Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

SSSO Black in America: Black Men August 5, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — peyso @ 10:30 pm

There is no picture or music video that I could find to capture how I feel.

 

As the resident black man of SSSO (pause), of course I would have to be the one to write about black men for the SSSO version of Black in America. I was thinking what should I write about. The pressures that society place on black men? Naw. The effeminizing effect of feminism on men? Nope. How the crack era displaced men from the family for a period that extended pass the era? I’ll pass.

 

The one thing that I noticed that hasn’t been done is a message directly to the people that need it most. I’ve seen no one talk to black men. I understand that this may not be the best forum. The people who need it most probably don’t read this blog. Hell they probably don’t read many blogs; maybe some of the blogs on SSHO. That’s about it.

 

I don’t get us. Read this: http://www.inthesetimes.com/article/2621/ After reading that, I just had to ask myself. Why? It cannot be because we don’t have positive role models. All the women are becoming successful and more educated and doing big things. Hell, there are men who are doing big things too. Why are we going to jail more than any other race in the country? Yea, the system is flawed and made for our destruction blah blah blah. But does that mean we should play into it, should we just give up? Why are we living shorter lives than our peers? Yes, we have inherent genetic issues and yes the hood is dangerous but does that mean that we shouldn’t try lead safe and healthy lives in order to avoid this.

 

I think the root of all these issues can be narrowed down to one thing. A lack of cojones, no backbone, no fortitude. Many of us walk around, all day and every day flaunting our apparent sexual prowess and how “hard” we are but when it comes to things that matter, we’re punks. I don’t see where this came from. We are the descendants of kings, warriors and some of the first scientists. Some of our immediate forefathers stood in the face of the klan, and fire hoses and dogs. There are people who lived there life valiantly knowing that if they were too successful, the klan would kill them. Our forefathers lived in the face of those dangers but we cant do what is right today?

 

I just don’t get it. Can someone explain it to me? I’m tired of seeing the state of the black union addresses and these black in America documentaries. We all know the problems. The question is how do we fix them.

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19 Responses to “SSSO Black in America: Black Men”

  1. Very good post Peyso… The answer is: Do Better!

    I think our people have to stop complaining and stop waiting for an intervention by way of a stimulus check.

    Our ancestors fought to give us too many opportunities-including school. No money is not an option because a federal loan is possible for anyone (just complete your FAFSA).

    I’ve heard the excuse too many times that people don’t want to do college because they need money now… but the fact is, they need to be planning for the future. Being a broke college student has its pay off in the end.

    *****Education is only one of the solutions because I know sitting in a classroom is not ideal for everybody.******

    But, look at these statistics:

    “• Number of black men enrolled in undergraduate college programs in 2007: 870,000
    • Number of black men incarcerated in federal state or local prisons in 2006: 837,000
    (U.S. Census Bureau and Federal Bureau of Prisons)”

    The numbers are too close!

  2. Jenny Lynn Says:

    *applause*

    Great post Peyso…

    I think there’s some disparaging qualities about black men out there today…and honestly it kinda worries me.

    Women are more inclined to do things because I HAVE TO DO THEM….

    Some of these things are why black women don’t let men be men. They emasculate them because they think they can’t handle things..

    I swear it’s a whole circular racial spirit.

  3. Shawnta` Says:

    Morning, y’all.

    @Peyso: Good post.

    You’re right; we’re all aware of the issues facing black America and the issues that black men face specifically. I think people have been running in circles for years trying to find a solution.

    Some of the proposed solutions have helped while others have only added to the issues because there was not enough follow through or it was abandoned before being completed.

    I agree with both you & @Nicki. There is not just one thing that can fix every issue. The solution(s) will have to stem from changes across the board…familially, legally (state & federal level), politically (state & federal level), ethically (individual & community), institutionally, educationally (pre & post graduate), professionally and vocationally. All of these structures must work together. I think too often, they work against each other and crash and burn. The question is where to begin?

  4. “There is not just one thing that can fix every issue. The solution(s) will have to stem from changes across the board…familially, legally (state & federal level), politically (state & federal level), ethically (individual & community), institutionally, educationally (pre & post graduate), professionally and vocationally. All of these structures must work together. I think too often, they work against each other and crash and burn. The question is where to begin?”

