Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

It’s Complicated July 12, 2009

Filed under: Dating,relationships — Sunny @ 9:00 pm

 

I think this post is really going to show how simple your girl Sunny really is.  When asked for a relationship status, I thought there were only two responses, single, and yes, I’m in one.  

As a new Facebook user, I was quite perplexed when I saw people using “it’s complicated” to describe their status.  What the effe does that mean?   My perplexity only lasted a few moments and then took a backseat to something else due to self diagnosed A.D.D.   It was only the next time I saw someone use this, that my original thoughts returned.  And to add further confusion, there’s the “in a relationship, and it’s complicated,” status.

Maybe you guys can shed some light to this for me… but right now, that status just seems so…searching for a better word….coming up short….. silly.    To me, it’s saying you don’t really know what you are, and if so, you’re in something you  don’t really want to be in- which is another question.   Why stay?  What would you do if you saw a nice lil’ piece and wanted to get to know him/her better?  I’d run.   I deal in definites.  

And by the way, how does the other person feel about being described this way?

I’m so confused.. please explain, good people!!!!

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55 Responses to “It’s Complicated”

  1. mikki Says:

    I think its complicated does oneof two things 1. Lets the world aware of the fact that you like drama because complicated is just that IMHO drama.

    2. It just about speaks to a persons level of maturity when it comes to dealing in relationships. This isnt to say you dip out on people at the first sign of trouble but we all know the basics of math 2+2=3…..lol. My point is if u need to describe your relationship as such then its time to leave because either you arent exactly relationship material or the s.o isnt and its only fair to part ways and let it be figured out.

  2. “Lets the world aware of the fact that you like drama because complicated is just that IMHO drama”

    I agree Mik. I am left with an eternal question mark when I hear someone say they don’t like drama but then do the very things that will make drama.

  3. mikki Says:

    Exactly red flag foul on the play! I would rather see how your life reflects no drama vs you telling me but yet you always have these crazy stories to tell.

    Its all about seeking attention

  4. “Its all about seeking attention”

    And I hate those. I am with you… show instead of tell, is much more reliable.

  5. Shawnta` Says:

    Hey, y’all!

    I’ve seen this “relationship status” on Facebook as well. Most recently I’ve seen it on a co-worker’s page. I’m not friends w/this co-worker on Facebook but I can see her page via another co-worker’s (whom I am friends w/on Facebook) page.

    It’s strange seeing that because I know she’s married and seeing the “it’s complicated” status only raises questions, curiosity and of course speculation. I didn’t inquire about it because I’m not close to her at all and really don’t want to know but I could imagine other co-workers speculating about it. If my marriage was going through a rough patch & we were trying to work on things, I wouldn’t list my status as “it’s complicated” because in my opinion that doesn’t help the situation. If it isn’t part of the solution then it’s part of the problem…why post that for everyone to see? It seems easier to work on fixing the relationship without everyone knowing you’re even having issues this way there are no outside factors being taken into consideration and you can focus on you and the other person. Just my opinion…

    Then again, maybe it’s just like y’all said & she enjoys the drama that comes w/having that as a status.

  6. “why post that for everyone to see?”

    I agree. If I was going through something regarding my relationship, you would never know via Facebook status updates. I can understand if you want advice, but seriously, you can’t be posting all willy nilly but then get mad when someone is “all up in your business.”

  7. mikki Says:

    Shawnta i co-sign 100%

  8. Anna Says:

    Nicki, I’m a little more cut and dry with it, too. Either I’m free to spend time with and sleep with other people, or I’m not. And if you’re wishy-washy, that means I’m free. I don’t do “complicated”. That’s some ole immature’ mess (and unfortunatley, there’s a lot of old immature folks out here.)

  9. Shawnta` Says:

    @Nicki: Exactly. Even when people think they’re helping by offering unsolicited advice, they could do more harm than good without meaning to, especially since they’re most likely commenting from the outside looking in without really knowing the full story.

  10. Exactly, Anna. I think it’s highly immature. It says, “I need to explain,” which is a car salesman technique to me… Never definite yes and no, just ambiguous explanations.

  11. “especially since they’re most likely commenting from the outside looking in without really knowing the full story.”

    I agree, bc how could you know the whole story from one sentence status updates?

  12. Shawnta` Says:

    I also think saying “it’s complicated” is a way for the person to have it both ways…to have the cake & eat it too. Like, “I’m “technically” in a relationship but I may be willing to change that if you show me you have something more/better to offer.” Sort of like taking yourself off the market while at the same time leaving yourself on the market.

    “It’s complicated” can also have people speculating about one’s character as well…like “Does that mean you’re seeing someone that you KNOW isn’t technically available?” “Are you dating a married woman?” “Are you dating a man who claims he’s leaving his wife but hasn’t done so yet?” I don’t know…leaves room for entirely too much speculation.

