Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Networking Sites and Dating… July 15, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — peyso @ 10:16 pm
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Today’s post is a guest post from my home itsniquey. Check it out..we hope you enjoy!

Do You Have a Profile?

Do You Have a Profile?

“Even though I wanna see How you put that thang on me I can’t let you get the best of me”: Version 2.009

We’ve all heard of the “3 month rule,” “3date rule,” or some variation of the sort. Whatever the rule is, it’s all based on the same premise: if you’re at all intend on developing a serious relationship with a man there must be a certain amount of time between the initial meeting and the time when you decide to give him a taste. It’s a lesson that we’ve all learned from mothers, sisters, aunties, cousins, friends, and maybe even our own experience with the ‘hit it and quit its’ of the world. But as with everything else, technology has complicated things. In our increasingly net based realities, what constitutes the “initial meeting?”

Example: Girl ‘A’ meets Guy ‘B’ via a social networking website [taboo, I know, but it’s 2009 after all]. They have a few friends in common and essentially operate within the same social network. Girl ‘A’ has carefully perused his Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter pages, trying to determine whether or not he’s a psycho, player, pimp, or any combination of the three, and Guy ‘B’ in turn screens her pictures, for any hood rat activities. They’re in constant contact; her BB is abuzz with random texts, e-mails, and the conversations on Gmail are endless. They’ve connected-but they’ve never met. So they meet. All of the chemistry is there, the conversation is great. The only thing absent is the wall of awkwardness typically associated with a first date.

So what happens? Do the same rules apply? Should she stay? Should she go?

Speak on it…

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18 Responses to “Networking Sites and Dating…”

  1. This depends on their distance.

    Speaking from experience, meeting someone on the Internet in another city, will cause most your “dating” to be done abroad… phone time, computer talk time, etc, so when you finally meet, you feel like you’ve known this person for far longer than you have. To me, the first time you meet is not the first date because (depending on the person and your chemistry), you’ve already formed the bond.

    But STILL, no sex on the first meeting. lol

  2. J Money Says:

    I think they should stay. I think they know more about them from those media sites and the connection could be stronger. I think you learn more about the person thanks to those sites because those sites kind of give a snapshot into the person’s world and their train of thought. I don’t think it is Taboo. Any first date can be awkward because you just don’t know what to expect outside of looks if you met them on the street instead.

    You meet someone in the club, grocery store, or mall you have to make a decision right there whether you want to give them your number or not. Secondly you may discover that you know some people who may know them through the site, so there is nothing wrong with referencing a person. Thirdly you can control the situation which is huge for women bc you can just communicate through the sites for awhile until you get to know them, before you hand over the digits. The guy in the mall or where ever you meet has the number and didn’t have to do anything really to get it. Then you be telling your girls, this fool keeps calling me and calling me.

    I could go on and on with this one but I will digress!!

  3. thecomebackgirl Says:

    ” They’ve connected-but they’ve never met. So they meet. All of the chemistry is there, the conversation is great. The only thing absent is the wall of awkwardness typically associated with a first date.”

    This is not a connection this is ethernet pixie…these are all the expectations and assumptions people make with people they’ve never met….until they meet. I think in these cases people fall in love with whatever the perception is..the blanks they fill in..because the human brain WANTS to do this.

    When you meet a person there are no blanks to fill in..with how they respond to you, what there opinions are, the way they chew their food. Its all on the table.

  4. thecomebackgirl Says:

    im confused on the question…should she stay?? should she go??

    so..did they make some sort of relationship promise WITHOUT meeting FIRST, the full story is not being told here. So I assume this is NOT a hypothetical..and something “itsniquey” is going through now?

    there is nothing to stay in or go away from…lots of computer love and ONE meeting does not a relationship make or even a future for that matter.

    I say ..stay off the computer and get in the real world with the person to ascertain if this is something one should pursue or not.

  5. Peyso Says:

    Itsniquey isnt going through it but a friend of hers is. And what is the real world? I’ve known people who are truer to themselves on the computer than they are in person

  6. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “I’ve known people who are truer to themselves on the computer than they are in person”

    oh wow..

