Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

To ride this ride you must…. June 12, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — Holly GoLightly @ 8:54 am

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So over the past few days I have doing some thinking about these last two little dating escapades that I have been on…. and have decided to establish more rules to my already growing gargantuan list… So take a looksie and provide your commentary along with your guidelines 😉

  1. You must live inside the perimeter- I live inside the actual city of Atlanta right in the middle of Downtown! Up until January I was never a fan of traveling what we call here- Outside the Perimeter or OTP, mostly because it required too much time, energy, and most importantly GAS. Then I met a man and decided to give it a try, that situation didn’t work out so well then I got involved with another guy who also lived OTP and that didn’t work out. So through close observation I think I will stay inside the actual city.
  2. Be able to go from being Young Jeezy to Hill Harper in 2.5 secs- Both of the two guys possessed this quality and I loved this about them… the guys I dated prior to them were straight Hill Harper.
  3. Have luggage unpacked- I have always hated drama! But I definitely know I don’t want to deal with any at all that comes from past relationships or family things.
  4. Have at least a 4 year degree- I may compromise, but I don’t know…. what I do know is that I don’t want anyone to feel insecure because of what I’m trying to accomplish and the places I am trying to see!     NOTE: Bamer brought something to my attention on this! I guess I should’ve really explained this more. Its not that I belittle anyone with out a 4 year degree. And I would probably date another person without one, but what I will need is for them to be conformtable in their own skin and still have goals and back up plans set in place for what they want out of life.
  5. Have a healthy relationship with your family especially your parents- Nothing to say but this is what it is….
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    37 Responses to “To ride this ride you must….”

    1. Bamer15 Says:

      #1) I completely agree with this one. At least for me it’s near impossible to do a long distance relationship. I could do in and outside of the city, but no further. I know my limits.

      #2) Aight

      #3) Agreed, exes are exes for a reason. Why drudge up past relationships or carry luggage.

      #4) I disagree with this one, but only on the premise of the fact that you are labeling all the people without one, inferior, and I have met some brilliant people without a 4 year. I myself have one and am working on a masters, but I can’t judge someone solely on that.

      #5) Spot on… agree.

    2. Holly GoLightly Says:

      Hey Bamer on 4 I said I would compromise… I guess I should’ve elaborated more that they need to feel comfortable with who they are and the decisions they chose. But I did date a guy without one and anytime I talked about work or career goals he would immediately change the subject.

      When you say inside and outside of city what is that?

    3. Jaci Says:

      @Holly

      I can agree with all of them but 4. I have dated everyone from four year to ph.D then high school degree and blue collar.

      I think that one is definitely up for debate.

    4. Jac on number 4 I explained myself on that… but I will say that’s just what I’m not gonna be able to do.

    5. thecomebackgirl Says:

      You must live inside the perimeter- I live inside the actual city of Atlanta right in the middle of Downtown! Up until January I was never a fan of traveling what we call here- Outside the Perimeter or OTP, mostly because it required too much time, energy, and most importantly GAS. Then I met a man and decided to give it a try, that situation didn’t work out so well then I got involved with another guy who also lived OTP and that didn’t work out. So through close observation I think I will stay inside the actual city. ”

      LOL…OTP!!!!!!! I gotta use this..is that like a long distance relationship LOL.. I love it.

    6. thecomebackgirl Says:

      Oh let me ask how many miles is OTP…my aunt and uncle lived in marrietta, so is that OTP???

    7. Comeback… depending on where you live in the city it could be one! I mean who is gonna travel 30-45 mins by highway to see someone on an almost daily basis?

    8. WHEW YES CBG!!! LOL! OTP is technically anything outside of I-285, but I constitute OTP as anything that I can’t take Peachtree or Ponce De Leon (or the other streets that branch off those) to!!

    9. thecomebackgirl Says:

      “I mean who is gonna travel 30-45 mins by highway to see someone on an almost daily basis?”

      HOLE up Holliberry…Most people take this commute to work. (tho mine is only 45 secs. LOL)…I mean the average commute to work in the DC metro area is an hour and a half. And who was that that said love is work LOL..???

      But I will say that most of my relationships …were within 10-15 mins away. But what about guys that live TOO close. I dated a neighbor once..UGH!

    10. Jaci Says:

      @Holly

      I just can’t see telling a man that you can’t date him because he doesn’t have a four year degree. The reason I say that is because a white collar, BA/BS man might treat you like you’re less than him or not dedicate the time and energy you need, whereas a high school graduate that is just a hard worker might appreciate you a lot more than the other option. I think when we close ourselves off to certain things with too many hard and fast rules then it becomes harder and harder to get someone.

