Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

I’m Smitten But Are You? August 21, 2009

Filed under: Single Sisters On... — Holly GoLightly @ 8:33 am
Tags: , ,

are u into meLast night I found myself in a very disheartening conversation with a really good friend. Our topic was how do you know if a guy is feeling you or not. I found this to be strange because she is 28 and has had her fair share of adventures in dating. Based on her history alone one would assume that she knew the signs of when a guy was into a woman or not (Not calling her Samantha but she knows the art of multi-tasking). She felt like the guy she had been seeing could possibly be digging her but she was unsure and when I asked her what made her think he did and some of the things she analyzed were just soooooo left field or in my opinion it was left field. What constituted signs of like to her were the call after club hours for “breakfast” or the occasional conversations where he told her he really could see her being in his life for a while… not eternity but a while (she also left out the few times she called me pissed because he stood her up or canceled their plans last minute).  So I broke it down to her last night and even consulted some guy friends to see if what I was suggesting was on point. I told her if a guy is into you these are the following things he will do:

  1. He will make time for you– I’ve always felt like everyone is busy but if a person is really interested in someone they will carve out time to spend with them.
  2. He will call– Meaning exactly what it says. Texts are cool but you should have just as much if not more time on the phone. Texts are more appropriate for saying sweet nothings like- I miss you, Can’t wait to see you later, Have a great day, etc. Phone calls are more personable and require focus. I feel if a man is into you and he takes time out to call then he is putting aside the video games, the computer, and the home improvement work to converse with you (essentially he’s giving time).
  3. He will take you out– A man that claims to be into you will not keep you locked away or in the house. He will be proud to have you on his arm and will make sure that he takes you out. Doesn’t have to be to a swanky 5-star restaurant but it will be outside of the house.
  4. He doesn’t mind being around your friends– Not saying just because he’s feeling you he should be asking when can he meet your BFF, but he should not have a problem meeting them and being in a group setting with them. Most friends are a source of influence and are the people who will approve your beau wayyyyy before you take him home to mom and dad.
  5. Last but not least, he will go out his way to make you feel special– I think this one is just plain and simple. He will do what he knows will make your heart melt.

So did I hit some good points? Did I miss any? If you are dating or married to someone how did you know they were feeling you?

P.S. In the end I suggested she go buy the book, He’s Just Not That Into You, as well as rent the move. 🙂

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24 Responses to “I’m Smitten But Are You?”

  1. Shawnta` Says:

    Hey, y’all.

    @Holly: Good post. I think you hit a lot of the major ones. I think your #1 is the most important & usually covers everything else.

    The only thing I would add goes along with your #4. Just as he shouldn’t mind being around your friends, he shouldn’t mind having you around his. His friends are a part of his world & a part of who he is to a certain extent and he shouldn’t hide that part.

    Once the couple feels comfortable enough to meet family, both families should be met around the same time. A lot of times the guy meets the girl’s family a LOT sooner than the girl meets the guy’s family.

  2. thecomebackgirl Says:

    I think you hit them all on the head.

    He will take you out and will want to do stuff with you that may not be all that exciting for him. Like seeing Julie/Julia or any other “chick”flick for that matter.

  3. Holly GoLightly Says:

    @Shawnta- good point! I agree with that!! That’s soooo true if you aint meeting his friends then he doesnt view you as being that important n his life!

    @CBG- YES!!! Why do I want to see that movie??

  4. Danielle Says:

    I don’t have much to add. I just love the pic at the top of the post….very cute.

    Have a great day!

  5. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Thx Danielle for stopping thru!

  6. Shawnta` Says:

    @cbg & @holly: I want to see that movie too. It looks cute & I loved Julia Child. My mom (in law) went to see it with a girlfriend & they loved it.

  7. as man, I think you pretty much got all of the major ones down as the first poster said. As long as you keep in mind, that just because likes you, is feeling you, is genuinely interested, it doesn’t mean that he’s not feeling 5 other women as well.

    I don’t really agree with number 4, for the fact that I don’t really like to be around women and their friends. Given my 3 degrees of separation from any woman in Metro-Detroit, I’m not trying to meet anybody else who can be like “girl, he used to sleep with my cousin”. I agree that being around a womans friends is the sign of a potentially healthy relationship though, but in rare cases, it can lead to a dude wondering if she drop you and go for your friend.

  8. oh yea, unlike the rest of the male society, I don’t hang around a bunch of dudes, so a woman shouldn’t think she needs to meet my few male associates. If I was one of those dudes who saw my boys 4-5 times a week, then I guess so, but 99% of the time I’m with a woman…..I only go to the block to pick up money.

  9. Holly GoLightly Says:

    @shawnta- I think Imma have to get a friend to go with me cause no gy will be doing that one!!

    @undresshingHER- You are right he may be feeling 5 others but that aint up to me to analyze and figure out…. I should only be concerned with our dynamic until we are in a committed relationship.

    I see what you are saying on 4 (and I live in Atl so I def can understand the 3 degree of separation!!) but I just know that my friends will def meet the guy before my fam and they are the ones who I will want to feel him out. Like I wouldn’t make it a sitcho where’s he’s the only guy but I will put it to where they can talk to him (on any subject) and see where they think his head is in regards to me.

