Single Sisters Speak Out

The Modern Life of the Single Sister

The Intro September 27, 2009

For a while, I didn’t want to talk about my relationship online…. I didn’t want to specifically say who “he” was, any of that.  Call it overprotective, call it fear… but I did.  I figured you guys could give us great insight  And here it  is -our first joint post, ever.  

***Disclaimer: This happened a few months ago***

More Background here:  SBM

J aka LastTrainToParis: 

 Ok ya’ll let me say this before I begin. I was new to the whole blogging thing so it was a shock to me. And I am a very private person most times.

Ok my thing was not what I read. But I had read far more detailed things on the blogs. My thing was why was she so offended?

If you can put all your business on the blog openly, with your face, and your contact information, why can’t you tell me about this situation. It’s not like I asked her about everything bc some stuff was clear. To me it shouldn’t be a problem. My thing was people if she is so sensitive about what she wrote then why do it publicly.

She says she blogs because its therapeutic and she wants to help others not make the same mistake. Okay I feel that.  But here is my cloudy point…how is telling someone who you got banged by over a bathroom sink brushing your teeth  helping someone or is therapeutic. Do you have so much sexual frustration built up that you need to recount your past escapades to make it through the day or was it done because everyone else was doing it? Anything I write I will answer whatever questions there are about it.

Yes I did say I don’t want to be That Guy. People judge other people by who they are with. We do it to celebrities and our everyday people. She with him knowing he was a hoe…he with her knowing she used to have trains run on her. We all do it or have done. No guy I know wants to be running around with the town freak talking about This My Queen n Shat. I never thought she was a freak/hoe otherwise she would not be my girl. Nor have I implied she was. I said perception could be she is that girl though.

Again ya’ll my infancy to blogging at the time of this led to most of this which is why my stance has changed. I don’t ask her about the blog stuff which is posted or commented anymore because I love her and don’t want it to be an issue because it bothers her.  Would it bother you guys if someone asked you about something on the blog?

Nicki Sunshine: 

It wasn’t that I was offended…  it was:  why was he asking?   If I am recalling the situation right, he wanted to know the month it’d happened (which made me think he was suspicious that I’d cheated and a NAME.  I didn’t understand why any of that information concerned him… it wasn’t helping our situation.   And honestly, I didn’t remember and didn’t want to do the legwork to find out.  He’s mentioned that if he was another blogger and asked, I’d react differently…. that’s not the case, if another blog was asking for a specific month and name, they’d get a “nonya business,” real quick.  

This is the post J is referring to:  Throwback Thursday.  If he’d read the entire series from Mikki’s blog for that day, he’d notice that Mikki had asked for situations.  I provided one.  I do not regret what I wrote.  It was a memorable experience.  The only regret I have is that he read it.   Additionally, what I write about on MY BLOG is my therapy… what I comment on regarding someone else’s blog is just that- a comment.
 
By implying that someone could perceive me as “that girl,” you are admitted that is one of your worries… if not, I don’t think it would even come up.   I have two questions:  Does my blogging about my sexual experiences automatically put me into ‘that girl’ category?   If you know in your heart that I am not ‘that girl’ since we’ve talked about my very short sexual history, why are you so worried about others perceptions?  I don’t think anyone in the blog world would consider me as “that girl” so what is the true issue here?   
 
One thing I’ve always believed is-  I can’t help what another person thinks of me.  I have made changes since I’ve gotten into a relationship.. I no longer blog about sexual topics and  I’ve tried to limit the details in my responses regarding them.  I cannot go back and un-write which was written in the past. 
 
FYI: J and I are starting a couple’s blog… I can’t say it’ll be updated daily but we are definitely trying for weekly.  See here:  Martin and Gina.
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102 Responses to “The Intro”

  1. Mikki Says:

    Omgeee i got a shout out on ssso!!!! Wooot freaking wooot!!

    I dont have an opinion yet… bbl

  2. “Additionally, what I write about on MY BLOG is my therapy… what I comment on regarding someone else’s blog is just that- a comment.”

    @ Gina&Martin..i do agree..but sometimes things do comeback. and i think its tough for a dude to read some of the past related issues…even when you’ve already told them stuff..im not sure why. Maybe some of it has to do with its already written for others to read and judge..and popular to common belief i think men DO care what other people think about their girl.

  3. “Maybe some of it has to do with its already written for others to read and judge..and popular to common belief i think men DO care what other people think about their girl.”

    @Comeback: I think that is what he was trying to say about it but I keep focusing on why, why, WHY? lol

  4. Mikki Says:

    I agree with you comeback that men do care HOWEVER. I think at this point J has had plenty time to form an opinion about the type of person she is. Why are we having to back track?? Now if he gathered for some odd reason that she is still doing these things then ok fine I get it. But this business of her past I think should be thrown out the window (in this instance)

    now something like abortion in the past, I would have to consider

  5. Martin and Gina Says:

    @ Mik

    It’s not about back tracking. The situation was she gave little detail about it on the blog and I asked about it. I think it shouldn’t matter when it happened since we have talked about past stuff before.

