Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Do You Have Scare Tactics? June 19, 2009

Filed under: Dating,relationships,Single Sisters On... — Holly GoLightly @ 8:26 am
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So I got my weekly eHarmony newsletter subscription and my fav article this week was Five Ways to Scare a Guy Away. The title initially caught my eye because as being back on the market I wanted to know had I been possessing some psycho tendencies that have shooing away male suitors. To my relief I haven’t, but I definitely know some women (especially a couple of friends or friends of friends) who are guilty of doing some of the things the eHarmony writer has put out there. According to the article here are the five scare tactics that women do:

1) Those Three Little Words

While it’s clear that men like to hear that you love them, timing is everything. So while you may be excited to have finally found someone you’re compatible with, try to rein in the desire to blurt out that you’ve totally fallen for him for at least a couple of months. Say it during the first few dates, and his mind will process those three precious words into one scary one: psycho. He needs to time to process what he’s feeling about you, and you both need time for infatuation to settle into something more real.

2) Cracking Knuckles and other Manly Moves

The days of women casting coy smiles from behind paper fans may be long gone, but a guy still appreciates a little femininity in his potential love match.

So while those tricks where you crack open a beer bottle with your teeth and say the names of everyone in the room with a belch are no doubt impressive, you should think about promoting your gentler qualities in a relationship’s early stages. He’s not looking for a return to Victorian values, but he’d probably like to think he could beat you in a Jäger shoot-out or an arm-wrestling match. Even if he can’t.

3) Going Bridal

Okay, we know that one day you might want to get married – we’re not stupid – but there’s an order to these things, and subscribing to the bride and wedding magazines and studying your diamond cuts before you’ve even met a guy is classic carat-before-horse territory. So when he turns up at your place and sees a bookshelf full of dog-eared bridal magazines and your computer’s home page set to Enchanted Weddings, he’s likely to suddenly get very busy at work. Wanting to get married to a man you love is one thing, trying to fit a mysterious anybody into your wedding-day fantasy is another.

4) Hey Kids, Meet your New Daddy

Realistically, in our fractured world men know that the chances of meeting and falling for a single mom are significant. For many it’s an instant no-no, and if that’s your situation, best to know up front. However, for those men not put off by the first mention of Junior, they’ll still be walking into the situation one tentative step at a time, and telling him too early what a great daddy he’s going to make to your kids will make him break out in a cold sweat. So while ultimately you’re a package deal – and it’s important that he knows that – let him get to know you first.

Once you feel that your relationship has had a chance to establish itself, then gently introduce the little one(s). And remember: initially he’s not going to be as in love with them as you are, so give him a chance to establish a relationship with them too.

5) My Ex was a Psycho/My Ex was the Greatest

We get it – you have an ex-boyfriend. Hey, maybe you’ve got five. Or 10 or 20. We know, but there are telltale signs when this could be a problem for us. First is when you go all glassy-eyed at the mention of his name – worse if the subject came up after we noticed it tattooed on your wrist. He may have been a master surgeon with rock-solid abs and a second home in Hawaii, but we’d rather not know too much about it if it’s all the same with you, as we know we’ll never compare.

Similarly, we understand that he may have tormented you emotionally/slept with your sister/kidnapped your dog, but that just makes us wonder one thing: why’d you go out with him so long? It doesn’t speak highly of your selection process, and ergo why you’ve chosen us. We’ve all got a past – let’s just keep it there.

So my questions for the Ladies are any you guilty of committing any of the tactics above? Have you committed any others that aren’t listed that scared a guy away? And Guys what are some things that have been a turn off for you dealing with a female?

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22 Responses to “Do You Have Scare Tactics?”

  1. I don’t have any of those tactics either, thank GOD.

    I haven’t done anything to scare a man away bc I always played the cool chick role (even when I was lying to myself) and what man doesn’t want that? lol.

