Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Beyonce’s Diva and Why I’m Not One June 1, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 10:00 pm
Natural Beauty....Not A Diva!

Natural Beauty....Not A Diva!

Since Nicki covered the Lost Art of Dating yesterday I wanna talk about women and how they mess up the game in the dating world.  First off, I wanna thank Ms. CBG for the comment (found below) that is the inspiration behind this post.  Secondly, I want all the men and women here to know that chivalry is not dead.  There’s a right and a wrong way to love and date someone (as well as good and bad, but I ain’t going to go into all that day)…without further ado…

“The problem i think in the dating world happened when women tried to be LESS to appeal to men MORE…like the lowest “pick me, i don’t think im all that, im not a diva, im not high maintance, i barely even love myself.”Wonder why women do it??? Got a few suggestions:

1. A man is better than no man mentality.-My grandma used to talk about this.  She used to say that a piece a man is better than no man at all cause at least he might be able to help you nail a nail.  Now I loves me some ‘Liza Jane, but I am going to need to disagree (sorry Granny).  The thing is I would rather “do bad all by myself” instead of suffering through your bullsh*t.  If you cannot come home at night, I don’t want you.  If we’re living together, and  you cannot see fit to help me pay not one bill, then goodbye.  Let’s face it ladies, we don’t even need men for se!xual pleasure or to procreate (you can just get his seed and keep it moving)

2. Some men have scared us to thinking there is a shortage.-There is not, I repeat NOT a man shortage.  Almost everywhere I go I find young, educated brothers whom I believe are capable of loving a woman the right way and treating them properly.  The problem is ladies keep hearing the phrase “there aren’t many men like me” .  Ok…that’s nice but I need you to explain what makes you such a good man.

3. Daddy issues.That’s all I got immediately.-This one pretty much speaks for itself.

Now from my own life, I do this.  I am completely guilty of not wearing make up and verbalizing the fact that I do am high maintenance.  At this moment, I am ready to say I am definitely high maintenance, although I am not a diva…I can participate in and do things around dirt (I just choose not to)…

So now ladies and gentlemen…first I wanna know what are somethings you’ve done to portray yourself as less of something to gain someone of the opposite sex’s approval?  Furthermore, what have you hidden that you are now ready to come out with whether they like it or not?


25 Responses to “Beyonce’s Diva and Why I’m Not One”

  1. peyso Says:

    I like to come off a lil dumber than i actually am. This way a chick gets a bonus later in the game if she talks to me

  2. In order to appeal to the opposite sex, I’ve hidden my emotions… if smoething he’s done hurts me/ pises me off/ etc., he will never know it. I believed that by not showing emotion, it made me look stronger and not full of drama.

    Now, I let them emotions show! The way I was doing it before was extremely unhealthy and could cause a volcanic eruption if not managed.

  3. Mikki Says:

    Nic im with you on not hiding emotions, its so good to just say how u feel. If a person doesnt agree or feel the same its bettee to know now than much later after its to late

  4. Shawnta` Says:

    Morning, y’all.

    @Jaci: Nice photo. Is that Jill Scott? She is so beautiful.

    Like @Nicki & @Mikki, When I was dating there were times when I didn’t speak up when something that was said or done hurt, annoyed, frustrated or upset me. I’m pretty good at expressing my emotions but there have definitely been times when I didn’t speak up immediately and he had no idea that he had hurt, annoyed, frustrated or upset me.

  5. “I’m pretty good at expressing my emotions but there have definitely been times when I didn’t speak up immediately and he had no idea that he had hurt, annoyed, frustrated or upset me.”

    I agree. We cannot expect men to be mind readers. lol. I don’t think they have that power in them or the speculation and overanalyzation skills that we posses…

    It’s okay means just that with them vs. everything else that comes into play with us like tone of voice and body language, etc.

  6. K Even Says:

    i come off as being able to trust but really i have major trust, doubt, insecurity of trusting issues.

    frankly, i dont believe ish i hear anymore from the opposite…

    trying to work on that by being friends with women instead of going head over hills with no where to land.

  7. J Money Says:

    I initially have hidden my silly personality thinking that they may not be receptive to it as some have not been. But I realized that was me not being my true self and holding that back was taking it’s toll on me. It also wasn’t fair to the other person because they were not getting to know the real me.

    I also held back greek affiliation because of the stereotypes associated with them. I wanted the person to get to know me versus the type of people who run in organization.

  8. Jaci, let me just state for the record. I hate Beyonce’s song and I hate the word diva. lol. I think it gives a woman an excuse to be a snooty B*&ch.

  9. Shawnta` Says:

    @Nicki: I don’t like “Diva” either. That song drives me bananas.

  10. @Shawnta: I just don’t understand where she got that definition from!!!!

  11. J Money Says:

    @Nicki – She made it up like she does most stuff LOL!!

  12. @J: Hilarious. Well I cannot get on the bandwagon with this… and was lost with Single Ladies after a few weeks.

