Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Wrong if you do, wrong if you don’t….. July 29, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — peyso @ 8:30 pm
Am I the only one not mad at her?

Am I the only one not mad at her?



Unless you’ve been living under a rock, there is not way you haven’t heard about Henry Louis Gates. If you haven’t, he is a preeminent member of black academia, rather conservative and right winged, and who was arrested on the porch of his own home after his neighbor called the police on what she thought was a burglary or home invasion.


Now there has been much debate about who was wrong between the cop and good ole Skip. Some people say the cop is a racist. (I don’t think so, I just think he’s a bit of an arsehole. Anytime a white person does something dumb or stupid to a person of color, it doesn’t qualify as racism.) For some reason I think that if Skip was white guy who yelled at the cop he would have went to jail too. Some people say that Skip shouldn’t have acted the way he did. Bump that, a grown man should be able to scream at whomever he pleases inside his own house; warrant he doesn’t pose harm to anyone there. (However, where Skip eff’d up was when he stepped outside of his house on to his porch. Now since his actions are in plain view, despite the porch being covered under the same legal protection, he can and was arrested for disorderly conduct). Nonetheless, I still black people shouldnt yell at cops, it makes me nervous.


None of the above bothers me. What bothers me is the way some people are blasting the women who called the cops, Skip’s neighbor Lucia Whalen. She saw two men walking into a house trying to essentially force their way in and she did the right thing by calling the cops. Imagine if they were actually burglars and then she had to explain to Skip when returned from China, that she saw who broke into his house and didn’t do anything about it. Was that a better idea? She didn’t even notice the Skip trying to get into his own house at first and had to be alerted by an elderly old lady who probably was an actual racist. (I believe that 95% of white people over the age of 75 are racist and 90% of black folk over that same age are prejudice as hell). People argue that she should know what her neighbor looks like and that she had to be racist b/c she called the cops on a well known black man. This is a crock of sh!t. 1) I bet there are more people than you would think that don’t know their neighbors or couldn’t recognize them from a distance. To be honest, I would fail this test b/c there are times when I don’t recognize my own father. 2) She didn’t call the cops on two black men. She called the cops on two men who she thought was robbing her neighbors, one of which she actually though was Spanish. I personally think she did the right thing. I would love to live next to her; especially I know better to yell at men with guns. It just bothers me that so many people of color are turning into the boy who cried racism. I really think by over using racism and racial profiling we are taking away power from the terms. So now when an actual instance of racism or racial profiling occurs, we won’t be taken serious. People yell racism or racial profiling anytime there is a white guy and a person of color involved. I’m not saying that racism and racial profiling doesn’t exist, I think we all would agree that we are NOT in a post racial society. However, what I am saying is hold the term for when we are sure it’s true.


So how do you feel about what they doing to Lucia? Is it right? Do people of color cry racism too much? Lemme know


Fad Addict

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — cuzzo @ 5:22 am

(Jac, I many not post on time every time but I’m always here 🙂

I’ve been trying this smoothie diet for the past two weeks (yes, the commercial got me) and lost ten pounds….pounds that I’m sure I will gain right back. It feels good for the moment….until I want that cheeseburger…or go on vacation.


Yes, I know (we all know) the only true way to weight loss is good eating and exercise…blah blah blah. I remember I tried Xenedrine when it first came out and had that good stuff in it ( I sound like a crack head, lol)….ephedra….ahhhh. then people started dying and developing conditions then they took it out of the product. I’ve tried it without the ephedra but it’s just not the same *sniff*.  I was going ot the gym because of course the pill itself is not the “diet” nut a means of energy and I’m telling you I was feeling coo-coo for cocoa puffs on it…it’s like I wanted to run to chase away the feeling of a racing heart (really, sounding like crack now, lol).

I’ve done the videos (Tae Bo, Pilates, Slim in 6, etc.) but then I just get bored. I’m not all bad right now, I did begin exercising. It’s easier when you don’t have a spare tire bouncing up and down while you’re on the elliptical 🙂

What’s the craziest and/or most succesful diet or exercise program you’ve ever tried? Would you do it again?


Do You Qualify?

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 12:18 am

I don’t know where Cuzzo is, but in the spirit of keeping things up and moving here…I am placing a little poem in for the day…

Geezus...this is what I found when I googled for a pic..I dont know if I am just tired or what but this is the most hilarious thing of the day for me!

Geezus...this is what I found when I googled for a pic..I don't know if I am just tired or what but this is the most hilarious thing of the day for me!

Do you qualify to be the man I need you to be?
Will you be able to recognize the things you
need to see? Will you be able to understand, that
I’m a good woman and in my life I need a good man?
Do you qualify?

Do you qualify to fertilize my unproduced seeds?
Can you fulfill, as I can, all of our needs?
Can you put me in my place if you see I am slippin?
Can you talk to me, wholeheartedly, not
constantly trippin??
Do you qualify?

