Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

I’m Just Not Sure…What Do You Think? June 30, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 12:48 am

In my recent travels through the dating world I’ve come across a lot of different things…we all know that I don’t kick you off the roster for any old offense but it does take some real stuff for me to do it.  Anyways, there are two big things that have been said to me in the past three months that really stood out…

Sometimes the spark leaves and you can’t really get it back.

The Outdoorsy one said this to me one day.  I just looked at him like he’d lost his mind.  Whatever do you mean?  Of course you can get the spark back-that’s why people always talk about reigniting the flames.  So anyways…I had to think about these for a number of days.  Is he right?  Well…upon further ruminations I realized that he is right.  The spark may get low, but doesn’t fully die.  Here’s what I learned from him though…each individual’s spark may die…his or mine, but the other person’s flame likely shines so bright there’s generally no reason to part.

The second thing I’ve learned is much more in detail…

An older man…(we all know I like those) outlined for me several marital tenets.  I just want to high light about three…bear with me please.

1. Each mate’s rights. OK …here we go…the scenario is the following…you and your husband have had a fight he calls you and tells you he’s gonna blow off steam with the boys.  Don’t hold dinner and he’ll be home at a reasonable time.  At 5pm you call and tell him to come home.  Welp…apparently we ladies (the gentlemen too) have the right to request that their mate come home.

2. There should be no sex before marriage. This one was tough for me.  I could not believe anyone in 2009 would ev er tell me this.  After an explanation of why (knowing how I’ve done things lately) I’d say he might be correct.  Sex really does cloud things.  And the sheer anticipation of it all plus wanting to please your new husband or wife makes that release oh so sweet.

3. IF a woman cheats, it’s the man’s fault. I’m gonna side eye this and we’ll talk about it later 🙂

Anyways, the final thing is so much more shocking that I can’t even enumerate it I want it to be read in this paragraph.

Much like Jada told Will..there will be no divorce.  Anything that comes up has to be worked on.  I think this is a good idea.  Think about it…you understand at the very beginning of everything you already know what you’ll have to work on.  You know ahead of time that this is your mate and they have your back…

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14 Responses to “I’m Just Not Sure…What Do You Think?”

  1. I don’t know about the spark thing…. I think if you’re truly destined to be together, the spark is always going to be there.

    If a woman cheats, it’s the woman’s fault… if that man cheas, it’s his fault. Everyone is to be held accountable for their own actions.

  2. Mikki Says:

    I agree with nic sparks dont die if its the right one.

    As for having rights i agree if u are married. I been celibate going on 4 months so forgive me but mt brain turned #2 into some kinda kinky sex scene lol.

    Im glad someone is on my side about waiting!!! I trust them older folks tah know what they talmbout. I have a whole new apreciation for waiting, much diff than my reasoning before.

    cheaters will cheat they are responsible for themselves. I agree it can be egg’d on but we all have a choice. Either leave or work it out.

    nic im gonna email u about somethin later. Its a question

  3. Mikki Says:

    I mean #1 lol

  4. Jaci Says:

    @Nicki

    Absolutely. The spark does not die. However, he also said if the spark comes with love it will not leave under any circumstance.

    @Mikki

    Girl..it’s not so bad! You can do it. I can understand the whole waiting thing because when you feel the anticipation behind it boy it can really be something

    I also have a friend who told me that when he’s interested in a woman he won’t hug or kiss her. Nothing…he said that at 40 he’s learned that’s the best way to do it.

    He’s never even brushed me on the hand. And for me, it’s nice to have men who aren’t trying to get in your pants, but actually trying to get to know you.

  5. Jaci Says:

    Oh and as far as the woman cheating and being the man’s fault.

    I thought I could agree to that, but I don’t know. If a man is not doing his job (supposedly the reason why a woman would cheat) I think if there’s love she ought to be able to tell him what the problem is and they should work on it together, not step outside the confines of their relationship to get it.

  6. If the man is not doing his job,

    1) the woman needs to tell him and they work on it TOGETHER, or
    2) Leave.

    People kill me staying in situations where they are not happy. No one is holding a gun to you.. if they are, call the police or something.

  7. Jaci Says:

    No one is holding a gun to you.. if they are, call the police or something.

    Wow. Nick…Wow…In some instances women might be afraid but there are so many resources.

    Hm..I just really don’t know why a woman would stick around. I did it once and it was different ended in me wanting to kill him.

  8. Peyso Says:

    Jac, I think that your friend worded his statement in a particular way for a particular reason. He said “Sometimes the spark leaves and you can’t really get it back.” When I read this, I interpret it that in any relationship the spark can leave or disappear but SOMETIMES it can come back. Some (in logical terms) means not none but not all.

    I disagree with #1. If I say I’m going out to blow steam and you call me to come back, I have to come back? Forget the fact that I just said I need to blow steam. Completely forget my needs and wants. Am I at your beck and call? GTFOH

    I disagree with #2. However, I do think you should wait to you’re in a committed relationship. But I think sexual compatibility is a huge part of a successful marriage.

    I dont completely agree or disagree with #3. I think it depends on the situation.

  9. Jaci Says:

    @Peyso

    It’s interesting to get a man’s take on the situations above. With the spark I think my argument was what if his ‘spark’ leaves you know the one to live and move on. Or mine leaves. Does that mean the spark between us leaves too? Apparently the answer is no, but it does diminish during hard times, but it’s pretty evident to me that it does come back.

    At point two…I think you’re right. I don’t think it has to be marriage…but some semblance of okay I can be with this person forever.

    And #3 I am shocked that you don’t agree or disagree. Do you really think there is something that you can do that would make SO wanna step out?

  10. 1. When a man says he needs time to himself, GIVE HIM TIME TO HIMSELF.

    2. would you buy a car without test driving it? An untradeable car?

    3. I used to take responsibility. An ex cheated on me. I thought I didn’t keep her interested, so it was my fault…

    wrong. It is her fault. Some people are prone to take the easy way out, and she was one of them. No one can make you do anything, you have the choice, you do it yourself.

  11. Peyso Says:

    @ Jaci – I think when open the definition of cheating to more than just the physical, its very much possible to force someone to cheat on you. For example, if I’m emotionally unavailable to my SO, I would have to expect that she’s gonna go fix her emotional craving somewhere else.

  12. “1. When a man says he needs time to himself, GIVE HIM TIME TO HIMSELF. ”

    EXACTLY…

  13. kamakula Says:

    I disagree with the no sex before marriage – at least with your rationale. After a couple days of no sex, it’s going to be as exciting as it will ever be for me.


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