Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

“Flaws and All” July 26, 2009

Filed under: Chicken Soup for the Soul,Self Love,Single Sisters On... — Sunny @ 6:00 pm
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I think the most beautiful thing that sets us apart as individuals, are our flaws.  No one is perfect, no matter how much you may or may not think you are.  Everyone has a past, whether you choose to share it or not.  Although, in my Sunday School class, we talked about how you should share your experiences because you never know who you are going to help.

I choose to use blogging as my “sharing” forum.   It allows me the chance to get my story out there, thus helping someone else, and I don’t have to worry about opinions or judgment from people that are super close to me.  If someone says something I don’t like or agree with on here, I can always dismiss it as, “hey, it’s the Internet. They don’t know me.”  I’m not saying it’s right, but that’s just me.

See, even this post has revealed some things to me about me!!!!! I don’t handle criticism very well and I don’t want an opinion, in my real life, unless I ask for it.

Additionally, blogging is therapeutic for me.  I feel like I get clear, unbiased opinions about a situation I am or have gone through.   No one on the Internet owes me anything, so you really don’t have to spare my feelings.  I love my friends and family, but I have a lot of yesmen, throughout… so it’s nice for a change.

I have revealed to all of you, a lot of information about myself, certain situations where I have been weak, but in real life I’d never let that show.  I think it’s safe to assume that my blogger self is different than my real life self.  Does anyone else feel that way?  or does this sound @ss- backward?

Allow me to reveal more of my flaws:

1. I want to be the helper, not the helpee.  I never want to seem like a “victim.”  I hate people like that… so I’ll hardly ever ask for help, even when stressed to the max.

2.  I hold grudges. Since I don’t let people in easy, when I finally do, if I get disappointed, I am not quick to let that go.

3. I want so badly to be seen as strong!!!! So I’ll smile and joke, even when I dont feel like it.

I re-emphasize, I’m not saying my actions are right… that’s just me owning up to my flaws.  I know I’ve talked about a few things on this post, but tell me, what about you- does blogging help you?   And additionally, what flaws are you owning up to?

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37 Responses to ““Flaws and All””

  1. Danielle Says:

    I love blogging. I’ve only been doing it for about two month now, but it’s one of those things that i wish I had started long before…..like using my GPS System and few other products I have. I hate that it took me so long.

    But to answer your question, no I don’t think that I’m any different in real life. I am more honest on my blog, more expressive because everything that I feel and/or want to say may not be appropriate for the person, time, or place. On my blog, I can just tell it all.

    Five years ago, I would have agreed with this, “my blogger self is different than my real life self.” But with the work that I do, my studies (I’m in school to be a counselor), and just getting older, I’ve learn tobe true to myself. There’s nothing that someone can say that I probably haven’t told myself. So there’s no fear there.

    That’s what I like especially about being online, the honesty, the brutal truth that strangers will offer. And like you, I have gone online in search of advice because I new my family and friends would tell me what they thought I wanted to hear or what they wanted for me.

    In regards to your flaws 1 and 3 seem like the same and I can identify, but one thing that I’ve learned is that in order to be your best self and to give your best, you must be able to receive from others. I remember not wanting to take things or assuming that a gift was given, so I had to give something back, but I don’t. I even had a problem taking compliments, again feeling like I had to give one back. Now, I just say thank you or that was a nice thing to say. It took practice and I’m still working on it.

    In regards to my flaws…..oh there are so many. Even though my blog is called, “It’s so nice to be nice.” I’m learning that it’s still important to be assertive and and speak up for yourself. Others may not think I”m nice or ‘a good person’ but I’m my biggest advocate, my biggest cheerleader, so I must learn to say no, stop talking to me, or whatever the situation calls for. Sometimes, being quiet works as well.

    But since we’re all a work in progress, I count it all joy. I look at them as things to accomplish, stepping stones to being the woman that God created me to be. Without flaws, I would have no need to get better, nothing to strive for. In addition, the fact that you and I can identify them is truly reflective of our maturity and growth as women. So many people don’t recognize this. Only when you see it and confess it can you change it and do something about it.

    I’m going to stop typing now….I really didn’t plan to write all of this when I started typing…..lol

    Thanks for the post!