    To your point my opinion was made so I don’t see how I was judging her because I was already with her. That is A** backwards to me.

  6. andrea Says:

    Love it! Martin and Gina! Will def bookmark to read! As far as the blog, comment goes, its pretty normal as far as escapades go. Nothing like a train or anything really ‘out there’!

  7. Thanks andrea!!!!!

    “To your point my opinion was made so I don’t see how I was judging her because I was already with her. That is A** backwards to me.”

    @J: My issue was you said it…. I couldn’t think of any other reason why you’d say the “that girl” comment if it wasn’t weighing on your mind.

  8. Martin and Gina Says:

    @ Comeback

    I had no problem with what I read my thing was…

    1. If you say its theraputic then how was what she wrote on Mik blog theraputic? Which has yet to be explained.

    2. Don’t say “You can ask and I don’t have a problem with asking” and then weekes later you say I do have a problem with it. That should have been said up front.

    3. Why am I only limited to ask about what she writes on SSSO?
    Comments and post on other blogs are exempt. SO she can talk about me like a dog on another blog (not saying she will) and I can’t say nothing. Why because it was on another blog. Or the comment was on another blog and not something she wrote. What’s the diff, you wrote it and its your words.

  9. Martin and Gina Says:

    @Nicki

    That’s the thing though. Everything someone brings to you does not have to be an issue. If I say something it does not make it an issue. Unless I specifically say I have a problem with it. Again I said it was a “PERCEPTION” that could be had about you.

    But I think that is what you do. If you mention something, you have a problem with it. Just like this issue. You had a problem with it but wouldn’t just come out and say I have a problem with it.

  10. Mikki Says:

    “I couldn’t think of any other reason why you’d say the “that girl” comment if it wasn’t weighing on your mind.”

    exactly

  11. Martin and Gina Says:

    @ Mik and Nicki

    If ya’ll takle everything a man says to ya’ll as him having a problem with it, then there lies a problem. There are things as feedback and constructive criticism. And if the person can handle that then there will always be issues like well he said this so its a problem, and he said that so its a problem.

    All you can do is ask if its a problem. Just like I did and she said NO I dont mind if you ask. The problem comes if later they say YES I did or do have a problem with it.

  12. @J: I don’t consider ‘not wanting to look like that guy” or however u wanna phrase it as constructive criticicm.

  13. At what point does “constructive critcism” turn into just plain old criticism????

    By constructively criticizing (as you claimed you were doing), neither party (you nor I) was gaining anything from your words.

  14. Eightys Baby Says:

    @Martin & Gina…….. Thanks guys. Due to this post right here I will not tell a future guy about the sites that I comment on…. Not that I don’t have anything to hide… But I don’t want it to be a situation where every post is visited to see what all I have said previously…… And then the conversation is I see on 12/15/08 @ 8:15 you posted this comment. Tell me a lil bit more about that situation……. No thanks 😉

    And I remember Mik’s post. And it was a situation where all of us had our personal reasons for not having sex at the time…. And we were asked to provide a story and a song that coincides with the last time we’ve had sex. But that post was soooooooooooooooo long if anybody were to ask me about it my first thought would be how did you even find that?????????

  15. Martin and Gina Says:

    I never said I was using constructive criticism in that case. Just saying it to make a point.

    Agree to disagree!!!

  16. I agree 80s- just don’t say ANYTHING about blogging…. it’s hard to do but leave it alone.

  17. Martin and Gina Says:

    “I agree 80s- just don’t say ANYTHING about blogging…. it’s hard to do but leave it alone.”

    I agree also

  18. Martin and Gina Says:

    @80’s

    Especially if you can’t deal with everything. She wasn’t ready so she she should not have said anything.

  19. Eightys Baby Says:

    I agree 80s- just don’t say ANYTHING about blogging…. it’s hard to do but leave it alone.

    @Nick…Will do…. Heck, even now all of my friends know I have a whole bunch of e-friends but they do not the sites…. They ask. But I do not tell them. I shall just continue this 😉

  20. Mikki Says:

    “if anybody were to ask me about it my first thought would be how did you even find that?????????”

    lol right its MY blog and i can’t even find that!! haha I would love to remember what I wrote back then…. hole up lemmie go to that now…

  21. “Especially if you can’t deal with everything. She wasn’t ready so she she should not have said anything.”

    @J: I don’t think it has anything to do with being ready- it has something to do with asking questions out of the norm that shouldnt’ be of concern to you.