    I agree.. I think the answer to your question would be “anywhere.” Just start wherever you can… make a small change. Do the homework with the kids afterschool, go to the libary- read something. Do SOMETHING different, that is good, from your daily routine and that change will get the ball rolling.

  5. J Money Says:

    I think the Black Men in America need to more help out the one’s who are struggling and falling short. I think we as black men get so successful and wrapped up in our own careers that we don’t think about what it took for us to get to that point. And how beneficial it would be to someone if we could share that knowledge across the board. Not everyone will be encouraged by it but if you inspire one then you have done a good job.

    It makes me think of TO on his show where he spoke to the high school kids. I honestly thought he was sincere in telling how he wasn’t that good in football, how kids picked on him and how that motivated him to be a better player. Stories like that inspire people who are going through similar situations.

  6. Anna Says:

    Wow Peyso – good post with some great introspection. I like the way you see the world. It may be my age, but I’m a little cynical at this point. I have 2 thoughts:

    1) Women REALLY aren’t equipped to raise kids in general, and boys in particular, on their own. For some, it works out anyway. But really, this is where a lot of men get a sense of entitlement that cripples their work ethic for the rest of their lives: they see a hard working woman who takes care of everything, including them. No in-house example of what a man’s role in the house should be, so they grow up with the idea that a man’s role is that of a child.

    2) Women need to stop rewarding these idiots with p*ssy and a home cooked meal. Our kitty kat is good, but therapeutic and transformational it is not. We teach a better lesson by leaving losers on the street corner with a dry wang than trying to make them better with our lovin’. Giving a loser some booty is like giving your dog a treat for crapping on the oriental rug. It just reinforces bad behavior.

  7. peyso Says:

    I feel like that there are so many ways to fix the issue that for some one to be doing nothing is some bull sh*t.

    I thought about this post on the train ride to work and I came to another conclusion. It came from a convo with my dad. My dad has always worked with kids in many different capacities and he used to be in the game so he knows the streets and the corporate worlds. He said that “MFs these days have no ambition. When I was young, yea we sold drugs but not on some nickel and dime sh*t. We were all trying to be the next American Gangster. You dont see that today. Ppl are just happy nickel and diming to get some chinese food and some new Jordans. I dont have a problem w/ drug selling b/c that means hard worker. I have a problem with low ambition in anything you do”

    That hit home for me. We cant even sell drugs right anymore

  8. Your dad has a point Peyso..

    They are selling drugs for Jesus pieces and fresh kicks and rims.

  9. V Renee Says:

    “No in-house example of what a man’s role in the house should be, so they grow up with the idea that a man’s role is that of a child. ”

    YES! I agree. I definitely think that family structure plays a role. There are so many “men” who don’t know HOW to be real men, so they emulate the wrong examples of men.

    I hate to say this, but I sometimes wonder if it’s too late. I just see way too many youngins with no sense of direction, ambition, purpose; And these are the SAME ones going on to have a multitude of kids. Who more than likely will follow in their footsteps.

  10. Anna Says:

    Peyso, I agree that we need to give time to the younger generation. But there are some limitations that we place on each other.

    MEN need to help boys be men. I’m sooo glad that the Black frats have joined forces to volunteer as Big Brothers. This is a good program. I volunteered for BBBS, and you know what? Ain’t a little sister to be found. The volunteer orientation was chock full of women (about 15 women and 5 guys). The orientation leader told us a few things:

    1. Us ladies will be waiting awhile to get a Little sis. Most single mothers don’t enroll their girls in the program – apparently single overworked mom is all this little girl needs to experience.

    2. There are plenty of little brothers waiting for a good mentor. But be extra careful of interacting too much in the house – flat out there are a lot of single moms looking for a man for themselves, not their little boy.

    Some of us are individual do-gooders – we try to provide a good example and guidance to the kids in our community. But you never know what you get nowadays. I’ve checked a little kid for doing some truly trifling stuff and had to deal with that kid’s triflin mama, too. Perfect example is public transportation – we all see the kids acting like assclowns, but no one wants to the be one to speak up. It’s too much of a hassle and potentially dangerous.

  11. @Peyso Great Post!! I have been struggling with a post directed towards Black Men because sometimes it just seems so hopeless I think we ALL are trying to figure out what the solutions are for all of these problems

    @JMoney I sooooo c-sign your post. I’ve been mentoring hs students since I was in my 2nd year of college and EVERY year without fail the higher ups were struggling to find Guys to mentor. I think our generation is so “me” centered we are focused on getting our lives together and don’t take the time to look back and help another brother or sister up the ladder.

