Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Why Michelle Had the Right Idea June 22, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 11:59 pm

So by now we all know that the guy got the girl.

That’s right the skinny boy with the big ears got the South Chicago chick from the South Suburbs…but why?  And how?

Well…she saw potential…I’m not going to go into deep detail but I want everybody to think about something for a moment…how far out of your comfort zone do you go to find companionship?  Would you date someone making less?  Someone whose looks weren’t completely on point although they treat you perfect?

Check out this article.  Then tell me what you think…are you willing to see some potential and let it ride…or do you want someone whose already completely successful?  My answer…later.

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40 Responses to “Why Michelle Had the Right Idea”

  1. Jaci, for some reason, that link isn’t working…

    I’m willing to see the potential. Reason is, I’m not 100% where I want to be at this time either and I’m working toward it. 😉

  2. Mikki Says:

    the link doesnt work.

    i dont think i could date any one with potential again. Personally its a hard job imho. Not sayin im gonna look for a 6 figure man but i neef him to have the basics to maintain a goood healthy relationship. I think as people we are constantly evolving and creating new ideas and that i can appreciate in a man. But the whole idk what i wanna do in life doesnt work for me.

  3. No More Says:

    Most women don’t want potential, they want the finished product. They want the guy with the masters or the big house and nice ride right now. They’ll look past the guy that doesn’t have the “swag” that they want, although he may be well on his way to success and will treat them right. On top of that, a lot of women will complain about a man not reaching their potential but wont bother making any sacrifices to help on their part. Both people in a relationship should invest in each other goals.

  4. To me, having potential means the guy with the Masters or the guy who’s in school… one who has a plan to be something.

    The latter is someone who already has the house, the money and the career started.. one who is already set and is just looking for a woman.

  5. No More Says:

    Wrong one, I need to leave this to yall I see…

    http://www.theroot.com/views/what-single-women-can-learn-michelle?page=0,0

  6. Ms. Eighty's Baby Says:

    I’m willing to be with a guy based off of his potential alone. Only if he’s comfortable about me being steps ahead of him. And if he’s not one of those guys who’s going to be trying to break up with me every other day talking about you deserve better I wish I could give you this and that, and blah, blah, blah.

    The guy with the finished product is not necessarily more appealing to me. Because for one we in the long run we can both have all of that stuff and get it together………… [whispers] or I can get it myself.. lol

  7. Anna Says:

    I think most good women can deal with potential. No More, the women who want nothing but Mr. Ballin’ with the big house and fancy car are *not* quality chicks. And usually they are alone with their demands, lol! Only little girls and skeezers get blinded by bling these days.

    Maybe a better word than “potential” is “focus” – I don’t need you to be at your peak yet, but I DO need to see you working towards something, with a plan in mind. I can support your dreams all day, but I can’t give you a dream or make you want to do something with yourself. I read that article in The Root a little while ago, and I don’t see where Michelle was so different from many of the women I know. We’re not all out here with sky high demands and little to offer ourselves. There are a lot of us who have wasted our time with men who we “gave a chance” and hoped would amount to something, and we were taken advantage of or just disappointed in the end. So to avoid that, we raised our standards. Nothing wrong with that, imo.

    Funny, but to many women the flash and bling are deterrents, not attractors. We’re old enough to know that appearances can be deceiving. When I see a man with a fancy car I don’t say, “oooh, girl – look at that car!” I go, “ooooh, girl – looks like his car note and insurance is high!” LOL! And don’t let me see you pulling your top dollar whip into the parking space at your apartment – that’s a no-go, homie. Fix your priorities.

    I think the real issue is “great expectations” on both sides of the fence. Some of these men who complain that women won’t give a decent brotha a chance are really just chasing beautiful chickenheads. There are PLENTY of good (in every sense of the word) women who will give you a chance. The questions is, will you give her one if she doesn’t look like Beyonce?

  8. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Hey people… I live by the never say never rule… but I’ve done the potential and not willing to do it again. I guess like NoNo says I want my finished product. I believe that I can ask for my finished product because I am there and into my career.

  9. I agree with Anna’s post!

  10. No More Says:

    There’s nothing wrong with preferences and wanting a finished product, as long as you are comfortable with your results. I think its kinda silly to have 50 characteristics that you must have in a man but then complain because you cant find one that hits all 50.

  11. No More Says:

    @Anna: I think the real issue is “great expectations” on both sides of the fence. Some of these men who complain that women won’t give a decent brotha a chance are really just chasing beautiful chickenheads. There are PLENTY of good (in every sense of the word) women who will give you a chance. The questions is, will you give her one if she doesn’t look like Beyonce?

    This is true on our side as well. When I was younger me and my boys would not date a woman with no @ss…amazingly most of the good women I personally know right now are a little booty-deficient. You can miss out on a lot just looking for the looks and body.