    But thanks for the post. It

  2. Thanks for your response Danielle!

    “In regards to your flaws 1 and 3 seem like the same and I can identify, but one thing that I’ve learned is that in order to be your best self and to give your best, you must be able to receive from others”

    This is also very true… one thing I learned in church recently is if you don’t allow people to help you, you could be blocking their blessings.

    “I’m learning that it’s still important to be assertive and and speak up for yourself”

    This is me too… there are some situations in my life where I’ve not speaking up and should have… it’s all about learning and growing. 😉

  3. Reecie Says:

    well, because I don’t really blog about deeply personal things, I say blogging helps me get my random thoughts out, and puts my emotional connection with music in a bit of context. I admire people that literally put their lives out on the line via the net, because I’ve had some bad experiences in the past and I refuse. But I also don’t believe in “this is just the internet”, so that’s why that doesn’t really work for me. I act the exact same way on the net as in real life, online personas don’t exist in my reality. LOL. I have a journal that I use for things I just HAVE to get out, but don’t really want others to know.

    I just wanted to also say I really dig the concept of Danielle’s blog. I think its so important yet people don’t really take the time to “be nice” to each other.

    one of my biggest flaws includes having high expectations of people, but not really wanting to be held to the same standards. I’ve been called a hypocrite. I’m working on that though.

  4. “one of my biggest flaws includes having high expectations of people, but not really wanting to be held to the same standards.”

    I can understand this one, as I also hold high expectations.

    ” admire people that literally put their lives out on the line via the net, because I’ve had some bad experiences in the past and I refuse”

    You don’t have to be specific, but how so?

  5. Peyso Says:

    I blog to help the day pass by a bit quicker. I open up to just about anyone b/c that’s just who I am. And ppl’s opinion dont really bother me.

    I feel that my major flaw is that I am often harsh on people. I’m not mean at all but in my attempts to help people, my criticisms seems to strike a chord. I dont like when people beat around the bush or mince words when talking to me so I dont do it to them. However, what I am learning is that sometimes you have to “soften” your language when speaking sometimes.

    I also generally think that I am the best at everything. Which is both a flaw and a strength.

  6. “However, what I am learning is that sometimes you have to “soften” your language when speaking sometimes”

    AMEN. lol. I’m definitely one of those people were tone and deliverance make a big difference in how I will take something!

  7. Shawnta` Says:

    Morning, y’all.

    I don’t blog but I read and comment on blogs. I do journal and that is a way for me to express myself.

    A couple of my flaws are:

    – I always give people the benefit of the doubt. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing but it can be a bad thing when people take advantage of that.

    – I agree with @Peyso re: ” I dont like when people beat around the bush or mince words when talking to me so I dont do it to them. However, what I am learning is that sometimes you have to “soften” your language when speaking sometimes.” I can be too blunt sometimes and I’ve learned to take all factors in and know when, where and how to get my point across.

  8. @Peyso and Shawta: My boss is also like that.. do you think it has something to do with yaw’s attorney nature?

  9. Reecie Says:

    Nicki,

    Well for example an online community can mirror real life such as people meeting up in person, then the degrees of separation get very close. you realize how small some social circles are. it becomes drama intensified due to online and in person interactions. I now try to not really remain anonymous, but not put so much out there that people may use against you/gossip about you.

  10. Reecie Says:

    ohhh I also hate people that beat around the bush! I have learned to “soften” my language because I can be pretty blunt, but I try to consider others feelings and some people like you to ease into things. I’m the type that prefers you to just rip the band-aid off. lol.

  11. @Reecie: I get you! Do you live in a big city?

    I guess I take advantage being from Kentucky, where no one really lives… which is prolly a little naive but you know… lol.

  12. “I’m the type that prefers you to just rip the band-aid off. lol.”

    I would definitely rip the band aid off for the SAME COMPLAINT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. lol. I’ll be like, “look. Change or SHUT UP!”

  13. Peyso Says:

    @ Nicki – I think for me, its just that I dont want to drag anything out. I rather it be short and sweet and sometimes in softening the language, meanings are missed out on or things are interpreted differentl

  14. “- I think for me, its just that I dont want to drag anything out. I rather it be short and sweet and sometimes in softening the language, meanings are missed out on or things are interpreted differentl”

    That’s true.. sometimes, when getting abrupt, the other person understands it as “attitude” which can end up in a blow out, too!!!

