Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

Can I Live? September 13, 2009

 

The other day, me and J had a really interesting conversation about morals…. 

Yahoo Messenger exerpt:

 

“J(12:38 PM):  So where do you draw the line with who you support
N (12:39 PM):  U mean like artists?
J(12:39 PM):  Yeah
N (12:40 PM):  Hmmmmm. I don’t know
N (12:40 PM):  Let me think
N (12:40 PM):  Okay, I stopped liking R. Kelly when he kept switching from gospel to r n’ b
J (12:41 PM):  So you don’t hold the artist to a moral code
J (12:41 PM):  I don’t either now that I think about it, just asking
N (12:42 PM):  Nope, I don’t think I do
N (12:42 PM):  I just listen to their music
N(12:42 PM):  but realize that their personal lives is just that
 
What sparked our conversation was our debate at The Comeback Girl regarding Chris Brown and Rihanna. I stated that I’d support him now just as much as I did before.  Mind you, I was never a cd  buyer for him, but I still like the kid.   I’d also brought up the point that I’d heard a long time ago that Jay Z had hit a woman fan and it had no effect at all on my support for him. 
 
I don’t know- I’m just not trying to get into people’s personal lives like that.  I expect them to do their jobs (entertain me!) and do them well and my support is based on that.  I try not to get to wrapped up in judging what they do outside of recording music, videos, etc. because I realize they are human, just like me.. and thus, make mistakes- just like me.  
 
I also empathize because I don’t know how they do it- personal business on blast and being investigated 24/7, or people constantly offering outside opinions about their lives and circumstances.  I’d prolly do a Kanye West.  I can’t fathom how it must feel, being followed by paparazzi, waiting to catch me slipping.
 
 
What do you think- are you holding artists to a moral code? Why or Why not? 
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28 Responses to “Can I Live?”

  1. Jaci Says:

    I think in my own little way I sort of do…

    For example I am not watching the VMAs but out of nowhere all of a sudden I am hearing about Kanye’s ridiculous behavior all over the place. Now if it was the first time he had ever done or said some dumb ish like that I would be able to excuse it BUT since this is like the umpteenth time he’s gotten on live TV and done or said something embarassing and humiliating about another individual or set of people I can’t handle it. It makes it hard for me to support him…

    Where other artist are concerned (read: Chris Brown) I lean more towards not supporting Rihanna than I do not support CB because I really feel like she provoked him on some kid sh!t…now you can have my yaya sweaters, bobby socks and hair bows, but that’s just how I feel…

    I will always support people who try to make the effort to apologize or do better (Whitney Houston or Britney Spears) I find that I am more able to see where they’re coming from or even why they turned out the way they did.

    Which brings to my last point…Michael Jackson was thought to be weird, outlandish, etc. People accused him of molesting kids simply to get money out of him and in essence it ruined his life, because the court of public opinion convicted him while the scales of American justice did not. for all practical purposes this ruined his career and his outlook destroying a man…

    So to some degree I think we have to hold artist to a moral code, but we need to really examine how high that code is and think about all the ills and pressures they are up against before we proceed to judge them.

  2. Athena Nike Says:

    1. I am judging, its my money
    2. Kanye needs to be slapped
    3. Everytime R. kelly refered to himself as the “Pied Piper” I was like “HELLO PEOPLE, the pied piper enchanted the kids and made off with them.
    4. I useta didn’t care, listened to everybody but I am getting older and gotta guard my eye and ear gates. If I don’t give my money for foolishness any other day of the week, then I can’t do it for the artists either- taking you back to #1.