    But like you said, we’d agree to disagree.

    “Heck, even now all of my friends know I have a whole bunch of e-friends but they do not the sites…. They ask. But I do not tell them. I shall just continue this ”

    @80s: Exactly… I think blogging is a way of venting and I wouldn’t want my friends to know about it either.

    “lol right its MY blog and i can’t even find that!! haha I would love to remember what I wrote back then…. hole up lemmie go to that now…”

    @Mik: I know right???? that is soo old. lol.. ain’t no telling what is on SBM’s site.

  22. Mikki Says:

    awww hecks i just read that post and its not even that detailed!!!

    mine was more detailed than that lol. cummon J??? she hardly even said anything about it, why would you wanna know MORE???

  23. Eightys Baby Says:

    @Mik……. Nick posted the link in the above post.

  24. Eightys Baby Says:

    @Mik and Nicki…….I just went back and read mines and was cracking up….. I just realized something that wasn’t true… That wasn’t the last time that i seen him……

    But seriously though wasn’t none of ours all that detailed…..That just gave me a good laugh.

  25. “@ Gina&Martin.”

    NEWS FLASH…when i type Gina and Martin..I am addressing SUNNY AND LTTP together as ONE…lol fyi.

  26. “NEWS FLASH…when i type Gina and Martin..I am addressing SUNNY AND LTTP together as ONE…lol fyi.”

    @Comeback: Thanks for clearing that up bc J done changed his dang on name and confused me.

    @80s: I think they were all a hoot.. we were going through it in the celibacy club with Humble knocking off names.

  27. Jaci Says:

    Alright…

    After what I went through with Nick about this last week I’m barely her friend LOL (j/k)

    But here’s my comment…

    I do think for a period of time there were a lot of things we all said that were out the freakin box…I think to a degree at the beginning a sense of anonymity existed which eventually faded away…which most likely would cause any man some sense of uncomfort (or vice versa)…

    BUT…I think we are all human and we share things it’s our nature…so I can’t say there should be any true offense one way or the other but it is a prime of example of why I pray my significant other never takes interest in the blogs…because knowing him and the man he is-he would be far less than pleased.

    Maybe it’s a man thing though…because I think if I read some of his sexual escapades on here…I don’t think I’d be so upset.

  28. Rob Weaver Says:

    Relationship Rule: Everything ain’t bloggable once you enter a relationship. It’s that simple. Be weary. You won’t catch me talking about my sexual past and my wife doesn’t have a clue SSO exists! Don’t let these singles fool ya, that ish ain’t cool. No matter what. I’m cool with my wifes sexual past, I just don’t have the desire to know details. That’s a man law, once we take you as our lady, your sexual slate gets cleaned and we figure that you know how to do that thing with your tongue and hips naturally.

    And once you make anything public knowledge, you make it privy to further probing I believe. But that’s just me.

  29. Jaci Says:

    No matter what. I’m cool with my wifes sexual past, I just don’t have the desire to know details. That’s a man law, once we take you as our lady, your sexual slate gets cleaned and we figure that you know how to do that thing with your tongue and hips naturally.

    I’m definitely glad to see this validated. My sweetheart is like this…he’s like look what have you done? IF you don’t tell me my mind is going to run wild…then he’s like wait no no no don’t tell me I wanna keep it pure and I wanna know there’s still something special for us to share…I think uniqueness is really the name of the game.

  30. Reecie Says:

    I see it from J’s POV a bit. I guess because I’ve been there personally. and like I said on SBM, I wouldn’t make comments that I know my S/O would question me about–on another person’s blog–not my own post as I’ve stated before I don’t blog about my personal life.

    I feel what Eighty’s Baby is saying about not telling them what sites you are on, that would def be helpful, but what if he stumbles on them? Now I’m not saying come to me about something I wrote 8 mos ago, esp if we weren’t even together then, but if I can clarify my posts for a complete stranger, I surely can for my S/O. I think if you’ve said it, you should stand behind your words and be prepared to defend/explain them.

  31. “After what I went through with Nick about this last week I’m barely her friend LOL (j/k) ”

    @Jaci: huh?

    ” think to a degree at the beginning a sense of anonymity existed which eventually faded away…which most likely would cause any man some sense of uncomfort (or vice versa)…”

    I think that is true also.. for a minute, we all were strictly bloggers, having fun… now, I think everyone has grown a bit closer.

    @Rob: I totally understand that and I live by that now, now that I’m no longer single.. but what can you do about things that you’ve written in the past… Me and J didn’t seriously get together until 4/09…. I’d been blogging since around 8/08, so that’s a lot of time for me to say any and everything.

  32. Martin and Gina Says:

    @Everyone

    It seems that Nicki has sucked ya’ll into the whole he called me “That Girl” conspiracy. Which I knew would happen because that is her focal point which is not why this all started.