  15. J Money (first name, last name) Says:

    Hmm Interesting topic. lol

  16. LMBO. Yeah, u know it is.

  17. Jaci Says:

    I’m with J here.

    I’ll say that my blogging is not necessarily my whole real self, but an extension thereof. Some days I write blogs (like tomorrow’s) and they are completely me and how I feel…and truthfully unless I really care about you I don’t give a dayum if you’re offended.

    Some of my flaws are:

    1. I can be cut and dry…extremely blunt is just my nature…sometimes I can’t help it and I can hurt people this way but…

    2. My heart is too big and too soft. And that can often lead to me being way too much of a giver especially to people who do. not. deserve it.

  18. “My heart is too big and too soft. And that can often lead to me being way too much of a giver especially to people who do. not. deserve it.”

    I think you just have to start using your discernment more!

    J never answered ANY of the questions by the way. (Side-eying you);)

  19. Jaci Says:

    @Nick

    Let’s beat him up.

    I think you’re absolutely right and it becomes hard to do that sometimes.

  20. lol @ Jaci.. it’s hard, espcially when liars are so good at it, and when you try to give the benefit of the doubt.

  21. Cheekie Says:

    Great post, Nicki. It’s always good and therapeutic to get all introspective and ish on the blog.

    Flaw that I own up to (even if I deny them while angry, I’ll eventually own up to it…at least to myself, which is all that really matters actually):

    1. I put walls up around folks. Meaning, I don’t let people get too close to me. Maybe it was due to my childhood, but I’m far too cautious with my heart. I know I should treat it with SOME caution, but my walls are Great Wall of China type strong. And it’s truly a treat for any man (or person for that matter) that I let them down for. But it does sometimes makes me miss out on love, I’ve noticed.

    2. I am a people-pleaser. Not so much with people I don’t care about, but those that I do. Which is probably worse in its own way. Those closer to you are the ones able to hurt you the hardest. I’m always willing to help others in order to make their lives better and easier, but don’t really ask for much for me. Or shrug it off whenever I have to ask them for something and they’re not able to.

    3. I am ULTRA sensitive (yet can play it off). Whenever someone says something hurtful to me, I can play it off like it doesn’t even bother me, yet I’m the chick that runs to the bathroom and cries about it later to get it out my system. This is good for the corporate world because I know how to let my personal ish stay personal, but it’s bad because I tend to hold a lot of stuff in…and when I DO let it out, it explodes. Another defense mechanism just like numero uno of this list.

    Wow, thanks Nicki for creating this forum today…I felt like I released a nice chunk of stuff. lol

  22. No, thank you, cheekie!!!

    “3. I am ULTRA sensitive (yet can play it off). Whenever someone says something hurtful to me, I can play it off like it doesn’t even bother me, yet I’m the chick that runs to the bathroom and cries about it later to get it out my system. This is good for the corporate world because I know how to let my personal ish stay personal, but it’s bad because I tend to hold a lot of stuff in…and when I DO let it out, it explodes. Another defense mechanism just like numero uno of this list.”

    “I put walls up around folks. Meaning, I don’t let people get too close to me. ”

    This sounds like my number two!

    I can relate to this so much!!!!! I will explode on those I love (my bf can tell you about this). lol. And you right it’s no bueno, by any means, and it’s unhealthy.

  23. Ms. Sula Says:

    Funny enough, I had that conversation last week…

    My blog persona is very similar (or the same) as my real life persona. Flaws et al.

    I agree with you about the therapeutic nature of blogging… It has helped through many a dark moment. Strangely, when all is well in my world, it’s hard to blog… reason why I haven’t updated my blog in 3 or 4 months 🙂

    And I also agree that turning flaws into strength has been my best discovery in life so far… 🙂

  24. Hey Sula!

    “, when all is well in my world, it’s hard to blog”

    Kinda like Mary J and these new songs (I kid, I kid).

  25. Lovely Paradox Says:

    In my haste to press the Submit button, I forgot to list what I think are my major flaws:

    1. I tend to have strong opinions that I will gladly share… it may sometimes come off as being confrontational when it’s just my real deep love of knowing/understanding how people think and what are their experiences… which leads to

    2. I can be a bit of a know-it-all…. I like knowledge and I like to know things about stuff… So in a conversation, I can seem a bit overbearing with all the information… and sometimes I will willingly shut up on a subject because if I start talking about it I won’t stop and will annoy myself in the process…

    I have several more but those are the two major ones.