  3. The Lioness Says:

    I am a whole host of contradictions at times but in terms of who I do/do not support:

    1. I don’t support anything NEW of R. Kelly’s but the music lover in me will still bump anything of his from TP2.com and before. I just tell myself that I wasn’t aware of the sit-chi-ations before that time span so it’s okay. I mean it’s hard to let go of Bump n Grind and The Greatest Sex. SMH. At least he’s not making money off of it……

    2. I DO NOT support Akon. Period. If his songs come on the radio, I will change the station. I’m still ticked off at that whole girl on stage situation. I understand she was supposed to be of age in that club but the way he tossed her around like a rag doll was demeaning to ANY one regardless of age and then he had the nerve to come out and make that You Can Put The Blame On Me song. Yes- I will blame you- you were at fault too you egotistical b*stard. That song is what threw me over the edge. Akon gets NO love from me.

    3. I still haven’t sorted through the Chris Brown & Rihanna thing yet. She seems like a provoker but that still gives no man a right to lay his hands on a woman. Plus, I was deeply disturbed by how he bit her ear. A few punches I can understand but when you go to biting someone’s ear in a car that sounds like some psycho Hannibal Lechter -ish to me. I hope he gets some serious counseling.

  4. What Kanye did was a COMPLETE a&&hole move- I can’t believe he did that to that little girl.

    Will it stop me from buying his music (If it’s hot becaus that last cd was notsomuch, IMHO)???? prolly not!

  5. I think Chris Brown and Rihanna are prolly in one of those too much passion that it gets explosive type relationships… they should not be together but since they both are lost in love or wrapped up in all this passion, they are drawn to eachother like magnets.

  6. “Everytime R. kelly refered to himself as the “Pied Piper” I was like “HELLO PEOPLE, the pied piper enchanted the kids and made off with them.”

    @Athena: VERY good point!!!!!

  7. ” I DO NOT support Akon. Period. If his songs come on the radio, I will change the station. I’m still ticked off at that whole girl on stage situation. I understand she was supposed to be of age in that club but the way he tossed her around like a rag doll was demeaning to ANY one regardless of age and then he had the nerve to come out and make that You Can Put The Blame On Me song. Yes- I will blame you- you were at fault too you egotistical b*stard. That song is what threw me over the edge. Akon gets NO love from me.”

    @Lioness: I think even if she was of age, that dancing was wayyyyyy too much. Seriously, I’m a grown woman and I don’t want to be thrown around like that. They take it too far.

  8. Mikki Says:

    That kayne stunt was a hawt mess.

  9. thecomebackgirl Says:

    “What do you think- are you holding artists to a moral code? Why or Why not? ”

    Hel! yeah. I will NEVER EVER buy any of R Kelly’s music. And I haven’t since his issues he’s had with little teenaged girls. It would be different if he admitted his issues, got some help, and maybe starting sangin bout Jesus. I can respect those kind of do-overs. But don’t start singing like you think i forgot about your perversions, cause I haven’t, though most black folks have.

  10. “But don’t start singing like you think i forgot about your perversions, cause I haven’t, though most black folks have.”

    @Comeback: I think it’s weird that he’s never acknowledge it… I mean- you ARE ON VIDEO.. but he insisted it was his brother???? It’s just strange.

  11. thecomebackgirl Says:

    @Comeback: I think it’s weird that he’s never acknowledge it… I mean- you ARE ON VIDEO.. but he insisted it was his brother???? It’s just strange.”

    @ Sunny, I’m not buying the video stuff. but lets say it was his brother. He still has history of inappropriate behavior with minors..

  12. “Sunny, I’m not buying the video stuff. but lets say it was his brother. He still has history of inappropriate behavior with minors..”

    @Comeback: He sure does.. marriage to Aaliyah- remember that? I have neve actually seen the video.

  13. Re: Marriage with Aaliyah.. since she was underaged, didn’t her parents have to ok that?

  14. Shawnta` Says:

    Hey, y’all.

    @Nicki: Good post.

    I TRY not to judge artists, actors & athletes for things they do in their personal lives (especially if they are not charged or are acquitted – even if I believe they rec’d special treatment because of their celebrity). I think it’s possible to dislike their actions but still like them. I also try to keep in mind that there’s a difference between immoral & illegal (but sometimes an action can be both). Just because something is wrong/unethical or immoral to me, doesn’t meant that it is to everyone else. Everyone doesn’t have the same belief system as I do. I agree with you that it is THEIR personal life & they are human too and will mess up here & there just like me, but I am not forced to own up to it and face the music as quickly as they do because my mistakes aren’t magnified or exaggerated by paparazzi, blogs, entertainment sites & TV shows.