  7. Jaci Says:

    I think some people might be truer to themselves on-line and other means than they are in person because they can be completely honest without having to worry about seeing the person’s facial expression, body language, etc.

    I don’t think this is necessarily ethernet pixie because if it were then people would definitely not meet online and make it to the altar.

    AND at least the sites let you know if you really wanna talk to the person or not.

  8. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “I don’t think this is necessarily ethernet pixie because if it were then people would definitely not meet online and make it to the altar. ”

    I think it MOST DEF. is ethernet pixie..when you haven’t estblished a solid offline connection..people meet all the time online, but to hang your hat ON WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT THEM THERE…is emotionally dangerous and a huge waste of time.

  9. Reecie Says:

    I was confused by the question at the end as well. I think it depends on how long you’ve e-known them before you actually meet. If its been like 6+ mos-a year and the chemistry is ON POINT when you finally meet up you may want to jump bones, I’m just saying. I think you should be prepared that a full fledged monogamous relationship may not come outta that though. The meet up could be awkward and it may make you all retreat on the “relationship hopes” but if you are already somewhat emotionally vested and have decided thats how yall gon’ carry it, it can work out. I dont think the 3 mos/3 date rule applies if the distances are so far that it may not be feasible to do those things with great frequency. I don’t know, do what you feel. somebody that’s around all the time or across the country can still break your heart. just be cautious.

  10. Jaci Says:

    @CBG

    I don’t think that’s saying that you shouldn’t meet the other person offline…

    I’m just saying if you’re spending time talking on the phone, e-mailing, etc. then I can’t see that’s not all ethernet pixie. Some of that is the real deal…when you really think about it we don’t always get to see our “mates” or people of interest everyday anyways…

    So it goes back to what Nic said about the distance factor.

    @Reecie

    OKkkk…

    I might be willing to shake sheets!

  11. “I’m just saying if you’re spending time talking on the phone, e-mailing, etc. then I can’t see that’s not all ethernet pixie. ”

    Right. When me and J met, I thought there was plenty of chemistry there… but after the first official meeting, that is what made me unsure.

    But you definitely form a bond.

    You can tell when you’ve met a weirdo on the ‘nets.. I met two of them.

    and then again, you can be fooled on the ‘net and meet him and then he turns into a weirdo.

    I think the same risks you take in real life dating are pretty much the same.

  12. I meant, during our first conversations, I thought there was plenty of chemistry but after the first meeting, I wasn’t so sure.

  13. J Money Says:

    I never heard of the 3 date rule but I heard Steve Harvey talk about the 3 month rule. I mean each situation is different. It really is going to boil down to how comfortable you are in that situation. I don’t think anyone has had sex with someone and they were not comfortable with them (at least I hope). So that rule really depends on are you in the same city, comfort level, and just the overall vibe.

    I definitely believe something can start over the internet but has to carried into face-to-face to see if the vibe is legit. I don’t think you can have all this internet love and never meet the person. You need to see body lang, personality, facial expression and all that. Plus some people act different. And the thing with the internet before was the media made it seem like predators and weirdos were the only people trying to hook-up online and it is different and more accepted now. Otherwise all these singles commercials would not be such huge hits.

  14. […] post:  Networking Sites and Dating… « Single Sisters Speak Out AKPC_IDS += […]

  15. ” I don’t think you can have all this internet love and never meet the person.”

    Shoot, I don’t even know why a person would want to. Why would u want to have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you’ve never seen in person?

  16. J Money Says:

    @Nicki: Some people are desperate for affection and anyway they can get it or get the feeling that someone wants them is enough. It doesn’t matter to them they never met before.

  17. @J: That is so freakin’ tragic. I am being serious.

  18. Cuzzo Says:

    Hello. Yes, the same rules apply. Though an in-person meeting is not always different from the online meeting, you still need to take your time to see how this person acts around you. Some people give you slight signs online but things like jealousy, envy, anger problems, might not be at the forefront because we’re mostly jokey jokey online.

    How can you be sure that either party is just interested in you? Maybe you talking online all the time…but it’s not hard to talk to a lot of people online as well. Wait it out if you want a relationship then you won’t have to be e-stalking seeing who else they are talking too, making picture comments on and what not.


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