  12. thecomebackgirl Says:

    I read the article:

    “’Im talking about the choices I imagine she made in those crucial moments between meeting Barack and deciding who he would be to her. She must have focused on an abundance of goodness instead of his hint of goofiness and fixated on a warm smile instead of a pair of oversized ears.”

    Is SO TRUE. But she gave him a hard way to go in the early years too. Im not sure how much of it was playing hard to get, but it was a measured courtship dance.

  13. Shawnta` Says:

    Morning, y’all.

    I was definitely willing to work with the potential when I met my husband. In fact, we both were. We were very young & had no idea what the future held for us as far as education, degrees & careers. We’re still working with potential because we’re still trying to find our way while seeking success AND happiness professionally. My husband thinks he’s having an early mid-life crisis and is ready for something new. Although I definitely want to remain in the legal profession, I’m ready for a change as well…so, we’re both still working with potential and not finished products.

  14. Anna Says:

    One caveat to my post: as women get older we look less for potential and more for product. I believe in your dreams, dude – but if you haven’t made something happen by late 30’s/early 40’s, what are you doing? Don’t need Peter Pan syndrome either.

  15. “as women get older we look less for potential and more for product.”

    Additionally, I think a woman’s success factor plays into this.. I feel pretty good about assuming that Oprah is not looking for “potential.”

  16. Humble Fonzarelli Says:

    @No More
    “Most women don’t want potential, they want the finished product. They want the guy with the masters or the big house and nice ride right now.”

    This is true. I think some women have SERIOUS issues with instant gratification. The problem a lot of women don’t understand is that a dude in the potential stage may not be the same dude in the finished product stage. Once he becomes a finished product you won’t have a chance at him.

    “On top of that, a lot of women will complain about a man not reaching their potential but wont bother making any sacrifices to help on their part. Both people in a relationship should invest in each other goals.”

    Cosign 100%. Maybe it’s a Detroit thing but I see more men doing this for their women than women doing this for men.

  17. Holly GoLightly Says:

    “One caveat to my post: as women get older we look less for potential and more for product. I believe in your dreams, dude – but if you haven’t made something happen by late 30’s/early 40’s, what are you doing? Don’t need Peter Pan syndrome either.”

    I so agree with you Anna, especially being 29 dating guys who are 30 and over… I can not condone your dreams if it seeming like it’s gonna hit reality…

  18. Holly GoLightly Says:

    I know for a fact when I was 21 to 26 I could live on potential but when I turned 27 I was looking at life in a whole different scope.

  19. Ms. Eighty's Baby Says:

    The problem a lot of women don’t understand is that a dude in the potential stage may not be the same dude in the finished product stage. Once he becomes a finished product you won’t have a chance at him.

    @Humble……..This is true even if you were with the dude during his potential stage……That’s probably why a lot of females are skeptical about the potential stage because of previous experiences…

  20. thecomebackgirl Says:

    I think the BIGGEST problem is that women pixie dust normal relationships. I (unfortunately at this time LOL) live in the suburbs…there are NOTHING BUT married people running about with kids and “committedness”.

    Michelle is not a unicorn. Barack is not a sea horse. And when we make them that, what you in fact want becomes unobtainable. Because you refuse to see that which exists. And we all know what “you see” becomes your reality.

    the other nuances of the writers argument i agree with. The premise though is a little bit of lepricon’in black relationships/marriages/committment.

  21. I don’t think women should be looking for a Barack… It disturbs me when my homegirl says this bc I know she is concentrating on the money and the power.

  22. crazyone Says:

    I think what we look for in a mate shifts naturally as our priorities shift. I also think that the definition and what is acceptable as potential shifts as we get older. 30 semester credits, flipping burger at McDonalds, empty pockets and a dream of becoming a lawyer is potential at twenty but not so much at thirty. I think even with potential factored in without a catastrophic event in your life there is a minimum level of achievement a person should have before you should consider them as a mate. If a person has goals they should be actively working toward them not just talking about them. Also anyone that tries to sell themselves on their potential probably doesn’t have much.

  23. Reecie Says:

    “Holding out for the perfect man, someone who is intellectual but not nerdy—cool but not arrogant—impeccably dressed but not effeminate—not a player but with just the right amount of edge—is useless.”

    This quote spoke to me. I’ve often thought I wanted all of these things. I’m fine with the potential, or the focus as Anna put it.

  24. inakeS Says:

    Success in your career or business endeavors doesn’t necessarily translate into qualities that ensure a successful relationship. I think a lot women get it twisted and think that when a brotha is “the finished product” all they need to do is lock him down and the buy white paint for the picket fence.

    The flip side is that a lot of sisters say that there are very few “good” black men around, which makes the “finished product” in high demand. With demand so high for the educated, successful, mortgage-paying brotha, what makes women think he’s in a rush to settle down? If demand is high and if the world is his oyster, he may just be down to schuck. I have a few female friends who are on point in every conceivable aspect of the game. They end up meeting these “finished products” who are so used to getting sweated and catered to that they don’t want to go out to dinner and dancing, they just want to stay home and schuck oysters. Knowing what you want and not settling is admirable and is what I would tell my daughter to do if I had one. I would just hope that the her idea of what she wanted was governed by things that had more to do with internal qualities and attributes than external.