  10. Holly GoLightly Says:

    undressingHER do you have female friends who you have a strictly platonic relationship with???

  11. andrea Says:

    I find men to be so lazy these days-referring to phone calls. I can’t stand holding convos over text message. You could have called!

  12. @ andrea – please know that all men are NOT like that. When it comes to women I like outside of sex, I definitely rather call then text. Matter of fact, I rather just talk to you in person.

    @holly – As simply as I can answer that, NO. After I”ve been around you and got ‘erect’, if we don’t have sex, I’ll never be around you again. I don’t talk to women I don’t have a sexual interest in, and if I don’t get that interest fulfilled by them eventually I’ll cease knowing them. I don’t even call females my friends like that though, most are just some female I know or know of. A friend is somebody you turn to when stuff is serious in your life, not a random associate. That’s another story though.

    Also, you gals should consider getting the plugin that allows for direct responses in the comments.

  13. The Sphinx Says:

    I think you pretty much hit them all too. What about:

    he’ll include you in conversations (i.e. if a group of ppl are together, and they’re saying something you don’t know about, he’ll try to include you).

    Or just plain “he pays attention to you.”

    I guess you could just say, if you have to ask if he’s into you, then maybe he’s not?

  14. Holly GoLightly Says:

    @ andrea- I can do texts (idk if its because of my blackberry) but I can’t do it all the time! More importantly I can’t do it if we have not had at least 2 verbal conversations.

    @undressingHER- thanks for the suggestion, I’ll bring that up to the other members!
    So my question to you is who do you turn to when things get rough, homie??

    @Spinx- That’s a good add-in and I so concur with that last sentence!!

  15. Anna Says:

    I think you got the important posts, Holly. I would add that a man who is really interested in you can see you on not your best day/behavior and still stick around. And not make you feel bad about it, either.

  16. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Thanks Anna!

  17. Luv Says:

    wow.. i could barely read this without cringing… i don’t think the book was that good of a read because there are always exceptions… but i had all of this and still wondered if he was really into me…it wasn’t until i lost it that i realized that he was

  18. Holly GoLightly Says:

    Hey Luv don’t cringe! LOL! I didnt get any of the points from the book!! And I agree there are always exceptions but like the guy in the movies said “Women are always hoping to be one the exceptions.” I hate you had to figure it out in the end but I’m sure that it won’t take such drastic measures for the next guy!

  19. @ Holly. It depends on what type of things I’m going through. My grandma is my ACE. She will let me know when I’m wrong, not just by what I’m saying, but by what’s causing me to say it. She’s really like the mirror that talks back to you like yo “it’s not ALWAYS other people”. And she will NOT hold you up when it comes to women. When it comes to relationship stuff, I kind of spread it with a couple of young ladies who are too far away for me to care if we’re having sex at the moment. Ex: my friend in North Carolina.

  20. MC Says:

    I have to see this is the first time I’ve visited this site and this topic is sooo within the realms of what I’m dealing with now! I’m actually dating this guy I really like, but i find myself wondering how “into me” he really is. Of course at times there are clear-cut signs and red flags that a guy isn’t digging you, but some guys tend to play games at times. And I’m def a firm believer in if a guy is interested in you he’ll show you somehow either by dedicating time out for dates or simple phone convos, but some guys tend to lead you to nothing. For example I give this guy time when I don’t hear from him for a week or 2 & for some reason every time I happen to call or text him he seems to have “JUST been thinking about me.” I say BS! but my friends think I’m over analyzing. And when I ran into him once he seemed so happy to see me…. Stuff like that leave me stuck & confused. So I understand at times when women say they’re not completely sure if a guy is into them or not, bc guys play the worst kind of games! Just give it to me straight, either ya is or ya ain’t! Pick one, sheesh!

  21. Holly GoLightly Says:

    @undressingHER- Im glad you get some good old school advice!! 🙂 Second… why are you doing these LD buddyships???

    @MC- Welcome and glad you like the post!!! And you are right there arent clear signals!! Do you and the guy reside in the same city or state??

  22. MC Says:

    @Holly Yep! We’re in the same area! We’re pretty much walking distance from one another and he drives, so he really doesn’t have any excuse for not seeing me. And I’m honestly over showing him that I’m interested in him. I’m not used to having to chase a guy and that’s what I feel like I’m doing with him! I’m fully aware that he’s quite busy and he’s the kind of guy that’s very focused on work, but I feel like he can definitely do more to show me that he’s interested! I know he’s attracted to me based off the times we’ve spoken and hung out, but it’s like, dude, pick up the phone and friggin call me! Don’t wait on me to call you all the time, I can only initiate things for so long. I’ve always had issues with guys I end up liking, either they’re whores or have other problems. I’m starting to feel like he’s a lost cause and I’m ready to move along!

  23. @ holly. since I do not deal with women I don’t have sex with, the only way to go around that is by dealing with a few women here and there, that aren’t anywhere near me. Of course, I’m sure they’d give me the box if they were around, but they’re not, so they create nice young ladies to converse with, without causing my sexual needs to come into question.

  24. Holly GoLightly Says:

    @MC- yea he doesnt have excuse at all!!! especially doing weeks at a time! I think if you feel like you see the writing on the wall then this may be the time to get out before your heart gets anymore involved!

    @UndressingHER- U crack me up with these rationalizations!


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