    Ask her why she said “I don’t mind if you ask me and weeks later changed and said I do mind”?

    Ask her why she didn’t speak up and say I don’t want you to ask me about the stuff?

  33. “I think if you’ve said it, you should stand behind your words and be prepared to defend/explain them.”

    @Reecie: I understand this too.. and I can do that… but what happens when he’s asking for names and stuff that happened before him- do you think you’d be uncomfortable and wanting to know why he wanted to know those things.

  34. Martin and Gina Says:

    @Mik

    The one you are reading is not the one I asked about. I used that post to make a second point. But it was not the post that I asked her about to start the whole discussion.

    Secondly I am not in a relationship, dating, or etc with everyone else so I could care less what everyone else did, does, or wrote.

  35. Mikki Says:

    OK J lol

    Nic WHY???…….

    LOL

    80’s I went back and read what i wrote, I said what the effy?? I have changed since then… I feel like smacking myself lol.

  36. J what do you mean, “sucked ya’ll in….”

    If you said it, you said it… I explained all your other questions in my post.

  37. Mikki Says:

    I am with rob on this, the DETAILS should be left ALONE

    I have given details about past escapades and all it did was hurt EVERY time. So I just won’t go there. I want my man to think im the new virgin mary lol.

  38. “Secondly I am not in a relationship, dating, or etc with everyone else so I could care less what everyone else did, does, or wrote.”

    @J: Ummm. are you okay????

  39. Martin and Gina Says:

    “but what happens when he’s asking for names and stuff that happened before him”

    @Nicki
    Have you not given me names before so what’s the issue with names again?? So you set the standard and expectations. If it was really that big of a deal then we should have never discussed people of the past. You make it seem like you have an issue with discussing past situations but you have sat with me and done it before.

  40. Martin and Gina Says:

    “Ummm. are you okay????”

    I am cool. Just making my point!!!

  41. Martin and Gina Says:

    @Nicki

    Me calling you “That Girl” was not the issue though. It was one of your issues but not what started this. I go back to….

    “Ask her why she said “I don’t mind if you ask me and weeks later changed and said I do mind”?

    Ask her why she didn’t speak up and say I don’t want you to ask me about the stuff?”

  42. Jaci Says:

    @Nick

    The time I spent searching for that blog entry.

    Umm…I’m in moderation on MG…

    But yeah…I think details should be left out. Names, places, dates all dat..leave it alone and trust that person is your man or lady.

  43. Eightys Baby Says:

    “Ask her why she said “I don’t mind if you ask me and weeks later changed and said I do mind”?

    @LTTP….. My question to this is what was she saying it was okay to ask……. Stuff that she’s written on the blog?

  44. Reecie Says:

    @Nicki…you are right, I would be uncomfortable providing those details. and we already had this convo kinda before…that’s why I don’t put myself out there like that (anymore, I have in the past). This entire discussion in itself is a bit much for me. LOL. But I realize everyone isn’t as guarded as I am.

  45. Shawnta` Says:

    “NEWS FLASH…when i type Gina and Martin..I am addressing SUNNY AND LTTP together as ONE”

    @cbg: This is how I plan to address them as well when I’m speaking to both of them.

    @Gina & Martin/Martin & Gina (in case it matters whose name is first…lol 😉 ): Thanks for sharing! I’m looking forward to your new blog & have already bookmarked it. Can’t wait to read more. If nothing else, your experiences have taught me to be a bit more anonymous in the blog world.

    Good points have been made in that I wouldn’t want comments to come back and bite me in the butt (like if I wanted to run for public office or something.) Since I’m one of the rare commenters who uses her real first name, I’m going to try to make sure my profile photos are always ambiguous. I was relatively new to all of this when I first started commenting on blogs back in March or April & didn’t know to make up an identity.

    In my opinion, I always comment honestly and appropriately/respectfully but just in case…I really don’t want to be haunted by blog comments. And if one day I get the inspiration to start a blog, I’ll keep all of this in mind as well.

  46. Martin and Gina Says:

    @Everyone

    This thing about me asking the Name Date Time etc is fabricated.

    She sent me through Hell and back about me asking for the first time ever about a post on SBM. So I said since she was gonna give me all this grief about it I was gonna ask a whole bunch of trivial mess. Like the name, date, time, what he was wearing, etc. Because by that point I was pissed off

    The reason i was pissed because if you tell me “I have no problem answering” and “I have no problem telling you” then the only thing left in my eyes was answer the damn question. DOn’t sit there and question me after you said you will answer without yet and still giving the answer. That is A$$ backwards to me.

