Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Social Retards August 30, 2009

Filed under: Advice,Around the Town,creeps — Sunny @ 9:00 pm


This post is for you, social retard, that I am forced to  pass every day while taking my four block hike to and from work.   If it weren’t for the fact that I could not avoid you, I wouldn’t even be worried about it- but since we are forced to coexist, I feel the need to address you.  

This is term is not to be mistaken for the socially awkward because although you might be a little strange (and STRANGE = INTERESTING = GOOD!), you are galaxies away from creep.   

Instead, this post is for you creepers who KNOW what you are doing and you just don’t give a sh!t.  (Excuse my strong language- for I’ve encountered one of you just a few minutes ago- my emotions are still high!) 

I assumed everyone was born with the same inherent ability to function in this world- to function without being creepy.  But you know what happens when you assume right?????  So it’s my fault.   I’m going to go ahead and do my community service and try to help you out this one time and one time only.  After this, I am not to be held accountable for my actions.

1.  Stop STARING!!!!!!   I know your mother/ someone with authority in your life has told you it’s not polite to stare at others ever since you were a young tot. So, what makes you think it’s okay to stare at people NOW?  YOU ARE AN ADULT.   And what makes you think that the other person is okay with this-  Or do you just not care?  What are you gaining from doing it?  It’s weird as hell and you look like a serial killer. There should a law against staring at people.  It’s not sexy and I want to spit in your face. Ahem.  (*deep breaths Sunny, deep breaths*) 

Next time I catch you doing it, that curt, elementary school  “HI,” twisted with a little sister girl neck action is going to be replaced with a few CHOICE WORDS (and I’m sure you know what those are!)

Tip:  If you find a woman so interesting or captivating that you cannot help but to stare, say something. Tell her.  Fake and ask for some directions.  Something that will give you a couple more minutes of looking into her face.  Don’t turn into a stalker, do not start following her- for you WILL be reported and prolly arrested.

2.  GRUNTS AND GROANS ARE NOT COMPLIMENTS:   I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been grunted at while minding my own business.  It’s gotten so that I walk around with my iPod blaring,  so I don’t have to hear them.  (So loud that now I think my hearing is not as well as it use to be- I’ll be sending my hearing aid bill to your Socially Retarded/ Lurkers Organization.   IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!)  When you see a pretty or nicely dressed woman, tell her, smile and walk away.  If she starts a conversation with you, you are in like flint.  If not, leave her the hell alone!!!!!  Chalk it up as experience. 

Grunting and moaning (in anything other than a sexual encounter) is for perverts… so QUIT DOING IT.

Get these two down and I’ll add more. It’s like learning math for the first time- your teacher didn’t start you right in with multiplication.  But unlike your teacher, like I said before, I WON’T BE REPEATING THIS.

Readers- Do you have any experience/ advice for the social retards? Anyone brave enough to admit they are one? 


21 Responses to “Social Retards”

  1. Jaci Says:

    Nick! You have got to visit New Orleans to understand how bad this can really get.

    I couldn’t walk to work without it happening & once while in the car someone walked up and knocked on the window…on a Bourbon cross street…

    …At some points this gets to be down right scary. I really think these “social retards” need to start thinking more about the outcomes of their actions (read: the murderous feelings we have to contain)

  2. Athena Nike Says:

    Trying to fly home from Memphis, delayed in ATL. Heading to my gate area, a brother wants me to stop and give him my number. I am not knocking the brother having a job in “environmental resources”, but the deluxe rolling trash receptical and the 24k gold smile that greeted me when my eyes lingered too long in his direction, aside from the fact I am boarding a plane in the next hour, let me know I should take a pass. Undaunted, “goldie” then proceeds to “psst…psst” me all the way down the terminal in the opposite direction continuing his duties. At least he can multitask…

  3. Danielle Says:

    @Nicki, I know you probably won’t like this, but I say, speak to them…..they surely won’t expect that….you’ll probably shock them into a babbling stupor….they may learn a lesson and you can get a good laugh for the day

  4. Good morning… I’ll be off and on today bc I’m not feeling great.

    @Jaci: Walking up and knocking on a car door is so friggin’ bold. He didn’t know what you were packing.

    @Athena: The multitasking part was hilarious. But seriously, with the “psst”, do they actually think that is gonna land them a phone number.

    @Danielle: I did speak to one of them but when I did, it was so rude that it doesn’t even count. He did look stunned though. 😉

  5. The Sphinx Says:

    This is funny, but also scary. I haven’t experienced a stranger staring/stalking from a distance, but that’d be enough to make me avoid that place again if it happened more than once. I definitely wouldn’t want to say anything to them if they’re staring like that and not saying anything. No need to give the potential serial killer any ammunition. Ugh. My skin is still crawling.

  6. Erin Says:

    Just yesterday I was walking to work minding my business when I looked up and saw some guy in his car staring me down. He even turned his whole body around to look at me while he drove, so I stared at him back like he was crazy. Well, apparently he thought it meant I was interested because he pulled over to wait for me. I decided to cross the street and when he noticed I had crossed over he pulled off.

  7. Reecie Says:

    I have never encountered this. If I have, its been so long ago that I don’t remember, LOL. In all seriousness, I don’t know how I would deal. I usually just ignore creepy people. I’m sorry this got you so worked up Sunny! People really should take classes on social graces. hmph.

