Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

I Know I Ain’t Right May 21, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 8:19 am

We’ve given my girl Jazzmine a lot of flack for a lot of things….you know like bustin the windows out of cars and things like that…but I gotta admit she speaks realness in her lyrics.  The first song I ever heard from her was “I’m In Love With Another Man” and I can really feel that.

See…the reason why is because I love one man so deeply it makes no sense at all.  No other man can take his place.  It’s that Song of  Solomon kinda love…or that Barack/Michelle kinda thing…that stuff that reeks of 1Cor13

See the problem is though…right now is not a good time and anyone I try to get with well I might only dim their star (I’d have to be, because I’d do anything to make his shine brighter…you feel me?)

My question then ladies and gents is have you ever felt this way?  Do you have someone in your life now that you couldn’t see giving up?  Even if the relationship won’t work and you have to just be friends.


Shoot me your thoughts.  I’m ready.

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28 Responses to “I Know I Ain’t Right”

  1. I think when you find one man that you love you focus on him. I couldn’t imagine sharing the feeling that I have for one man with another. I wouldn’t want to- It would suck all of my energy.

    Until you get to that point, I just think it’s a strong like which can cause a yearning for that person. I’ve thought I’ve loved before, but that was not what it was- true love has reciprocity.

    I’ve never been a girl who multitasked very well (I tried it and failed) so maybe that has something to do with it.

    If it didn’t work out, I am not sure I could be his friend. When things are done, they are done. By holding on to something that isn’t for you, you are opening the door to drama and hurt.

    ***steps off soapbox and saunters off into the sunset ***

  2. peyso Says:

    This is my biggest fear. My fears stem from my own insecurities. I’m trying not to let them affect my great relationship, I think I’m doing a good job though.

  3. @Peyso: Do you mean your fear is for you having those feelings or for your woman to have those feelings?

  4. peyso Says:

    A woman to have those feelings. Obviously I dont know the specifics of Jac’s stories, but I would hate for a chick to just fall out of love with me and in love with someone else, especially if I thought I was doing the right thing. My insecurities make me feel that I’m not as great as I actually am at times. (I have moments where I go from extremely cocky to extremely humble).

  5. I feel you Peyso… But I think it’s something that will happen more less than often, if you just keep doing what you are doing and keep communication open. I believe if something where to happen like that, there will be signs.

  6. Britt Says:

    I love Jazmine and I LOVE this song. *sigh* I can definitely relate, but I have resolved within myself not to let a good man slip through my fingers because I am in love with the idea of another.

  7. Shawnta` Says:

    I know this differs for me because I’m married but in some ways it still applies. I couldn’t see giving my husband up for anyone or anything.

    BTW, I really like Jazmine Sullivan too.

  8. K Even Says:

    everyone i run into i want to give up… i dont know if i’m extremely impatient or if my age disallows me to deal with a bunch of BS…

    i hve recently learned relationships require a lot of patience.. last woman i dated i gave up becuase i did not feel like teaching her
    sexually… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz im sleepin on ya…. cuz u r boring..

    anywyz.. to answer the question: i always find myself lusting for the one who laid it down right, which probly affected this last go round. I expected her to know me in a way that only time produces.

  9. Cynthia Says:

    I have so been there..reminds me of that song by Christina Aguilara -walk away. One guy i saw off an on for like 5 years…I finaly realized it was time to Walk away!

  10. K Even Says:

    @Cynthia: my problem is looking back… a friend told me the windshield is a lot larger then the rear view…. messed my head up for like two days.. lol

  11. Lovely Paradox Says:

    I have been in that situation… The love was there, real AND shared (he loved me as much) but we were not on the same page at some point. So I moved on. I dated other guys, even got engaged… The dudes knew about him, of him. But love like most things in lie is primarily a decision. You decide to love someone and you decide to stop loving them. My other relationships didn’t suffer because of my love for him. It was a different love and different situations.

  12. Lovely Paradox Says:

    Addendum:… maybe it’s easier said now, because we found our way back to each other. Lol. But I truly had some good relationships in between that either ran their course or failed for other reasons.

  13. Cynthia Says:

    That is a good one- I got to write that down..the Windshield is!

  14. Jaci Says:

    @Nic

    “I couldn’t imagine sharing the feeling that I have for one man with another. I wouldn’t want to- It would suck all of my energy.”

    And that’s just the thing, you don’t. In the back of your mind that person is always there…they still get the best of you. The other (wo)men get the remnants.

    @Peyso

    As a woman, I can understand the sentiments you have that maybe your lady is in love with another man. I would like, if you wouldn’t mind, for you to possible expound on what that must feel like….I know as a man we do worry a lot that we’re a replacement or not as special as he says -this is more proof of how hard love really is.

    @Britt
    I have resolved within myself not to let a good man slip through my fingers because I am in love with the idea of another.”

    I completely co-sign.

    @K even
    Let me pray on responding to you lol

    @Cynthia
    I agree with you too. I remember when that song came out I was young, but I was in something where his love was like candy…artificially sweet…deceptive.

    @Shawnta
    Awwww! See that’s why I want you to write.

    @LP

    Girl you are right on time. Sometimes you do find your way back to that person, but the only way to do that is to have successful relationships in the meantime because that’s how you grow.