    11. LOL! Yes thats the average commute time her girl! Mine is 15 mins! I just cant be holed up in a car like that!!

      I’ve never dated a neighbor… I currently live in Midtown Atlanta which is G@y Mecca so I dont think it will happen while I’m residing in that area! LOL

    12. Jaci Says:

      I dated a neighbor once..UGH!

      Ain’t no way.

    13. ashbunnie Says:

      Being that I am in pursuit of a 4 year degree, I wouldn’t rule someone out who didn’t have one. But if you did not finish high school, please do not even fix your mouth to speak.

      I would add something to your number 3. (I don’t know if you’d date someone with children) If you do have a kid, he/she must be at least 7 or better. Any child under that age tells me that you are still involved with baby mama. No matter how many times you tell me you’re not with her. I wont believe you unless she’s dead. Harsh but true.

    14. @Jac- I would say I’m sorry but I dont think I’m compatible…. but I have a whole list of requirements… and I date to have fun I’m not dating to look for my husband. If it matures into more then thats great… but for moi it aint gone work… and I don’t close myself off to a whole lot and have no problem meeting anyone who fits into my criteria.

    15. Hey Ash! I am 29 so I am pretty accepting to kids… my age bracket in the men I date have increased and these men may have been married at one time and have a child or children. And I agree with you on the age, dont know if I could deal with little bitty kids. But my age for the kid(s) is 4 and up. My parents divorced when I was 4 and didnt continue any type of relationship outside of me and my well being.

    16. thecomebackgirl Says:

      re: the degree. I understand it. I think its NOT REALLY about the degree persay. But about outlook, conversation, interests etc. I’ve always found that men who had degrees etc, just seemed to be more compatible.

      Maybe its not fair. Maybe it doesn’t sound good. But such is life.

    17. Comeback I agree!!

    18. Comeback I agree with you because I compare my datingship with Bailbondsman (who had a 2 yr degree) vs. other dateships of men who had 4 yr and higher degrees and there is such a difference…. especially when it comes to talking about Corporate America/career things, world politics, and hobbies. Like Bailbondsman was very insecure about my career and future plans… A lot of times he would change the subject. And when I look back a lot of things that I did or said he deemed as being “white”.

    19. Jaci Says:

      Don’t get me wrong…I can understand what you two are saying, but I also have had conversations with two men that you both know who don’t have a four year and yet they have wonderful outlooks and interests and are possibly two of the smartest people I know without a degree. That’s all I’m saying…there is an exception to every rule.

    20. But Jac you dont hear me when I say I compromise. I dont shut a ninja dont right off the back for not having a degree, but it does tighten my scope on them and what they have to offer. AND if I did get involved with someone without a degree Imma need them to eventually go out and pursue one.

    21. Jaci Says:

      What a military man with no degree?

    22. Imma need the military man to go get one as well.

    23. Jaci Says:

      AND if I did get involved with someone without a degree Imma need them to eventually go out and pursue one.

      IF he doesn’t have one when you get with him, how can you expect him to suddenly decide that since he’s with you he needs to go get one? That’s changing a person – now if he decides to get it then cool, but I can’t see pushing a man to do that…am I getting what you’re saying right?

    24. thecomebackgirl Says:

      Comeback I agree with you because I compare my datingship with Bailbondsman (who had a 2 yr degree) vs. other dateships of men who had 4 yr and higher degrees and there is such a difference…. especially when it comes to talking about Corporate America/career things, world politics, and hobbies. Like Bailbondsman was very insecure about my career and future plans… A lot of times he would change the subject. And when I look back a lot of things that I did or said he deemed as being “white”.”

      My police officer was like this too. I met him while he was working some detail thing at the farmers market downtown. And we dated, but I felt like he wasn’t really INTO the stuff I liked. I always got the impression that he thought organic produce was weird. I mean I don’t expect for a college educated man to be skipping down to the farmers market, but usually degree’d people are more open to various ways of being, experiences and getting along in the world. I dunno maybe its also a prejudice too. Maybe its also what you expect WILL show up in that experience. But people date with those in which they feel comfortable and have in common with.

    25. First of all it’s not, but he should have it in his mind that he wants to do that… I’m not gonna force that on you, but when you say you didnt go to college then I will just say well do you plan on going. BUT if he plans to be with me he’s gonna have to have some plan of action. This is not like the golden days of our grandparents and some of our parents where you could make it without a degree. It’s already hard to get a job with just a Bachelor’s… imagine how much harder it is for a man (who by society’s terms is suppose to be the sole breadwinner and Head of household) w/o a degree to get a job.