  26. “. I can be a bit of a know-it-all…. I like knowledge and I like to know things about stuff… So in a conversation, I can seem a bit overbearing with all the information… ”

    One of my girls is like that. lol. It used to annoy me to no end, but I like you guys… bc I can count on you all for info!!!

  27. J Money (first name, last name) Says:

    I am new to blogging and I may not know all the rules (written or unwritten). I believe writing can be a good outlet like Shawnta said like having a journal. I also agree that inspiring someone is good as well through a story. But I don’t see how I can help or empower someone by telling sexual past experiences. Or discussing what positions I like. Just my two cents.

    My flaws:
    1. Can be an A-hole at times
    2. Think about what perception people have of me
    3. Competitive – gotta win everything
    4. Somewhat Superficial

    Question: Does everyone on here whose identity is known expect to never be asked a question about things they have posted? Is it an unwritten rule not to ask anything about what is posted?

  28. Athena Nike Says:

    Flaws…
    -I’m not as proactive as I like to think I am in unfamiliar situations.
    -I also like to be the helper and not the helpee, although I am trying to understand there are seasons in life where God wants to help me thru another person. And I’m also trying not to show preference when I do help people.
    -I have lost trust in people regarding personal issues, not even my parents or sisters. I have a line that is drawn once you take advantage or try to use something against me. Not holding a grudge, just acting prudently based on peoples previosu responses.
    – I’ve been protecting other peoples feeling with the “love covers a multitiude of sins” and forbearing approach, but its not working. Now I am leaning toward the “open rebuke is better than secret love” and give folks a piece of my mind.
    – I would not say I’m a know it all, but I know a better way to get some things done.
    – I have a dimple in my right booty cheek I fell on some bleachers at Male HS 15 years ago. The butt is bigger, but the fat doesn’t settle evenly in that spot as it does the other cheek…

  29. Danielle Says:

    @Athena, your comment was so refreshing to read….no, it’s not good that you “have lost trust in people regarding personal issues, not even my parents or sisters,” but it’s a discussion that we need to have.

    I think a lot of women have some issues or fail to trust other women because of the women in their lives…..Thanks for sparking that discussion.

    @Nicki Sunshine could this be a topic for one of your posts….if definately something worth discussing.

  30. The Sphinx Says:

    I decided to start blogging for the very same reason. I sometimes ( a lot less lately because I’ve been trying to develop the “f ’em” attitude) feel like I have to put on so many “faces”, depending on who I am around. And honestly, the shyt is sooo draining. My work face is different from my former school face, is different from my hometown friends face, is different from my new city friends face, and so on and so forth. I feel like i’m constantly having to change, and weirdly, I want to protect/preserve those people’s image of me (me that is constantly changing, and developing new theories, new attitudes and feelings, so how can I preserve anything?).

    I guess my flaw is trying to be too much to too many people.
    I also want to be the helpee all the time. I recently just started opening up to people to get feedback from them, but I realized that sometimes it’s better to make your own decisions. So many times, people tell you what they think you should do, not even knowing the whole situation. I hate that! So I think i’m going to go back to being closed off in the real world, and start blogging about everything 🙂

  31. @J: For me, it’s not that I don’t expect you to ask questions, but no one wants to feel like someone is looking for dirt to “question” them about… that feels like interrogation.

    @Athena and Danielle: I agree, that is something worth blogging about for discussion. Stay tuned!

  32. J Money (first name, last name) Says:

    @Nicki: Is it really dirt if u publish it openly u can’t air dirty laundry and if it gets found, then expect people not to say anything.. Just like u found these blogs and started someone could do the same. Asking questions is not an interrogation, normally that happens if u are being accused of something. Sometimes people get get so defensive from jump they think they are being interrogated but really they just asking questions.

  33. J: I think it depends on the questions you are asking, the situation, the delivery, etc.

  34. Oh, additionally, when I found the blogs and began forming my regulars, I never went back and looked over what people had written before I got on. I just didnt’ see the need for it.. but then again, maybe that is just me.

  35. J Money (first name, last name) Says:

    Well maybe you didn’t have any questions about anything. Plus its different when u care about a person.

  36. Jaci Says:

    *whistle sound*


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