  47. Jaci Says:

    Whew…goodness @ Martin (that’s how I’m gonna refer to J)

    That’s a whole lot of things. I think sometimes as women we can feel backed into a corner of not wanting you to feel like you can disrespect us or not wanting you to feel like oh ok well she can just be a lil side piece…esp if we really like you and all..

  48. Martin and Gina Says:

    “@LTTP….. My question to this is what was she saying it was okay to ask……. Stuff that she’s written on the blog?”

    @80-‘s Yes. Then came back (weeks later) and said it wasnt okay. Then it became oh well as long as its on SSSO then its cool but if its SBM, VSB or CBG then no you cant ask. So you see why I am super confused. Because of all the changes. and if it had been laid out there from the jump I would have been clear and straight.

    Note after the first time I ever asked, I have never asked since, that was the first and the last time no matter how many times her stance changed.

  49. “Nicki…you are right, I would be uncomfortable providing those details. and we already had this convo kinda before…that’s why I don’t put myself out there like that (anymore, I have in the past). This entire discussion in itself is a bit much for me. LOL. But I realize everyone isn’t as guarded as I am.”

    @Reecie: I am ususally guarded, but it’s so much easier to yap on a blog when you don’t really know the people. That’s changed so much though.

    “This thing about me asking the Name Date Time etc is fabricated. ”

    @J: Are you serious????? It’s not fabricated and I don’t know what would make you say that it was.

  50. Mikki Says:

    Since I have no idea what martin is talmbout im going back to cbg lol

  51. and CALM DOWN J.. We squashed this already, I thought.

  52. v renee Says:

    I’m with 80s. I will not let anyone I’m with know about the blog sites I frequent. And if they stumble upon them, I wll not be answering any questions regarding my comment. That is all. If they have any questions, I will refer them to this here comment.

  53. Mikki Says:

    LOL v ME TOO!

  54. “@Gina & Martin/Martin & Gina (in case it matters whose name is first…lol ): Thanks for sharing! I’m looking forward to your new blog & have already bookmarked it. Can’t wait to read more. If nothing else, your experiences have taught me to be a bit more anonymous in the blog world. ”

    Thanks Shawnie!

  55. J: Are you certain I told you not to ask because I don’t remember saying that.

  56. Rob Weaver Says:

    @Nicki: was what you guys talking about before or after the relationship commenced? If it was before, then I don’t think J can ask on it. If it was after. . . Hmm, yall need to set rules you’re both comfortable with and play by them.

    I hear conflicting things though. Yall saying yesterday don’t matter then why are we talking about yesterday. I also hear that despite what’s being said about being comfortable about speaking on it, that ain’t the real. I have a machismo sexual past but I am uncomfortable as hell talking about it (with my wife. . . I’ll save that convo for Saturday morning breakfast with my sons. . . Yo daddy was a PLAYA! Lol) , not because I’m ashamed but because I love my wife and her opinion of me matters. That’s what it’s really about. You want to look the best in the persons eyes who you want to think the best about you. That’s all.

  57. “Nicki: was what you guys talking about before or after the relationship commenced? If it was before, then I don’t think J can ask on it. If it was after. . . Hmm, yall need to set rules you’re both comfortable with and play by them.”

    @Rob: Everything sexual I’ve written has been done before J… after me and him got together, I let that go…. I just didn’t think it was respectful to share what me and him did.

  58. Martin and Gina Says:

    @Rob

    It was after. And my whole thing was we have talked about our past with ex’s before. Names timeframe etc. So it really seems like it is all different because it came from the blog.

    But again like I said it was my first time asking and the last because of the fallout from it. My thing was she should have set the guidlines up from the jump about. But she never thought I would go back and read her stuff or let alone ask so…

  59. “Yall saying yesterday don’t matter then why are we talking about yesterday. I also hear that despite what’s being said about being comfortable about speaking on it, that ain’t the real”

    @Rob: I just found it funny how he never asks about anything I write, but singled out the sexual incidents…. sure, we’ve talked about sex before but I didn’t like how he brought it to me…. besides the first event, he’d read a comment I wrote somewhere and asked, “so who’s D did you have in your hand?”

    I wanted to know WHY he asked that…. I just find no need to go into details… I thought, why does it matter who’s D is in my hand if it’s before you…..

    He thought, it doesn’t matter- answer the question.. I wanna know.

    I just keep harping on WHY.

    I try to take a proactive approach… This could possibly be a conflict.. what happens if Me and J are out and he sees that guy and I introduce the two of them????

    From now on, J will have the face of the guy who owned the D that was in his girls hand….. I was assuming that because if the roles were reverse, he couldn’t handle it…

  60. Martin and Gina Says:

    @Nicki

    I think ROb was asking was the discussion we had before or after we got together. Not where your escapades before or after we got together.