  15. Comeback Girl Says:

    “See the problem is though…right now is not a good time and anyone I try to get with well I might only dim their star (I’d have to be, because I’d do anything to make his shine brighter…you feel me?)

    How long has all of this been going down?? I love you like a little sister..but this seems like the story of your life…

    what about a puppy???

  16. Jaci Says:

    @CBG

    It’s been going on right at a year. It’s that kinda bond that isn’t simply erased though…kind’ve like I think when you love someone…really love them you don’t just erase that…not even over time…so it’s like almost a living breathing thing. And we both know it…it is the seemingly inevitable..it doesn’t trouble me really-more or less I’m in awe that I can love another person so much or that another person could love me

    And Jaci doesn’t do animals.

  17. “And that’s just the thing, you don’t. In the back of your mind that person is always there…they still get the best of you. The other (wo)men get the remnants.”

    Yaw may need to do counseling. I’m serious. Is this really love?

  18. peyso Says:

    “@Peyso

    As a woman, I can understand the sentiments you have that maybe your lady is in love with another man. I would like, if you wouldn’t mind, for you to possible expound on what that must feel like….I know as a man we do worry a lot that we’re a replacement or not as special as he says -this is more proof of how hard love really is.”

    I think it comes down to the fact that you’re taught that nice guys finish last. So when you’re being nice, you start to feel that its too good to be true and you’re gonna finish last.

    Also, anyone who is aware of themselves understands that there is always someone better looking than you. But since that’s something most people grasp at an early age, you come to grips with that early in the game. That leaves the personality part of attraction. You figure that this is how you got your girl b/c you aint the banginest out there and knowing that women are usually more concerned with personality means that they are probably on the look out for it. I dont know if this makes sense or not but it does in my head.

  19. Comeback Girl Says:

    “And Jaci doesn’t do animals.”

    What about neddlepoint..gardening??? Something you can put ALL THIS LOVE YOU GOT into..

  20. Jaci Says:

    @Nick

    That’s not how I personally feel. I do someone (someone’s who been to the blog) whose like this. It’s like you can’t move forward AT ALL because you are so focused on what goes on with that person and you go to your new people and you’re like hey let me tell you about my immediate ex…

    That’s actually something that happened to me. I do not wanna hear about that trick…

    Has anyone experienced someone trying to make you into the other person?

    @CBG

    THE GYM.

    @Peyso

    I feel what you’re saying and part of it boils right on down to trust.

  21. “It’s like you can’t move forward AT ALL because you are so focused on what goes on with that person and you go to your new people and you’re like hey let me tell you about my immediate ex…”

    Couldn’t that all be avoided if you purge your ex from your system before moving on? And by purging I mean no contact- get rid of all old things- cleanse?

  22. Jaci Says:

    @Nick

    That’s what I thought. When my “friend” went through it I would try and help him and be like don’t talk to her don’t think about it nothing.

    For awhile he was cool, then he called and said “I saw….with her new bf today”

    WTF?! Why do you care?

  23. K Even Says:

    @Jaci
    you still prayin for a brotha… lol

    @Peyso
    makes complete sense…

    and what is the answer to a succesful relationship?

  24. Jaci Says:

    @ K even

    Yep-I am about to tell you the solution.

    GO in the CORNER and SAT DOWN and Shaddup! LOL no just kidding–are you saying that se!x clouds your judgment?

  25. K Even Says:

    two headed monster is real.. nuff said.. one cant control the other.. nuff said.. i need to go to the corner lol…

    yes it clouds my judgement, i am human (just now accepting that also..)

  26. Ms. Eighty's Baby Says:

    I absolutely love this song… It’s just so real….One of my definite fave’s!!!!

  27. Rob Says:

    When looking at your past . . . look at it just as that . . . your past. I used to think that if you couldn’t be friends with your past relationships, you were being young about the situation and needed to grow on that. On some, if they weren’t good enough to be your friend afterwards, you made a poor decision in the first place.

    That was a messed up way to think.

    Cause when you think about it, in our relationship youth, we make poor decisions all the time. That’s what we’re supposed to be doing. Messing up and learning from it. And that premise doesn’t hold up when you look at the mistakes we make and try to learn for them for tomorrow (the windshield) . . .versus hanging on to those mistakes and trying to fix them or rectify them (the rear view). Sometimes you have to realize that he/she/you/them didn’t work for whatever reasons (and probably God’s reasons . . . don’t it always come back to God.)

    And I’ve come to the point that if all we have is yesterday, then we aint got much at all cause today and tomorrow is much more pressing.

    I’m with Nikki on this one when she says, “Couldn’t that all be avoided if you purge your ex from your system before moving on?”. And not just purge him/her but purge your need for anyone at all. Learn you, love you, do you, put you first and pay just as much focus on yourself as you are to yesterday.

  28. I am in that same situation… When reading this I felt like I was reading my own journal, lol. In situations like this, it’s difficult to know what to do about it. It’s different with everybody. But I am just dating around right now, however I feel kind of bad about it cuz there’s this really great guy that has fallen in love with me… and I feel bad because I know how I still feel for my ex… Not sure how this is gonna play out, but I can’t see it ending well in any way. -sigh- All I can really suggest is that you do what feels right to you… If it’s dating, then date, but please don’t end up where I am… Guilty feelings are hard.


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