Some people know, many probably don’t but my best friend is male… he’s also my relationship adviser. He is the one I go to when I wanna know things, like why that fool didn’t do what he said or what did this action mean… like most people I usually don’t follow the advice given. Although there is one quote that seems to resonate that I always find myself saying to other friends both guys and girls….
“Why would you give someone who’s part-time full-time benefits”
Meaning why are you making this guy/gal the “be all end all” (aka priority) when to them you are only an afterthought (option)?? Now I would like to think that no one in there right mind enters into a situation like this willingly but are somehow is bamboozled, however I know that there are people who exist out there who are satisfied with a “piece-a-person”. But for those of us who are not happy with just having anybody how do we fall into the trap of giving someone the priority title? I have been in a couple of situations where I’ve been someones afterthought while they were my everything, once as a youngster (circa 18-21) and in my last 3 year power struggle dateship. No I didn’t go into either looking for this outcome but it’s just what came and when I look back at these relationships how I would define being an afterthought vs. priority are different. Mostly because I was in two different phases of life, one a college student and the other a young professional. In my young college relationship I catered to him and everything he stood for. I arranged my life, my wardrobe, my friends, and my goals on what he thought was satisfying! Heck, he’s the reason for my existence in Atlanta!! I changed schools my sophomore year to make him “feel” secure in our relationship. So when the demise of compromise occured I of course did the Holly things and discovered me, the real me… not the Stepford Wife I was slowing transitioning into! Then years down the road I find Mr. Isolation, a manipulative introvert (hence the name). During our time together I made him a priority by simply giving him all out access to my heart, home, car, and money! Sometimes he asked for these things but a lot of times he didn’t, I just simply had this idiotic mindset that if I want the title I gotta play the part… WTF was I thinking (or on)??? Some of you are probably shaking your heads and saying couldn’t be and wouldn’t be me, but the truth is if you haven’t been put in the situation or haven’t witnessed a close friend go through being the dumb dumb then you very well might end up or may even be in a part-time situation… but I learned from both of these speed bumps and consciously make every effort not to experience this exchange with whoever I find myself smitten for, definitely doesn’t go down like either of these with my current special friend.
To me full-time benefits are those that you would give to the person who you are in a committed, exclusive relationship. For me these benefits would include 24 hour access to me (my time) ; access to my house; emotional, psychological, and monetary support; consideration and possible carryout of your opinion (if it’s harmless); and other things that I’m gonna have to ponder on for the moment :-). These are things that someone who I am in a full-time relationship would have access to and I would also receive as benefits from them. On the flip side if someone is inquiring about part-time benefits then it’s just simply a see ya when I see ya exchange… I feel in this type of dynamic is simply not building towards something greater so why give and expect more? It’s sad that most women are the ones who are found giving more in a relationship then men. I don’t know if it’s because we are natural nurturers but often times we are the ones giving our all to men only to have them give when it’s convenient for them. I’m not bashing men, but I don’t know too many who often times go in on Day 1 with all the cards face up and giving all their energy. I’m sure they are out there, but they are far and few…
So readers my questions to you are: Have you ever been in a situation where you were the option? Have you been in the situation where you were the priority? Did you learn from being in either/both roles? What do you define as full-time benefits? How do you think people end up in the “option” role?