Do you qualify to be called all mine?
Can you leave the other women and temptations
behind? Can you come to me with your problems and
not wait until it’s too late?
Can you stand up and admit if you made a mistake?
Do you qualify?

Do you qualify to be the honest man I
would want you to be?
Would you be able to look me in my eyes and
admit your feelings to me?
Could you take me in your arms and make love to
me all night long?
Can you be sensitive and still be strong?

Do you qualify?

Do you qualify to be my friend as well as my
lover? Can you put our love before any other?
Can you cherish me as if I were Diamonds &
Gold? Can you make me feel like I’m the last
woman you’ll ever hold?
Do you qualify?

Do you qualify to be called a good man?
If I have doubts can you reassure me and understand?
Can your love intoxicate me as if I were High?
To be in my life, I need to know,


Now that’s out of the way…tell me do you qualify?  If you do, what benefits do you think you deserve in return for qualifying?  If you don’t -what are you going to do to start?


She’s My Sister and I Love Her… July 27, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 8:00 pm

…regardless of how she pisses me off.

My best friend defended her Master’s this past Thursday.  I am SO proud of her.  That’s my girl.  But wait, that’s not all she does that I am in awe of..she is the baby of 3 children (by 10 years) and is consistently making sense and holding it down no matter how tired she is.  She’s been in the same relationship (really puttin in work) for the past five years.   She and her Mama are thisclose.

You go girl!

The only thing I can tell my sister-friend is keep pushing.

And this is yet another thing that’s difficult for Black women in America.  That’s right we have a habit of thinking and saying the following things:

“B!tch, please”

“I’ll just take her man”


“Who does she think she is?”

But, what we aren’t seeing is how are her struggles?  Could I walk a mile in her shoes?  Or even, go girl do the d@mn thing.  We already know that we here at Single Sisters have a zero hater policy, but you know what it’s still happening…

And we should stop it.  It’s not necessary. This is 2009…and they hating really needs to stop…

And just in case you are unsure of how to carry this out let’s look at two Black women who are successful in their sister-girl relationships:

What a conversation this must have been!

What a conversation this must have been!

1. Michelle Obama-I’m still in awe of her and I know a little of her exist in a lot of us.  We’ve just got to know how to bring this out.  I think a part of what makes her such a remarkable sister-friend is her down home charm, indomitable spirit and her overt warmth.  Even her friends from before she married Barack acknowledge that she’s taken them every step of the way with her on her journey..even holding roundtable discussions about the campaign..I’m also super sure that she and Dr. Biden have glasses of wine and dessert to compare notes and discuss…Can’t beat that kinda friendship!

2. Oprah Wynfrey-Not one of us would know Gayle King without Oprah Wyfrey..every time Oprah’s star rises so does Gayle…this sister-friend also pulls her friend right along with her and I cannot be mad at them for this.  And you know what makes it even cooler?  Oprah took Gayle to the White House to meet Michelle!  You’ve got to love it…

So what are your sister-friend rituals?  Do they keep you grounded?  Comfort you?  What element do they add to your life?  And if there’s anything you’ve ever wanted to tell them shoot for it!

And since I don’t wanna leave the men out…what are you and your boys up to?  Are they your wing men?  Can you really count on them and why do you feel ya’ll make friends better than we do?!


“Flaws and All” July 26, 2009

Filed under: Chicken Soup for the Soul,Self Love,Single Sisters On... — Sunny @ 6:00 pm
Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about ““Flaws and All”“, posted with vodpod

I think the most beautiful thing that sets us apart as individuals, are our flaws.  No one is perfect, no matter how much you may or may not think you are.  Everyone has a past, whether you choose to share it or not.  Although, in my Sunday School class, we talked about how you should share your experiences because you never know who you are going to help.

I choose to use blogging as my “sharing” forum.   It allows me the chance to get my story out there, thus helping someone else, and I don’t have to worry about opinions or judgment from people that are super close to me.  If someone says something I don’t like or agree with on here, I can always dismiss it as, “hey, it’s the Internet. They don’t know me.”  I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s just me.

See, even this post has revealed some things to me about me!!!!! I don’t handle criticism very well and I don’t want an opinion, in my real life, unless I ask for it.

Additionally, blogging is therapeutic for me.  I feel like I get clear, unbiased opinions about a situation I am or have gone through.   No one on the Internet owes me anything, so you really don’t have to spare my feelings.  I love my friends and family, but I have a lot of yesmen, throughout… so it’s nice for a change.

I have revealed to all of you, a lot of information about myself, certain situations where I have been weak, but in real life I’d never let that show.  I think it’s safe to assume that my blogger self is different than my real life self.  Does anyone else feel that way?  or does this sound @ss- backward?