    As you can see…I’m cut & dry too. Either we’re together or we’re not.

  13. Danielle Says:

    You know I thought I was the only person who thought the “it’s complicated status” was strange, especially for grown people. A relationship should never be listed as complicated. It’s a given that everyday won’t be sun and roses, but you’re supposed to work through it. Like others have mentioned, it seems to be an attention seeking move, knowing that such a posting will only lead to questions and curiosity.

    But I can only speak for myself, some people like drama and they’ll always find it, even if they create it for themselves

  14. “It’s a given that everyday won’t be sun and roses, but you’re supposed to work through it.”

    Very good point, Danielle. It’s complicated says, like Shawta pointed out, ” I’m “technically” in a relationship but I may be willing to change that if you show me you have something more/better to offer.” “

  15. Shawnta` Says:

    Unless I’m misunderstanding “it’s complicated”.

    I mean…I guess it COULD mean “I’m in a relationship, I’m not available, I’m off the market but we’re just going through some things right now.” If this is what it means, then at some point, aren’t we all in an “it’s complicated” relationship? But again…why would you post this for everyone to see? But then they’d probably use the “in a relationship but it’s complicated” status, right? Sigh…lol.

    Or I guess it COULD mean…”I’m not exactly sure where we stand right now…we just started seeing each other and it could be leading to something more but I’m not ready to call it a ‘relationship’ just yet or I don’t want to scare him/her off by saying ‘relationship’ when he/she thinks “we’re just kicking it”…like on Love Jones. 🙂 Or “We’re technically broken up but we still see each other but haven’t said we’re officially exclusive again just yet.”

    I mean the more I think about it I guess “it’s complicated” could be the status used to signal that one isn’t sure where they stand in a relationship just yet.

  16. Shawnta` Says:

    @Danielle: I agree.

  17. ehh….it’s really simple

    It’s the way attention seeking people get attention. Because “it’s complicated” is a lot more juicy than “single”, “in a relationship” or the dreaded “m” word lol.

    Really too, it might just be complicated. I can understand (not necessarily agree) that it might be two people that really love each other, but simply don’t have the capabilities yet. Some peoples’ growth is not at that level yet, I don’t know if you can fault them for that.

    so what does everyone feel about the “in an open relationship” status?

  18. Shawnie: That’s kinda what J was explaining to me when I told him about this post BUT still, my argument was, yes, I understanding not being definite about the position, but again, why not put yes or no. Because if you’re not in a relationship, then you are single, right?

    He also used the example of if a man has poured his heart out to a girl and he’s kinda just waiting on her to get back with him.

  19. V Renee Says:

    My relationship status on FB, if I’m not mistaken says “It’s Complicated”. I don’t have real reason as to why it’s like that. I guess it’s because I don’t care whether people on facebook know whether I’m in a relationship or not. If you know me, you know whether I’m in one or not. Otherwise, I could care less what one may think about a status on facebook.

    I just went and checked, there isn’t a relationship status on there anymore. I must have take it off completely. I always think it’s funny to watch the break-ups happen on facebook. One minute you’re in a relationship/engaged to *insert name*. The next day you’re not. One minute there’s an album up of the “love of your life”, the next day the album is deleted, with pics of the new beau in its place. I just don’t have time to go through all of that. So I never put up a relationship status, or pics of the beau. And probably won’t until I’m married.

  20. Whyso, although I think “open relationship” is weird, it’s more definite, than it’s complicated.

    An open relationship is two parties, who’ve agreed to be in a relationship and bascially screw others.

    My question is: does it stop at screwing or do you “date” other people to?

  21. “One minute there’s an album up of the “love of your life”, the next day the album is deleted, with pics of the new beau in its place. I just don’t have time to go through all of that. So I never put up a relationship status, or pics of the beau. And probably won’t until I’m married.”

    I would have to agree here. And it was one of the reasons I was scared of putting my relationship status on there. I didn’t want to jinx us by “bragging,” but sooner or later, I figured people would figure it out.

    But if something ever happened, God forbid, I prolly wouldn’t delete all of that, but I also wouldn’t want people asking questions about what happened.

  22. Shelia Says:

    It’s complicated is the equivalent to “we’re just kicking it.” It’s complicated could mean one of several things:
    I’m involved with two people at the same time.
    I’m just kicking it because he’s so not the one I really want to be with.

  23. @shelia: Wouldn’t that just be “single”?

  24. Hugh Jazz Says:

    This is pure conjecture, but it’s complicated could mean:

    1. I’m creepin’.

    2. I’m kinda seeing someone, but it’s not official yet so let me lay and play before/if I make a commitment.

    3. I have a “make up to break up” relationship, and right now I’m in the “break up” phase.

    4. S/he messed around on me, and payback is a bilious woman.

    5. I’m with someone, but if you’re an upgrade, I’ll drop him/her like they are heavy.

  25. “5. I’m with someone, but if you’re an upgrade, I’ll drop him/her like they are heavy.”