    @Anna I have to also agree that these boys don’t have the right representation for what a Man should be. Granted they can turn on their television and every so often you get a Black TV Dad doing what he is supposed to do but I’ve heard a lot of guys say thats not real so why try to emulate it. SMH And as a Black Woman that does leave us having to do what we HAVE to do because they aren’t stepping up and taking their RIGHTFUL place as head of the household.

    But I don’t think it is EVER to late. If we miss one guy try to hit the next one. If there is one black male left who isnt incarcerated then we still need to try to reach him. Everything starts with 1

  12. “But I don’t think it is EVER to late. If we miss one guy try to hit the next one. If there is one black male left who isnt incarcerated then we still need to try to reach him. Everything starts with 1”

    co-sign!

  13. Cheekie Says:

    “Yea, the system is flawed and made for our destruction blah blah blah. But does that mean we should play into it, should we just give up? ”

    Definitely NOT. We do have to acknowledge the intentional brainwashing of our Black men by THEE Man, but after that is said and done we have to work toward finding a solution for it and fighting against it. I’m not gonna pretend I know the exact solution as it will take one helluva solution to combat years and years of “mental slavery”, but I do know one thing for sure. We’re gonna have to fight it together. Why do you think the whole “divide and conquer” thing was invented? Because that ish WORKS. Certain cultures whether it’s White folks or Indian folks can thrive in this country because they stick together…they look out for their own. Competition is everywhere and in every culture, but as a whole? They doin’ the good lookin’ out, best believe. And if we did the same, we would RUN IT. RUN. IT. And that’s what folks in power are afraid of. Thus, they continue to divide us…and successfully.

    I think us as sistahs need to support our brothas and you as brothas need to support us sistas in growth. Only ’til we combat the division between us will we truly begin to tear down some of these trees blocking us.

  14. peyso Says:

    @ Cheekie – “We do have to acknowledge the intentional brainwashing of our Black men by THEE Man”

    You forced me to think of my favorite Usual Suspect’s quote: “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist”. Maybe they got it all wrong, maybe the greatest trick THEE Man ever did was let us know that he did exist

  15. Cheekie Says:

    @peyso – Hmm, interesting!

  16. Bamer15 Says:

    I’m not going to say much because I am not black, and it’s obvious that my upbringing was a lot different, but wow I saw some posts on here that I 110% agree with and think are spot on.

    (Especially Anna’s 2 points she posted)

    Good topic and extremely interesting and insightful for me to read. Thanks for starting it Peyso.

  17. yeah buddy….what the happenins yall!

    I can say this…it’s because we have become a “follower” culture as opposed to a “do what’s right” culture. Everyone’s so concerned about not breaking social norms, or what people think of them, they often times neglect to do what’s right…even though it might not be popular.

    ….although usually, when someone does something spectacular, it’s way out of the ordinary.

    We try so hard to fit-in, that people can’t fit themselves. This is a problem of America at whole, but really magnified in the black community because of the way we’re set up anyway.

    a.i. 2009

  18. Cynthia Says:

    Those statistics are distrubing..I don’t know what to say , other then that IT CAN ONLY GET BETTER!

  19. As a former, and now-returning, college student….I must say that I strongly dislike the structure of secondary education. Education is not SOLELY synonymous with a college degree. We still need plumbers, electricians, and construction workers. With that said, that still requires some level of school. I’m the first to admit that taking those ridiculous NON-RELATED TO MY MAJOR ug classes got on my stinking nerves. Furthermore, loans are for…….egh, let’s just say I like to pay cash for everything.

    But there is no excuse for someone not to enroll in college if their simply not doing anything else. If you haven’t hit 6 figures, college is for you.

    As for going to jail and all that, I don’t know. The only “wrong” thing I can say I do is continue to have meaningless sex with black women daily. I don’t indulge in crime. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink. I’m an avid reader of MANY blogs, business mags/newspapers, etc… I and I love me some Jesus (although some may say not according to my current amount of fornication).

    As a black man with his head on semi-right, I DO NOT DO MY PART to help with younger black boys. That is something I must work on as I grow as a person.


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