  61. Rob Weaver Says:

    @Nicki: Eww. Nobody wants to hear that. But IMHO, as long as the after talk wasn’t about yesterday, then you may be good. Buy on the same accord, if you’ve given permission to query. . What can u say?

    But I think yall should renegotiate the rules.

  62. Martin and Gina Says:

    @Nicki

    Well you had his D in your hand and you told the blog what happened so what made me different

    Secondly all the other stuff you discuss is not something that would even warrant clarification. And I didnt bring it to you in a manner that was like. Who is this ninja or etc. I actually thought it was funny. Just like the rest of the blog world.

    You don’t have to point out the guy out in the club to me. And if it happened and I see him so what. You can’t shield me from stuff because if it was reversed you would have a problem with it. Let me protect me.

  63. Jaci Says:

    Wow…this is a whole lot of things…

    I think what Rob is saying holds a lot of truth…

    @Rob

    Are we agreeance that your mate shouldn’t be privy to it all because their opinion matters to them? I get that same drift from SO…like my daddy was this..I’m not (I’m sure sons, as you stated, will hear a lot different)

    I think Martin feels like if Gina could in essence tell the whole world then why couldn’t she tell him, while Gina feels that Martin should turn a blind side to it.

    I’ll say this…men don’t like for other men to know their lady.

    Old school, but true AND now not only is the fact out there, but everyone knows it…BUT I certainly wouldn’t wanna walk down the street and meet this people…because that image is stuck in your head. To me, it’s a chapter you have to close or else your mind is going to run…WILD.

  64. Eightys Baby Says:

    And see this is my thing…… When I’m getting to know someone irl I would prefer for some things to come up naturally in conversation. Not as a result of someone reading back to see every comment that I wrote previously in the blog world. I think it’s a big difference in stumbling across something and then going and looking for something interesting to bring up whenever.

    I know this may not make sense to some. But in my opinion going back and reading comments that someone wrote is almost like peeking in someone’s diary/journal hoping to find out more about them. Maybe I’m just old fashioned but I want to follow the natural order of things meaning discussions happen naturally and not as a result of a previous comment.

    This is not saying don’t be held accountable for a comment. But don’t try to take a shortcut and use all of my comments as a chance to get to know more about me.

  65. “Eww. Nobody wants to hear that. But IMHO, as long as the after talk wasn’t about yesterday, then you may be good. Buy on the same accord, if you’ve given permission to query. . What can u say?

    But I think yall should renegotiate the rules.”

    @Rob: That is true…. but now, I think he’s read everything. lol

    “Who is this ninja or etc. I actually thought it was funny. Just like the rest of the blog world”

    @J: It didn’t seem funny to you at all… I’m just saying

  66. “You don’t have to point out the guy out in the club to me. And if it happened and I see him so what. ”

    @J: I don’t think he has to be pointed out, specifically.. what happens if he comes over to speak?

    “I know this may not make sense to some. But in my opinion going back and reading comments that someone wrote is almost like peeking in someone’s diary/journal hoping to find out more about them. Maybe I’m just old fashioned but I want to follow the natural order of things meaning discussions happen naturally and not as a result of a previous comment.”

    @80s: Me too- and that’s why I tripped. I felt violated. lol

  67. Jaci Says:

    Me too- and that’s why I tripped. I felt violated. lol

    @Nick (and 80s)

    To some degree this is true too…like in this digital age it is somewhat common to Google people, but where do you draw the line at what you search for? Is it ok to make sure the person doesn’t have a criminal background, but their blogging records? That’s a whole lot of things to me….but eh…different strokes for different folks

    (and can I say hard as heck?)

  68. ” ok to make sure the person doesn’t have a criminal background, but their blogging records? That’s a whole lot of things to me….but eh…different strokes for different folks ”

    @Jaci: See I’m not even cool with googling a guy or giving him a criminal background check.. some may think that is stupid or dangerous, but it’s just not me… I’d think it was a violation.

  69. Jaci Says:

    @Nick

    I can’t say that I’ve googled the SO…I guess it just depends on the vibe you get from the person, but I still wouldn’t go so far as to google a screenname…

  70. Martin and Gina Says:

    @Jaci and Nicki

    A diary?journal for everyone to read. Sounds like a contradiction to me. Then this would not be called a blog then and thats why you buy a journal and diary at the store. Peeking?? Heck everyone else is reading. People who you know and people who you don’t know are reading so whats ya’ll point. Ya’ll act like the only people that read are the people who comment WRONG. Just like ya’ll got started ding it so do others.

  71. Martin and Gina Says:

    “I guess it just depends on the vibe you get from the person, but I still wouldn’t go so far as to google a screenname…”

    We did that TOGETHER and that is how I found stuff. Because she was concerned about employers and all that. So that is how I discovered the other blogs and posts and things. But it wasnt wrong then until I asked about that one thing.