    I do think that tactic was the reason why no man would “commit.” And that’s a whole ‘notha story. 😉

  2. Jaci Says:

    I don’t think I have any tactics either.

    I think you have to do what Nick said and just be cool. Beyond that, I don’t think I have anything else that would scare a man away because we all know being cool will scare the bejesus out of a man.

    Let’s see…after so long I will begin to care about you–oh wait, nope not a scare tactic, BUT a friends mom told me yesterday if you treat a man like trash he’ll probably stick around…sad but this is likely true.

  3. Holly GoLightly Says:

    hmmm I know what you mean Nick, I played that with the last guy after BB and he took it for me not caring cause I wasnt up in his arse all day!

    And Jac I agree with Friend’s Momma!

  4. “I played that with the last guy after BB and he took it for me not caring cause I wasnt up in his arse all day”

    Exactly.. no matter how much they say they don’t want it, I think they want a lil drama

  5. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Chile that may have been his middle name!!!

  6. peyso Says:

    @ Nick – I dont want that drama. take that sh!t up the block.

    #5 – is right on. i’m not a garbage man. i dont wanna throw out ur garbage.

    very important sidenote: i just got a promotion!! no raise though 😦

  7. Holly GoLightly Says:

    BIG UPS PEYSO!!!!!!!!! The raise will come!!!

    Peyso I am all about having your luggage unpacked!

  8. cuzzo Says:

    I don’t do any of the above but I have scared a guy off by not caring enough. Like they didn’t know if I was feeling them or not. I was staying in the homey-zone.

    …but then they came back later on down the road to pursue 😉

  9. Holly GoLightly Says:

    “I don’t do any of the above but I have scared a guy off by not caring enough. Like they didn’t know if I was feeling them or not. I was staying in the homey-zone.

    …but then they came back later on down the road to pursue 😉 ”

    I have done that too Cuzzo!

  10. When I say drama, I’m not only talking about yelling and screaming and fighting.

    I don’t think men are satisfied by a woman who is so cool about everything.

  11. Holly GoLightly Says:

    “When I say drama, I’m not only talking about yelling and screaming and fighting.”

    Yeah I know what you mean… I dont do all that. If I have to then we dont need to deal at all!

  12. cuzzo Says:

    “I don’t think men are satisfied by a woman who is so cool about everything.”

    You can’t be cool about everything…then it seems like you don’t care or might be doing something to misdirect your attention (still coming back to you not caring).

  13. Jaci Says:

    @Cuzzo

    i agree…i think every now and again you have to get a little hot headed like look mo fo…and then they get it.

  14. peyso Says:

    guys also have scare tactics. It’s usually around being possesive or violent

  15. cuzzo Says:

    Everything on this list can go for men too. As well as acting feminine.

  16. “You can’t be cool about everything…then it seems like you don’t care or might be doing something to misdirect your attention (still coming back to you not caring).”

    Exactly!

    “Yeah I know what you mean… I dont do all that. If I have to then we dont need to deal at all!”

    I agree. But they can’t handle it… lol. I wouldn’t break poker face for nuttin!

  17. Hugh Jazz Says:

    As a side note: any single mothers commenting or lurking that have read Steve Harvey’s little book, rip out chapter 12 and replace it with point 4 above. This is how normal men think.

  18. I agree Hugh.. when Steve was talking about introducing the kids, I was like what the effe? He lost me

  19. Super Dave Says:

    i was scared just reading this list… lol. I like how most the lists for women are pretty much common sense.

  20. Jaci Says:

    I agree Hugh.. when Steve was talking about introducing the kids, I was like what the effe? He lost me

    Me too!

  21. “i was scared just reading this list… lol. I like how most the lists for women are pretty much common sense”

    I think most lists for women are common sense bc we tend to overthink things and make more complicated than they should be. The simple lists are intended to bring us back to reality.

  22. Cynthia Says:

    Great List! I know some girls I should send that too lol


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