    LMBO.

  26. Danielle Says:

    But Hugh Jazz,

    I don’t think any of them qualify as a relationship at all, so why even list it…..

    1. If you’re creepin, you’re not committed, those no relationship
    2.If it’s not official, it’s not a relationship. Still getting to know each other
    3.If you know it’s a make up to break up relationship, you’re playing yourself and each other….that’s for kids
    4. Again, tit for tat, is for children….either walk away or practice forgiveness
    5. Still sounds like you’re not committed to me…..

    Just my two cents

  27. Danielle Says:

    Sorry, about the spelling mistake above, ‘those’ should actually be ‘thus’

  28. Mika Says:

    Once upon a time, I had “engaged to” as my relationship status. Things went bad, and he decided to change it to “it’s complicated.” But I didn’t feel that there was anything complicated about him dumping me. There was nothing complicated about me never speaking to him again. So I just removed him as a FB friend to end the confusion. I still don’t understand broadcasting your relationship issues on FB, in general.

  29. inakeS Says:

    “I still don’t understand broadcasting your relationship issues on FB, in general.”

    That’s my question. I don’t use Facebook so I’m really not familiar with it at all but I’m curious to know why people would want to put all of their relationship issues in the public eye for anyone to see.

  30. “I still don’t understand broadcasting your relationship issues on FB, in general.”

    Especailly when it changes so frequently, I’ve seen someone go through just about all of them in a span of two weeks. Seriously.

  31. ****EVERYONE****

    If you have a relationship status broadcasted, do you have a reason for doing it?

    My was blank for the longest. I changed it to “in a relationship” bc men I didn’t really associate with like that started requesting me out of the woodworks so I wanted to let them know before they tried. I have seen that it worked. I know I prolly could have smashed all of that by not accepting a friend request, but I feel like that’s so mean. lol

  32. J Money Says:

    “If you have a relationship status broadcasted, do you have a reason for doing it?”

    I think some people do it for attention and others just do it. My status has always been set to in a relationship even though I wasn’t in one. Only because I didn’t want folks in my business. But people see the pics of me and my lady so it is obvious to the eye what the status is whether it is on there or not. I think the person knows within themselves whether this is something that is going to last or two weeks from now they will be changing. I think most people do it prematurely, like just got in a relationship yesterday and couldn’t wait to put it up on Monday. Give it some time to see…and then if you want to proclaim it then go ahead.

  33. Danielle Says:

    This is a little off topic, but I might be mean too….I’ve actually deleted a few relatives from my ‘friends’ list….not because I don’t love them, but because I don’t want to hear about all their unneccessary drama….lol

  34. Ms. Eighty's Baby Says:

    I’m with majority of the people on this post… I don’t understand the need to broadcast my relationship status….. So it’s just gonna say single probably until I’m married…… And that complicated status is just stupid…If it’s complicated just let go and don’t broadcast the fact that it’s complicated.

    But I really hate that you can comment on a relationship status change… For instance, when it says so and so is no longer in a relationship then someone says what happened or his/her loss….All of that leads to being messy in the open and that is so unnecessary.

  35. ” I think most people do it prematurely, like just got in a relationship yesterday and couldn’t wait to put it up on Monday. Give it some time to see…and then if you want to proclaim it then go ahead.”

    @J: I agree..

  36. @Danielle: I made the mistake of adding my friend’s nieces (in laws) after I was in her wedding. BOTH of them Everyday have so much drama. I didn’t delete them as friends but I did have to remove them from my feed. I just got sick of reading it.

  37. Hugh Jazz Says:

    Danielle: “I don’t think any of them qualify as a relationship at all, so why even list it…..”

    Some people like deceiving themselves. I don’t agree, but those are reasons people do it.

  38. “For instance, when it says so and so is no longer in a relationship then someone says what happened or his/her loss….All of that leads to being messy in the open and that is so unnecessary.”

    Right bc most likely, the other party can see everything. And it’s a call out for attention, I think.

  39. J Money Says:

    I don’t see anything wrong with broadcasting your in a relationship. It is all about how you manage the situation of broadcasting. And when I say broadcasting, I mean posting it on facebook. I have nothing to hide about me and my S.O. being in a relationship. And I feel like if you have to hide it then something is wrong. If you have friends you have to hide it from then something is wrong. If you say you are trying to keep people out of your business on facebook, then why are they your friend on there anyway?? There may be nosey people who are my friends but I dont put anything on there that I wouldnt want them to know so…just me 4 cents LOL!!