    I’ve heard the argument that if you buy their music, go to their concerts, see their films, go to their games, etc. then you’re essentially supporting them in full (including their actions & bad behavior)…not sure I agree with this.

    Just to name a few:

    – R. Kelly…I still like & listen to his music (but mainly the old stuff). I do think he’s guilty of the things he’s been accused of & he didn’t make things better during his interview with Toure when asked about teen girls, he responded by asking Toure to define teenager. Y’all remember that?

    – Michael Jackson…during all of the controversy surrounding the kids, y’all couldn’t tell me nothing. I blindly supported him & believed the families put the kids up to it for a big payoff.

    – Alicia Keys…still love her music even though she was all over the blogs about sleeping w/ a married man & being a homewrecker.

    – Michael Vick (I know this post is about musicians but I think actors & athletes are up there too)…I LOVE dogs, couldn’t imagine ever hurting one and can’t stomach to listen to the details of how his dogs were treated and killed but would I watch or attend a game of his? Yes. He isn’t the only one on the team, and by not watching or attending you’re not supporting his teammates or opponents and they didn’t do anything wrong.

  15. “I think it’s possible to dislike their actions but still like them. I also try to keep in mind that there’s a difference between immoral & illegal (but sometimes an action can be both). Just because something is wrong/unethical or immoral to me, doesn’t meant that it is to everyone else. Everyone doesn’t have the same belief system as I do”

    @Shawnie: U add a very good point!

  16. “Toure when asked about teen girls, he responded by asking Toure to define teenager. Y’all remember that?”

    When he said that, I rolled over and died… got up from my grave, haunted him and came back to life. lol

    I couldn’t believe that display of ignorance.

  17. Shawnta` Says:

    “When he said that, I rolled over and died… got up from my grave, haunted him and came back to life. lol”

    @Nicki: We could NOT believe he asked Toure for a definition of ‘teenager’. I mean he could have answered and said something like “Yes, I’ve been involved with 18 or 19 year olds before”which would have been bad enough, but at least legal…but not ‘define teenager”. He knows what teenager means. It’s the same in every language across the world and there is no room for defining or interpreting it otherwise.

  18. “”Yes, I’ve been involved with 18 or 19 year olds before”which would have been bad enough, but at least legal…but not ‘define teenager”. He knows what teenager means. It’s the same in every language across the world and there is no room for defining or interpreting it otherwise.”

    @Shawnie: Exactly.. it made me think, okay so yo’ nasty ass is messing with 14 year olds. lol

  19. peyso Says:

    I dont decide my support of an artist based on a strict moral code. I mean, as long as they dont do something straight disgusting, I dont have a problem with it. Also, ppl need to be able to differentiate the difference between agreeing with someone’s actions and supporting them as an artist.

    CB/Rihanna – I never liked CB. I think he snapped. Before the incident, they fought. At the incident he whipped her arse.

    Kanye – Kanye is the man. IDC what anyone says. He thinks she should of given the award to Beyonce. He gave his award to Outkast before. He wants good music to win. We all know that video was straight dookie. Ultimately, he is an a$$hole but everyone treating T. Swift like she fittin to die or something. She’s a world famous entertainer who done performed in front of millions, if she cant deal with that she needs to switch professions. She got money she’ll be aight.

    Serena – I am upset w/ Serena. She shouldnt be threatening ppl but I still love her.

    Vick – Vick is my man. D. McNabb is hurt, the Iggles made a great move.

    R. Kelly – I dont think what he did was exactly disgusting. (Aaliyah and the other chick). It just makes me wonder about what he sees in them young chicks. 30 year olds are marrying 14 year olds in other countries.

