Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

An Institution Deferred July 21, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — cuzzo @ 11:47 pm

In case you were not aware, aside from rainbows, sunshine, lollipops, and love, it takes money to raise a child. Family Court is where you can make a deadbeat (or proposed deadbeat) cut the check…legally, of course (there are other ways that may involve Uncle Tony and a series of beatdowns but we’re not that kinda crowd now, are we?).  And as with any governmental system, there are it’s abusers which make it lame and hard for those that really need the help.

A woman needs to do what’s necessary to at least try to ensure that both parties are taking care of their responsibilities. Some men (whether or not physically remaining in the child’s life) voluntarily give child support whether it be a stipend or providing on an as needed basis. Some men have their good intentions, coulda, shoulda woulda stories but never come through.  Coulda, shoulda, woulda, doesn’t make for a steady cash flow. Imagine if your job started saying uh, “I will gladly pay you Tuesday, for a hamburger today?” Aw, hells no. Unacceptable.

Some woman are immediately in the court, asking for everything except he kitchen sink, plus custody. Woah, Nelly! You should at least make an attempt to have an agreement before going to court of the way things need to be in order to support the child. And, when you’ve exhausted time, breath, and energy for money (ie. he’s not coming through at all or consistently), take his butt to court. When you make enough money, some men feel like, you’re cool, you got this…no fool, you gonna have this too. It’s the princibalities of it all.

All in all, child support is a good thing 🙂

What do you think of child support? Good, bad, evil and unnecessary? Yay – too many deadbeats? Nay – too many golddiggers? Circumstances…stories…you giving? You receiving?

I receive and have the “coulda, shoulda, woulda” negro to thank for that. My bottom line was do what you say you are going to do and we don’t have to go there. So, guess what happened? There we were…and we’re going back.

There’s a simple law/rule/creed the U.S government has placed on passports for children:

1) To leave the country, a child must have a passport, no matter the age – 1 day old and up.

2) Both parents must sign off on this.

Their options are a) both parents show up to the office together to submit the application b) an addendum for the absent parent must be signed and notarized giving the permission to the other parent to obtain the passport c) a parent has sole custody and doesn’t need the other parent to sign anything. *This was put in place so that it wouldn’t be easy for one parent to just up and take the child to another country and say sayonara.* (and to FORCE communication between two people that would otherwise not be speaking…hmph) Trying to do it without the addendum (even though they do have an area where you are supposed to explain why you can’t obtain the other parents signature) is fruitless. They want you to “exhaust all efforts” to obtain the signature and prove it. How the heck do you prove that you’ve called, text, sent letters, smoke signals…and each time, got the okey doke or no response? And, cannot locate, doesn’t work either. Which then forces you to GO THERE (which is where we have to go because guess what? One year and half later and still no OK on a piece of paper) – sole custody. Sole custody is nothing to wince at however, because you wouldn’t want someone that hasn’t been in your child’s life to then in 10 years come back and try to take over. It’s to protect the child.

YOU have no rights to YOUR child, until YOU establish them in court. By rights, I mean legal custody – the right to make decisions for your child, physical custody – the right to obtain your child, partial or shared custody – both parents share rights equally, etc.

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15 Responses to “An Institution Deferred”

  1. I think that is sucks that you have to go through all of those channels to obtain sole custody of your child even when the father is not around.

    Child support is necessary… like you said, taking care of a child is not cheap. I agree with your steps also… try working with the father/mother initially and if it doesn’t work, the court needs to get involved. Also, I think child support is necessary because the non present parent shouldn’t be just running away from responsibilities.. You made the baby,so you should be forced to take care of it!

    How do you feel about situations like 50 Cents, where the baby mother was getting a sizeable sum and when she went back to ask for more, her amount was DECREASED instead?

  2. Reecie Says:

    I have worked in Child Support Enforecement, establishment and enforcement side. I think its important to have these channels–it can get messy and having a verbal agreement doesn’t always hold up. Going to court and getting it squared away is the responsible thing to do. do it before there is any drama or beef, before any animosity has set in. It protects the father from having to deal with a nagging mother–if he pays what he owes that is.