    26. thecomebackgirl Says:

      “AND if I did get involved with someone without a degree Imma need them to eventually go out and pursue one.”

      @ Jackson..i think thats an unfair expectation. What if that just ISN’T HIM..you can’t be “my fair ladyn'” people.

    27. “I mean I don’t expect for a college educated man to be skipping down to the farmers market, but usually degree’d people are more open to various ways of being, experiences and getting along in the world. I dunno maybe its also a prejudice too. Maybe its also what you expect WILL show up in that experience. But people date with those in which they feel comfortable and have in common with.”

      I agree Comeback and thats what I explaining to Jac. Not a lot of non-degree men are gonna feel comfortable with a women who has a degree and is seeking to gain more degrees as well as other certifications…. I dont see it.. I just dont.

    28. Jaci Says:

      “AND if I did get involved with someone without a degree Imma need them to eventually go out and pursue one.”

      @ Jackson..i think thats an unfair expectation. What if that just ISN’T HIM..you can’t be “my fair ladyn’” people.

      That’s what I was saying CBG…I didn’t say that Holly did.

    29. ““AND if I did get involved with someone without a degree Imma need them to eventually go out and pursue one.”

      @ Jackson..i think thats an unfair expectation. What if that just ISN’T HIM..you can’t be “my fair ladyn’” people.”

      @CBG- I said that one… I’m not gonna strong arm… but I’m just saying military or not… that’s my preference.

    30. K Even Says:

      1. feel you on the gas situation.. im in cincinnati and i have a certain mileage i’m willing to go.. and its not that the city is that big (Atlanta).. but its civil engineering is bad.. LOL..

      2. I love a woman with a wide range of topics.. not rambling and talking to talk.. but able to switch topics and have some knowledge and if not be able to listen..

      3. if the X is brought up at all.. im done.. drop that luggage off on your way to see me..

      4. 100% agree with this one..

      5. agree

    31. Thank you K Even and I love you!!

    32. Damon Says:

      The Hill Harper/Jeezy one has me slightly confused. You want a guy who can transition easily through different crowds? IDK, I think some of the stuff Jeezy drops is cool, but …

      The other four are great starting points. Especially No. 5. You learn a lot about people thru their relationships with others, especially their parents. Just don’t let that be the sole judge.

      I don’t have the best relationships with mine (for whatever reasons — but I blame their lunacies, mostly), but came out OK because of my grandparents and the things they instilled in me, as well as the good my parents have instilled in me.

      Good post.

    33. “The Hill Harper/Jeezy one has me slightly confused. You want a guy who can transition easily through different crowds? IDK, I think some of the stuff Jeezy drops is cool, but …”

      Yes Damon I couldnt quite articulate that thought! But yes I want someone who can transition and code switch!

      And no the relationship w/ parents thing isnt a sole basis but if they had someone who stepped in and instilled them with values and morals then Im good!

    34. Ms. Eighty's Baby Says:

      I like your list Holly ;)…. But I’m pretty open to someone living OTP. Heck my commute is 30 minutes for work so I’d be willing to do that and longer for someone I’m in a relationship with..

      Hey K-even!!!!! We both repping the OH IO!!!! LOL

    35. Thanks 80’s! Girl I know if I lived OTP it would different but because I don’t and my job is in town it makes it hard! Ask your sister!! I have a friend who stays in her area and I have been to his house like ONCE!

    36. Ms. Eighty's Baby Says:

      Thanks 80’s! Girl I know if I lived OTP it would different but because I don’t and my job is in town it makes it hard! Ask your sister!! I have a friend who stays in her area and I have been to his house like ONCE!

      I understand where you coming from. But driving far is all I know being from a smaller place. So I got used to it at an early age.

      But everytime I’m visitin my sis and we bout to go somewhere my first question is how far is it…. She loves to say it’s right down the street. But my right down the street and her right down the street is two totally different distances. LOL

    37. Hi there!

      This is a great dialogue.

      But I think that there is SOOO MUCH MORE!

      It all depends on whether you are seeking a boyfriend who has common values and similar life direction or if you are seeking a husband. Some women are in the “girlfriend” frame of mind and others are in the “wife” frame of mind. Those in the “wife” frame of mind will identify criteria that will matter in the long-term… when you are 50 and 60 and 70 years old with grandkids, what kind of man do you want at your side and in your house?

      Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
      Lisa


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