  20. “Also, ppl need to be able to differentiate the difference between agreeing with someone’s actions and supporting them as an artist.”

    I agree Peyso.. that’s kinda what Shawnie was saying too… “I’ve heard the argument that if you buy their music, go to their concerts, see their films, go to their games, etc. then you’re essentially supporting them in full (including their actions & bad behavior)…not sure I agree with this.:

    I don’t agree with that… U can support the artist and not thier personal life… Lady Gaga seems to be a absolute NUT JOB but I can’t deny she’s a badass artist.

  21. A good convo going on but I still cant decide what i think about it all. I mean people “judge” the job i do based on things that happen outside my classroom. i mean if i so-called slept with one of my high school students people would have a fit. Now one on my college students they might turn a blind eye but still give me the side eye. I know my highschoolers are underage and I wouldn’t dare take one of these little nasty boys up on their offers (yeah they have tried me before–NO GO).

    While I do understand they have a “job” like eveyone else, they are not exempt from their personal lives bleeding into their jobs. So if I make a choice not to support you based on the crazy sh*t you do outside of the limelight I think I can…

    But Vick is still my boy! He got railroaded. Stallworth can kill a man and get 30 days but Vick got 18 months…wow

  22. @TiffanyNicole: U are right- they will prolly judge you outside of your job. I think that would have more to do with underage-ness than anything.

    But what if it’s an of age, SENIOR??? hmmmmm? I wonder what people would say.

  23. @ Nicki…I was thinking about that too. Many because I teach all senior classes…idk…for the kids it will be like a badge of honor….for their parents…I just might be God’s worst creation!

  24. “Many because I teach all senior classes…idk…for the kids it will be like a badge of honor….for their parents…I just might be God’s worst creation!”

    @Tiffany: Giirrrrl, those kids would be high-fiving. lol.

  25. Cheekie Says:

    “What do you think- are you holding artists to a moral code? Why or Why not? ”

    I’m like you in that I like to separate personal lives from entertainment. I mean, back in the day, half of the stuff that is out about stars wouldn’t have been out in the open unless it was something truly egregious. I think we are FAR too much up in people’s personal business these days.

    That said, this is a gray area for me because it depends on what the artist has done. I don’t hold every action of a star on the same playing field. I also take into account their willingness to apologize and/or seek help because everyone deserves that chance. And I notice how easily folks forget that celebs are human, too. Chris Brown for example, I was INCENSED when the news first broke out, but really felt his remorse as he went public and if he is serious about getting help, then I support him in that. I’m not a fan of the “lock ’em up and that’s that” and more of a fan of “rehabilitation” because the former rarely helps, especially if they get out and do the exact same thing because the core of the problem was never addressed.

    I’d also have to say it depends on how heinous the act is for me to stop listening to their music or otherwise supporting their brand. Of course, the level of “heinous” is subjective. What one may think of as extra evil another may turn the other cheek. Ya never know…

  26. ” I think we are FAR too much up in people’s personal business these days. ”

    THat’s the truth, Cheekie.

    “I’m not a fan of the “lock ‘em up and that’s that” and more of a fan of “rehabilitation” because the former rarely helps, especially if they get out and do the exact same thing because the core of the problem was never addressed. ”

    AMEN, we are talking about that in my Corrections class now.

  27. the only artists I can’t mess with is Mase. Kells was never a gospel artists to me, he just gives glory to God like most of us do……despite our sinful (in his case non-socially acceptable) lifestyles. But Mase……you do ya rapper thing, ya I get money, ho*s, etc… Then you dead rap, and go FULL FLEDGED PASTOR. Testimony and all. Then you come back, then leave, then come back again? Nah son. I never bought his music anyway, but I did listen to it back in the day, but now…he’s tripping. I hope he gets it together though.

  28. @undressingHER: I defintely won’t be support MASE either, which is unfortunate, considering how much I used to support him back in the day….

    But I agree- the back in forth is too much.


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