Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Dear Apple, July 13, 2009

Filed under: Dear...,Kimfoolery,Self Love — Sunny @ 9:00 pm

***You guys get to hear from me again today- How lucky you are!   kidding.  But on a serious note, Jaci is at her cousin’s funeral today, so I’m writing for her. Please keep her and her family in your prayers. Thanks***

Taking a cue from  TMCY, I’m writing this letter to my cousin.  I’m sick of her b&tching about her new husband.  

Dear Apple,

Hey, it’s me.  How are the kids?  Great.  We’re only a couple of years apart and have been close all of our lives, so I feel like I can be candid with you.  Can I-  for just a second?  Great.

So.  I feel the need to write you this letter because you just got married in March and you’ve been griping about your husband just about every week since then.  Thing is, everything you are complaining about are all things you knew about when you first got married. 

You knew he wasn’t very romantic.  I noticed after I told you about the flowers J had surprised me with at home (I wasn’t bragging- I was just excited. ), the very next day you started a fight with your husband about him not being romantic.  Well, doll, you knew this. This is the same man who doesn’t want to take you out on the weekends just because “he doesn’t want to;”  the same man who bought you a whole gang of items from the Dollar Store for Christmas because he believes in gift quantity and not quality; and the same guy that comes home from work and leaves a trail of clothes from the front of the door to the couch, where he plops down to watch Sports Center until work the next morning (yes, I do think it’s strange that you guys are not sleeping together. You guys should still be in marital bliss.)

You complain about him being selfish.  Ma’am, once again=  Same guy before marriage and after marriage.  Same thing with him lacking initiative.  Hell, he didn’t even have initiative when planning the wedding.  You were actually planning the wedding before he was engaged to you.   This leads me to believe perhaps you pushed him.  Sure, it’s probably his fault because he should have manned up and told you that he wasn’t ready to get married but I believe you probably knew he wasn’t going to do that. He really doesn’t have any better offers coming in, so why would he risk losing you?   

I think this is just one of these situations that you’ve gotten yourself in since we’ve been kids.  I’ve watched you jump from relationship to relationship. You have been engaged at least four times (if I haven’t lost count) and married once prior to this one.  You were planning weddings when we still should have been playing double dutch.  None of these ninjas treated you like the queen you are and you never demanded it. 

After seeing a therapist, he named your “condition” co-dependent personality.  And silly girl, you thought that because he named it, it made it okay. No ma’am it does not.  I wish you would’ve took the time to correct this problem.

I just pray for your two beautiful little girls. I really worry that they are headed in this direction.  I saw it that time I was on the phone with you and had to hear one of them cry forEVER because their “daddy” went to play basketball instead of coming home.  I’ m not saying I’m “…The Best”, like Drake may have you to believe, but I really think it’s up to me to help show them that there is another way. 

Please think about this.

 Love, Sunny. 

*** Alright now,  any comments about my letter? Possible ways she’d respond? Is there anyone in your family like her or who you’d like to write a letter to? ***

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15 Responses to “Dear Apple,”

  1. ms80sbaby82 Says:

    Oh wow!!!! Not Christmas gifts from THE DOLLAR STORE…….He gets a big FAIL….

    I wonder why your cousin expected things to change after the wedding?????

  2. Danielle Says:

    I imagine that she’s probably going to let you have it or give you the silent treatment for a while, but the bottom line is she probably isn’t going to change. I feel this way because you’re not telling her anything new. She’s lived her life this way. And since she understands that she has a problem, she went to a therapist, where it was made clear that she has a co-dependent personality, if she really wanted to change she has the resources already in place with the therapist.

    This scenario reminds me of many cases I see on divorce court, like your cousin, all the problems they’re complaining about were revealed prior to marriage….so she knew what she was getting herself into..,but chose to marry because she can’t be alone or refuses to be.

    So, there’s nothing you can really do about it. Telling her that you’re tired of hearing about it won’t help…..If you want to help yourself, change the subject when she begins griping about her husband or politely let her know that you don’t want to talk about relationships….especially if she’s going to take compare yours to hers.

    So, in essence, you just have to let it be. It doesn’t sound like he’s abusive….so there’s no real reason for you to step in here…..

    I do understand that you want to be a good example for her children, you can be, but unfortunately, most of what they’ll learn about relationships will come from what they see their mother do and there’s not much you can do about that.

  3. @80s: I think she’s always had this “idea” of a family in her head. Even when they were dating, she was telling him things like he has a family to take care of. Ummm no he doesn’t.

    @Danielle: I agree with you. She’s not going to change. I’ve had a talk similar to this with her quite a few times before. She wants me to be her yesman, I know she does, but I can’t do that. I’m really worried about the girls.

  4. mikki Says:

    Hmmm i guess i agree she proably doesnt want help but just someone to listen. I can do that for a lil while but eventually im gonna kindly say if u dont like it change it or stop talking about it.

    I really dont understand the concept of getting married to a person u know is wack as all get out then being mad after it doesnt change. Marriage isnt some magic pill you take to try to make things right, if anything it makes matters worse. I feel bad for the kids and i pray that they have positive influences that can guide them to make good choices. Its possible u just have to keep them constantly around good folks.

  5. @Mik: She told me that one of their arguments, he said, we are the same people, only your last name has changed. And I am a lot like you, I cannot STAND for someone to burn my ear with the same sad story. Pretty soon, I stop answering my phone.

  6. mikki Says:

    Exactly so let the pixie dust go!!

  7. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “You complain about him being selfish. Ma’am, once again= Same guy before marriage and after marriage. ”

    i agree. wait your cousins name is really apple.

  8. thecomebackgirl Says:

    I’ll keep jackson’s family in my prayers

  9. Thanks girl. Nope, her name is really close to apple and stupid me have posted the blog’s link on my facebook page a couple of times and her friend is my friend on facebook. LOL.

    I tried to be slick about it but not so slick.

  10. Shawnta` Says:

    Morning, y’all…

    @Jaci: You & your family are in my prayers.

    @Nicki: We are lucky to hear from you again… 🙂

    ” None of these ninjas treated you like the queen you are and you never demanded it. ”

    This is true. If you don’t demand it and set the tone from the very beginning, it’ll never happen. I hope she does set a better example for her daughters or it’s likely to be repeated when it’s time for them to date and choose a lifelong mate.

  11. Thanks Shawnie! 😉

  12. Cynthia Says:

    I know people like that, sometimes they gripe and complain to people about their relationships because they just need someone to vent to! Nicki you are great, keep the post coming!

  13. Thanks Cynthia! I really appreciate that.

  14. beth Says:

    You seems to be very creative. Nice blog. Enjoyed going through it. Keep it up the good work.

  15. Welcome to the blog, Beth and thank you. Don’t be a stranger!


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