Allow me to reveal more of my flaws:

1. I want to be the helper, not the helpee.  I never want to seem like a “victim.”  I hate people like that… so I’ll hardly ever ask for help, even when stressed to the max.

2.  I hold grudges. Since I don’t let people in easy, when I finally do, if I get disappointed, I am not quick to let that go.

3. I want so badly to be seen as strong!!!! So I’ll smile and joke, even when I dont feel like it.

I re-emphasize, I’m not saying my actions are right… that’s just me owning up to my flaws.  I know I’ve talked about a few things on this post, but tell me, what about you- does blogging help you?   And additionally, what flaws are you owning up to?


Human Nature…why is it done this way? July 24, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — FlawedBeauty @ 12:24 am
Tags: ,


It’s been a long week. It’s still going in fact and I know this because I’m out..had a drink or two and I’m sitting here trying to write this blog.

Anyways, I’m never totally sure about what I wanna write about til the exact moment I sit down and write, but this week I’ve had a lot of random and not so random thoughts so anyways I’ve got my next like month of post already lined up..but I wasn’t expecting today. But never fear because I’ve got FIVE questions I’m wondering about. Here goes nothing!

1. Sunday night I e-mailed Nick about spirituality and dating. The next day we featured a dual post from SBM and from Nick…and a commenter asked how Christians could be on here talking about se!x, relationships and etc..the way we do. So I’m wondering what place does it have? Are we looking for someone with common beliefs? Is it up for debate? Are these questions we ask early in dating? If the person is a good person does religion matter?

2. Tuesday I wrote about the different men (and women) we all need to have on our rosters. I didn’t add the one that you have undeniable chemistry with to the list. So ladies and gents…they say when you’ve got it you’ve got it…but what do you do when there are challenges there? Step out on faith or let the chemistry work itself out?

I want to step out on faith

3. Wednesday was about child support and since I don’t have kids I’m just wondering how many everyone wants? I’d like 3.

4. Everyone should do at least one good deed a day. Think it’s feasible?

5. Have a wonderful weekend! I love ya’ have no idea how much you all brighten my days…



In case you missed it I thought John Mayer did great especially not knowing MJ and because he couldn’t sing


Used vs. Loved July 22, 2009

Filed under: Guest Post,relationships,Self Love — Sunny @ 9:00 pm

*Today’s post comes from Danielle at “It’s So Nice to Be Nice”. Enjoy!

I received a forwarded email recently and thought to share the last couple of lines.

“Anger and Love have no limits; choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life…..Things are to be used and people are to be loved. But, the problem in today’s world is that, people are used and things are loved. “

The last line struck a cord with me and made me think about some of my past relationships, but I couldn’t help but disagree with the statement. See, I’ve always believed that we were all created to grow, contribute, and flourish. For this reason, I have intentionally set out to form relationships with people for my own personal gain….in hopes of getting introduced to someone else, a new perspective, a new hobby, a recommendation letter, or an opportunity for a new job.

Honestly, I just believe in exchange. I believe that I’m always getting something from the people I invite in my life or who arrive through happenstance.

It could be positive or negative. Their energy might inspire, their words of wisdom may provide insight, their experience could eliminate missteps, and their relationships could provide opportunities for growth and advancement. In the same way, contact may spark anger, be a hindrance, stunt emotional growth, or lead to inappropriate behavior.

Either way, relationships lead to change, education, and opportunities….good or bad, substantial or limited, they always lead to something.

And since this is true, what’s wrong with looking to people for opportunities that will spark growth and renewal? What’s wrong with intentionally seeking out relationships that add fuel to our lives and careers.

This doesn’t mean I have my hand open, stretched out, only looking to receive. On the contrary, I have committed my life to helping others and giving because I believe in service and have found these experiences to be the most enriching and life-changing.

So I seek them out. I look for opportunities to help, inspire, and teach. And I never think of these people or organizations as using me or manipulating me because I offered help. I signed up, instructed, listened, and gave them permission to utilize my talents, assets, knowledge and/or expertise.

So, they’re not using me without my permission, knowledge, and participation. Instead, I’m actively making a choice to give to others and to receive something from those who have something to share with me.

What do you think of the last lines in the email? Do you intentionally use people?

“‘It’s So Nice to Be Nice’ was created to remind people of the importance of sharing, connecting, and treating others well, even in a tough economy, and even when you don’t feel inpired . A smile, an authentic hello, friendly wave, or sincere compliment can do much to brighten someone’s day. Yes, they’re small, but these are important gestures that may lighten the load or lift the spirit of many you meet.
On this blog, you can expect regular musings about a few missing links in the quest for success in our world: courtesy, politeness, honesty, respect, and helpfulness. In addition, I will also discuss my struggles for character development as well. ”