with the deep voice.) That era was sensitive on steroids, and I think most women realized this is NOT what we want in a man.

  15. Good Morning everybody (as I am tardy to the party)

    @Comeback: “..i love a man who finds the solution and resolves his problem like a man.”

    I agree- I can’t stand a person who will just complain about a situation and not try to resolve it- this applies to both men and women.

    @Jaci: Again, I haven’t met any of the overly senstive men. I’ve met ice cold.

    @Athena: Welcome to the blog! “he never said it we knew he loved us cause…” NO tell your sons and daughters.”

    This is very important. Funny thing is, my family is this way. We don’t tell eachother we love eachother- although it is shown. I definitely want to be more vocal in my own family. My bf and I tell eachother that often and I love that.

    @Cynthia: Welcome to the blog. I will be checking yours out.

    Thanks Peyso, for defining sensitivity. You are exactly right.

    @Cheekie: “Makes me feel all special and ish. ”

    I agree- I love feeling special.

    @Shawnta’: I agree also- a balance is really important.

    Good point Britt.

    @Hugh: I miss 90s music!

  16. Comeback Girl Says:

    “(as I am tardy to the party)”

    don’t be tardy to the party….i loved that song LOL

  17. @Comeback: I know you didn’t really like that song. lol. I need some more seasons of the kimfoolery ASAP.

  18. Shawnta` Says:

    @Nicki: Meant to add – I miss old music too…it just isn’t the same “nowadays”. LOL. Nostalgia.

  19. Comeback Girl Says:

    “I know you didn’t really like that song. lol. I need some more seasons of the kimfoolery ASAP.”
    I thought it was catchy..i actually think kim could have done something with that song..yeah new episodes ASAP…

  20. sensitivity is knowing when it’s correct to let it go. men should have emotions, not be emotional.

    although, for certain situations (i.e. you screw up immeasurably) a man MUST know how to cry on demand…especially if you’ve never cried in front of her…that will save your arse

    or so I’ve heard (mwahahaha)

  21. NOOOOO on that song Comeback.

    @whyso: LMAO. I Hope you aren’t using that trick. U are too “awesome” for that (although I’ve seen it played out in movies.) Some women use that trick also. My cousin told me she does it all the time.

  22. Cuzzo Says:

    Did you see “Not Easily Broken”?

    Kevin Hart’s character was TOO MUCH sensitivity, thw white dudes was not enough, and Morris’ was juts right 😉

  23. @Cuz: I haven’t seen it but speaking of films, in Family that Preys, Rockmund Dunbar’s character was too sensitive for me… he was letting Sanaa Latha’s character walk all over him and shatter his manhood.

  24. MDUBB Says:

    Let’s see I cried at my father in laws funeral. I cried when I watched “Daddy’s Girls”, I could understand his pain suppose. I cried when James Brown died, I was also drunk at the time so you know how that goes. I cry when I hear that “Mama song” by Boys 2 Men; I love my momma. Sometimes I get misty eyed when I see little kids with there parents and I think about my step-daughter who I haven’t seen in months.

    Otherwise I’m pretty straight laced.

    With that being said, I don’t really think that has to do with how sensitive I am. My friends say I’m “ice cold” , even nicknaming me Omarion as of late. I guess I’m sensitive, but maybe I’m not, hell I don’t know. Why don’t you guy tells me.

  25. @M: I think you are sensitive but it’s a beautiful thing. (BTW: I heard “Mama” on my way out of town Friday night and was crying my eyes out- so it’s not only you.)

    I think it takes a real man to admit and be in touch with his feelings… its not only about being ice cold. Like they said above, a balance is needed.

  26. Hugh Jazz Says:

    Why So: “men should have emotions, not be emotional.”

    What I was saying, articulated much more succintly.

  27. when obama got elected…I think something got in my eye, and some water fell from it.

    also at the end of “pursuit of happyness” ….it was the a/c in the theater

    yeah….lol

    @nicki: you can only use that trick ONCE. And it has to be a solitary, stray tear. But a big tear, that leaves a visible water streak on your face lol.

  28. @whyso: “when obama got elected…I think something got in my eye, and some water fell from it.”

    Dead. That was a proud moment in history, it must have gotten something caught in my eye too.

    “you can only use that trick ONCE.”

    So if you use it- I need you to make it good. I can spot a fake cryer though. lol

  29. @hugh:

    yes my friend. From my experience, I’ve noticed that women WILL make decisions BASED on emotion “it’s cold outside, but these shoes look good”

    …and guys will make decisions based on logic “it’s cold outside, im throwing on these 1993 chukka boots” None of these is right or wrong, just different.

    @nicki: all a guy has to do is think of “that little thing” you do, and how he would miss it. I gare-own-tee if you’re on your job, that n*gga might even sob a little bit lol

  30. “@nicki: all a guy has to do is think of “that little thing” you do, and how he would miss it. I gare-own-tee if you’re on your job, that n*gga might even sob a little bit lol”

    @whyso: LMAO!!!

  31. Cuzzo Says:

    @Why So

    “yes my friend. From my experience, I’ve noticed that women WILL make decisions BASED on emotion “it’s cold outside, but these shoes look good”

    …and guys will make decisions based on logic “it’s cold outside, im throwing on these 1993 chukka boots” None of these is right or wrong, just different.”

    this is illogical vs. logical, not emotions.

  32. @cuzzo…I see…i was also being a little vah-see-shush lol. As I have heard the two conversataions personally.

  33. Shawnta` Says:

    @Whyso: The crying on demand trick when a man has messed up is crazy but true. Also, I remember when I was younger and Boyz in the Hood came out how all the dudes at school kept talking about how Trey cried for the goods & Brandi fell for it.

    @Nicki & @Whyso: That is so funny about something getting in y’alls (yes, y’alls :-)) eyes and water coming out. 🙂

  34. Cynthia Says:

    Thank you ladies, I feel so welcome, you are all so nice!

  35. Shawnta` Says:

    @Cynthia: Welcome! 🙂

  36. Dr. J Says:

    I’m going to be real. I cried yesterday. Now… I’m not a big cryer. Actually that’s a lie, like I cried when Mufasa died and that was 10 minutes into the Lion King. I cried watching this movie The Holiday and then I cried watching Rent. But you know what usually causes it, SOMEBODY ELSE CRYING.

    Yesterday my really really good friend graduated from med school and when she was giving her speech at her afterparty I just really remembered how hard she’s worked for it and everyone started crying so maybe I cried.

    All that to say, am I sensitive? Yes. Am I baby? Well, there are infamous Baby Jackson stories, but alot of that comes from me being an only child and going to great lengths to always get my way. In relationships I think I am not the most sensitive because i’m very calculated. But I care and that’s a good thing to me.

    I can be open with my feelings, but usually its not until i’m about to lose something that I have to actually talk about them. I am better with showing. I canNOT deal with a sensitive girl. Hell to the naw. Us Libras do not vibe well with that ish. 1) My humor is very dry. 2) I can be a vindictive asshole sometimes just because i’m hungry or sleepy or whatever. 3) If you start crying i’m more likely to just be like “something is wrong with this chick” and I will get away from you because I don’t want that to affect my promotion.

  37. “But I care and that’s a good thing to me.”

    @Dr. J: That is a great thing.


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