  72. “A diary?journal for everyone to read. Sounds like a contradiction to me. Then this would not be called a blog then and thats why you buy a journal and diary at the store. Peeking?? Heck everyone else is reading. People who you know and people who you don’t know are reading so whats ya’ll point. Ya’ll act like the only people that read are the people who comment WRONG. Just like ya’ll got started ding it so do others.”

    @J: You are looking at it as a place from outside in… as I’ve told you before- I talk about things like family and friends that I’d never tell any of them… the blog world started out as being anonymous for me…..

  73. Martin and Gina Says:

    To sum it up…

    If you are going to open your S.O./bf/gf to your blog and the blog world let them know what they are walking into. Just dont turn them loose and then get upset when they ask about something. If you don’t want them to ask then say so.

    If you dont want them to know then keep your mouth shut about it. Don’t say anythng about it. But I can’t see how that happens when it is somethng you do for 8 hours Mon-Fri like a job. But if you can pull it off more power to you.

  74. “We did that TOGETHER and that is how I found stuff. Because she was concerned about employers and all that. So that is how I discovered the other blogs and posts and things. But it wasnt wrong then until I asked about that one thing.”

    @J: Let’s be real.. when I asked you to google me, I was not saying google me and come to me with questions about stuff that you googled.

    I was paranoid about my real name coming out so I said google it and tell me if you see it… then we googled Nicki Sunshine… but no, I didn’t expect you to go and read everything that my name produced.

    So my bad for that.

  75. Martin and Gina Says:

    “the blog world started out as being anonymous for me…..”

    What made you un-anonymous it and then re-anonymous it?

    And you really can’t guarantee that family didn’t read it. Just try to cover tracks by not doing it on their computers and etc. But if they found it are you going to give them it’s a diary/journal speech but the whole world can see it and comment on it??

  76. Martin and Gina Says:

    “So my bad for that.”

    Yeah you assumed on that one.

  77. Jaci Says:

    @Martin

    I think I see where you are coming from now…it was human nature…

    @Gina

    Umm… *crickets* I dunno

  78. “And you really can’t guarantee that family didn’t read it. Just try to cover tracks by not doing it on their computers and etc. But if they found it are you going to give them it’s a diary/journal speech but the whole world can see it and comment on it??”

    @J: As far as I know, it’s anonymous.. You are the only one that has brought something to me… if they do, I’ll let you know how I react.

  79. Martin and Gina Says:

    @Nicki

    Let’s be even realer LOL!! I asked 1 question. Not 3, 4, or even a hundred. It was just one freakin question. All you had to do was say I don’t wanna discuss it like you do with other things you don’t wanna talk about and it would have been done.

  80. Martin and Gina Says:

    @jaci

    “I think I see where you are coming from now…it was human nature…”

    Right, it was laid out there. I bet if you ask 9 out of 10 would look. She wouldn’t because that is just her but she doesn’t represent the majority of what most people would do.

  81. Jaci Says:

    @Martin

    I’ll admit Nick doesn’t represent the majority of people in a lot of aspects…she’s very unique (and that’s a good thing)

    I just think some things you have to step outside your relationship for…it might have been better to maybe ask a girlfriend or another blogger that you were close to help out…that way they would already know what had been said and would be less judgmental.

  82. Eightys Baby Says:

    A diary?journal for everyone to read. Sounds like a contradiction to me. Then this would not be called a blog then and thats why you buy a journal and diary at the store. Peeking?? Heck everyone else is reading. People who you know and people who you don’t know are reading so whats ya’ll point. Ya’ll act like the only people that read are the people who comment WRONG. Just like ya’ll got started ding it so do others.

    @LTTP……. That’s why I said it wouldn’t make sense to some. Everybody has started out as a lurker at some point. The difference is they’re not reading to find out every little thing that someone has said previously only to bring it up later.

  83. Martin and Gina Says:

    @80’s

    Okay I can’t lurk?? I ask 1 question and she makes it seem like I had a list. And again if she had anissue it was her point right there to say I have a problem with it so it could be nipped in the bud. I have no problem with not asking. It looks like she had a problem with me lurking too though so…

  84. ” That’s why I said it wouldn’t make sense to some. Everybody has started out as a lurker at some point. The difference is they’re not reading to find out every little thing that someone has said previously only to bring it up later.”

    @80s: RIght- like I didn’t try to find everything COmeback had said about a topic once I knew who she was as well as you, Jada, etc.

  85. Martin and Gina Says:

    @ Nicki and 80’s

    Okay ya’ll

  86. Eightys Baby Says:

    Okay I can’t lurk?? I ask 1 question and she makes it seem like I had a list. And again if she had anissue it was her point right there to say I have a problem with it so it could be nipped in the bud. I have no problem with not asking. It looks like she had a problem with me lurking too though so…

    @LTTP…I didn’t say you couldn’t lurk. That’s your choice. However, it’s more so the reasons for lurking…… If someone is lurking to stay two steps ahead of me so they can find out more about my past is the problem I would have with the situation……

    So Nick/Gina changed her mind…….. That’s okay too. Right?