  25. From Jaci who is away from her computer:

    Can you note that we’re all potential. You’re never the finished product and what if men viewed us like we view them? What’s really enough?

  26. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Hmmm they do view us like we view them… I think “potential” and “finished products” are viewed different as you age.

  27. Dr. J Says:

    There’s a couple of things many of you have missed in this article. First let me be clear, this article is a bit of BS.

    1) There is a big difference between potential and this situation. Barack was a Columbia grad and then went to Harvard law. He made a conscious decision to make 30K as a community organizer, it was a DECISION. Not potential, decision to do something different. And women can deal with that more than they can a guy with potential.

    2) Michelle herself a Princeton grad, and a Harvard law alum, was probably looking for certain credentials in her man. And Barack clearly would meet up to these credentials because she was easily able to tell her earning worth and his, should he choose different. He simply has chosen to do for the short term something he is passionate about.

    I think people have to be clear that this article is definitely skewed in that it doesn’t really tell the whole picture.

  28. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Dr. J I was gonna bring up that point!! Thank you.

  29. Anna Says:

    Very thoughtful comments – I’m nodding my head to Holly, Comeback, Reecie, Crazy, Inakes and Nicki!

    My prayer for about a year prior to meeting my current boo was, “Lord, just send me a man I can stand who can stand me too!” LOL!! Oddly enough, that covered all my requirments quite well.

  30. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Thank you Anna! I am with you on that prayer…

    But I feel like I am a finished product for what kind of man that I want.

  31. peyso Says:

    Please read the reply to the article: http://www.theroot.com/views/what-single-women-can-t-learn-michelle

    I dont think Michele did anything amazing. She got a good guy. He’s a Columbia undergrad, Harvard Law, big eared, weed smoking, nice at ball, wide smiled, charismatic, prolly schlanging (pause) black man who loved/s BLACK woman. I think most intelligent women wouldnt let him pass by.

    We are painting the same man who had the ability to win over the hearts of a 65 million people, keep up with the UNC basketball team and currently the heart throb of every black woman in America as a major league gump. I beg to different

  32. jac Says:

    While I have a minute.

    You have potential until you die.

    Who doesn’t want to be something greater?

    We as women are always evolving into different things and filling different roles.

    Men are always doing the same.
    I don’t see how anyone can max out their potential and be fabulous because you can easily stagnate and then what potential do you have?

  33. Anna Says:

    @ Comeback – ain’t nothing wrong with the ‘burbs, girl! Well, as long as your on the MD side and not the VA side…

    I totally agree, though. I grew up in PG county, and have lived here all my life with the exception of school. And guess what, I was raised in a community CHOCK FULL of married people (most of them college educated) who work and took an interest in their kids. It’s one of the reasons I get all prickly when folks who have neva stepped foot on this side of talk down about PG, and also one of the reasons I’m determined to continue living here – gotta hold it down for the black middle class, lol.

  34. Mikki Says:

    I just read this “the worst thing you can die with is potential. Potential is something to be realized not guarded and protected. So dig it up invest it and you will find that it is true life comes from the inside out”

    Dr henry cloud

  35. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Everyone evolves, but what do you define as potential… what makes someone potential vs. finished…

    I feel like whomever with needs to have goals and things/heights they are striving to achieve, but there are still areas where you need to be “finished.” I am at a certain level and I expect whomever I deal with next to be toe to toe or better.

  36. Afternoon folks…
    I too think this article should be taken with a grain fo salt… 1. Michelle didn’t just decide to date Barack instantly. She wasn’t trying to get with him and he persistenly persued her and eventually won her over. 2. like Peyso said IT’S BARACK OBAMA! This isn;t your run of the mill dude. The article kind of paints him as some normal dude. When we all know this is not true. 3. I DO think a lot of times Men AND Women have unrealistic expectations for potential suitors but as Black Women we get way more flack about our expectations because our pool isn’t very big to begin with(as we are constantly reminded on a daily basis). 4. I will admit I can be a Picky Patty at times but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized the importance of things and the insignificance of others in a potential mate but i am NOT going to give a pass to a brother who doesn’t deserve it. If I’m going to strive to be Michelle/Oprah-like I’m going to need Barack-like.. not Rae Ray from March projects.

  37. Holly GoLightly Says:

    It looks like some of the comments are missing…

  38. cuzzo Says:

    I agree with Peyso…Barack didn’t go from crackhead to the White House….he had A LOT going for him already.

    One of my (male) cousin’s thinks Michelle is hot (as in looks)…I don’t agree. It’s not like the beauty and the beast…or the modern day the dime and the dork. Barack was never chopped liver. Hell, Will Smith has big ears too…


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