    Hmmm…. are there “single ladies” because there are “divas”? lol

  13. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “‘Liza Jane”

    This NAME IS FLY !!!! I think there will soon be a shift to “old” names. I love it.

    Back to the topic at hand:

    “first I wanna know what are somethings you’ve done to portray yourself as less of something to gain someone of the opposite sex’s approval?”

    There are times where I have “dumbed it down” dumbed it down could just shutting the fyck up regarding something I know about, but to keep the peace or just let him figure it out on his own.

    I will put little things together like this little rinky dink grill i bought once…cause I need to eat. However I may hold off on assembling other things just to feel soft and pink..and obviously I ain’t putting shat together from Ikea, because I don’t have the patience or the attention span.

  14. Dr. J Says:


    A few things I dumb down, that I shouldn’t:
    1) Never let on how smart you are. Nobody likes a smart ass, but some people are really smart and have to hide it on dates. So I have to talk about money, hoes and rims again. Instead of talking about topics that really interest me and aren’t just surface deep.
    2) Never discuss politics. I’m a very political person, but for the sake of not having to discuss politics with someone less informed than me, I just don’t. Nothing beats, “I’m voting for Obama because he’s Black.”
    3) Don’t be so picky. I am SOOOO picky. But I realize that may be a little over-the-top. Things like attire, manners, and just social norms bother me a lot. I try to keep these things secret until later in the relationship. For example, this post got me thinking about how much I hated the girl who always had to change something about her order when we went out to eat.

  15. Yolanda Says:

    This post is so true on so many levels. Let me first start by addressing #1: “A man is better than no man” — you know a good friend of mine actually had her child’s father’s mother say the same thing about his trifling self. The sad thing is, this was after the mother instructed her to hand him money under the table to pay for their bill at the restaurant so that everyone could see that he was capable of handling his own. (??)

    I mean forget the fact that he’s fathered 4 children by two different women, has no job or source of legitimate income…. I could go on but I’ll stop there. Anyways, she told her that any man is better than no man and that in order to make him feel like a man, she’s got to provide him the means to do so…..

    As for #2, I can attest that there this shortage of men is not a dire as women make it out to be, but there are some partial truths to it as I believe your selection pool also weighs heavily upon what you consider to be an “eligible” man. I for one don’t want a ready made family, so a man with a child is out of the question for me. Secondly, my pool of available men diminishes once I throw faith/religion and ambition/long-term goals in the mix. I’ve got a good man, and you better believe I’m holding on tight! =)

  16. Shawnta` Says:

    @cbg: I really like “old” names too. @Jaci, I agree with @cbg…Liza Jane is a nice name.

    @Jaci & @Yolanda: Very good points about the number of eligble/available men.

  17. Welcome to the blog, Yolanda!!!

    “after the mother instructed her to hand him money under the table to pay for their bill at the restaurant so that everyone could see that he was capable of handling his own. (??)”

    Girl, I am DONE. That is soooo bad on too many levels.

    Good points on the man shortage portion also.

  18. Shawnta` Says:

    @Yolanda: Welcome. 🙂

  19. Peyso Says:

    I’m with J Money. Hide your greek affiliation, even though it can work against you too

  20. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Good Post Jac! So far I dont downplay myself just to get that “piece” but what I will say is that in my past relationship with Mr. Iso I think I became a little conditioned to accept some things that I wouldn’t ordinarily accept. Now GLORY BE TO GOD that I am back on the right track. But I did find myself not allowing a man to lead and allowing bullshyt to take place when I should’ve put my foot down. But one thing I have started doing is hiding my emotions and putting my “poker face” on.

  21. Hugh Jazz Says:

    I don’t intentionally hid anything. I don’t really want anyone doing a bait and switch on me either. Although I agree with Dr. J’s point of not discussing politics.

  22. Jaci Says:

    Very good post today. I think that we all hide things sometimes to make ourselves feel more appealing.

    I know I have been guilty of this, however, recently I was just myself and it has turned out wonderfully. I have done well with it.

    More on that on Thursday.

    Have any of the men ever dated a Diva?

  23. Cynthia Says:

    I have so done this. For some reason I had it in my head that if I looked TOO independent, a man would feel like I didn’t need him. So I don’t let guys know that I am a home owner, and when I first meet a man , I don’t let them see my car either. I finally, got over that.

  24. temps Says:

    Well as a man from a very bad hood in his city women just seem baffled that I have a degree, no kids , and I am sans a jail record, so what gives? And these are the college educated women, I havent dated a hood chick in yrs. It seems to be all about control or sense of importance, yea Grandma and Aunt Bessie will dote all over Miss Independent but I just hope she has perspective that her success is minimal and it doesnt make anyone better except her.

    I’d say dont dumb it down or hide anything but rather not lay all cards in one hand-if you are deep only time will expose that, name dropping -clothes, places you eat or books you’ve read will bore me and any man.

    Oh and she better read REAL books post college acting like you graduated so long ago and that your MBA or whatever is in no need of an refresher is fools gold…KAIZEN

  25. Cynthia Says:

    Thanks Temps good advice!

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