    I’m not sure how I feel about these celeb baby mama’s trying to get hundreds of thousands of dollars a month when it doesn’t cost that much to take care of a child. I really feel some type of way about women depending on child support to stay fly and live a lifestyle they don’t deserve or couldn’t provide for themselves. Now if you were married, you deserve alimony–but dont use child support to be fly.

  3. cuzzo Says:

    It’s unfortunate that her amount decreased but, it’s all a numbers game. They compare the incomes of both parents to determine what percentage of each persons’ goes towards the child and they also figure in if there are other children. They factor in your living expenses and a whole bunch of other things.

  4. Jaci Says:

    @Nicki

    Right…with Fiddy’s baby mama we have to think about the fact that she likely has a job…he has other children, a house note and other bills…the courts are now taking all of this into account.

    You know a friend of mine went through something where he was paying $400/monthly…and he sued to legitimize and went ahead and did the child support thing…well he lives in LA..she lives in CA, but the case was in GA…so the cost of living in LA is way lower than CA and GA is the middle, but the number’s were given yet based on GA’s standard so she makes A LOT in comparison. They cut her child support by more 50%. Believe me she was furious…she was like but we make almost the same thing and the judge was like I don’t care…so income share, visitation, etc are now all playing vital part in child support.

    I think it’s fair.

  5. J Money Says:

    Being raised by a single parent I have much respect for all single parents. I am all for child support because you have to make sure no matter what that this child you helped create is well taken care of.

    Now as far as the amount, I think when it comes to celebrities it is a little tricky especially if they get with someone who is not rolling in the money like they are. Like if JayZ and Beyonce had a child and got a divorce, their earning are fairly close so JayZ would not pay a ridiculous amount in child support(actually she made more last year) . But if JayZ was with someone making middle class money she would be getting paid. I think the money should be monitored to make sure it goes to the child and child expenses. Not toward the moms new truck, clothes and etc. She gets her payoff from the divorce settlement and should not be getting it from the child support as well.

  6. Jaci Says:

    Being raised by a single parent I have much respect for all single parents. I am all for child support because you have to make sure no matter what that this child you helped create is well taken care of.

    Same here..Mama Jac was single, but Marine daddy was around…but she was like dude I don’t need yo money…and yesterday she asked him why didn’t you take half my pension?

    He said, “For what? You raised my child”

  7. “I think the money should be monitored to make sure it goes to the child and child expenses”

    I agree. Money should be monitored. One of my girls has to pay child support and her baby’s father is EATING HER ALIVE… it stresses her out and its not right. She’s paying for the bad choices he made and now she is basically paying for his car notes and rent.

  8. Anna Says:

    Courts in general: I agree with Reecie that child support should be established early and in every case. 18 years is a loooong time to assume that you will get a long with another person enough to responsibly exchange money and a kid. Even if you can agree on everything, cement it in court. I always laugh when men act like they’re afraid of court and just hand their kid’s mom cash. Hello, sucka.

    Side rant: I *really* dislike it when women, for whatever reason, decide to not pursue child support for their children. I don’t care if you feel like “you’ve got it” and REALLY REALLY don’t care if you just don’t like the bamma – your kid deserves whatever lifestyle 2 incomes bring. Even if you got all the bills handled, you owe it to your kid to get that other half if possible. It could mean afterschool or summer activities, college fund or he!l- a sitter so that you can be the Mommy you can be when you get back. Nobody wants that ole stressed out mom, lol!

    50’s Baby Mamma – hoooodrat. And a stupid hoodrat at that. I read up on her dumbazz – basically somebody told her she should be getting some of that Vitamin Water $$ and she took 50 to court without doing her homework. He was voluntarily paying her way more than she was owed and slashed her payments, lol. Hello, Ratisha – you’re not an ex-wife. Then she had her new man and some family living in 50’s house (that he let her stay in) and he evicted her. I’m sorry to seem so gleeful at someone else’s troubles (ok, I’m not really that sorry) but she is the epitome of the woman trying to use her cooch as a come-up.

    About that passport: Cuzzo, I know you said you were “not that kind of crowd” but I’m not that classy. You still need the ex to sign dem papers? Let me know if I need to call my cuzin Bryant. I think he’s out now.