  87. Martin and Gina Says:

    “So Nick/Gina changed her mind…….. That’s okay too. Right?”

    Everyone is welcome to changed their mind. But if you got a problem would something would you (and its not rhetorical)…

    A. Say nothing

    B. Say its cool when its really not to you (which is what happened)

    C. Say its a problem so it can be dealt with

    I would prefer (C) which is what didn’t happen.

  88. Martin and Gina Says:

    @80’s

    The thing is she would have a problem if I said “Your cooking is great” and in my mind it sucks. But I didn’t say anything about. But later on I voice my opinion and say it has sucked all along.

    She would feel misled, lied to, etc. Same thing. Even though I never asked about anything else. I felt misled bc I was told it was cool but then comes amendment 1 to that a few wekks later, and amendment 2 after that.

    If a guy says you can do something and then two weeks later when an issue arises he says I really didnt want you to do that. How would you feel? Then he comes back and says well you can do it but only do it with A,B, and C otherwise don’t. Would that not put a WTF in your mind? It did in mine.

  89. v renee Says:

    Me and 80s are HERE!! I would feel violated if someone I was with went back and read EVERY comment that I made. I know its a public forum. I get that. Still doesn’t change the fact that I would feel violated. Oh and you have every right to change your mind. Such is life. Perhaps at the time when I was first asked I was okay with it, but later decided I wasn’t. That’s allowed.

  90. Martin and Gina Says:

    “Perhaps at the time when I was first asked I was okay with it, but later decided I wasn’t. That’s allowed.”

    Okay if ya’ll allow people to flip-flop like that on you. I am just not trying to hear someone talking about.

    Oh I want to be in a realtionship and two weeks later they don’t.
    Oh I want to be marrried and after they married oh i changed my mind.
    I love you and months later well I amnot in-love with you.

    My thing is people have an inclination whether they want to do something or mean something or not. Agree to disagree though and I disagree LOL!!

  91. Eightys Baby Says:

    Everyone is welcome to changed their mind. But if you got a problem would something would you (and its not rhetorical)…

    A. Say nothing

    B. Say its cool when its really not to you (which is what happened)

    C. Say its a problem so it can be dealt with

    I would prefer (C) which is what didn’t happen.

    @LTTP……It depends…… I can go either way.. .B or C

  92. v renee Says:

    I’ve acted like I was cool with something when I wasn’t. It was usually when I was caught off guard/put on the spot without time to really think about it.

  93. @V: U and 80s both get what I’m saying.

  94. Eightys Baby Says:

    Okay if ya’ll allow people to flip-flop like that on you. I am just not trying to hear someone talking about.

    Oh I want to be in a realtionship and two weeks later they don’t.
    Oh I want to be marrried and after they married oh i changed my mind.
    I love you and months later well I amnot in-love with you.

    @LTTP…..I don’t think it’s considered allowing people to change their minds… It’s more so….you know what I’ve put some more thought into this and this is how I feel…..

    But according to your scenarios:

    If he realizes he don’t want to be in a relationship with me let me know. I’d rather for him to tell me instead of stringing me along in an alleged relationship while he still doing everything else on the side.

    I’ve heard several divorced YOUNG guys say that marriage wasn’t for them…… It may suck for their ex wife. But at the same time it’s no sense in both of them being miserable just because he realizes he doesn’t want to be married.

    I’m pretty sure everybody has somebody from their past who they thought they loved… But once they actually put some thought into it they realized that it wasn’t love afterall.

  95. Martin and Gina Says:

    @V, 80’s, and GIna

    OKAY!!! Well anyway point no matter how late it was that she changed her mind. I don’t ask no more!!!

  96. J changes his mind constantly.. this is what I don’t get.. why he’s making a big deal out of it.

  97. Martin and Gina Says:

    @Nicki

    What about the “Stand by your worda and not say things without thinking” I think you have brought that up several times. So it goes out the window in this instance huh because you were caught so off guard LOL!!!

  98. I don’t know if you knew this or not J, but only JESUS is perfect.

  99. @Nicki

    Thanks Nicki…I will put that on your refrigerator!!!

  100. Martin and Gina Says:

    Sorry from Martin LOL!!

  101. I wish I would read about some woman I know f*cking with dudes on a blog all day. It’s something that really turns me off when I think about women doing stuff with multiple dudes and all that, let alone read about it.

    I don’t even know what happened in this post, but I hope everything works out well.

  102. Thanks, UndressingHER. 😉


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