  8. miss t-lee Says:

    This is when I give the universal head nod “what up”.
    I acknowledge I see you, therefore I’m paying attention to you, yet I’m not interested in talking and then I keep it moving…

    What makes it so funny is the person usually has a bewildered look on their face…lol Like…no this ____ didn’t. hee-hee!!

  9. Jaci Says:


    Girl…we both almost stopped breathing …even though there were lots of people around so it was like ok…deep breaths…he’s not gonna hurt us…but because we were moving so slow he was walking as the car was moving…and this girl always parked in out the way spots…I was like umm…

    But as some ladies said I don’t think it’s a bad idea to speak to them if they don’t seem dangerous like ok I see you buddy…

  10. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “Readers- Do you have any experience/ advice for the social retards? Anyone brave enough to admit they are one?

    I actually don’t care much when men do things that are socially bizarre. I do draw the lines when something disrespectful is said but meant to be a compliment.

    I bothered MOST by women who do shyt like this. Stare. Or just do and say things that just boarderline on weird. I personally think women should know better.

  11. Cheekie Says:

    “1. Stop STARING!!!!!! ”

    YES! I really cringe when a ninja walks RIGHT NEXT to you and then stares really hard. Like, his neck is stretched way over here while he’s over there. Is that your way of getting my attention? Like, do you think the power of “Hmm, I feel like I’m being watched” is gonna make me acknowledge your creepiness? Boy, naw. I still can ignore with the best of ’em. I just pretend I didn’t see you. I’m great at it.


    Girl, word. I REALLY gag when it comes from older guys. That one little shady grunt sums up every single dirty thought you have about me. *dry heave*

  12. “but also scary. I haven’t experienced a stranger staring/stalking from a distance, but that’d be enough to make me avoid that place again if it happened more than once. ”

    @The Spinx: It has… I have been trying to find new methods to walk to work to avoid them.

  13. @Erin: He pulled over???? Stalk much?

    @Reecie: Thanks chica.. Yeah, it got under my skin because I have to see it so much!!!! lol

    @miss t: I just tried to give the head nod and I look so uncool doing it!!!! I’m gonna need an equivalent (does the middle finger work?) Just kidding.

    @Jaci: I spoke to one but the other freak is in the building. He be waiting on the bus when I pass and just stares the entire time. lol

    @Comeback: EWWWW, I wonder if women do it to men!!!! I know women do it to other women.. Although it’s weird, for soem reason it doesn’t bother me as much (perhaps because I don’t think she is meaning anything sexual by it???)

    @Cheekie: I really don’t understand why the old guys doing it.. It’s like dude, are you a pedophile?? I could be your granddaughter. lol

  14. Shawn Smith Says:

    I don’t stare and if given the opportunity I would (and have)walked up to women and given them complements.

    The issue (flip side) to that is that when I’ve walked up to said random women and said “excuse me, I’m not trying to talk to you or anything, all I wanted to say to you is that I think you are a very beautiful (or striking) woman. Again, not trying to talk to you, not trying to give you my name. Just wanted to be random guy giving you a complement.”

    Most of the time they look at me like I’m crazy and give me the nervous “thank you”.

  15. LMBO at your making them nervous Shawn, but that’s because we aren’t used to it. But I am definitely feeling that approach.

  16. Athena Nike Says:

    @ Nikki: who holds a convo over a trash receptical? That can not be healthy so I was not participating.
    I forgot a more recent assault – I got an admirer at church, his last couple of “friendlationships” with older women not working out I guess, so now I am a target. While I try to deal with everyone I meet in all christian love, I know this brother is ridiculous from details exposed from his other “friendlationships, ” and once a pattern of ridiculousness is established its really hard for a brother to rebound, especially in my book. 2 Sundays ago visiting another church for anniversary, I came late, sat in the back and a little later the space next to me is filled with this brother. No problem until the pastor decides he wants a family/congregational photo and in the down time the musician is playing a popular hymn. My neighbor starts singing to the music, I don’t have a problem with that, tune is catchy.
    But then he starts scatting…
    I wanted to strangle him in the church. Who does that?

  17. @Athena: Okay your guy u met at church sounds too much like this nut I met in my new church when I first joined about a year ago. BEWARE OF HIM…. some men like to use clubs for looking for a wife and some like to use church. That gets on my nerves.

    And girl I am too done with scatting. LMBO!!!!

  18. miss t-lee Says:

    “@miss t: I just tried to give the head nod and I look so uncool doing it!!!! I’m gonna need an equivalent (does the middle finger work?) Just kidding.”

    @nicki sunshine
    I don’t suggest it…lol

  19. I think you hit it on the head when you said SAY SOMETHING. Earlier in life, women told me how much they hated when dudes just looked and didn’t say anything (well atleast men they thought were handsome)….so now I just say something. Anything, as long as it’s not rude. Even it’s it dumb, she’ll smile to let me know I can engage her for some convo.

  20. Erin Says:

    He sure did pull over.

    Just last week some guy on the passenger side of a pick up truck stuck his whole upper body out of the window to look at me until they reached the stop light.

    About a month ago I was standing at a bus stop when some cab driver said ” Ay boo boo, you need a ride?”

    I would rather walk in a thunder storm than ride in a cab with a male driver.

  21. LOL @ Miss T.

    Exactly, undressingHer.

    “I would rather walk in a thunder storm than ride in a cab with a male driver”

    And especially by yourself.

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