  9. ” don’t care if you feel like “you’ve got it” and REALLY REALLY don’t care if you just don’t like the bamma – your kid deserves whatever lifestyle 2 incomes bring. Even if you got all the bills handled, you owe it to your kid to get that other half if possible. It could mean afterschool or summer activities, college fund or he!l- a sitter so that you can be the Mommy you can be when you get back. Nobody wants that ole stressed out mom, lol!”

    Exactly.. it’s too prideful. . and the thing is, even if you do “have it,” how about u use the child support to spoil the child? Put him in an activity that he wants to do that you cannot afford.

  10. “Let me know if I need to call my cuzin Bryant. I think he’s out now.”

    You have kilt me today. lol

  11. cuzzo Says:

    “About that passport: Cuzzo, I know you said you were “not that kind of crowd” but I’m not that classy. You still need the ex to sign dem papers? Let me know if I need to call my cuzin Bryant. I think he’s out now.”

    @Anna – LOL. I’m good thanks 😉 I have a few friends and family members that want to tap his jaw already but I don’t want to create that kind of divide between us. Bigger than the one that’s already there, of course.

  12. Let me hip you sisters to a few hard facts. There are more African-American Males locked up, licenses taken, and unable to work, all due to the child support system! Before you all start trying to crucify me for stating the truth, let me say this: There is nothing wrong with asking a man or a woman to take care of their responsibilities like the adults they are supposed to be! The reality is however, that the system needs to be overhauled because of it’s one-sidedness. The system is too slow to consider individual circumstances due to varying laws, under-staffing, and yes discrimination! The system is not only racially discriminative, but it is class discriminitive! I agree, a verbal agreement does not cut it, when it comes to raising a child, but when talking about child support, someone needs to step up and talk about the biased system. How do you explain 50 cents ex. getting support lowered? All the while, it takes a hard working male/female who lost their job, almost six month’s to get support lowered? By the time it gets processed, they are getting served a warrant. The system is flawed and many of my African-American Males are locked up because of it! I’d like to see Sisters who’ve experienced this or know someone (highly likely) to speak on this! This is 2009 and the old non-child support baby daddy stories are played out! In the words of Barack Obama, let’s talk about Change! Speak on this!

  13. cuzzo Says:

    @cpthewhipseller – It’s a simple answer…more than one bad apple spoiled the bunch. The government didn’t just wake up one day and say hey…let’s lock some fools up (well, maybe…). But, if there weren’t so many of the deadbeats out there they wouldn’t have had to make these laws…the latest one being you cannot renew your passport until all of your arrears are paid.

  14. Athena Nike Says:

    In the case of baby mama’s/daddy’s, I don’t feel much sympathy if you feel you’re getting the short end of the stick, whether you’re paying too much or receiving too little. There is too much inexpenisve contraceptive that could keep you out of the situation.
    Now if we were married that is different. Whats mine is yours and whats yours is mine. That said, I use to not be a fan of pre-nups, felt like you were expecting to divorce. But in this day and age, and as stated the unfairness and sloppiness of the system, If I love this person enough to marry – we can sit down in love and talk about how these unfortunate situations can be handled. And then get it amended as life changes occur, like your will. Its probably the best time because you’ll be negotiating out of love, and not hate, loathing, resentment, entitlement. Beyonce & Jay Z have as serious pre-nup, she will be getting paid 7 figures per child if they divorce after kids, $10mil. They have just worked it out before hand and w/o courts.

  15. Cuzzo,
    Is it really that simple? Really? I like how you can’t get Deadbeat Dad stereotype out of your head! The media has got you twisted! As I stated, this is more than just about Dad’s! This issue is about the fairness of the system, and it’s inability to look at individual circumstances! It will never change, as long as this system is promoted as a Deadbeat Dad system! Child Support is supposed to be what it’s titled-Child Support! The Government has created a system in which, in most cases, the child isn’t even considered! For example: If the child spends 60% of their time with one parent, why does the system still make the parent that takes care of the child 40% of the time pay 100% of the child support? This is the problem! Please take note of my lack of use of Baby Momma, Gold-digger, and Cash Queen! All Media stereotypes!


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