  40. “There may be nosey people who are my friends but I dont put anything on there that I wouldnt want them to know so…just me 4 cents LOL!!”

    That’s true.

  41. Comeback Girl Says:

    “To me, it’s saying you don’t really know what you are, and if so, you’re in something you don’t really want to be in- which is another question.”

    EXACTLY!!

    I agree with 80s ..Im staying single until I get married too..I mean technically IM SINGLE. thats my take.

  42. J Money Says:

    @CBG: So technically anybody can get at you until you officially become married right?? And that also means if a guy say so what if you are in a relationship…you arent mariied yet so what’s up?? LOL!!

  43. Comeback Girl Says:

    “So technically anybody can get at you until you officially become married right??”

    Sorta kinda…i mean i hate to quote Beyonce..but right now im like “if you liked then you shoulda put a ring on it” LOL I hate to be crass, but thats how Im feeling right now.

  44. @Comeback: Even if you are in a true relationship, like official, boyfriend/ girlfriend?

    ****I know I sound slow, but I’m trying to be DEFINITE. lol****

  45. J Money Says:

    My thing is facebook created all that for the exact purpose of creating a buzz or stir. No one can say they are excited by the regular and ordinary. If we just got on facebook, uploaded pics, and left a new status then it would be boring as ever. Everyone their own little kick out of the foolishness on there or you just log in to see what foolishness is posted. If Tom status was “I went to work” you would be like blah blah but if he said someone got shot at work he would have 30 comments after his status. Just because it is not an everyday thang.

    Facebook people know we as a people are nosey and some are excited by the drama. So why not give it to them because how many of us have told someone…you need to get on facebook!!

  46. Comeback Girl Says:

    “And that also means if a guy say so what if you are in a relationship”

    If a man is in a relationship, why is he tryna hollar. Im going to find out basically by the time he keeps (should he not be truthful) so that wont work either.

    but the newsflash is MOST people who have active dating lives are “seeing people” and have prospects before they slow the party down.

    I draw the line at men who are in committed relationships. And have come to an understanding..

  47. Comeback Girl Says:

    “@Comeback: Even if you are in a true relationship, like official, boyfriend/ girlfriend?”

    ???

    on my taxes im still single…we ARE talking about facebook right???

    on facebook IM SINGLE!!! even in a “true relationship” im single on facebook. A ring and a promise and after said date means im married.

  48. “on facebook IM SINGLE!!! even in a “true relationship” im single on facebook. A ring and a promise and after said date means im married.”

    Oooh, I got you. Exactly, this is only facebook, we are talking about!!!

  49. Comeback Girl Says:

    this “in a relationship” thing usually seems to be inspired by women who feel like “its time”…but you’re only proclaiming to the world that somebody had “the facebook talk”…a marriage is an understanding with God.

    untill then my a!ss is SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  50. “If Tom status was “I went to work” you would be like blah blah but if he said someone got shot at work he would have 30 comments after his status”

    U are hilarious.

    I seriously use facebook as a way to comminicate with folks bc I hate talking on the phone.

  51. Anna Says:

    @CBG:

    “this “in a relationship” thing usually seems to be inspired by women who feel like “its time”…but you’re only proclaiming to the world that somebody had “the facebook talk”…a marriage is an understanding with God.”

    This is very true – I did it myself, but after marriage talk came into our relationship picture. Like Nicki said, randon ninjas fly out of the woodwork once you’re in a happy relationship (for both men and women). Once the “in a relationship” status went on his page old jumpoffs were like, “Oh, so THAT’S why you can’t don’t answer my calls – no worries, I’ll fall back.” Putting a status up saved us a few conversations.

    I can’t even be mad at that.

  52. Ms. Eighty's Baby Says:

    It’s not that I’m trying to hide anything by not changing my relationship status. It’s not about people being in my business. I’m private when it comes to my relationships and I prefer to keep it that way. So until it’s official as far as us committing to each other til death do us part then I’m content with my relationship status being single.

  53. J Money Says:

    @80’s: I feel you but some people use those reasons as their reason for not doing it. So do you maintain that same stance in public or is that your facebook stance?

  54. Ms. Eighty's Baby Says:

    So do you maintain that same stance in public or is that your facebook stance?

    @JMoney….When I did have a bf when people inquired I would just say that I have a friend and left it at that…..

  55. V Renee Says:

    “on facebook IM SINGLE!!! even in a “true relationship” im single on facebook. A ring and a promise and after said date means im married. ”

    My thoughts exactly. I don’t like the parades some people have. Here’s 1 boyfriend/girlfriend. Oh wait, here’s another.

    But I’m like 80’s too, in that I’ve always been private with my relationships. Not in a I’m hiding you, but in a if you know you know. I don’t need to make an announcement about it. And definitely not on FB. FB is not real life. It’s a glimpse into your life….the parts you want to show.


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